Hope you enjoy!
at Dry Riders...
at the lake
Monday, August 30, 2010
Pictures from the weekend...
forgot to post them with the blog! I'm pleading "it was too early in the morning to think straight!"
Hope you enjoy!
at Dry Riders...
at the lake
Hope you enjoy!
at Dry Riders...
at the lake
Sunday, August 29, 2010
A truly AMAZING weekend...
Went to see a friend from high school play Friday night at this "biker bar" in Odenville. We had a blast! They are really good but of course, he always was. I remember him being in a talent show at the middle school when we were in 5th/6th grade or so and he was good then. They played a lot of rock--stuff we grew up listening to: Guns n Roses, Bryan Adams, Eagles, etc...
But in between sets the bar played dance music so I was really in heaven! Of course, my better half STILL, after 21 years, will not dance! Ugh! The only way I can get him out onto a dance floor is to get him sloppy drunk and then I have to hold him up and that's no fun! But fortunately for me, his friend from work stopped by and he danced with me so I got to get my groove on! I love to dance and I must be some kind of good because Jeff told me later that his friend told him, "I can see why you wanna keep her!" lol
We didn't stay out too late...we knew we were going to the lake the next day with the kids and Brian. It rained a little but not too much. We had a great time. We took the boat out and pulled the kids (even the big ones--me & Jeff) behind it on the tube and it was so much fun! I can't believe I still have a butt left because Brian kept pulling the boat every which way trying to throw me off the tube but my stubborn self wasn't giving him the satisfaction so I dug in and skimmed the water so hard and screamed like a little sissy!
Later we grilled out and got caught up with all the news since we hadn't seen Brian and Lou Ann in so long and I absolutely love Lou Ann! She is the best thing that has ever happened to Brian and probably the only reason I will have anything to do with him today. She has turned him into an awesome person.
We came home, showered and got ready to go out again. We picked up Shari (our wife lol) and went to Home Field in Fultondale instead of Iron Horse in Hoover like we'd planned. The band was good and we got a kick out of seeing all the different people there. For awhile it looked like the old folks home had taken a field trip but hey, I hope I have that much energy when I'm that old! But then more and more people started coming in and we saw all walks of life. It kind of reminded me of that Toby Keith song, "I love this bar".
Yesterday, we slept in and then went to meet an amazing couple from church, Zane & Jamie. They are in Marriage Ministry and they are counseling us and trying to help us get back on track. I had spoken with Jamie on the phone and felt really comfortable with her but I was still a little nervous. God works in wonderful ways though. I didn't feel condemned or judged or even preached at too much. Instead they actually got after Jeff and told him things I have been trying to tell him for years. But amazingly, God must have prepared his heart to hear it this time because he didn't buck and run. Even after they told him if he isn't going to do these things, he may as well go ahead and sign divorce papers!!!!
I am actually excited about things for the first time in a long time. It's gonna still be a LOT of work but we've been through worse and like Zane said, 21 years is too far to come with someone to give up without a fight. Heck, it's been longer than 21 years. We have pretty much been joined at the hip since we were 13 & 14. And I know we could both go on and be okay and the kids would eventually be okay--people DO live through it but I know all too well, they are permanently and eternally changed. If I can prevent that in any way, I want to try. They are truly the three most amazing kids in the world! I am so proud of them.
After our "session" we went to visit Jeff's grandfather in the hospital. He is not doing well at all and I am very worried. But I'm very comforted at the same time and I know that sounds weird. But this is a man who is THE perfect example of a good Christian man. His example is just extraordinary and he doesn't ever spew out Scripture or commands...that is not how he witnesses. He actually LIVES it! He and Jeff's grandmother both are amazing people. They've been married for almost 71 years and that blows my mind! They aren't preachy or judgemental, they just are two amazing people who have lived amazing lives and love the Lord. That is truly a life well lived. And this family is not prepared (is anyone ever prepared?) to lose their patriarch. And so much of what he's going through reminds me of when my own grandmother died 13 years ago so it's like I have to relive it all over again...But I'm more worried for Jeff and Dylan. They are very close to Granddaddy--they still hunt/fish together! Please just pray God's will over the whole situation. I know Granddaddy is ready for whatever--he has been for a long time. He knows where he is going and knows this was his "temporary home". It's everyone else I'm worried about.
So now it's Monday and we're ready to start a whole new week and this one looks to be just as busy as all the others. But we have a lot to be thankful for and to be excited about and I know all my bloggy friends do, too! Make it a good one!
But in between sets the bar played dance music so I was really in heaven! Of course, my better half STILL, after 21 years, will not dance! Ugh! The only way I can get him out onto a dance floor is to get him sloppy drunk and then I have to hold him up and that's no fun! But fortunately for me, his friend from work stopped by and he danced with me so I got to get my groove on! I love to dance and I must be some kind of good because Jeff told me later that his friend told him, "I can see why you wanna keep her!" lol
We didn't stay out too late...we knew we were going to the lake the next day with the kids and Brian. It rained a little but not too much. We had a great time. We took the boat out and pulled the kids (even the big ones--me & Jeff) behind it on the tube and it was so much fun! I can't believe I still have a butt left because Brian kept pulling the boat every which way trying to throw me off the tube but my stubborn self wasn't giving him the satisfaction so I dug in and skimmed the water so hard and screamed like a little sissy!
Later we grilled out and got caught up with all the news since we hadn't seen Brian and Lou Ann in so long and I absolutely love Lou Ann! She is the best thing that has ever happened to Brian and probably the only reason I will have anything to do with him today. She has turned him into an awesome person.
We came home, showered and got ready to go out again. We picked up Shari (our wife lol) and went to Home Field in Fultondale instead of Iron Horse in Hoover like we'd planned. The band was good and we got a kick out of seeing all the different people there. For awhile it looked like the old folks home had taken a field trip but hey, I hope I have that much energy when I'm that old! But then more and more people started coming in and we saw all walks of life. It kind of reminded me of that Toby Keith song, "I love this bar".
