yes, way past time for an update!!!
When I lost my job, the FIRST thing I let go was cable and internet. Despite what a lot of us think sometimes, including me, it IS a luxury and one we can manage to live without, even though it's frustrating sometimes, especially when looking for a job. That is why my blogging has been infrequent. Not that I dont have a lot to say! Ha, yall know better!
I am so amazed at how God has provided for us during the last month and how He has answered my prayers far above anything I could have imagined. It really is true that His plans for us are greater than our own dreams for ourselves! I'm still struggling a bit financially, especially with Christmas upon us but I am not pouting a bit! We are blessed so far beyond what we deserve and I am truly happy! And our money problems are only temporary as God has placed me with a WONDERFUL company!!!
Yes, I am back in the world of money, working for a financial consulting group! My bosses are a married couple and they are AMAZING!! So smart, so fun and so completely NORMAL! lol The two ladies I work with are equally awesome and I enjoy what I'm doing. It's a lot to learn and re-learn but I will get there quickly. It's also a lot of pressure at tims but hey...when I think of all I have been through and not just survived but THRIVED in my life, I KNOW I can handle it! I am beyond excited about this amazing opportunity to be in on the ground floor of an up and coming organization!
Yes, I knew when my boss cursed the second day I was there I was right at home. Not that I'm saying cursing is a good thing but hey...we all think it at times and it's such a relief to know I'm among like-minded people and I can just be myself!
Myself...yes, I am flawed. As much as I believe Jesus Christ is the Son of God, as much as I pray, try to live right, go to church, read my Bible, etc., I fall so very short. I'm not going to pretend otherwise and no longer will I be around people who do. No longer will I be judged by them either. And that's all I'm going to say about that. I'm finally comfortable with who I am. I've found the right balance between what's in my head & heart and what I need to share about that. So if you have something negative to say about it, save it. I'm not hearing it anymore.
Everyone is doing well, the kids are out of school for a few weeks, Dylan is home for Christmas though he does still have to work in T-town some so we won't have him home as much as we did last year. But we are proud of him. Say what you want about me, say what you want about Jeff but we made and raised one FABULOUS kid and we did NOT use that love and logic crap with him! We used love, limits, boundaries and consequences and we were not afraid to come down on him hard when we needed to. Fortunately for us, we didn't have to very often. And because we were consistent, he learned and has flourished!
My heart breaks for this wicked world we live in where someone can grow up thinking there are no consequences. There is no moral compass at all and empathy is being replaced with self-centeredness and thus leading to tragedies like Newton, Connecticut.
Yes, I realize I am more liberal than most. I don't believe most guns that are in existence are necessary. Do I think that the criminals will obey gun control laws? Absolutely not. Let's not be absurd. Guns are already out there and outlawing them only reduces safety, not increases. But I literally throw up in my mouth when I hear people arrogantly declare, "It's my right to have these guns." No, it's not. You ignorant fuck! You are so misreading the second amendment. You ARE NOT part of a militia! Maybe one day you will be.
It also sickens me that people compare guns to airplanes, cars or anything else having a USEFUL purpose. "Oh but I like to target shoot!" Target shoot for what purpose? So you will be better at KILLING something, whether it's an animal or another human. A gun's ONLY purpose is to kill. Am I against hunting? No. But do you honestly need an automatic or semi-automatic weapon to outsmart an animal? If so, you aren't very good at hunting! Ted Nugent uses a bow and arrow!
I know a lot of my friends disagree with me and I am BY NO MEANS saying we should attempt to round up all guns, melt them down and outlaw them. I myself, DO own a revolver that my dad gave me as protection against a certain psychopath. But I promise you, one shot is all I will need. And should I ever go off my meds and go crazy, I wont be able to kill nearly as many people as quickly as the Connecticut gunman was able to.
Disagree all you want. I will still love you! ;) But you won't change my mind anymore than I am likely to change yours. So get the hell over it.
Moving on to more cheerful topics....
I finally got started on my Christmas shopping yesterday and today, I'm done! I am so THANKFUL to have a family and to have raised children that know Christmas is about more than gifts because this year, from me especially, it's slim! But I'm glad to be able to get what I did. I'm looking forward not only to seeing my family Christmas Eve but to help my mom prepare tomorrow. She isn't getting around too well these days and my dad just had back surgery. He's doing well and I am optimistic that this has helped him a LOT! Now if we can find a doctor that will help mom....they are both way too young to have this degree of immobility.
I myself, have had a lot of knee pain lately. I'm not sure what happened with my last injections but they did not work so well. I know with my particular problem, it's a Catch-22. It hurts to move but the more I move, the better it will feel. That said, I need to start walking/running again. After the first of the year when I get caught up on stuff, I hope to be able to rejoin the Y and start swimming again in the mornings. That is really the best thing for me. But it will have to wait. Seems my entire life is a waiting game sometimes! I guess the Lord is trying to teach me patience. I'm trying to learn, Lord, I really am!
Hope each of you have a wonderful Christmas and New Year! Until next time, be blessed!
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Thankful for much...
I've been trying to keep up with everyone else on Facebook and post something daily that I'm thankful for but I digress....I'm sure there have been days I have missed. There have also been days that even though I TRULY am thankful, I haven't really felt much like expressing it. So I decided to blog a big huge thankful post! And in no particular order, I am thankful for:
1. Celexa!!!!! I am feeling better and better every day! Thank you, God for creating people smart enough to figure out that some of us don't just "get sad about stuff". It's a chemical imbalance in our brains that is beyond our control. And thank you that as more and more people realize that it IS common and uncontrolable, the stigma of needing such medicine is slowly dissapating.
2. my faith! I am judged constantly or so it feels like and if I didn't know better I would quickly lose my faith. I am thankful for God's Word that tells me there is NO CONDEMNATION for those in Christ Jesus and that once we are truly His, NOTHING can snatch us from His hands. People are fallible, God isn't. His mercy and love endures forever. He knows the depths of my heart and he loves me the same. He is amazing!
3. My amazing children! I am SO PROUD of all three of them! I am blessed to be their mom and I delight in everything they do!
4. My ex husband. Despite all we have been through, he remains the one person I can truly count on. Not just for our children but for me as well. I wish that I had been a better wife to him. But I am glad we are still the best of friends.
5. My other friends---Dede, Frances, Angela, Anji, Tammy, and those I've gotten close to through Facebook--Christy, Brenda, Kim, Leah, Jason, Michael and for my prayer warriors, Donna, Jenny, Jenny, Laine, Shalita and so many others!
6. My family. We have had our ups and downs, our differences and spats, especially in the last two years but much like the Lord loves me, nothing will ever make me stop loving them. Even during the times I have to distance myself from them physically, I never distance myself emotionally. I love them dearly!
7. My landlord. I know many who rent from slumlords that never fix anything. I am thankful to have a home that keeps us warm, dry and safe!
8. My neighbors. Especially during football season, for putting up with my loud, crazy self and for jumping right in there with me sometimes! They help keep my grass cut, watch out for my dog and even open stubborn jars when I can't!
9. My creativity. I am thankful that I learned to sew and can create something from nothing when I need to, or just when I want to.
10. My education. I had the BEST time at Birmingham-Southern. I made lifelong friends, had so much fun and learned so much. Many have questioned that I wasted so much time and money on a degree I wasn't using but in the last few weeks, I have become ever aware how thankful I am to have it to fall back on. I'm looking forward to returning to that field and using what I know to bless my family financially.
11. My Tide! Not just our amazing football team but the University of Alabama itself. My son is having a GREAT time and getting a superb education. I am thankful that he was able to "go away" to college without going "far"!
12. My wine! And other alcohol! And coffee! And coke! And chocolate! and all the "sinful", indulgent things that keep me going sometimes!
13. My music taste. I'm glad I dont just like one genre but that I can appreciate a variety of musical talent and find solace in so much of it.
14. My car! I love love love my Miranda! lol I am thankful she's dependable, fun and doesn't cost me too much money.
15. My sense of humor. I am glad that I am able to laugh sometimes as it really does help lift my spirits. I am glad I am able to make others laugh, too, though it's not always on purpose!
16. My ability to cook. I do enjoy it. I am glad I learned from the best--my mom! I only wish I had more people to cook for sometimes.
17. My passions. I love that I am a huge breastfeeding advocate (not a huge breast advocate, though I have nothing against it! lol), am passionate about orphans and missions and a few other things!
18. My knee doctor and his u/s tech. I am glad I sought a second opinion and found that I had options and could continue doing the things I love.
19. My dog. She is a constant source of unconditional love and laughter. She also fulfills my need to keep "babying" something.
20. My body. It may not be perfect but it's mine and I know it well. I know what it's done and what it can do. I have great hair, great boobs, pretty hands and feet and a rare eye-color that I'm proud of. I also have good skin!
Yes, I have much to be thankful for and though I'm not always successful, I try to remember how blessed I am each and every day, not just on Thanksgiving. But I am thankful for Thanksgiving and the opportunity to reflect on it all. Not to mention, seeing family and eating good food!
Happy Thanksgiving!
1. Celexa!!!!! I am feeling better and better every day! Thank you, God for creating people smart enough to figure out that some of us don't just "get sad about stuff". It's a chemical imbalance in our brains that is beyond our control. And thank you that as more and more people realize that it IS common and uncontrolable, the stigma of needing such medicine is slowly dissapating.
2. my faith! I am judged constantly or so it feels like and if I didn't know better I would quickly lose my faith. I am thankful for God's Word that tells me there is NO CONDEMNATION for those in Christ Jesus and that once we are truly His, NOTHING can snatch us from His hands. People are fallible, God isn't. His mercy and love endures forever. He knows the depths of my heart and he loves me the same. He is amazing!
3. My amazing children! I am SO PROUD of all three of them! I am blessed to be their mom and I delight in everything they do!
4. My ex husband. Despite all we have been through, he remains the one person I can truly count on. Not just for our children but for me as well. I wish that I had been a better wife to him. But I am glad we are still the best of friends.
5. My other friends---Dede, Frances, Angela, Anji, Tammy, and those I've gotten close to through Facebook--Christy, Brenda, Kim, Leah, Jason, Michael and for my prayer warriors, Donna, Jenny, Jenny, Laine, Shalita and so many others!
6. My family. We have had our ups and downs, our differences and spats, especially in the last two years but much like the Lord loves me, nothing will ever make me stop loving them. Even during the times I have to distance myself from them physically, I never distance myself emotionally. I love them dearly!
