I haven't felt like blogging in a while... a side effect of coming off the meds maybe? I'm doing surprisingly better than I thought I would but no, I am NOT even thinking about STAYING off. It's not debatable so don't message me and give me all the stats or arguments or opinions about it. I do not make the distinction between a person with heart problems/diabetes, etc. needing medication for those conditions and me needing medicine for mine. I have an appointment November 20 with a new doctor, sooner if she has a cancellation. In the meantime, I pray a LOT. I'm running and that helps (endorphins make you happy you know and happy people just don't beat the dog snot out of other people!) and I have my emergency stash of klonopin. I also sleep and rest when I need to because I do know my limits. Nonetheless...
Life goes on.
Soccer is winding down for little bit and we are glad about it. This hasn't been a good season and I really hope she makes the school team in the Spring because I'm sick of Rec Soccer.
Halloween was fun. Went to a party at Dorinda's, had a party at school with my littles and the girls did their own thing. I stayed home and passed out candy. I miss my kids being little sometimes but it was relaxing to not have to be hurried and out in the mess, too.
I started getting a little sick this past weekend so I once again didnt make it to the Dream Center to help out like I'd planned. Both girls have been feeling a little icky as well.
I've been working little by little on my book collaboration with Jason but we really dont have anything solid down yet.
Every plan I make I seem to hit a wall or plateau somewhere.
For example, I can't really get my fitness regimen going in the direction it needs to because the doc wants me to swim--good for the knees. I can't swim until I pay off my what I already owe the Y and rejoin!
I can't seriously think about enrolling in more classes because I have no money and can't really get more until my bankruptcy is settled. I can't settle that until I complete my pre-filing counseling course and I can't do that until I have an extra fifty bucks! Ugh!
I also can't seriously work on a business plan for the daycare center that I am contemplating starting next year or really do ANYTHING until I can scrape together some money. I just feel stuck in so many areas.
I don't want to date just for fun anymore but I'm not really ready for a serious relationship either...
I want friendship but I NEED more than that sometimes. At the same time, I'm trying not to cause the Lord anymore grief on my account or hinder my spiritual growth but opening up a can of worms I don't need. And I DEFINITELY do not want to be sucked into any drama...got a taste of that this weekend and I didnt do anything this time! No, gotta steer clear of that mess, for sure!
I really really miss my son and I'm hoping to get to go down to see him this weekend. But that's more money I dont really need to spend. Yet it's his birthday! And OMG I have a 20 year old kid!!!
Okay, I'm starting to ramble and none of it good. So I'll just take a pill and go to bed!
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