Yesterday, we slept in and then went to meet an amazing couple from church, Zane & Jamie. They are in Marriage Ministry and they are counseling us and trying to help us get back on track. I had spoken with Jamie on the phone and felt really comfortable with her but I was still a little nervous. God works in wonderful ways though. I didn't feel condemned or judged or even preached at too much. Instead they actually got after Jeff and told him things I have been trying to tell him for years. But amazingly, God must have prepared his heart to hear it this time because he didn't buck and run. Even after they told him if he isn't going to do these things, he may as well go ahead and sign divorce papers!!!!
I am actually excited about things for the first time in a long time. It's gonna still be a LOT of work but we've been through worse and like Zane said, 21 years is too far to come with someone to give up without a fight. Heck, it's been longer than 21 years. We have pretty much been joined at the hip since we were 13 & 14. And I know we could both go on and be okay and the kids would eventually be okay--people DO live through it but I know all too well, they are permanently and eternally changed. If I can prevent that in any way, I want to try. They are truly the three most amazing kids in the world! I am so proud of them.
After our "session" we went to visit Jeff's grandfather in the hospital. He is not doing well at all and I am very worried. But I'm very comforted at the same time and I know that sounds weird. But this is a man who is THE perfect example of a good Christian man. His example is just extraordinary and he doesn't ever spew out Scripture or commands...that is not how he witnesses. He actually LIVES it! He and Jeff's grandmother both are amazing people. They've been married for almost 71 years and that blows my mind! They aren't preachy or judgemental, they just are two amazing people who have lived amazing lives and love the Lord. That is truly a life well lived. And this family is not prepared (is anyone ever prepared?) to lose their patriarch. And so much of what he's going through reminds me of when my own grandmother died 13 years ago so it's like I have to relive it all over again...But I'm more worried for Jeff and Dylan. They are very close to Granddaddy--they still hunt/fish together! Please just pray God's will over the whole situation. I know Granddaddy is ready for whatever--he has been for a long time. He knows where he is going and knows this was his "temporary home". It's everyone else I'm worried about.
So now it's Monday and we're ready to start a whole new week and this one looks to be just as busy as all the others. But we have a lot to be thankful for and to be excited about and I know all my bloggy friends do, too! Make it a good one!
Friday, August 27, 2010
and the drama continues...
Yesterday started out as a pretty bad day...I just had all those feelings of hopelessness again and I was missing chatting and sparring with Chris...then out of the blue, I get a text from him. My face lit up and my stomach dropped to my feet at the same time. I knew this was going to be a bad idea. He said he was just wanting to say hello, check and see how things were going and tell me he was going to pray for my job situation and that things work out with me and Jeff. That would have been fine but he started flirting again. I flirted back a little bit but then the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off. I know he goes on nights next week...is he wanting to line up a booty call or what?
Why does he think he can just jump in and out whenever he wants, whenever it's convenient for him. I had been telling Jeff that morning that I hate that things went so far and everything was all messed up because I missed his friendship more than anything and that maybe someday we could get back to that point...Jeff and I disagree somewhat on that point but nonetheless...I guess it won't ever happen.
That's sad to me because we have so many friends in common. I know we can be adult about it if we do ever happen to run into each other but it's sad that the fellowship and comradary is forever tainted.
And there's a part of me that still has very strong feelings for him so I know it's a bad idea to continue talking right now. It just messes with those emotions. If we'd agreed to be a booty call for each other from the beginning, maybe I could have handled that. At that point, my marriage was tanked anyway. But feelings came into play and now I can't turn back.
If I thought for a minute we had a future, I *might* be willing to take the risk I had previously thought about taking. But that doesn't seem to be what he wants. I don't doubt he has feelings for me too. But he isn't ready to lose everything and he may never be. That's fine. But I'm not throwing everything away without a little more and I can't be a friend right now without feeling like I will eventually want more.
I dont know if any of this is making sense. I dont really know what to do sometimes from one minute to the next. I just know that I want to try and do the right thing and that means cutting all ties for now. I will need time to mourn the loss of that "relationship" even though it was short-lived. And I will need time to bury these feelings. I will need time to rekindle the romance with my husband, to reestablish trust and to put the pieces of our marriage back together. We're trying, we really are.
So I boldly sent Chris a text this morning and told him to please leave me alone. He agreed. I'm okay right now but I know at some point the reality that it's really over is gonna hit me hard. I dont know how or why I fell for him so hard so fast. It makes no sense but who can ever makes sense of the heart? It wants what it wants.
Right now, I am tapping into supernatural help so that my brain can overrule my heart until my heart comes to its senses.
Why does he think he can just jump in and out whenever he wants, whenever it's convenient for him. I had been telling Jeff that morning that I hate that things went so far and everything was all messed up because I missed his friendship more than anything and that maybe someday we could get back to that point...Jeff and I disagree somewhat on that point but nonetheless...I guess it won't ever happen.
That's sad to me because we have so many friends in common. I know we can be adult about it if we do ever happen to run into each other but it's sad that the fellowship and comradary is forever tainted.
And there's a part of me that still has very strong feelings for him so I know it's a bad idea to continue talking right now. It just messes with those emotions. If we'd agreed to be a booty call for each other from the beginning, maybe I could have handled that. At that point, my marriage was tanked anyway. But feelings came into play and now I can't turn back.
If I thought for a minute we had a future, I *might* be willing to take the risk I had previously thought about taking. But that doesn't seem to be what he wants. I don't doubt he has feelings for me too. But he isn't ready to lose everything and he may never be. That's fine. But I'm not throwing everything away without a little more and I can't be a friend right now without feeling like I will eventually want more.