7. My landlord. I know many who rent from slumlords that never fix anything. I am thankful to have a home that keeps us warm, dry and safe!
8. My neighbors. Especially during football season, for putting up with my loud, crazy self and for jumping right in there with me sometimes! They help keep my grass cut, watch out for my dog and even open stubborn jars when I can't!
9. My creativity. I am thankful that I learned to sew and can create something from nothing when I need to, or just when I want to.
10. My education. I had the BEST time at Birmingham-Southern. I made lifelong friends, had so much fun and learned so much. Many have questioned that I wasted so much time and money on a degree I wasn't using but in the last few weeks, I have become ever aware how thankful I am to have it to fall back on. I'm looking forward to returning to that field and using what I know to bless my family financially.
11. My Tide! Not just our amazing football team but the University of Alabama itself. My son is having a GREAT time and getting a superb education. I am thankful that he was able to "go away" to college without going "far"!
12. My wine! And other alcohol! And coffee! And coke! And chocolate! and all the "sinful", indulgent things that keep me going sometimes!
13. My music taste. I'm glad I dont just like one genre but that I can appreciate a variety of musical talent and find solace in so much of it.
14. My car! I love love love my Miranda! lol I am thankful she's dependable, fun and doesn't cost me too much money.
15. My sense of humor. I am glad that I am able to laugh sometimes as it really does help lift my spirits. I am glad I am able to make others laugh, too, though it's not always on purpose!
16. My ability to cook. I do enjoy it. I am glad I learned from the best--my mom! I only wish I had more people to cook for sometimes.
17. My passions. I love that I am a huge breastfeeding advocate (not a huge breast advocate, though I have nothing against it! lol), am passionate about orphans and missions and a few other things!
18. My knee doctor and his u/s tech. I am glad I sought a second opinion and found that I had options and could continue doing the things I love.
19. My dog. She is a constant source of unconditional love and laughter. She also fulfills my need to keep "babying" something.
20. My body. It may not be perfect but it's mine and I know it well. I know what it's done and what it can do. I have great hair, great boobs, pretty hands and feet and a rare eye-color that I'm proud of. I also have good skin!
Yes, I have much to be thankful for and though I'm not always successful, I try to remember how blessed I am each and every day, not just on Thanksgiving. But I am thankful for Thanksgiving and the opportunity to reflect on it all. Not to mention, seeing family and eating good food!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Careful what you wish for...
I said in my last blog I needed new direction...well, I certainly have it!
Thursday afternoon, I lost my job!
I am still not sure if I quit or was fired. It doesn't make a difference as churches are exempt from paying unemployment anyway and that's not the point either. But I was told if I didn't like the way something was (me, being treated like crap) then I could get my purse and walk out so that is what I did.
I've never been one to hold my tongue much and I have definitely held it at this place a lot longer than anywhere else. I'm not going into a lot of detail right now because it will just make me look angry and spiteful when it's really the other way around. But I did reach my limit and so I am no longer a preschool teacher (not at that place anyway).
I've had a few days to try and process it and honestly, I have a lot of different emotions running through me. Probably the ultimate is shock. And anger. It's hard to believe there are people out there that will push you to you're breaking point but sometimes, there are and sometimes you wind up working for them. Shock also that I actually left. But I KNOW with my emotional state being what it has been for the past two weeks, that was the wisest thing I could've done.
I'm also scared. Scared about how I'm going to pay my bills mostly. Scared about possibly returning to a field I haven't worked in in over a decade.
I am extremely disappointed that I wont be seeing my sweet babies everyday. Yes, they can be a handful but I truly do love each and every one of them. I carry them with me. I get attached. I get close to their families. It's hard.
But I'm also excited. So I'm trying to be postive and think of it as the opportunity it is. An opportunity to better my financial situation, improve my social circle (professionally) and learn something new.
I'm encouraged by the outpouring of love and support from so many people including some I didn't expect. But I'm always thankful for my "inner circle". My rocks--you know who you are! As tempted as I am sometimes to throw in the towel, you never let me and for that, I am truly grateful.
So, we'll see what happens! It's always an interesting ride with me, isn't it?
Thursday afternoon, I lost my job!
I am still not sure if I quit or was fired. It doesn't make a difference as churches are exempt from paying unemployment anyway and that's not the point either. But I was told if I didn't like the way something was (me, being treated like crap) then I could get my purse and walk out so that is what I did.
I've never been one to hold my tongue much and I have definitely held it at this place a lot longer than anywhere else. I'm not going into a lot of detail right now because it will just make me look angry and spiteful when it's really the other way around. But I did reach my limit and so I am no longer a preschool teacher (not at that place anyway).
I've had a few days to try and process it and honestly, I have a lot of different emotions running through me. Probably the ultimate is shock. And anger. It's hard to believe there are people out there that will push you to you're breaking point but sometimes, there are and sometimes you wind up working for them. Shock also that I actually left. But I KNOW with my emotional state being what it has been for the past two weeks, that was the wisest thing I could've done.
I'm also scared. Scared about how I'm going to pay my bills mostly. Scared about possibly returning to a field I haven't worked in in over a decade.
I am extremely disappointed that I wont be seeing my sweet babies everyday. Yes, they can be a handful but I truly do love each and every one of them. I carry them with me. I get attached. I get close to their families. It's hard.
But I'm also excited. So I'm trying to be postive and think of it as the opportunity it is. An opportunity to better my financial situation, improve my social circle (professionally) and learn something new.
I'm encouraged by the outpouring of love and support from so many people including some I didn't expect. But I'm always thankful for my "inner circle". My rocks--you know who you are! As tempted as I am sometimes to throw in the towel, you never let me and for that, I am truly grateful.
So, we'll see what happens! It's always an interesting ride with me, isn't it?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Hugely pissed off and struggling...
I got to the doctor Monday and got my meds back. But get this--the idiot has been stalking my facebook page!!! Yup! Apparently he has no time to call me in the medicine he KNOWS I need to maintain what little sanity I have left but he can sure take the time to look me up on facebook to see me vent about it!
I have an appointment with my new doctor Tuesday so I won't have to worry about his crazy ass ever again. I hope it goes well.
I was feeling a little bit better yesterday until I went to Bible Study and got slapped in the face with "you need to stop talking like you do on facebook!"
WTH????? I have SO toned down my facebook vents. Yes, I'm still angry about some things, yes I still share a little bit more than a lot of people do. But "talking like I do"? I don't understand that. If she could've only seen how far I have come and how terribly that hurt my feelings.
It makes me feel once again like I have to clean myself up before I come before the Lord and that is SO backwards of the gospel that I know and understand and have come to embrace.
Of course if I thought I would find sympathetic ears, I was sorely mistaken. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't seem to do anything right. All I ever heard for so long was what a bitch I am and how I don't even try. Well, I start trying and it seems like I'm always gonna fall short. So why bother?
No one cares what I'm feeling. All anyone wants to hear is feel good, positive crap that I just don't have in me right now. I so need new direction...
I have an appointment with my new doctor Tuesday so I won't have to worry about his crazy ass ever again. I hope it goes well.
I was feeling a little bit better yesterday until I went to Bible Study and got slapped in the face with "you need to stop talking like you do on facebook!"
WTH????? I have SO toned down my facebook vents. Yes, I'm still angry about some things, yes I still share a little bit more than a lot of people do. But "talking like I do"? I don't understand that. If she could've only seen how far I have come and how terribly that hurt my feelings.
It makes me feel once again like I have to clean myself up before I come before the Lord and that is SO backwards of the gospel that I know and understand and have come to embrace.
Of course if I thought I would find sympathetic ears, I was sorely mistaken. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't seem to do anything right. All I ever heard for so long was what a bitch I am and how I don't even try. Well, I start trying and it seems like I'm always gonna fall short. So why bother?
No one cares what I'm feeling. All anyone wants to hear is feel good, positive crap that I just don't have in me right now. I so need new direction...
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Sunday and sick...
It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I'm stuck in here on the couch sick as a dog! I cannot seem to shake this cold or whatever it is. I have days where I feel okay and can push through but then others like today, it just knocks me on my butt!
The last two days I've been pumped up on cough medicine, nerve pills and just doing the best I can to make it through the day.
Friday was the WORST. I really think it's time to leave my job. But I don't have anywhere else to go and I HAVE to work. I was going to devote today to dusting of my resume and scouring through the ads but ugh...I just don't feel like it. I HATE searching for a new job and all the crap that goes with it. But I know it's going to soon become a necessary evil in my life.
I left early sick but couldn't get any rest after my boss called with yet ANOTHER complaining parent! Yes, I work in the land of the over coddled children! Parents that don't bother to read notes explaining the rules and are too lazy to follow them or encourage their children to do so. This world we live in is getting really ridiculous. And yet people just keep complaining about how bad it is not realizing they are part of the problem.
Had to go Friday afternoon for more knee injections and this time--it REALLY hurt! So I returned to my couch for the rest of the night feeling as low as I have felt since July 2011. I am thankful for the few friends I have that were available and talked me though my feelings. Sometimes it's just really hard to be strong. Thank you for being my strength when I had none of my own! I love you more than you know.
I have decided I have to keep pushing forward with the path I'm on. As tempting as it is to keep a foot in the world sometimes, I just can't do it anymore. I can't be anyone's hookup, booty call or "friend with benefits". From this point forward, if that's what you're interested in, don't bother to call, text or message. I am ONLY looking for friendship that may or may not lead to a serious relationship. If that's not what you're interested in or not where you are, I respect that. No hard feelings. But either be my friend and friend only or keep walking.
I was able to pull it together long enough to drive to T-town yesterday and see my precious!
I really do love my babies!! They are my whole life and there's nothing I won't do for them. I am so proud of each and every one of them and feel so honored and blessed to be there mom. I hate that sometimes I feel so unworthy to the point that I think they would be so much better off without me. That's the depression talking. While I probably am not worthy of my three blessings I totally couldn't imagine my life without them and I hope I never have to. I also pray earnestly that I never get to the point of feeling like I would need to put them through the pain of losing the one person in the world that is supposed to care about them the most and does!
I had hoped to make the early service at Highlands this morning and then visit some old friends at their new church for an adoption testimony but I just can't. I also won't be making it to Chloe's first birthday party this afternoon. Please pray that God will heal my heart, mind and body so that I can press on to being what He needs me to be!
The last two days I've been pumped up on cough medicine, nerve pills and just doing the best I can to make it through the day.
