discovered this week that Chris still wants me...wants me for what I can only imagine but for now, we're content to just be friends. I do enjoy talking to him and have missed that more than anything else..
Jeff gets worse and worse it seems. He's not dealing well with the reality of what's coming. He wrote me a letter last night that made me cry...full of memories, good memories, of our life together. And yes, it's been incredible, I know. I am a very blessed woman and I know I'm probably throwing away something very special. But I can't help the way I feel. I dont know what else to do.
It's probably going to come to the point where I have to move in with mom until I can find a job and get my own place. I was hoping to not have to do that but it seems like the longer I stay, the more he seems to get false hope. He keeps wanting to be intimate but I just can't. I know I should just do it and get it over with and keep him happy for awhile longer but how can I do that? He has to know I won't be thinking about him....
It's so hard. I don't really care if things work out with Chris or not, I really don't. I know it's not likely. I'm not stupid. I just need to be by myself and be on my own...I can't do that in this house!
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