I dont know if any of this is making sense. I dont really know what to do sometimes from one minute to the next. I just know that I want to try and do the right thing and that means cutting all ties for now. I will need time to mourn the loss of that "relationship" even though it was short-lived. And I will need time to bury these feelings. I will need time to rekindle the romance with my husband, to reestablish trust and to put the pieces of our marriage back together. We're trying, we really are.
So I boldly sent Chris a text this morning and told him to please leave me alone. He agreed. I'm okay right now but I know at some point the reality that it's really over is gonna hit me hard. I dont know how or why I fell for him so hard so fast. It makes no sense but who can ever makes sense of the heart? It wants what it wants.
Right now, I am tapping into supernatural help so that my brain can overrule my heart until my heart comes to its senses.
Thank God it's Friday!
I just took a little break from writing to catch up on a good friend's blog. If you've never "met" my friends, The Ferrill's, I invite you now to go "meet" them:
Laine's blog
They are an AMAZING family and I stand in awe of their faith, their committment to each other and just how REAL they are. I'm so blessed to know them personally and reading her blogs really inspires me. Thank you, Laine, for sharing your life and your family with us!
As for me...lol it's my typical Friday...took Kayti to CORE, went running at Leeds Memorial Park and LOVED it. I think I will make that my regular running place on Tuesdays and Fridays since I have to be over that way anyway. I killed a little time at the library and the dollar store and then picked her up and proceeded to run more errands.
I still have a few more to do and I am hoping to get Brooke her soccer stuff and I'm taking Kayti to her friend's house in a bit.
We haven't decided if we're going to Clay's football game tonight. I won't go unless Dylan wants to and he may not. He's a weird kid sometimes. He's just not into this whole high school thing. I keep trying to tell him that once this time in his life is gone, it's gone forever--no do-overs. It doesn't seem to bother him. In a way, I'm glad of that. He's his own man and he isn't pressured by what other kids do or like. I just don't want him to look back one day and realized he missed out on a lot of fun things.
A friend of ours is playing at a bar in Odenville tonight and we may stop by there, too.
Tomorrow we are planning to go to the lake and spend the day with Brian. I'm looking forward to spending a whole day in the sun with the kids but I'm not looking forward to spending time with Brian and I'm gonna save my thoughts on that for another time. I just plan on taking LOTS to read and LOTS to drink!
If we're not too exhausted tomorrow night, Shari's invited us to go to the Iron Horse with her. Jeff and Shari are crazy about each other. She has a lot of respect for him and he's a little protective of her. I love that.
Sunday we have church and we are meeting with a couple from the Marriage ministry. Afterward, I hope to either catch up on some reading or go have lunch with a friend. Or we may even go look at apartments. I'm so ready to get out of this crackerjack box house! If I'm going to pay rent (and honestly, I'd rather! I've owned my own home before, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I'd rather be able to call someone with things tear up and have them fix it!) then I may as well live somewhere nice! We'll just see what the day brings. I'm trying very hard not to make too many plans. I've always been too much of a planner, I think, and when it doesn't work out the way I want it to or the way I've pictured it, I tend to have a come apart! I don't need to be having too many of those right now!
Keep praying for my job search, please, bloggy friends and have a great weekend!
Laine's blog
They are an AMAZING family and I stand in awe of their faith, their committment to each other and just how REAL they are. I'm so blessed to know them personally and reading her blogs really inspires me. Thank you, Laine, for sharing your life and your family with us!
As for me...lol it's my typical Friday...took Kayti to CORE, went running at Leeds Memorial Park and LOVED it. I think I will make that my regular running place on Tuesdays and Fridays since I have to be over that way anyway. I killed a little time at the library and the dollar store and then picked her up and proceeded to run more errands.
I still have a few more to do and I am hoping to get Brooke her soccer stuff and I'm taking Kayti to her friend's house in a bit.
We haven't decided if we're going to Clay's football game tonight. I won't go unless Dylan wants to and he may not. He's a weird kid sometimes. He's just not into this whole high school thing. I keep trying to tell him that once this time in his life is gone, it's gone forever--no do-overs. It doesn't seem to bother him. In a way, I'm glad of that. He's his own man and he isn't pressured by what other kids do or like. I just don't want him to look back one day and realized he missed out on a lot of fun things.
A friend of ours is playing at a bar in Odenville tonight and we may stop by there, too.
Tomorrow we are planning to go to the lake and spend the day with Brian. I'm looking forward to spending a whole day in the sun with the kids but I'm not looking forward to spending time with Brian and I'm gonna save my thoughts on that for another time. I just plan on taking LOTS to read and LOTS to drink!
If we're not too exhausted tomorrow night, Shari's invited us to go to the Iron Horse with her. Jeff and Shari are crazy about each other. She has a lot of respect for him and he's a little protective of her. I love that.
Sunday we have church and we are meeting with a couple from the Marriage ministry. Afterward, I hope to either catch up on some reading or go have lunch with a friend. Or we may even go look at apartments. I'm so ready to get out of this crackerjack box house! If I'm going to pay rent (and honestly, I'd rather! I've owned my own home before, it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I'd rather be able to call someone with things tear up and have them fix it!) then I may as well live somewhere nice! We'll just see what the day brings. I'm trying very hard not to make too many plans. I've always been too much of a planner, I think, and when it doesn't work out the way I want it to or the way I've pictured it, I tend to have a come apart! I don't need to be having too many of those right now!
Keep praying for my job search, please, bloggy friends and have a great weekend!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Things change so quickly sometimes...
I went to stay with my mom the weekend after my last post and it did not go well. I went and spent the night with Christy after my race that morning and Jeff got it in his head that I was with Chris--who I talked to and apparently has decided he can't go through with things after all. But I honestly wasn't with him even though I wanted to be. After he called my dad and told him to "keep me", my mom took an overdose of pills and we had to do an intervention with her.