Friday was the WORST. I really think it's time to leave my job. But I don't have anywhere else to go and I HAVE to work. I was going to devote today to dusting of my resume and scouring through the ads but ugh...I just don't feel like it. I HATE searching for a new job and all the crap that goes with it. But I know it's going to soon become a necessary evil in my life.
I left early sick but couldn't get any rest after my boss called with yet ANOTHER complaining parent! Yes, I work in the land of the over coddled children! Parents that don't bother to read notes explaining the rules and are too lazy to follow them or encourage their children to do so. This world we live in is getting really ridiculous. And yet people just keep complaining about how bad it is not realizing they are part of the problem.
Had to go Friday afternoon for more knee injections and this time--it REALLY hurt! So I returned to my couch for the rest of the night feeling as low as I have felt since July 2011. I am thankful for the few friends I have that were available and talked me though my feelings. Sometimes it's just really hard to be strong. Thank you for being my strength when I had none of my own! I love you more than you know.
I have decided I have to keep pushing forward with the path I'm on. As tempting as it is to keep a foot in the world sometimes, I just can't do it anymore. I can't be anyone's hookup, booty call or "friend with benefits". From this point forward, if that's what you're interested in, don't bother to call, text or message. I am ONLY looking for friendship that may or may not lead to a serious relationship. If that's not what you're interested in or not where you are, I respect that. No hard feelings. But either be my friend and friend only or keep walking.
I was able to pull it together long enough to drive to T-town yesterday and see my precious!
I really do love my babies!! They are my whole life and there's nothing I won't do for them. I am so proud of each and every one of them and feel so honored and blessed to be there mom. I hate that sometimes I feel so unworthy to the point that I think they would be so much better off without me. That's the depression talking. While I probably am not worthy of my three blessings I totally couldn't imagine my life without them and I hope I never have to. I also pray earnestly that I never get to the point of feeling like I would need to put them through the pain of losing the one person in the world that is supposed to care about them the most and does!
I had hoped to make the early service at Highlands this morning and then visit some old friends at their new church for an adoption testimony but I just can't. I also won't be making it to Chloe's first birthday party this afternoon. Please pray that God will heal my heart, mind and body so that I can press on to being what He needs me to be!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Random thoughts...
So today started out pretty bleak again. My patience is stretched REALLY thin and with my job, that's never a good thing. This is by far the most difficult class I've ever had and I can't really put my finger on why. I've had children that were MUCH more strong willed. I've had to deal with parents that were MUCH more in denial and MUCH ruder. I've had to deal with a boss or two that I wasn't particularly fond of and put up with church politics that just made absolutely no sense. So why I'm struggling right now, I don't know. I'm claiming celexa! 13 more days!
On top of that, the ex and I are NOT getting along. I dont know what his problem is. I couldn't even begin to guess. Maybe he's going through some stuff...maybe he's just a douchebag. I don't know. And the only way I know how to handle him so it doesnt get to me is to just cut him out. So that's what I've done for now.
And then we have the day after election and boy does EVERYBODY have an opinion!!! I used to LOVE discussing politics and stuff. They were some of my favorite classes in college and from time to time I still see m political science professor, Natalie Davis, on TV. But now...I guess I'm just cynical and sick of it all. Nothing ever seems to change except prices going up and paychecks going down. More ridiculous laws passed to try and legislate morality and there is absolutely NO WAY to please EVERYBODY. SOMEBODY always has their panties in a wad. Either Rush Limbaugh, the NAACP or somebody.
I voted for Romney. My reasons were purely econmical. So far, Obama hasn't demonstrated that he's capable of managing finances (that's not a character flaw, I suck at it myself) and that effects me more than any other issues. I'm in that group that makes too much money for any assistance but is still piss broke all the time! No, I'm not worse off than was four years ago but I'm not better off either.
But I really don't like Romney much either. Yes, I am a Christian. Although I prefer the term "follower of Christ" because Jesus was a liberal. He hung out with sinners like me! I reserve judgment for He who has earned the right to judge others. I don't care how someone ELSE sins. That's not my business. I will not point out a speck in my brother's eye without removing the plank in mine.
So I am not at all devastated by the results and I'm especially NOT surprised. Even if he had won, not much would've changed because Congress is the same. In all actuality, the president has little power at all.
What irritates me the most about politics is how hateful people are to each other because they disagree! Republicans think if someone votes democratic, they lack character. That they are nothing but useless, freeloading and stupid. Democrats think if someone votes republican, they are backward, ignorant, rednecks.
People, grow up. Other peoples' opinions do not equal character flaws and you certainly are NOT going to win over your brother/sister by belittling them and calling them names. Maybe their opinions do seem assanine to you. But I believe it's important to keep in mind that what made this country great IS our differences.
Most of you know that I am a HUGE fan of Joel Osteen. I can imagine his smiling face speaking to all of us and telling us that if we keep focusing on the doom and gloom of our situation, even if it's not really there, then that's what will come to pass. Speak words of life over your situation! If you are discouraged at the lack of job opportunities, maybe its time to reevaluate your interests and try something else. If you're struggling with finances like I am, maybe it's time to look into other ways to generate income (I am). But sitting around and blaming the president or the government makes you no better than those you complain about and claim put us in this situation (whatever you think it is).
All of that said, I had to hear and read all about everyone's political posts today and that did nothing to help my mood. It all came to a head at one point and I just began boohooing and my boss, God love her (we dont agree on a whole lot) was so sweet to me. Not long after that, I got a text from a new friend and later a call and that really lifted my spirits, too!
But what really made my day is my church. There aren't words to explain Church of the Highlands and what it means to me. It truly is a special place. You just have to experience it for yourself. We've been studying legacy lately and what kind of legacy we will leave to our children and children's children, etc. And not only that, what kind of legacy do we want to leave to others...
It's something I'm really thinking and praying on. There are many areas of interest for me, particularly with hurting marriages, women who have been through similar experiences, missions and of course, orphans!!!
How does God want to use me in these areas? Well, I guess you, too, will just have to wait and see!
On top of that, the ex and I are NOT getting along. I dont know what his problem is. I couldn't even begin to guess. Maybe he's going through some stuff...maybe he's just a douchebag. I don't know. And the only way I know how to handle him so it doesnt get to me is to just cut him out. So that's what I've done for now.
And then we have the day after election and boy does EVERYBODY have an opinion!!! I used to LOVE discussing politics and stuff. They were some of my favorite classes in college and from time to time I still see m political science professor, Natalie Davis, on TV. But now...I guess I'm just cynical and sick of it all. Nothing ever seems to change except prices going up and paychecks going down. More ridiculous laws passed to try and legislate morality and there is absolutely NO WAY to please EVERYBODY. SOMEBODY always has their panties in a wad. Either Rush Limbaugh, the NAACP or somebody.
I voted for Romney. My reasons were purely econmical. So far, Obama hasn't demonstrated that he's capable of managing finances (that's not a character flaw, I suck at it myself) and that effects me more than any other issues. I'm in that group that makes too much money for any assistance but is still piss broke all the time! No, I'm not worse off than was four years ago but I'm not better off either.
But I really don't like Romney much either. Yes, I am a Christian. Although I prefer the term "follower of Christ" because Jesus was a liberal. He hung out with sinners like me! I reserve judgment for He who has earned the right to judge others. I don't care how someone ELSE sins. That's not my business. I will not point out a speck in my brother's eye without removing the plank in mine.
So I am not at all devastated by the results and I'm especially NOT surprised. Even if he had won, not much would've changed because Congress is the same. In all actuality, the president has little power at all.
What irritates me the most about politics is how hateful people are to each other because they disagree! Republicans think if someone votes democratic, they lack character. That they are nothing but useless, freeloading and stupid. Democrats think if someone votes republican, they are backward, ignorant, rednecks.
People, grow up. Other peoples' opinions do not equal character flaws and you certainly are NOT going to win over your brother/sister by belittling them and calling them names. Maybe their opinions do seem assanine to you. But I believe it's important to keep in mind that what made this country great IS our differences.
Most of you know that I am a HUGE fan of Joel Osteen. I can imagine his smiling face speaking to all of us and telling us that if we keep focusing on the doom and gloom of our situation, even if it's not really there, then that's what will come to pass. Speak words of life over your situation! If you are discouraged at the lack of job opportunities, maybe its time to reevaluate your interests and try something else. If you're struggling with finances like I am, maybe it's time to look into other ways to generate income (I am). But sitting around and blaming the president or the government makes you no better than those you complain about and claim put us in this situation (whatever you think it is).
All of that said, I had to hear and read all about everyone's political posts today and that did nothing to help my mood. It all came to a head at one point and I just began boohooing and my boss, God love her (we dont agree on a whole lot) was so sweet to me. Not long after that, I got a text from a new friend and later a call and that really lifted my spirits, too!
But what really made my day is my church. There aren't words to explain Church of the Highlands and what it means to me. It truly is a special place. You just have to experience it for yourself. We've been studying legacy lately and what kind of legacy we will leave to our children and children's children, etc. And not only that, what kind of legacy do we want to leave to others...
It's something I'm really thinking and praying on. There are many areas of interest for me, particularly with hurting marriages, women who have been through similar experiences, missions and of course, orphans!!!
How does God want to use me in these areas? Well, I guess you, too, will just have to wait and see!
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Onward and upward....!
I took today off. I didn't plan to but last night brought on some unexpected turmoil and I needed a mental health day.
I'm still choosing to keep my blog public for now because of some links on it, the upcoming Rockathon, another fundraiser I'm helping with for Epilepsy Awareness, some ministry items and I just dont feel like putting everyone through the hassle of having to get a password again. I am not sure how many people actually read...no one comments here anymore, mostly they comment/message me on facebook so...
But because I'm staying public, I'm not going into detail about what was so upsetting. Those who need to know do and I'm not giving what upset me the satisfaction of knowing that it upset me. Just in case it's lurking around...
Just know I'm okay. If I had my celexa, it probably wouldnt have bothered me AT ALL. And the only reason it really did bother me had more to do with ME. *I* am the one that needs to forgive MYSELF. I thought I had but I'm finding it's a conscious choice that I have to do often, sometimes daily.
So I took the morning and took precautions to make sure that it doesn't have a chance of upsetting me again anytime soon. Because I didnt have the words really to pray for myself, I had a VERY sweet and dear friend (actually several) but one in particular stand in the gap for me. I listened to my Highlands Worship CD over and over and over and slowly, I began to feel MUCH better! Oh how wonderful God is! And oh how I LOVE LOVE LOVE my friends and my church!
