reCreate

All I can say right now really is....WOW!

I absolutely LOVE going to conferences and I never knew why until this past week when I was studying my lesson for my LIFE group and I came across this revelation:

When we starve our bodies, we hunger for more. Our tummies cry out, "Feed me! Feed me! I must have nourishment!"  Some people (me included) will even get dizzy or a headache if we dont eat at least a little something on a regular basis. However...

When we starve our spirits, we DON'T hunger for more. The spirit grows quiet until it becomes difficult to even FORCE yourself to feed it. I had never thought about that but it's true. When one falls out of the habit of going to church, studying the Word, praying, fellowship with other believers...there is no great craving for more. Sad, but true.

So when I go to conferences or get really involved in church, my soul cries out for more! I get really on fire for God and I have so much wisdom and insight that I just want to scream it out to anyone and everyone!

But this one was different. Not that I didn't get fed--boy did I ever! My soul AND my body! But it was just so different the WAY my spirit was fed..no great altar calls of rededication. No overwhelming spiritual experience, no outpouring of emotions (I did cry once!).

But I am filled with a new motivation that both excites me and terrifies me at the same time!

I didn't hear God tell me to go do some great wonderful thing in His name.  What I heard most was Him telling me to "be still".

You see, that is just not me. I have to have a plan. I love surprises, yes, but they can't be so over the top that they don't fit neatly into my nice little schedule/routine. Wanna run off to the beach spur of the moment? Sure, just let me make a few calls!

I've been learning, truly. One cannot go from being a happy housewife to single, homeless and crazy and then back to stability without giving up control over a few things. But it's WAY out of my comfort zone. I need to know what's coming!

But over and over lately, I've heard this quiet still voice tell me, "Don't worry--you're good, I've got this." And this weekend it was like, "IN CASE YOU DIDNT HEAR ME BEFORE LET ME TELL YOU AGAIN---I'VE GOT THIS!!! JUST BE!"

Just be. Okay. I think I can do that. Maybe. I can try...

And I will. Try. To let go and let God. Again.  Whatever He wants is fine with me. Truly this time. If I'm to serve Him where I am, I will. If I am to go to Rwanda and plant crops, I will. If I am to remarry, I trust He already has someone picked out for me that is everything I ever wanted and more. If I'm to be alone and (gasp, choke, cough) celibate, focused ONLY on serving Him, okay.

Really, Lord. Just direct my steps. And scream loudly!

There are so many more thoughts and points I will make later but for now...it's just WOW!