Long story short, I went home and have agreed to try and work things out with Jeff. We are starting counseling and have been trying to be better to each other. Things have been going pretty good but I still get feelings of panic and hopelessness from time to time.
And I still miss Chris. One minute I am thinking, "oh my god, how could I have let this happen? How could I have been attracted to him at all?" and the next I'm thinking, "Damn! How could he pick his fat, ugly wife over me?"
I'm so confused. Why do I need everyone to want me so bad? I know that's some kind of flaw within me...most of the time I dont know that I'll reciprocate, I just want to know that everybody wants me! It's crazy, I know.
But I think back to when Chris and I first started talking on facebook and it was so friendly, fun and innocent and I miss that. How did I let it get so out of control?
Oh well, since we don't get do-overs, I guess I will just have to deal. I will come out of this with one hell of a testimony for a saved marriage or I will at least be able to say with my head held high, "I did my absolute best."
We shall see...
Long story short, I went home and have agreed to try and work things out with Jeff. We are starting counseling and have been trying to be better to each other. Things have been going pretty good but I still get feelings of panic and hopelessness from time to time.
And I still miss Chris. One minute I am thinking, "oh my god, how could I have let this happen? How could I have been attracted to him at all?" and the next I'm thinking, "Damn! How could he pick his fat, ugly wife over me?"
I'm so confused. Why do I need everyone to want me so bad? I know that's some kind of flaw within me...most of the time I dont know that I'll reciprocate, I just want to know that everybody wants me! It's crazy, I know.
But I think back to when Chris and I first started talking on facebook and it was so friendly, fun and innocent and I miss that. How did I let it get so out of control?
Oh well, since we don't get do-overs, I guess I will just have to deal. I will come out of this with one hell of a testimony for a saved marriage or I will at least be able to say with my head held high, "I did my absolute best."
We shall see...
Monday, August 23, 2010
Putting the pieces back together...
Gonna try and get in a quick blog before the old man bugs me about coming to bed. It has been a long and busy day and the weekend, while it didn't go exactly as planned, was good. I'm doing better.
Jeff and I are going to counseling and are trying to work things out. I'm trying to be optimistic but he is more so than I am right now. But I'm working on it. I do love my husband. It's just complicated. And everything else seems to be coming down on us right now it makes it really hard.
Tonight on the way to Zumba I had a bitch-session with God and really griped him out about me not having a job yet! I understand if I'm being punished but does He have to punish my family? And yes, I know He doesn't work that way, I was just blowing off steam--Pastor Chris said it was perfectly okay to "get real with God--He understands!" and so that's what I was doing--just me and God. Being real. Mostly me. Being REAL mad. My house is hotter than an oven and yes the air is working, this house has always been hot--no trees! And the flies! Ugh! Dylan works in the garage and leaves the door open and we get invaded and they are driving me freakin' crazy! We're broke, Brooke needs soccer cleats and shin guards, not to mention all the other bills we need to pay, people we owe and other things we need...it's just frustrating! I'm okay with me not working right now if God really wants me to be home with the girls and concentrate on my family but, come on, dude--You gotta provide!
I guess it's true what they say about exercise. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands."--Legally Blonde lol After a few minutes of Zumba, even though I was fatigued because I'd ran my 5k and worked out with weights earlier in the day, I felt better. Then afterward when we were having our prayer and share time, I was completely humbled and convicted. How completely selfish am I to worry about things like flies, heat and money when there are people worried about life and death things? It's just so hard to trust God sometimes.
But that's what I'm trying to do--get back to the heart of worship. A good friend and pastor's wife put on her facebook today, "Idolatry precedes immorality. Every sin is born in a heart that neglects the worship of God" Yep! Can't argue with that AT ALL!!
So I'm trying really hard to be a good girl again even though it's contrary to what my heart really wants right now. Still need your prayers on that, bloggy friends. Because if this is gonna work at all, God has to completely change my heart on some things. It's not a conscious choice that I'm able to make right now.
So onto more positive things...Jeff and I did meet Shari for dinner Friday night and oh my goodness, how I have missed my girl! For those of you who don't know Shari Street--you are missing out on a great person. She and I became friends our sons, Dylan and Taylor played baseball together at Tarrant years ago. I admire her so much. She's a struggling single mom but she is making it, by gosh and loving life. And she has raised an awesome son (just like me!) Dylan and Taylor were good friend until we moved to Clay and they havent seen much of each other since but I think they will be back in contact soon, also.
After dinner, which was Shari's treat (God, don't you love her? lol) we went to Velma's to sing karaoke. I love it! I can nail me some Gretchen Wilson, baby and I even drug Shari up there a time or two. We had a blast! But I was so tired the next day that I did not make it to the river or to the party the next night. That's okay. I'm coming to terms that my recovery time from a good time is not what it used to be even though I still will not concede to being "old". I'm blaming this one on lack of money anyway...a few bucks can only take you so far and Limestone Park is pretty far away!
Sunday we did venture out (after hours of housework) to Turkey Creek. If you haven't read my memoir about my earliest childhood memory--click on it to the right. We've been back a few times since then but only to hike. Brooke had a blast sliding down the falls and though it was crowded and we weren't allowed to have any alcohol (come on, you gotta have a cold beer by the creek on a hot day!) we had a good time.
Today was hectic with me trying to continue to work on this trial summary (oh my gosh, it's difficult), continue to search for jobs, and helping the girls with their stuff. But I am so proud of them for not needing too much. I stepped up my workout just as I said I would and made record time on my 5k. I have a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to stay focused on that. I think I'm going to add the Butterbean Festival 5k to the schedule...anything that will help me reach that goal of running the entier Susan G. Komen! And eventually I want to run one in less than 30 but for now I'm content to just finish!