Then I decided to take the opportunity to go visit with my mom. My mom and I haven't gotten along very well since my divorce. But I DO love her VERY much and I really DO want her in my life. I'm not naive enough to think that our relationship will ever be the same as it used to be--I'm finding out that when you make a horrible decision, not only do your choices have consequences for yourself but for others as well. Obviously, I didnt think it through because I never would have purposely put my kids through all they've been through but even so, I never could have imagined how adversely my choices affected so many others as well. It's done now. It's altered and can't be fixed. Not the way we would all like anyway (no, that's not to say I want my ex back now--I just wish things had been handled differently) I hope that makes sense.
I was talking to a good friend today and he was telling me about something in his life that on the one hand he wished had never happened but it's hard to really wish it away because that would mean taking away something good. And there have been some good things in my life since. So it's hard to know what to wish for and what to regret. Sometimes you just have to realize it is what it is and roll with it.
All of that said, my mom and I had a great visit. I also got to see my niece, nephews and all the other precious babies she keeps, including one of my "inner circle besties" grandbaby!
Grandbaby. I'd better not have to utter that word for a really long time for myself! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that come next Tuesday, I will be the mom of a TWENTY YEAR OLD SON!!! lol
But boy am I ever proud of my boy! And shame on my friend, Jason for scaring the bejezus out of me today messaging me about a lockdown because of some armed gunman at the Phi Beta Kappa Oompa Loopma frat house or whatever! No, Dylan is NOT in a fraternity (which is why I couldnt remember the name Jason even said!) About the only pledge that kid has ever heard of is the pledge of allegiance or pledge furniture polish! haha
But me, not knowing where his classes were relative to the frat house, I panicked and called of course! He was fine. Said he wasn't anywhere near there but headed that way! ha ha!!!
I can't wait to see him this weekend! Gonna drive down, hang out with him and then since I dont have a ticket, I'm gonna hang out on the quad with Kayti while he's at the game. Then we are going to hang out and I think Kayti is going to spend the night (yes in an apartment with four guys! lol But they are awesome young men and one is her VERY OVERPROTECTIVE brother so it's all good) and then Jeff is headed down there Sunday with Brooke. I dont know why he wont just go Saturday but I'm kind of glad he's not. That way Brooke gets to make her last soccer game and we can avoid a tense situation.
Yes, right now things are tense. Don't ask me why. That's just how we are. We get along for the most part and sometimes we can still do things together as a family but other times, not. Right now, it's not and that's probably for the best. Time for the kids to get used to separate stuff. I just dont know how it's going to work this Christmas. I was prepared for them to be with him if I was going to be on my Mexico mission trip but now that that has been cancelled....I really need to figure out what I'm going to do. Staying in my apartment alone doesn't sound very appealing. I'll figure something out. Gotta keep on keepin' on! Onward and upward...
Be blessed!
I'm still choosing to keep my blog public for now because of some links on it, the upcoming Rockathon, another fundraiser I'm helping with for Epilepsy Awareness, some ministry items and I just dont feel like putting everyone through the hassle of having to get a password again. I am not sure how many people actually read...no one comments here anymore, mostly they comment/message me on facebook so...
But because I'm staying public, I'm not going into detail about what was so upsetting. Those who need to know do and I'm not giving what upset me the satisfaction of knowing that it upset me. Just in case it's lurking around...
Just know I'm okay. If I had my celexa, it probably wouldnt have bothered me AT ALL. And the only reason it really did bother me had more to do with ME. *I* am the one that needs to forgive MYSELF. I thought I had but I'm finding it's a conscious choice that I have to do often, sometimes daily.
So I took the morning and took precautions to make sure that it doesn't have a chance of upsetting me again anytime soon. Because I didnt have the words really to pray for myself, I had a VERY sweet and dear friend (actually several) but one in particular stand in the gap for me. I listened to my Highlands Worship CD over and over and over and slowly, I began to feel MUCH better! Oh how wonderful God is! And oh how I LOVE LOVE LOVE my friends and my church!
Then I decided to take the opportunity to go visit with my mom. My mom and I haven't gotten along very well since my divorce. But I DO love her VERY much and I really DO want her in my life. I'm not naive enough to think that our relationship will ever be the same as it used to be--I'm finding out that when you make a horrible decision, not only do your choices have consequences for yourself but for others as well. Obviously, I didnt think it through because I never would have purposely put my kids through all they've been through but even so, I never could have imagined how adversely my choices affected so many others as well. It's done now. It's altered and can't be fixed. Not the way we would all like anyway (no, that's not to say I want my ex back now--I just wish things had been handled differently) I hope that makes sense.
I was talking to a good friend today and he was telling me about something in his life that on the one hand he wished had never happened but it's hard to really wish it away because that would mean taking away something good. And there have been some good things in my life since. So it's hard to know what to wish for and what to regret. Sometimes you just have to realize it is what it is and roll with it.
All of that said, my mom and I had a great visit. I also got to see my niece, nephews and all the other precious babies she keeps, including one of my "inner circle besties" grandbaby!
Grandbaby. I'd better not have to utter that word for a really long time for myself! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that come next Tuesday, I will be the mom of a TWENTY YEAR OLD SON!!! lol
But boy am I ever proud of my boy! And shame on my friend, Jason for scaring the bejezus out of me today messaging me about a lockdown because of some armed gunman at the Phi Beta Kappa Oompa Loopma frat house or whatever! No, Dylan is NOT in a fraternity (which is why I couldnt remember the name Jason even said!) About the only pledge that kid has ever heard of is the pledge of allegiance or pledge furniture polish! haha
But me, not knowing where his classes were relative to the frat house, I panicked and called of course! He was fine. Said he wasn't anywhere near there but headed that way! ha ha!!!
I can't wait to see him this weekend! Gonna drive down, hang out with him and then since I dont have a ticket, I'm gonna hang out on the quad with Kayti while he's at the game. Then we are going to hang out and I think Kayti is going to spend the night (yes in an apartment with four guys! lol But they are awesome young men and one is her VERY OVERPROTECTIVE brother so it's all good) and then Jeff is headed down there Sunday with Brooke. I dont know why he wont just go Saturday but I'm kind of glad he's not. That way Brooke gets to make her last soccer game and we can avoid a tense situation.
Yes, right now things are tense. Don't ask me why. That's just how we are. We get along for the most part and sometimes we can still do things together as a family but other times, not. Right now, it's not and that's probably for the best. Time for the kids to get used to separate stuff. I just dont know how it's going to work this Christmas. I was prepared for them to be with him if I was going to be on my Mexico mission trip but now that that has been cancelled....I really need to figure out what I'm going to do. Staying in my apartment alone doesn't sound very appealing. I'll figure something out. Gotta keep on keepin' on! Onward and upward...
Be blessed!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Updates...plateaus and walls!
I haven't felt like blogging in a while... a side effect of coming off the meds maybe? I'm doing surprisingly better than I thought I would but no, I am NOT even thinking about STAYING off. It's not debatable so don't message me and give me all the stats or arguments or opinions about it. I do not make the distinction between a person with heart problems/diabetes, etc. needing medication for those conditions and me needing medicine for mine. I have an appointment November 20 with a new doctor, sooner if she has a cancellation. In the meantime, I pray a LOT. I'm running and that helps (endorphins make you happy you know and happy people just don't beat the dog snot out of other people!) and I have my emergency stash of klonopin. I also sleep and rest when I need to because I do know my limits. Nonetheless...
Life goes on.
Soccer is winding down for little bit and we are glad about it. This hasn't been a good season and I really hope she makes the school team in the Spring because I'm sick of Rec Soccer.
Halloween was fun. Went to a party at Dorinda's, had a party at school with my littles and the girls did their own thing. I stayed home and passed out candy. I miss my kids being little sometimes but it was relaxing to not have to be hurried and out in the mess, too.
I started getting a little sick this past weekend so I once again didnt make it to the Dream Center to help out like I'd planned. Both girls have been feeling a little icky as well.
I've been working little by little on my book collaboration with Jason but we really dont have anything solid down yet.
Every plan I make I seem to hit a wall or plateau somewhere.
For example, I can't really get my fitness regimen going in the direction it needs to because the doc wants me to swim--good for the knees. I can't swim until I pay off my what I already owe the Y and rejoin!
I can't seriously think about enrolling in more classes because I have no money and can't really get more until my bankruptcy is settled. I can't settle that until I complete my pre-filing counseling course and I can't do that until I have an extra fifty bucks! Ugh!
I also can't seriously work on a business plan for the daycare center that I am contemplating starting next year or really do ANYTHING until I can scrape together some money. I just feel stuck in so many areas.
I don't want to date just for fun anymore but I'm not really ready for a serious relationship either...
I want friendship but I NEED more than that sometimes. At the same time, I'm trying not to cause the Lord anymore grief on my account or hinder my spiritual growth but opening up a can of worms I don't need. And I DEFINITELY do not want to be sucked into any drama...got a taste of that this weekend and I didnt do anything this time! No, gotta steer clear of that mess, for sure!
I really really miss my son and I'm hoping to get to go down to see him this weekend. But that's more money I dont really need to spend. Yet it's his birthday! And OMG I have a 20 year old kid!!!
Okay, I'm starting to ramble and none of it good. So I'll just take a pill and go to bed!
Life goes on.
Soccer is winding down for little bit and we are glad about it. This hasn't been a good season and I really hope she makes the school team in the Spring because I'm sick of Rec Soccer.
Halloween was fun. Went to a party at Dorinda's, had a party at school with my littles and the girls did their own thing. I stayed home and passed out candy. I miss my kids being little sometimes but it was relaxing to not have to be hurried and out in the mess, too.
I started getting a little sick this past weekend so I once again didnt make it to the Dream Center to help out like I'd planned. Both girls have been feeling a little icky as well.
I've been working little by little on my book collaboration with Jason but we really dont have anything solid down yet.
Every plan I make I seem to hit a wall or plateau somewhere.
For example, I can't really get my fitness regimen going in the direction it needs to because the doc wants me to swim--good for the knees. I can't swim until I pay off my what I already owe the Y and rejoin!
I can't seriously think about enrolling in more classes because I have no money and can't really get more until my bankruptcy is settled. I can't settle that until I complete my pre-filing counseling course and I can't do that until I have an extra fifty bucks! Ugh!
I also can't seriously work on a business plan for the daycare center that I am contemplating starting next year or really do ANYTHING until I can scrape together some money. I just feel stuck in so many areas.
