I just dont understand myself sometimes. My husband is right...I dont know how I could be so easily willing to let go of a 21 year marriage and feel so strongly about someone I've really known less that 3 weeks. How did it get so out of control? Why do I feel so "in love" with him? It makes absolutely no sense. And how much it hurts to be rejected in such a short amount of time when I knew it would happen eventually...
He's pulling away from me and with good reason. I scared the shit out of him last week...being all clingy--the very thing that drives me nuts with Jeff. I know I have to let go and stop thinking about him...but it's hard. And still, I don't know why.
I still think my marriage is over though. I really really need to get out on my own and live my own life. It's not that I want to be with other men (so much) I am not sure what it is...and I'm a little excited about it and seeing me excited hurts Jeff even more. I don't know how to make him not hurt without hurting myself. I guess I have to make a conscious choice, like my counselor said, to choose others' happiness over my own. But is that how it's supposed to be?
Why does life have to be so complicated? Why does everyone feel they're entitled to so much? I dont know what I'm feeling and I don't know how to handle it...especially on lack of sleep. So I'm going back to nap for awhile!
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