I'm also going for my zumba certification in October, or planning to. I would like to get some experience leading a group before then so if you know of a church that may be interested in starting this as a ministry, I am willing to do it for free so let me know. And I'm sorry a live instructor is much better than the videos! (I'm not prejudiced at all, am I? ;))
I had planned on auditioning at Sips N Strokes at the end of this month but I am thinking I wont be ready just yet. I know another opportunity will come up and I'm just jazzed about them finally offering some cool stuff to do in the month of September. I was having withdrawals during the month of August.
Guess that's it for now...thinking about getting up early in the morning and going to run at Big Springs and then working out again tomorrow afternoon before I pick up the girls. Would love to get some tanning time in but there's so much to do, I know I will feel guilty if I lounge by the pool at all! I guess we'll see. Part of my what I'm trying to learn these days is to not make too many plans--just take each day as it comes, rejoice and be glad in it!
Blessings!
Jeff and I are going to counseling and are trying to work things out. I'm trying to be optimistic but he is more so than I am right now. But I'm working on it. I do love my husband. It's just complicated. And everything else seems to be coming down on us right now it makes it really hard.
Tonight on the way to Zumba I had a bitch-session with God and really griped him out about me not having a job yet! I understand if I'm being punished but does He have to punish my family? And yes, I know He doesn't work that way, I was just blowing off steam--Pastor Chris said it was perfectly okay to "get real with God--He understands!" and so that's what I was doing--just me and God. Being real. Mostly me. Being REAL mad. My house is hotter than an oven and yes the air is working, this house has always been hot--no trees! And the flies! Ugh! Dylan works in the garage and leaves the door open and we get invaded and they are driving me freakin' crazy! We're broke, Brooke needs soccer cleats and shin guards, not to mention all the other bills we need to pay, people we owe and other things we need...it's just frustrating! I'm okay with me not working right now if God really wants me to be home with the girls and concentrate on my family but, come on, dude--You gotta provide!
I guess it's true what they say about exercise. "Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't shoot their husbands."--Legally Blonde lol After a few minutes of Zumba, even though I was fatigued because I'd ran my 5k and worked out with weights earlier in the day, I felt better. Then afterward when we were having our prayer and share time, I was completely humbled and convicted. How completely selfish am I to worry about things like flies, heat and money when there are people worried about life and death things? It's just so hard to trust God sometimes.
But that's what I'm trying to do--get back to the heart of worship. A good friend and pastor's wife put on her facebook today, "Idolatry precedes immorality. Every sin is born in a heart that neglects the worship of God" Yep! Can't argue with that AT ALL!!
So I'm trying really hard to be a good girl again even though it's contrary to what my heart really wants right now. Still need your prayers on that, bloggy friends. Because if this is gonna work at all, God has to completely change my heart on some things. It's not a conscious choice that I'm able to make right now.
So onto more positive things...Jeff and I did meet Shari for dinner Friday night and oh my goodness, how I have missed my girl! For those of you who don't know Shari Street--you are missing out on a great person. She and I became friends our sons, Dylan and Taylor played baseball together at Tarrant years ago. I admire her so much. She's a struggling single mom but she is making it, by gosh and loving life. And she has raised an awesome son (just like me!) Dylan and Taylor were good friend until we moved to Clay and they havent seen much of each other since but I think they will be back in contact soon, also.
After dinner, which was Shari's treat (God, don't you love her? lol) we went to Velma's to sing karaoke. I love it! I can nail me some Gretchen Wilson, baby and I even drug Shari up there a time or two. We had a blast! But I was so tired the next day that I did not make it to the river or to the party the next night. That's okay. I'm coming to terms that my recovery time from a good time is not what it used to be even though I still will not concede to being "old". I'm blaming this one on lack of money anyway...a few bucks can only take you so far and Limestone Park is pretty far away!
Sunday we did venture out (after hours of housework) to Turkey Creek. If you haven't read my memoir about my earliest childhood memory--click on it to the right. We've been back a few times since then but only to hike. Brooke had a blast sliding down the falls and though it was crowded and we weren't allowed to have any alcohol (come on, you gotta have a cold beer by the creek on a hot day!) we had a good time.
Today was hectic with me trying to continue to work on this trial summary (oh my gosh, it's difficult), continue to search for jobs, and helping the girls with their stuff. But I am so proud of them for not needing too much. I stepped up my workout just as I said I would and made record time on my 5k. I have a lot to look forward to and I'm trying to stay focused on that. I think I'm going to add the Butterbean Festival 5k to the schedule...anything that will help me reach that goal of running the entier Susan G. Komen! And eventually I want to run one in less than 30 but for now I'm content to just finish!
I'm also going for my zumba certification in October, or planning to. I would like to get some experience leading a group before then so if you know of a church that may be interested in starting this as a ministry, I am willing to do it for free so let me know. And I'm sorry a live instructor is much better than the videos! (I'm not prejudiced at all, am I? ;))
I had planned on auditioning at Sips N Strokes at the end of this month but I am thinking I wont be ready just yet. I know another opportunity will come up and I'm just jazzed about them finally offering some cool stuff to do in the month of September. I was having withdrawals during the month of August.
Guess that's it for now...thinking about getting up early in the morning and going to run at Big Springs and then working out again tomorrow afternoon before I pick up the girls. Would love to get some tanning time in but there's so much to do, I know I will feel guilty if I lounge by the pool at all! I guess we'll see. Part of my what I'm trying to learn these days is to not make too many plans--just take each day as it comes, rejoice and be glad in it!
Blessings!
Friday, August 20, 2010
I just want to go back to bed!!!
I forgot yesterday that I was out of Requip so I didn't get it refilled and oh what a llllloooonnnnggggg night it has been! I hate RLS!!! Even Tylenol PM (my new best friend) didn't help. So I'm VERY sleepy this morning and I have SO MUCH to do!