I don't want to date just for fun anymore but I'm not really ready for a serious relationship either...
I want friendship but I NEED more than that sometimes. At the same time, I'm trying not to cause the Lord anymore grief on my account or hinder my spiritual growth but opening up a can of worms I don't need. And I DEFINITELY do not want to be sucked into any drama...got a taste of that this weekend and I didnt do anything this time! No, gotta steer clear of that mess, for sure!
I really really miss my son and I'm hoping to get to go down to see him this weekend. But that's more money I dont really need to spend. Yet it's his birthday! And OMG I have a 20 year old kid!!!
Okay, I'm starting to ramble and none of it good. So I'll just take a pill and go to bed!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Wanting Wednesday...
I try to keep my blogs positive for the most part but I'm running low on Celexa and I won't get in to see my new doctor until November. So if I don't get this out I'm gonna go nuts! If I can see it in print, I might can formulate a plan of action inside my brain. That's the way my mind works...
Number one: I want a new job! There. I said it. I LOVE what I do. I LOVE these kids. Most of the time. No, really, all of the time. Sometimes the little buggers can try my patience but I DO love them. Dearly. And I show them, even when I have to get onto them. And for a few of them, that's a lot! But there are so many other things that just frustrate me to no end. I'm not going to sit here and list them. I don't want to bash anyone or bite off the hand that feeds me. Especially right now. For the most part, it's just the nature of the beast and I get it. But I still get tired of it. As much as I hate to admit it, I think it may be time for a change. But what?
Number two: I'm tired of being broke all the time!! I'm not extravagant in my spending. I'm not lazy. I work hard. I get side gigs and I've applied for a second job...we'll see. But it seems no matter what I do, I cannot make my paychecks last and I keep getting further and further in the hole and I don't like it.
Number three: I'm becoming completely obsessed with a new apartment. This one will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the first place I ever got truly on my own. And I like where it is, I love my neighbors. But it needs some work and I am not optimistic that the landlord is going to want to do anything to it. It needs updating in several areas--the plumbing, the wiring, the carpet, tile, cabinets, counter tops. And the fence is about to fall completely over. I've found a place right around the corner that is MUCH nicer and actually $45 less per month than what I already pay. But they don't allow pets. And I won't give up Mady. Plus I know it's really not a good time to think about moving especially given my money situation. Even if I found a cheaper place, I'd have to pay to transfer everything. And its getting too close to Christmas. Ugh!
Number four: I'm getting so tired of douchebag men!!! I'm a big girl. If you're not interested in me, just tell me. It's fine, I can handle it. But don't leave me hanging--I have plenty of other options, trust me! But man up and say so! Sheesh!
So there. That's what I want. A new job, a new apartment and a new relationship without drama and games. Is that really that much to ask?
No, I didn't think so either!
Number one: I want a new job! There. I said it. I LOVE what I do. I LOVE these kids. Most of the time. No, really, all of the time. Sometimes the little buggers can try my patience but I DO love them. Dearly. And I show them, even when I have to get onto them. And for a few of them, that's a lot! But there are so many other things that just frustrate me to no end. I'm not going to sit here and list them. I don't want to bash anyone or bite off the hand that feeds me. Especially right now. For the most part, it's just the nature of the beast and I get it. But I still get tired of it. As much as I hate to admit it, I think it may be time for a change. But what?
Number two: I'm tired of being broke all the time!! I'm not extravagant in my spending. I'm not lazy. I work hard. I get side gigs and I've applied for a second job...we'll see. But it seems no matter what I do, I cannot make my paychecks last and I keep getting further and further in the hole and I don't like it.
Number three: I'm becoming completely obsessed with a new apartment. This one will always hold a special place in my heart as it was the first place I ever got truly on my own. And I like where it is, I love my neighbors. But it needs some work and I am not optimistic that the landlord is going to want to do anything to it. It needs updating in several areas--the plumbing, the wiring, the carpet, tile, cabinets, counter tops. And the fence is about to fall completely over. I've found a place right around the corner that is MUCH nicer and actually $45 less per month than what I already pay. But they don't allow pets. And I won't give up Mady. Plus I know it's really not a good time to think about moving especially given my money situation. Even if I found a cheaper place, I'd have to pay to transfer everything. And its getting too close to Christmas. Ugh!
Number four: I'm getting so tired of douchebag men!!! I'm a big girl. If you're not interested in me, just tell me. It's fine, I can handle it. But don't leave me hanging--I have plenty of other options, trust me! But man up and say so! Sheesh!
So there. That's what I want. A new job, a new apartment and a new relationship without drama and games. Is that really that much to ask?
No, I didn't think so either!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Race for the Cure
Saturday was my second time doing the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure! And it was my second time to have a complete blast doing it!!!
Last year, Kayti did it with me. This year for personal reasons she didn't want to but Brooke wanted to and her friend, Tori wound up going with us and doing it too!
I don't know why I get so emotional about it. I have never had breast cancer and no one in my family has either. In fact, that's probably the ONLY cancer that doesn't run in our family!!!
But of course I do know people who have it or have had it. My friend from college, Peggy, is a 19 year survivor and I run on her team! It's a good excuse for us to see each other.
Maybe I'm so emotional about it because I breastfed my babies and I know how important breasts are! Or maybe it's because it's always been one of my best features, physically. I don't know.
But I just love being part of that event! I don't do it because I am a competitive runner--I so am not! Although I DID finish in 47 minutes and for a fat girl with two bad knees and just started back running, that's not too bad!
I love the atmosphere! It's truly a unique mix of honor, mourning and celebration. I also LOVE LOVE LOVE all the men and boys that participate! They have been raised right and aren't ashamed to acknowledge that breasts are important!
I also love looking at all the different team t-shirts! I think my favorite this year was "titty titty bang bang"! Hillarious!
My sister and her baby Chloe were there also! They did the 1 mile with some friends. Also saw some other people I knew and the costumes were funny!
I hate that it's over already but looking forward to next year's race and maybe one day I can be more involved in the Komen Foundation.
our team Tshirt
me after the race! Feelin' good!
me, the team mascot and my friend, Peggy!
Tori and Brooke
Brooke, Mia, me and Chloe
Brooke and Chloe
Baby Chloe!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Shrimp Festival!
It wasn't the best of vacations but I will take a bad day at the beach over a good day anywhere else anytime. And it wasn't BAD bad. Just didn't exactly go as planned...maybe I should change my name to Clark W. Griswold!
Early in the week, I made a reservation at the Gulf State Park campgrounds and canceled our reservation at the hotel because:
1) I didn't have the money for the hotel room
2) I LOVE LOVE LOVE camping and we normally go Halloween weekend to Tannehill but we can't this year because of Soccer, ACT's and an 8k I'm considering...
So I thought a genius plan would be to camp at the beach. After all, it's not that hot, it's MUCH cheaper and we get to kill two birds with one stone, camping and a beach trip!
The campgrounds were nice! Our spot was right on the water, lakeside and close to the bathrooms. We had lake, pool and beach access. There was a grill and a picnic table on site. We quickly pitched our tent and set up camp, no problem.
The restrooms and bathhouses located in the primitive campgrounds left a LOT to be desired! Ugh...in fact the bathhouses were infested with....
.....wait for it
.....wait for it
FROGS!!!!!
Yes, it was like something out of the Old Testament!!!! For the most part, they were VERY still but still VERY gross!
We later discovered that the bathhouses on the beach were MUCH cleaner, MUCH newer and had ZERO frogs so we decided to shower there instead! The website says the primitive campgrounds are closing today for construction and I can only pray the bathhouse is on the agenda!
Not to be deterred by a few million frogs, we showered and went to the festival Saturday morning. I'd forgotten about the parking and funds being limited, I chose to park a ways away so I wouldn't have to spend so much on parking. We walked around and looked at some nice arts and crafts and though the weather was very nice, it quickly got hot. So we sat down to rest and just enjoy the breeze.
We did NOT eat any of the food--very, very pricey! I was disappointed because that's exactly what I went for! I LOVE shrimp but man have I been spoiled by Logan's Happy Hour specials! lol
We decided to just go back and enjoy the beach until time for the Alabama game. It was really nice. There is no place on earth better to me than Gulf Shores. Panama City, Fort Walton/Destin, Miami, even Cozumel Mexico--none can hold a candle! So clean, so nice. And for me, it's very spiritual. I almost feel like I can hear God whispering in the breeze and the warmth of my skin feels like His arms around me!
When it got close to time for the game, we went and showered and drove over to Live Bait. We watched the Tide roll over Mizzou (I still dont get that...are they uncapable of pronouncing the name of their own state?) no problems.
Funds being low and stresses high (girls kept arguing and complaining) we decided to just head on back. I hated to leave a day early but still thankful for the quick trip and I know next time exactly what to expect and how to plan for the trip and will probably NOT take the girls! lol
Early in the week, I made a reservation at the Gulf State Park campgrounds and canceled our reservation at the hotel because:
1) I didn't have the money for the hotel room
2) I LOVE LOVE LOVE camping and we normally go Halloween weekend to Tannehill but we can't this year because of Soccer, ACT's and an 8k I'm considering...
So I thought a genius plan would be to camp at the beach. After all, it's not that hot, it's MUCH cheaper and we get to kill two birds with one stone, camping and a beach trip!
The campgrounds were nice! Our spot was right on the water, lakeside and close to the bathrooms. We had lake, pool and beach access. There was a grill and a picnic table on site. We quickly pitched our tent and set up camp, no problem.
The restrooms and bathhouses located in the primitive campgrounds left a LOT to be desired! Ugh...in fact the bathhouses were infested with....
.....wait for it
.....wait for it
FROGS!!!!!
Yes, it was like something out of the Old Testament!!!! For the most part, they were VERY still but still VERY gross!
We later discovered that the bathhouses on the beach were MUCH cleaner, MUCH newer and had ZERO frogs so we decided to shower there instead! The website says the primitive campgrounds are closing today for construction and I can only pray the bathhouse is on the agenda!
Not to be deterred by a few million frogs, we showered and went to the festival Saturday morning. I'd forgotten about the parking and funds being limited, I chose to park a ways away so I wouldn't have to spend so much on parking. We walked around and looked at some nice arts and crafts and though the weather was very nice, it quickly got hot. So we sat down to rest and just enjoy the breeze.
