Gonna try and get in a quick blog before the old man bugs me about coming to bed. It has been a long and busy day and the weekend, while it didn't go exactly as planned, was good. I'm doing better.
Jeff and I are going to counseling and are trying to work things out. I'm trying to be optimistic but he is more so than I am right now. But I'm working on it. I do love my husband. It's just complicated. And everything else seems to be coming down on us right now it makes it really hard.
Tonight on the way to Zumba I had a bitch-session with God and really griped him out about me not having a job yet! I understand if I'm being punished but does He have to punish my family? And yes, I know He doesn't work that way, I was just blowing off steam--Pastor Chris said it was perfectly okay to "get real with God--He understands!" and so that's what I was doing--just me and God. Being real. Mostly me. Being REAL mad. My house is hotter than an oven and yes the air is working, this house has always been hot--no trees! And the flies! Ugh! Dylan works in the garage and leaves the door open and we get invaded and they are driving me freakin' crazy! We're broke, Brooke needs soccer cleats and shin guards, not to mention all the other bills we need to pay, people we owe and other things we need...it's just frustrating! I'm okay with me not working right now if God really wants me to be home with the girls and concentrate on my family but, come on, dude--You gotta provide!
I guess it's true what they say about exercise. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands."--Legally Blonde lol After a few minutes of Zumba, even though I was fatigued because I'd ran my 5k and worked out with weights earlier in the day, I felt better. Then afterward when we were having our prayer and share time, I was completely humbled and convicted. How completely selfish am I to worry about things like flies, heat and money when there are people worried about life and death things? It's just so hard to trust God sometimes.
But that's what I'm trying to do--get back to the heart of worship. A good friend and pastor's wife put on her facebook today, "Idolatry precedes immorality. Every sin is born in a heart that neglects the worship of God" Yep! Can't argue with that AT ALL!!
So I'm trying really hard to be a good girl again even though it's contrary to what my heart really wants right now. Still need your prayers on that, bloggy friends. Because if this is gonna work at all, God has to completely change my heart on some things. It's not a conscious choice that I'm able to make right now.
So onto more positive things...Jeff and I did meet Shari for dinner Friday night and oh my goodness, how I have missed my girl! For those of you who don't know Shari Street--you are missing out on a great person. She and I became friends our sons, Dylan and Taylor played baseball together at Tarrant years ago. I admire her so much. She's a struggling single mom but she is making it, by gosh and loving life. And she has raised an awesome son (just like me!) Dylan and Taylor were good friend until we moved to Clay and they havent seen much of each other since but I think they will be back in contact soon, also.
After dinner, which was Shari's treat (God, don't you love her? lol) we went to Velma's to sing karaoke. I love it! I can nail me some Gretchen Wilson, baby and I even drug Shari up there a time or two. We had a blast! But I was so tired the next day that I did not make it to the river or to the party the next night. That's okay. I'm coming to terms that my recovery time from a good time is not what it used to be even though I still will not concede to being "old". I'm blaming this one on lack of money anyway...a few bucks can only take you so far and Limestone Park is pretty far away!
Sunday we did venture out (after hours of housework) to Turkey Creek. If you haven't read my memoir about my earliest childhood memory--click on it to the right. We've been back a few times since then but only to hike. Brooke had a blast sliding down the falls and though it was crowded and we weren't allowed to have any alcohol (come on, you gotta have a cold beer by the creek on a hot day!) we had a good time.
Today was hectic with me trying to continue to work on this trial summary (oh my gosh, it's difficult), continue to search for jobs, and helping the girls with their stuff. But I am so proud of them for not needing too much. I stepped up my workout just as I said I would and made record time on my 5k. I have a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to stay focused on that. I think I'm going to add the Butterbean Festival 5k to the schedule...anything that will help me reach that goal of running the entier Susan G. Komen! And eventually I want to run one in less than 30 but for now I'm content to just finish!
I'm also going for my zumba certification in October, or planning to. I would like to get some experience leading a group before then so if you know of a church that may be interested in starting this as a ministry, I am willing to do it for free so let me know. And I'm sorry a live instructor is much better than the videos! (I'm not prejudiced at all, am I? ;))
I had planned on auditioning at Sips N Strokes at the end of this month but I am thinking I wont be ready just yet. I know another opportunity will come up and I'm just jazzed about them finally offering some cool stuff to do in the month of September. I was having withdrawals during the month of August.
Guess that's it for now...thinking about getting up early in the morning and going to run at Big Springs and then working out again tomorrow afternoon before I pick up the girls. Would love to get some tanning time in but there's so much to do, I know I will feel guilty if I lounge by the pool at all! I guess we'll see. Part of my what I'm trying to learn these days is to not make too many plans--just take each day as it comes, rejoice and be glad in it!
Blessings!
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