Kayti has a few hours of CORE this morning and while she's there, my plan is to go to the library and try and finish up on the trial summary I'm working on for Tammy. When I was in high school, I LOVED LA Law and knew of so many friends involved in child custody cases that I really wanted to become a lawyer. Thank God I didn't! It's not nearly as exciting as they make it look on tv! I can't believe some the stuff they argue about! But it's money for me and it's helping a friend so I'll muddle through...
I also have a bill to go pay, groceries to get, workout, and Brooke wants me to take her to Hannah's.
Later tonight, we have a "mandatory" high school meeting with the homeschool group. I can only imagine what that's about...I'm not looking forward to being made to feel like a terrible parent for some of the things that I allow my kids to do. I just believe in picking your battles and some things just aren't that important...
But at least after that I get to have dinner at Sol Azteca with Shari! I am so excited! I haven't seen her in so long and we have a LOT to catch up on!
Kayti has track tomorrow morning and hopefully after that we are headed down to the river! I so need me some sun...my tan is fading and I'm starting to look like a vampire! I hate pale! (on me, anyway)
Tomorrow night, Tammy is having a party and we're planning on going.
Sunday morning I hope to get up early (we'll see how the party goes! lol) and make it to the early service at Highlands and then to eat at Cracker Barrel with some good friends for their sweet son's birthday. Then maybe to the pool to work some more on that tan while I still can!
So it's looking like it will be a pretty decent weekend. Hopefully no rugs pulled out from under me and hopefully no come aparts for family members! I don't think I can take two straight weekends of that drama! And hopefully Monday will bring good news of some job prospects...
Here's to hoping...hope all my bloggy friends have a great weekend, too! Thanks for being my sounding board! Love you all!
Kayti has a few hours of CORE this morning and while she's there, my plan is to go to the library and try and finish up on the trial summary I'm working on for Tammy. When I was in high school, I LOVED LA Law and knew of so many friends involved in child custody cases that I really wanted to become a lawyer. Thank God I didn't! It's not nearly as exciting as they make it look on tv! I can't believe some the stuff they argue about! But it's money for me and it's helping a friend so I'll muddle through...
I also have a bill to go pay, groceries to get, workout, and Brooke wants me to take her to Hannah's.
Later tonight, we have a "mandatory" high school meeting with the homeschool group. I can only imagine what that's about...I'm not looking forward to being made to feel like a terrible parent for some of the things that I allow my kids to do. I just believe in picking your battles and some things just aren't that important...
But at least after that I get to have dinner at Sol Azteca with Shari! I am so excited! I haven't seen her in so long and we have a LOT to catch up on!
Kayti has track tomorrow morning and hopefully after that we are headed down to the river! I so need me some sun...my tan is fading and I'm starting to look like a vampire! I hate pale! (on me, anyway)
Tomorrow night, Tammy is having a party and we're planning on going.
Sunday morning I hope to get up early (we'll see how the party goes! lol) and make it to the early service at Highlands and then to eat at Cracker Barrel with some good friends for their sweet son's birthday. Then maybe to the pool to work some more on that tan while I still can!
So it's looking like it will be a pretty decent weekend. Hopefully no rugs pulled out from under me and hopefully no come aparts for family members! I don't think I can take two straight weekends of that drama! And hopefully Monday will bring good news of some job prospects...
Here's to hoping...hope all my bloggy friends have a great weekend, too! Thanks for being my sounding board! Love you all!
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Another day...another chance to get it right!
Yesterday did not go as I'd planned. I dropped the girls off for their first day of CORE and then headed to my interview. It did not go well. The lady was not very friendly and even though the school was impressive, I knew it wasn't for me. Turns out she only needed a floater and the hours were not good. I guess she could sense that I wasn't too thrilled and so I got an email from her later in the day informing me that she'd chosen another candidate. That was fine--like I said, I wasn't too jazzed about the job anyway but I do have issues with rejection. I guess that counselor was right--some things are rooted in childhood, no matter how much we try to deny it, overcome it or pretend it doesn't matter. I don't like people that use that crap as an excuse but I can't deny that I can't stand when I find out I'm not wanted, regardless of what it is.
So I went home depressed for the rest of the day and did absolutely NOTHING. I didn't do any cleaning, not as much laundry as I needed to, didn't read like I'd planned, even skipped my workout! I did a little bit of sketching but it didn't go very well so I gave up on that as well.
I went to pick the girls up from CORE and I loved hearing Brooke chatter on about how much she loved it! For a moment I felt blessed to have the best of both worlds--I get to hear about all the exciting things that happen to my lovely daughters during the course of their day and not missing them terribly because I know I get to spend the rest of the week with them. I love homeschooling this way!
But the bliss didn't last long because it was so freakin' hot and the van has no air and traffic was a mess and by the time I got back home I was pouring sweat and ill as a hornet!
I managed to get ONE thing accomplished--changing my cell phone plan--yesterday afternoon before I cooked dinner and that didn't go very well either. We love chicken wraps with bacon but the microwave died last week so I was having to cook it in a skillet and I suck at that! I burned it, smoked up the whole house...
So I decided to give it up and go to bed early--before 8 o'clock!!!!
Today has not started out much better so far, the phone has rang off the hook and most of the time, it has been the wrong number anyway! And I'm still not very motivated to do all of the things I need to do.
But I will...today is a new day. This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
So I went home depressed for the rest of the day and did absolutely NOTHING. I didn't do any cleaning, not as much laundry as I needed to, didn't read like I'd planned, even skipped my workout! I did a little bit of sketching but it didn't go very well so I gave up on that as well.
I went to pick the girls up from CORE and I loved hearing Brooke chatter on about how much she loved it! For a moment I felt blessed to have the best of both worlds--I get to hear about all the exciting things that happen to my lovely daughters during the course of their day and not missing them terribly because I know I get to spend the rest of the week with them. I love homeschooling this way!
But the bliss didn't last long because it was so freakin' hot and the van has no air and traffic was a mess and by the time I got back home I was pouring sweat and ill as a hornet!