We did NOT eat any of the food--very, very pricey! I was disappointed because that's exactly what I went for! I LOVE shrimp but man have I been spoiled by Logan's Happy Hour specials! lol
We decided to just go back and enjoy the beach until time for the Alabama game. It was really nice. There is no place on earth better to me than Gulf Shores. Panama City, Fort Walton/Destin, Miami, even Cozumel Mexico--none can hold a candle! So clean, so nice. And for me, it's very spiritual. I almost feel like I can hear God whispering in the breeze and the warmth of my skin feels like His arms around me!
When it got close to time for the game, we went and showered and drove over to Live Bait. We watched the Tide roll over Mizzou (I still dont get that...are they uncapable of pronouncing the name of their own state?) no problems.
Funds being low and stresses high (girls kept arguing and complaining) we decided to just head on back. I hated to leave a day early but still thankful for the quick trip and I know next time exactly what to expect and how to plan for the trip and will probably NOT take the girls! lol
Friday, October 5, 2012
Friday Gripefest
Okay, I'm sitting here with a splitting headache and can't get it to go away. I've taken 4 aleve and 2 advil in the last 15 hours. I've tried to nap. I've drank caffeine (usually helps) and NOTHING is touching this CRAP!!!
So the plans I had to actually DO SOMETHING tonight are out the window as I'm about to take a klonopin and knock myself out!
And I'm super pissed off about that! EVERY time I get a chance to do something fun or just for me, SOMETHING happens. Either I feel icky or I'm broke or whatever!
Actually I'm not too far from broke again and I just got paid so there's another reason for my frustration! I work HARD! I make a decent wage. I don't waste money, in fact I'm VERY frugal...why is it NEVER enough? I don't get it... I'm sick of it! I don't ask for much. I should be able to do something now and then for me or my kids and not have to decide between that and food. Ridiculous.
And yes, I work VERY hard and today was NO EXCEPTION. I had to fly solo today because my partner bought a house and was closing, packing, moving, etc. I am very happy for her and usually when it's just one of us, the kids act better. Ha! Not today...
Two of them talked nonstop from the time they came in and they were still talking when I left! One even talked through nap! And I love that kid, I do! He's super adorable! But man, can the constant chatter really get to me sometimes! lol and the "why" to EVERYTHING!!!
The playground seems to be the worst. It's the worst playground ever to begin with. The ants, bugs and things are awful. The mulch is disgusting, the sandbox a HUGE safety hazard and there's just not that much for them to play on. We've complained a million times, it does no good. I don't know if there's just no money, they just don't care or what the excuse is but it's a big part of the problem because when they have nothing but dangerous things to do, you really have to watch them because telling them NOT to do something is like putting bells and whistles on it--they're gonna go straight to it. And not only that, they don't seem to understand the word no! I'll get to that rant in a minute...but they also like to run and play games like children do but the games they usually play are Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles--lots of chasing and punching!
Enevitably, someone gets hurt or even if they don't, we have one big tattletale in the room that is CONSTANTLY whining and tattling about anything and everything. Nothing works.
For the most part, these children have wonderful parents. They are friendly enough when they come in, it's obvious the kids are well loved and cared for but I really think they've bought into this new age form of parenting WAY too much.
My boss pushes the "love and logic" theory. And that's all fine and good except that a small child's brain isn't developed enough to get "logic" most of the time. It's okay to offer choices whenever possible but for the most part, the experts overwhelmingly agree, what's best for children are limits and boundaries and consequences to actions. I'm not saying they need to be spanked. I don't really take a position on that. In my 30 plus years of childcare and I learned from the best--my mom, I have come to the conclusion that spanking vs. non-spanking isn't really the issue. Consistency is. In other words, if you don't want to spank your child, fine. But don't threaten it. I'm guilty of it sometimes because I have a warped sense of humor and a habit of making a lot of comments in jest "if you dont behave, I'm gonna whip you with a wet noodle!" It usually serves two purposes: it allows me to vent some frustration without harming anyone and the kids think it's funny so it changes their mood/perspective as well. But I've gotten off on a rabbit trail again.
Children NEED limits. They CRAVE boundaries. It makes them feel secure. And yes they are going to test the limits because they desperately need to know they are there and it's not going to change. It gives them security in their little worlds. When parents give in, especially repeatedly for whatever reason (usually too busy or don't want to listen to the whining or fit that is sure to follow),
it just sets up in a child's mind that they don't have to be accountable for their behavior, their actions don't have consequences, that mommy and daddy will always be able to and willing to bail them out of trouble (huge huge problem because when they do eventually grow up and are out in the real world, the police officer isn't going to care what the excuse is! And if the child doesn't get used to some boundaries early on, it just gets harder as they grow older. It also sends a message to the child that their parents can't be counted on for security and dependability.
I definitely see some problems with several of the kids in that area. Also have a few who are NEVER made to do ANYTHING for themselves like throw their plate of food in the trash or even pull up their own pants! And NONE of them are made to clean up their play area or know anything about being orderly.
Yes, I realize they are only three. But teachers like myself are finding that we have to do more and more of the life skills teaching that should be done at home and less of the academic, creative and social skills that we are supposed to be teaching and ultimately, they fall behind. Not all, but many. And my heart grieves. These children deserve so much better than what they are currently getting but most of the time we feel powerless to do anything about it because there's always a feeling that we are butting our heads against a wall! We don't get much parental support and when we take a problem to administration it's usually glossed over or pushed aside and there's no where to go because of church politics. And I know public school is even worse. So I digress...and contemplate...career change?
I tossed around that idea earlier this year but I really do feel in my heart that this is what I am called to do. I have a degree in Business/Finance. It would be difficult transitioning back after so many years but I could always do that. Physical Therapy...I nixed that idea when I couldn't overcome my foot phobia! lol Childcare Director? I've done it before and it is indeed a headache also but a different kind and at least I would be able to make some decisions and have more influence over the direction the childcare "industry" (for lack of better word) is taking. Not much, but some.
I just don't know what to do and so I continue to ask God. I get nothing. I know He will answer. I just wish He wouldn't take so long sometimes. All I can do right now is speak words of praise and victory over my life and thank God for what He's going to do!
So the plans I had to actually DO SOMETHING tonight are out the window as I'm about to take a klonopin and knock myself out!
And I'm super pissed off about that! EVERY time I get a chance to do something fun or just for me, SOMETHING happens. Either I feel icky or I'm broke or whatever!
Actually I'm not too far from broke again and I just got paid so there's another reason for my frustration! I work HARD! I make a decent wage. I don't waste money, in fact I'm VERY frugal...why is it NEVER enough? I don't get it... I'm sick of it! I don't ask for much. I should be able to do something now and then for me or my kids and not have to decide between that and food. Ridiculous.
And yes, I work VERY hard and today was NO EXCEPTION. I had to fly solo today because my partner bought a house and was closing, packing, moving, etc. I am very happy for her and usually when it's just one of us, the kids act better. Ha! Not today...
Two of them talked nonstop from the time they came in and they were still talking when I left! One even talked through nap! And I love that kid, I do! He's super adorable! But man, can the constant chatter really get to me sometimes! lol and the "why" to EVERYTHING!!!
The playground seems to be the worst. It's the worst playground ever to begin with. The ants, bugs and things are awful. The mulch is disgusting, the sandbox a HUGE safety hazard and there's just not that much for them to play on. We've complained a million times, it does no good. I don't know if there's just no money, they just don't care or what the excuse is but it's a big part of the problem because when they have nothing but dangerous things to do, you really have to watch them because telling them NOT to do something is like putting bells and whistles on it--they're gonna go straight to it. And not only that, they don't seem to understand the word no! I'll get to that rant in a minute...but they also like to run and play games like children do but the games they usually play are Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles--lots of chasing and punching!
Enevitably, someone gets hurt or even if they don't, we have one big tattletale in the room that is CONSTANTLY whining and tattling about anything and everything. Nothing works.
For the most part, these children have wonderful parents. They are friendly enough when they come in, it's obvious the kids are well loved and cared for but I really think they've bought into this new age form of parenting WAY too much.
My boss pushes the "love and logic" theory. And that's all fine and good except that a small child's brain isn't developed enough to get "logic" most of the time. It's okay to offer choices whenever possible but for the most part, the experts overwhelmingly agree, what's best for children are limits and boundaries and consequences to actions. I'm not saying they need to be spanked. I don't really take a position on that. In my 30 plus years of childcare and I learned from the best--my mom, I have come to the conclusion that spanking vs. non-spanking isn't really the issue. Consistency is. In other words, if you don't want to spank your child, fine. But don't threaten it. I'm guilty of it sometimes because I have a warped sense of humor and a habit of making a lot of comments in jest "if you dont behave, I'm gonna whip you with a wet noodle!" It usually serves two purposes: it allows me to vent some frustration without harming anyone and the kids think it's funny so it changes their mood/perspective as well. But I've gotten off on a rabbit trail again.
Children NEED limits. They CRAVE boundaries. It makes them feel secure. And yes they are going to test the limits because they desperately need to know they are there and it's not going to change. It gives them security in their little worlds. When parents give in, especially repeatedly for whatever reason (usually too busy or don't want to listen to the whining or fit that is sure to follow),
it just sets up in a child's mind that they don't have to be accountable for their behavior, their actions don't have consequences, that mommy and daddy will always be able to and willing to bail them out of trouble (huge huge problem because when they do eventually grow up and are out in the real world, the police officer isn't going to care what the excuse is! And if the child doesn't get used to some boundaries early on, it just gets harder as they grow older. It also sends a message to the child that their parents can't be counted on for security and dependability.
I definitely see some problems with several of the kids in that area. Also have a few who are NEVER made to do ANYTHING for themselves like throw their plate of food in the trash or even pull up their own pants! And NONE of them are made to clean up their play area or know anything about being orderly.
Yes, I realize they are only three. But teachers like myself are finding that we have to do more and more of the life skills teaching that should be done at home and less of the academic, creative and social skills that we are supposed to be teaching and ultimately, they fall behind. Not all, but many. And my heart grieves. These children deserve so much better than what they are currently getting but most of the time we feel powerless to do anything about it because there's always a feeling that we are butting our heads against a wall! We don't get much parental support and when we take a problem to administration it's usually glossed over or pushed aside and there's no where to go because of church politics. And I know public school is even worse. So I digress...and contemplate...career change?
I tossed around that idea earlier this year but I really do feel in my heart that this is what I am called to do. I have a degree in Business/Finance. It would be difficult transitioning back after so many years but I could always do that. Physical Therapy...I nixed that idea when I couldn't overcome my foot phobia! lol Childcare Director? I've done it before and it is indeed a headache also but a different kind and at least I would be able to make some decisions and have more influence over the direction the childcare "industry" (for lack of better word) is taking. Not much, but some.
