It's a beautiful Sunday morning and I'm stuck in here on the couch sick as a dog! I cannot seem to shake this cold or whatever it is. I have days where I feel okay and can push through but then others like today, it just knocks me on my butt!
The last two days I've been pumped up on cough medicine, nerve pills and just doing the best I can to make it through the day.
Friday was the WORST. I really think it's time to leave my job. But I don't have anywhere else to go and I HAVE to work. I was going to devote today to dusting of my resume and scouring through the ads but ugh...I just don't feel like it. I HATE searching for a new job and all the crap that goes with it. But I know it's going to soon become a necessary evil in my life.
I left early sick but couldn't get any rest after my boss called with yet ANOTHER complaining parent! Yes, I work in the land of the over coddled children! Parents that don't bother to read notes explaining the rules and are too lazy to follow them or encourage their children to do so. This world we live in is getting really ridiculous. And yet people just keep complaining about how bad it is not realizing they are part of the problem.
Had to go Friday afternoon for more knee injections and this time--it REALLY hurt! So I returned to my couch for the rest of the night feeling as low as I have felt since July 2011. I am thankful for the few friends I have that were available and talked me though my feelings. Sometimes it's just really hard to be strong. Thank you for being my strength when I had none of my own! I love you more than you know.
I have decided I have to keep pushing forward with the path I'm on. As tempting as it is to keep a foot in the world sometimes, I just can't do it anymore. I can't be anyone's hookup, booty call or "friend with benefits". From this point forward, if that's what you're interested in, don't bother to call, text or message. I am ONLY looking for friendship that may or may not lead to a serious relationship. If that's not what you're interested in or not where you are, I respect that. No hard feelings. But either be my friend and friend only or keep walking.
I was able to pull it together long enough to drive to T-town yesterday and see my precious!
I really do love my babies!! They are my whole life and there's nothing I won't do for them. I am so proud of each and every one of them and feel so honored and blessed to be there mom. I hate that sometimes I feel so unworthy to the point that I think they would be so much better off without me. That's the depression talking. While I probably am not worthy of my three blessings I totally couldn't imagine my life without them and I hope I never have to. I also pray earnestly that I never get to the point of feeling like I would need to put them through the pain of losing the one person in the world that is supposed to care about them the most and does!
I had hoped to make the early service at Highlands this morning and then visit some old friends at their new church for an adoption testimony but I just can't. I also won't be making it to Chloe's first birthday party this afternoon. Please pray that God will heal my heart, mind and body so that I can press on to being what He needs me to be!
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