I managed to get ONE thing accomplished--changing my cell phone plan--yesterday afternoon before I cooked dinner and that didn't go very well either. We love chicken wraps with bacon but the microwave died last week so I was having to cook it in a skillet and I suck at that! I burned it, smoked up the whole house...
So I decided to give it up and go to bed early--before 8 o'clock!!!!
Today has not started out much better so far, the phone has rang off the hook and most of the time, it has been the wrong number anyway! And I'm still not very motivated to do all of the things I need to do.
But I will...today is a new day. This is the day that the Lord has made and I will rejoice and be glad in it.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Plateaus....
pla·teau /plæˈtoÊŠ or, especially Brit., ˈplætoÊŠ/ Show Spelled [pla-toh or, especially Brit., plat-oh] Show IPA noun, plural -teaus, -teaux /-ˈtoÊŠz, -toÊŠz/ Show Spelled[-tohz, -tohz] Show IPA, verb, -teaued, -teau·ing
–noun
1. a land area having a relatively level surface considerably raised above adjoining land on at least one side, and often cut by deep canyons.
2. a period or state of little or no growth or decline: to reach a plateau in one's career.
3. Psychology . a period of little or no apparent progress in an individual's learning, marked by an inability to increase speed, reduce number of errors, etc., and indicated by a horizontal stretch in a learning curve or graph.
4. a flat stand, as for a centerpiece, sometimes extending the full length of a table.
–verb (used without object)
5. to reach a state or level of little or no growth or decline, esp. to stop increasing or progressing; remain at a stable level of achievement; level off: After a period of uninterrupted growth, sales began to plateau.
–verb (used with object)
6. to cause to remain at a stable level, esp. to prevent from rising or progressing: Rising inflation plateaued
That is the way I feel about a lot of things right now...my fitness level/weight loss seems to have "plateaued", my career is DEFINITELY on a plateau and my personal life is either plateaued or going downhill.
Where do I go from here? What is God wanting me to learn from all this? I keep trying to listen but I don't hear anything (or sometimes I hear things I don't want to--I'm working on accepting His discipline)
So what's the plan of action? Well, I don't know. For now...keep doing what I'm doing.
1) Focus on my kids
2) Step up the exercise plan and cut out more of the bad stuff...
3) Keep my eyes and ears open for jobs/ways to earn extra money
4) Keep writing
5) Keep reading and learning
6) Keep my eyes, ears and heart open to God's direction
7) Eliminate the negative, focus on the positive
8) Surround myself with supportive, happy people
9) Keep looking ahead--I have a lot to look forward to and I have to remember, it's not on my timing, it's all on God's timing and His timing is perfect.
10) Forget about my own problems by helping others solve theirs. In the grand scheme of things, mine are not so big.
11) Keep being grateful for what I have.
12) Don't take the little things for granted
13) Praise God every day for SOMETHING
14) Remember that I AM somebody special
15) Treat others like THEY are somebody special, because they are.
One of my sweetest, most patient, dearest, most positive friends shared this devotion on her blog a week ago...only I wasn't ready to hear it. I am now. Thank you, Shalita!!!! I love you so very much and I don't deserve a friend like you but I thank you for being my friend anyway!
The Lessons of Tough Times
My devotion from a couple of days ago really spoke to me as I am sure it will speak to some of you going through tough times right now:
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.
Hebrews 12:11 NIV
In the midst of adversity, you may find it difficult to see the purpose of your suffering. Yet of this you can be sure: the times that try your soul are also the times that build your character. During the darker days of life, you can learn things you're unlikely to glean during sunny, happier days. Times of adversity can--and should--be times of intense spiritual and personal growth.
The next time Old Man Trouble knocks on your door, you don't have to throw him a party...but remember that he has lessons to teach that you don't want to miss out on. The trouble with trouble isn't just the trouble it causes; it's also the trouble we cause ourselves if we ignore the things trouble has to teach.
The size of your burden is never as important as the way you carry it.
~~Lena Horne
Be blessed!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Pictures from yesterday's race...
me waiting out the rain...hahahaha
yeah...it ain't happenin'...better make up your mind...wimp out or go for it?
my baby feet pin...I actually got this when our church was doing bottles for babies a few years ago to help support our new SavALife ministry..those are the actual size of a baby's feet at just a few weeks gestation! But I wanted to wear something to remind me what I was running for. To read about my angel babies--click the story to the right.
bracelet that was in my goody bag. It says, "Taking Baby Steps to mend broken hearts"
me after the race...soaked to the bone, but feeling GREAT!!!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Baby Steps Memorial 5k
By now you've already seen the pictures but let me tell you about this race...
It was AWESOME!!! And I say that after it POURED DOWN RAIN for several hours!!!!
I get there and it's what I already consider to be "pouring" and I'm thinking, "Do I really want to do this?" I should have just blown this one off and went to the SIP last night!!! lol But I'm gonna wait it out and see what happens since I drove all the way to freakin' McCalla!!!
Well, what happens is...it starts raining HARDER!!!! Ugh...and I have on a WHITE shirt...great!
I'm texting Jeff & Donna and wondering what I should do...I mean...I'm no princess, I don't think I'll melt or anything but I'm worried...what if I get sick? What if I slip and fall down and then am unable to do all my other, bigger races...or worse...miss my Zumba certification in October? I can't take that chance! So I'm thinking I'm gonna either consider this a donation or I'm just gonna do the 1 mile fun run....
Well, I get over to the starting point and I see all these other people, including soaking wet dogs....and I think no way am I wimping out!!! So I decide to go ahead and start and just see how far I can get...
I actually LOVED it....something about being at that park and running in the rain was so cleansing to me...and little did I know at the time how MUCH I would NEED that!!! I took it all in...the scenery, the water, the nice people I passed (and who passed me!) and I absolutely LOVE how professional it was all set up! Water stations, medics, the timer at the finish line...very organized!