I just don't know what to do and so I continue to ask God. I get nothing. I know He will answer. I just wish He wouldn't take so long sometimes. All I can do right now is speak words of praise and victory over my life and thank God for what He's going to do!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Quick update and a few thoughts
Look back to Wordless Wednesday and you will see a picture of the latest teenager/offspring of mine to be licensed and behind the wheel of a car! Yep! Kayti took her road test and passed! She was so excited and I am so proud of her!
Our joy was a little short-lived as she experienced her first teenage heartbreak. :( I have tried to keep my opinions about this boyfriend of hers in check. After everything I've been through, the LAST thing I would ever want to do is judge someone else for making the same mistakes. He was a nice boy, polite enough and for the most part, a typical 19 year old. Except for the fact that he was DATING MY BABY!!!!
No mother EVER thinks anyone is good enough for her child but I really knew this wasn't a match made in Heaven and didn't like his influence over my very smart but highly vulnerable and impressionable daughter. I never prayed for them to break up, but I DID pray for God to watch over the situation and act accordingly. I am happy with how He handled it even though my sweet baby girl is heartbroken.
I tell you one thing is for sure, I do not miss being a teenager. I wouldn't do it nowadays if you paid me! It was hard enough the first time and I think it's harder in today's world. Cell phones, social media...I think it makes things like this MUCH worse. So we had a bit of drama with that over the weekend. But I think it's settled down now and I am proud of the way she's handling herself except for a few things. She will learn. She knows deep down in her heart that she is destined for great things and that, even though she won't acknowledge that God has a plan right now, all things work together for her good!
So back to the driving, no, I have no yet turned her loose with the car but I have let her take a few small trips alone or with Brooke in tow. She has to get her confidence up about driving alone. And yet I still hold my breath whenever she leaves the house!
In other things...I did get back on Facebook. :( I know, I'm disappointed in me, too. But hey, I made it 12 days this time! Progress! lol I needed to get in touch with a friend and for some reason, the contact info didn't transfer in the export. I will have to figure out what I did wrong before I make another attempted at getting off again. And yes, I did miss it...somewhat. But I discovered Twitter and am slowly learning to navigate that.
I have made some progress on some projects and the To Do list, boring to you but thrilling to me. Love when I can scratch something off the list! I'm getting excited about the Shrimp Festival and other events coming up this month. I'm not sure if we will get to go camping Halloween weekend but I REALLY want to!
I also got started on another HUGE project that a friend and I are collaborating on and I pray that we see it through to fruition.
Gonna share a few of my notes from reCreate...I'm still reeling at how AWESOME a conference it was!
1) John 10:10 says "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."
Key in on the word ABUNDANCE. Jesus not only came to give us life here on Earth and eternal life but to make sure our life here was AWESOME. He cares about every detail. If it's important to us, it's important to Him--just like with our own children. As long as it's not harmful to them, if it's a true desire of their hearts, we want to do everything to see them get it. Don't be satisfied with mediocrity. Pray to God and then PRAISE HIM for bringing it about! Speak words of praise and victory over your life!
2) Ask God how you can be a light in WHATEVER situation you're in. God goes to great extremes sometimes to orchestrate putting you in a particular place in a particular time. Don't take it for granted. You never know how He will use you. But remember, our light is to be a GUIDE, not a BLINDER! In other words, don't focus on how someone is sinning differently than you! Don't shove your Bible in their face but definitely open it for them.
3) Don't EVER let anyone tell you that God can't use you! Regardless of what things you've done in the past, God doesn't call us for our past but for HIS purpose! Your experiences can be used to help others in their struggles. I struggle with this one. I WANT to share my testimony and help others who are struggling with the same issues I had not quite two years ago. But it's a delicate topic. When the typical "christian" discovers what my testimony is mostly about, they get scared and want to silence me and sometimes, I regretfully let them. But I promise I DO NOT want to see any woman go down the road I did. It may look like it's turned out well and I DO focus on the positive and count my blessings but I paid dearly, continue to pay dearly and probably will for a long time if not the rest of my life. It's definitely not an even trade. And I hope that people see that in my message.
And yes, that is just a SAMPLING of my notes from things I got out of this conference! Can you just imagine if YOU had been there? Well you can--next year! October 3-4 & 5-6. They have already lined up Priscilla Shirer and Lisa Bevere and you can register now at churchofthehighlands.com
Be blessed!
Our joy was a little short-lived as she experienced her first teenage heartbreak. :( I have tried to keep my opinions about this boyfriend of hers in check. After everything I've been through, the LAST thing I would ever want to do is judge someone else for making the same mistakes. He was a nice boy, polite enough and for the most part, a typical 19 year old. Except for the fact that he was DATING MY BABY!!!!
No mother EVER thinks anyone is good enough for her child but I really knew this wasn't a match made in Heaven and didn't like his influence over my very smart but highly vulnerable and impressionable daughter. I never prayed for them to break up, but I DID pray for God to watch over the situation and act accordingly. I am happy with how He handled it even though my sweet baby girl is heartbroken.
I tell you one thing is for sure, I do not miss being a teenager. I wouldn't do it nowadays if you paid me! It was hard enough the first time and I think it's harder in today's world. Cell phones, social media...I think it makes things like this MUCH worse. So we had a bit of drama with that over the weekend. But I think it's settled down now and I am proud of the way she's handling herself except for a few things. She will learn. She knows deep down in her heart that she is destined for great things and that, even though she won't acknowledge that God has a plan right now, all things work together for her good!
So back to the driving, no, I have no yet turned her loose with the car but I have let her take a few small trips alone or with Brooke in tow. She has to get her confidence up about driving alone. And yet I still hold my breath whenever she leaves the house!
In other things...I did get back on Facebook. :( I know, I'm disappointed in me, too. But hey, I made it 12 days this time! Progress! lol I needed to get in touch with a friend and for some reason, the contact info didn't transfer in the export. I will have to figure out what I did wrong before I make another attempted at getting off again. And yes, I did miss it...somewhat. But I discovered Twitter and am slowly learning to navigate that.
I have made some progress on some projects and the To Do list, boring to you but thrilling to me. Love when I can scratch something off the list! I'm getting excited about the Shrimp Festival and other events coming up this month. I'm not sure if we will get to go camping Halloween weekend but I REALLY want to!
I also got started on another HUGE project that a friend and I are collaborating on and I pray that we see it through to fruition.
Gonna share a few of my notes from reCreate...I'm still reeling at how AWESOME a conference it was!
1) John 10:10 says "The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance."
Key in on the word ABUNDANCE. Jesus not only came to give us life here on Earth and eternal life but to make sure our life here was AWESOME. He cares about every detail. If it's important to us, it's important to Him--just like with our own children. As long as it's not harmful to them, if it's a true desire of their hearts, we want to do everything to see them get it. Don't be satisfied with mediocrity. Pray to God and then PRAISE HIM for bringing it about! Speak words of praise and victory over your life!
2) Ask God how you can be a light in WHATEVER situation you're in. God goes to great extremes sometimes to orchestrate putting you in a particular place in a particular time. Don't take it for granted. You never know how He will use you. But remember, our light is to be a GUIDE, not a BLINDER! In other words, don't focus on how someone is sinning differently than you! Don't shove your Bible in their face but definitely open it for them.
3) Don't EVER let anyone tell you that God can't use you! Regardless of what things you've done in the past, God doesn't call us for our past but for HIS purpose! Your experiences can be used to help others in their struggles. I struggle with this one. I WANT to share my testimony and help others who are struggling with the same issues I had not quite two years ago. But it's a delicate topic. When the typical "christian" discovers what my testimony is mostly about, they get scared and want to silence me and sometimes, I regretfully let them. But I promise I DO NOT want to see any woman go down the road I did. It may look like it's turned out well and I DO focus on the positive and count my blessings but I paid dearly, continue to pay dearly and probably will for a long time if not the rest of my life. It's definitely not an even trade. And I hope that people see that in my message.
And yes, that is just a SAMPLING of my notes from things I got out of this conference! Can you just imagine if YOU had been there? Well you can--next year! October 3-4 & 5-6. They have already lined up Priscilla Shirer and Lisa Bevere and you can register now at churchofthehighlands.com
Be blessed!
Saturday, September 29, 2012
reCreate
All I can say right now really is....WOW!
I absolutely LOVE going to conferences and I never knew why until this past week when I was studying my lesson for my LIFE group and I came across this revelation:
When we starve our bodies, we hunger for more. Our tummies cry out, "Feed me! Feed me! I must have nourishment!" Some people (me included) will even get dizzy or a headache if we dont eat at least a little something on a regular basis. However...
When we starve our spirits, we DON'T hunger for more. The spirit grows quiet until it becomes difficult to even FORCE yourself to feed it. I had never thought about that but it's true. When one falls out of the habit of going to church, studying the Word, praying, fellowship with other believers...there is no great craving for more. Sad, but true.
So when I go to conferences or get really involved in church, my soul cries out for more! I get really on fire for God and I have so much wisdom and insight that I just want to scream it out to anyone and everyone!
But this one was different. Not that I didn't get fed--boy did I ever! My soul AND my body! But it was just so different the WAY my spirit was fed..no great altar calls of rededication. No overwhelming spiritual experience, no outpouring of emotions (I did cry once!).
But I am filled with a new motivation that both excites me and terrifies me at the same time!
I didn't hear God tell me to go do some great wonderful thing in His name. What I heard most was Him telling me to "be still".
You see, that is just not me. I have to have a plan. I love surprises, yes, but they can't be so over the top that they don't fit neatly into my nice little schedule/routine. Wanna run off to the beach spur of the moment? Sure, just let me make a few calls!
I've been learning, truly. One cannot go from being a happy housewife to single, homeless and crazy and then back to stability without giving up control over a few things. But it's WAY out of my comfort zone. I need to know what's coming!
But over and over lately, I've heard this quiet still voice tell me, "Don't worry--you're good, I've got this." And this weekend it was like, "IN CASE YOU DIDNT HEAR ME BEFORE LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN---I'VE GOT THIS!!! JUST BE!"
Just be. Okay. I think I can do that. Maybe. I can try...
And I will. Try. To let go and let God. Again. Whatever He wants is fine with me. Truly this time. If I'm to serve Him where I am, I will. If I am to go to Rwanda and plant crops, I will. If I am to remarry, I trust He already has someone picked out for me that is everything I ever wanted and more. If I'm to be alone and (gasp, choke, cough) celibate, focused ONLY on serving Him, okay.
Really, Lord. Just direct my steps. And scream loudly!
There are so many more thoughts and points I will make later but for now...it's just WOW!
I absolutely LOVE going to conferences and I never knew why until this past week when I was studying my lesson for my LIFE group and I came across this revelation:
When we starve our bodies, we hunger for more. Our tummies cry out, "Feed me! Feed me! I must have nourishment!" Some people (me included) will even get dizzy or a headache if we dont eat at least a little something on a regular basis. However...
When we starve our spirits, we DON'T hunger for more. The spirit grows quiet until it becomes difficult to even FORCE yourself to feed it. I had never thought about that but it's true. When one falls out of the habit of going to church, studying the Word, praying, fellowship with other believers...there is no great craving for more. Sad, but true.
So when I go to conferences or get really involved in church, my soul cries out for more! I get really on fire for God and I have so much wisdom and insight that I just want to scream it out to anyone and everyone!
But this one was different. Not that I didn't get fed--boy did I ever! My soul AND my body! But it was just so different the WAY my spirit was fed..no great altar calls of rededication. No overwhelming spiritual experience, no outpouring of emotions (I did cry once!).
But I am filled with a new motivation that both excites me and terrifies me at the same time!
I didn't hear God tell me to go do some great wonderful thing in His name. What I heard most was Him telling me to "be still".
You see, that is just not me. I have to have a plan. I love surprises, yes, but they can't be so over the top that they don't fit neatly into my nice little schedule/routine. Wanna run off to the beach spur of the moment? Sure, just let me make a few calls!
I've been learning, truly. One cannot go from being a happy housewife to single, homeless and crazy and then back to stability without giving up control over a few things. But it's WAY out of my comfort zone. I need to know what's coming!
But over and over lately, I've heard this quiet still voice tell me, "Don't worry--you're good, I've got this." And this weekend it was like, "IN CASE YOU DIDNT HEAR ME BEFORE LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN---I'VE GOT THIS!!! JUST BE!"
Just be. Okay. I think I can do that. Maybe. I can try...
And I will. Try. To let go and let God. Again. Whatever He wants is fine with me. Truly this time. If I'm to serve Him where I am, I will. If I am to go to Rwanda and plant crops, I will. If I am to remarry, I trust He already has someone picked out for me that is everything I ever wanted and more. If I'm to be alone and (gasp, choke, cough) celibate, focused ONLY on serving Him, okay.
Really, Lord. Just direct my steps. And scream loudly!
There are so many more thoughts and points I will make later but for now...it's just WOW!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Random Thought Thursday
There is not a female singer/rock star more awesome than Pink!!!
I wonder just exactly HOW much my car insurance is going to go up...with a new teenager driver...on a Mustang...Convertible!
How is it we can see exactly what others should do in certain situations but are so blind when it comes to our own?
Why do we obsess over certain things/people/relationships and not others? This isn't such a random thought. I probably should blog more on this because it doesn't make sense to me why some things bother me and others don't...no sense at all. But I can't think about that today. I will think about that tomorrow! Ha!
All of life's problems should hit us when we are teenagers and know EVERYTHING!
Timing...it really is everything!
I do believe dreams have meaning. And I've had some doozies lately.
I'm so glad nerdy guys are starting to appeal to me (Big Bang Theory)...maybe the douchebag magnet deep inside me is starting to lose its strength!
I have learned to hold my breath for really long periods of time now...every time Kayti leaves the house driving without me!
I am really excited about the reCreate Women's conference this weekend at my awesome church--Church of the Highlands!
I am really missing my friends--haven't hung out with them in a while and I need my girl time! Maybe next weekend?
Kinda wishing I could find someone to go to the Shrimp Festival with us and split the cost of my hotel room...but SUPER excited about going!
Debating whether or not I should buy my own camping equipment or borrow the ex's for Halloween weekend...if he'll even let me!
I confess, I miss Facebook...just a little.
I am having a difficult time navigating Twitter but it's a distraction...which I didn't need but did want.
I have great taste, I just don't have the money to prove it! LOL
Blessings!
I wonder just exactly HOW much my car insurance is going to go up...with a new teenager driver...on a Mustang...Convertible!
How is it we can see exactly what others should do in certain situations but are so blind when it comes to our own?
Why do we obsess over certain things/people/relationships and not others? This isn't such a random thought. I probably should blog more on this because it doesn't make sense to me why some things bother me and others don't...no sense at all. But I can't think about that today. I will think about that tomorrow! Ha!
All of life's problems should hit us when we are teenagers and know EVERYTHING!
Timing...it really is everything!
I do believe dreams have meaning. And I've had some doozies lately.
I'm so glad nerdy guys are starting to appeal to me (Big Bang Theory)...maybe the douchebag magnet deep inside me is starting to lose its strength!
I have learned to hold my breath for really long periods of time now...every time Kayti leaves the house driving without me!
I am really excited about the reCreate Women's conference this weekend at my awesome church--Church of the Highlands!
I am really missing my friends--haven't hung out with them in a while and I need my girl time! Maybe next weekend?
Kinda wishing I could find someone to go to the Shrimp Festival with us and split the cost of my hotel room...but SUPER excited about going!
Debating whether or not I should buy my own camping equipment or borrow the ex's for Halloween weekend...if he'll even let me!
I confess, I miss Facebook...just a little.
I am having a difficult time navigating Twitter but it's a distraction...which I didn't need but did want.
I have great taste, I just don't have the money to prove it! LOL
Blessings!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Sunday, September 23, 2012
One week and counting...
It's been one week since I've been on Facebook! I honestly can't believe I made it this long but it really hasn't been too bad. I miss conversing on a daily basis with some people but honestly, they know how to get me if they really wanted to chat so...
A few have contacted me to find out how I am, what's going on, why I left, etc. That's how you find out who your friends are!
As far as WHY I left...well I always said that when it got to be more nuisance and burdensome or harmful than productive and conducive to a healthy lifestyle then I would leave. It finally came to that point. I was spending way too much time on it, worrying about every little thing I said, whether it was going to get me in trouble or piss somebody off. That's not me.
Quite frankly, I'm tired of worrying about people getting their panties in a wad over stupid stuff like football trash talk. Grow up already. If you can't handle it, don't be a fan. And don't even think you are somehow "classier". Some people can handle it, some can't. And don't think that it doesn't happen on BOTH sides. I just got tired of constantly seeing the ones who can overlook it on their side but constantly call the other side out, acting like a little stepchild over it. Give me a break.
But that's really only a small part of it. I need to focus on myself right now. I'm trying to accomplish a few things professionally, grow closer to God, refinish some furniture, work on my writin, perhaps look for a new apartment...every minute I spend on Facebook is a minute I'm not doing something else I should be.
And I really took the plunge...I deleted the app from my phone and scheduled my account for deletion! They say it takes 21 days to break a habit...14 more days to go!
A few have contacted me to find out how I am, what's going on, why I left, etc. That's how you find out who your friends are!
As far as WHY I left...well I always said that when it got to be more nuisance and burdensome or harmful than productive and conducive to a healthy lifestyle then I would leave. It finally came to that point. I was spending way too much time on it, worrying about every little thing I said, whether it was going to get me in trouble or piss somebody off. That's not me.
Quite frankly, I'm tired of worrying about people getting their panties in a wad over stupid stuff like football trash talk. Grow up already. If you can't handle it, don't be a fan. And don't even think you are somehow "classier". Some people can handle it, some can't. And don't think that it doesn't happen on BOTH sides. I just got tired of constantly seeing the ones who can overlook it on their side but constantly call the other side out, acting like a little stepchild over it. Give me a break.
But that's really only a small part of it. I need to focus on myself right now. I'm trying to accomplish a few things professionally, grow closer to God, refinish some furniture, work on my writin, perhaps look for a new apartment...every minute I spend on Facebook is a minute I'm not doing something else I should be.
And I really took the plunge...I deleted the app from my phone and scheduled my account for deletion! They say it takes 21 days to break a habit...14 more days to go!
Soccer season...
My little soccer star is not enjoying this season. She's not fond of her coach or many of her team members and that breaks my heart. She so enjoyed the Spring season and Coach Shaun and to follow that with this is disappointing. I myself do not enjoy some of the parents...ugh! Soccer people! I don't understand much of soccer aside from kick the ball into the net so I cheer my daughter "Go Brooke" and keep my mouth shut for the most part. I wish some parents would follow suit because even in my limited knowledge it's obvious to me they know even less but don't mind sharing that they know so little with everyone in the park if you get my meaning! Then there are the parents who think their kid will be the next Mia Hamm or David Beckham or that they are cheering a football game! Really, people, it's JUST SOCCER, it's a REC LEAGUE, not a competitive league and your kid ain't all that! And of course you have the soccer snobs that don't realize this IS football season! lol Why can't we play our games in the morning before games come on? Hey, if you don't care about football, it IS cooler in the mornings, think of that! But no, it's like they are trying to make a point or something. Just annoying. But I digress...my daughter loves it, she's good at it so I told her just to enjoy playing and work on her own skills. If her team members can't cooperate then there's always next season. I will continue to sit away from people and keep my mouth shut (but I will vent here from time to time! lol) More pictures: 
Friday, September 21, 2012
Thankful Thursday
Today, September 20, 2012, I am thankful for... The Nick Saban Show playing while I watch my daughter practice soccer. For that matter, I am thankful for Nick Saban! RTR I am thankful for Pinterest for inspiring me to recycle my old Fall decorations in new ways! I am thankful for my coworker, Lara! She makes me laugh, listens to me vent, "gets" me and just makes my job that much more enjoyable! I am thankful for each of the little ones in my class. Though some days they are absolute handfuls, they are also very precious to me in so many ways! I am thankful for the wonderful group of ladies in my Church of the Highlands Small Group! We laugh and talk and pray and I am so blessed every week to spend time in the Word with them. And as always, I am thankful for my three precious children, wonderful friends and family and the love and grace of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Soccer pictures
Yes, our "Liverpool" Soccer team has its very own photographer and judging from the shots he got of Brooke this past weekend, I won't even waste my time trying to take pictures with my cell phone! Photograpy...one hobby I never have been able to pursue. But oh well!
Hope you enjoy these of my soccer star! (She's #3, btw!)
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