I was definitely SOAKED at the end...I'm sure I was very attractive looking! lol Not that I'm ever attractive after a 5k but still....lol
I couldn't believe that I did not completely RUIN my phone or my MP3 player...I was afraid to leave them in the bag under the pavillion so I tucked them inside my clothing where they STILL got soaked! But they were okay...thank you, Lord!
When I crossed the finish line it felt good to hear people saying, "Good job" and "Thanks for coming out" and I was impressed with my time--54:25. Not my BEST time ever but considering the rain...I was VERY happy!
I just stood there for a minute, feeling like Tim Robbins at the end of the movie, Shawshank Redemption...cleansed...redeemed. And thankful I had no injuries to jeopardize my other goals!
I will definitely do this race again and from now on, I'm gonna pay better attention to the weather (even though they aren't accurate most of the time!) and start packing a poncho and a DIFFERNT shirt (other than white, just in case! :D)
Blessings...
It was AWESOME!!! And I say that after it POURED DOWN RAIN for several hours!!!!
I get there and it's what I already consider to be "pouring" and I'm thinking, "Do I really want to do this?" I should have just blown this one off and went to the SIP last night!!! lol But I'm gonna wait it out and see what happens since I drove all the way to freakin' McCalla!!!
Well, what happens is...it starts raining HARDER!!!! Ugh...and I have on a WHITE shirt...great!
I'm texting Jeff & Donna and wondering what I should do...I mean...I'm no princess, I don't think I'll melt or anything but I'm worried...what if I get sick? What if I slip and fall down and then am unable to do all my other, bigger races...or worse...miss my Zumba certification in October? I can't take that chance! So I'm thinking I'm gonna either consider this a donation or I'm just gonna do the 1 mile fun run....
Well, I get over to the starting point and I see all these other people, including soaking wet dogs....and I think no way am I wimping out!!! So I decide to go ahead and start and just see how far I can get...
I actually LOVED it....something about being at that park and running in the rain was so cleansing to me...and little did I know at the time how MUCH I would NEED that!!! I took it all in...the scenery, the water, the nice people I passed (and who passed me!) and I absolutely LOVE how professional it was all set up! Water stations, medics, the timer at the finish line...very organized!
I was definitely SOAKED at the end...I'm sure I was very attractive looking! lol Not that I'm ever attractive after a 5k but still....lol
I couldn't believe that I did not completely RUIN my phone or my MP3 player...I was afraid to leave them in the bag under the pavillion so I tucked them inside my clothing where they STILL got soaked! But they were okay...thank you, Lord!
When I crossed the finish line it felt good to hear people saying, "Good job" and "Thanks for coming out" and I was impressed with my time--54:25. Not my BEST time ever but considering the rain...I was VERY happy!
I just stood there for a minute, feeling like Tim Robbins at the end of the movie, Shawshank Redemption...cleansed...redeemed. And thankful I had no injuries to jeopardize my other goals!
I will definitely do this race again and from now on, I'm gonna pay better attention to the weather (even though they aren't accurate most of the time!) and start packing a poncho and a DIFFERNT shirt (other than white, just in case! :D)
Blessings...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Another "last" first....
Today, my sweet baby boy started back to school...for the LAST time. He is a Senior this year at Clay-Chalkville High School. He is an OUTSTANDING young man and I am so very proud of him. Not just because he's super smart and destined for great things but I love the young man he's grown into. Yet, this mommy's heart is breaking wondering...where did the time go?
All you parents out there who have kid starting kindergarten...relish it! I know you think it's sad and you feel like your babies are growing up too fast---I remember thinking that too! Part of me aches for you because I KNOW how quickly it goes by and the other part of me says, "Suck it up--you know NOTHING! Wait till your baby drive HIMSELF to school! THEN you will know true heartbreak!" lol
Sitting here in the house alone, I'm overwhelmed by so many memories of my little man. The tiny baby that had such a traumatic birth he had a hard time learning to nurse but would look up at me with those sweet little eyes as if he were saying, "I dont know what to do, Mom but I'll try as long as you hold me". The fat little boy that tumbled toward me at 10 months to give me that slobbery open-mouth kiss. The two year old that climbed into the bathtub fully clothed or stuffed all his food down his shirt to "save for later". The four year-old that bolted into the living room with a sword screaming, "I'm Duncan, the Cloud!" (from the Highlander, he meant Duncan MacLeod!" lol) The six year old that wanted to be so much like his dad that he would sit on his top bunk with his toy gun in full cammo and pretend it was his "tree stand". My baseball player, my carpenter, my fisherman...my teenager who when he got his first cell phone used it to call his DEB first! My hard working young man who has his head screwed on so straight that he is better at saving money than I am, so thoughtful he buys gifts for others instead of things he wants and needs. My precious son who is so focused on his future that he never goes out and gets into all kinds of trouble like his parents did when they were his age....
I don't know what it is about your FIRST child that makes everything so much more memorable and special--it isn't that I don't love my amazing daughters. But the bond a mom has with her firstborn child is so incredibly strong, it's indescribable. It is SO HARD to let go. This feeling of being happy and proud while at the same time wanting to scream "No!" at the top of my lungs is such a weird emotion...I don't think there's anything else like it in the world.
A few months ago, at 4k graduation, I shared the following children's book with the parents of my little graduates. I first got the chance to hear it back in May at the e
Women's conference and it touched me deeply, knowing that this moment (and more) were on the horizon for me as a mom. I remembered identifying with it because he was my first child and I couldn't wait for him to get to the "next" thing. It was all so exciting...all his "firsts". You don't realize how important the "lasts" are until they're gone. So I wanted to really impart this on the parents of those kid I'd gotten to know and love so much--I didn't want them to make the same mistakes. Yes, be excited about their firsts, just don't forget to watch CAREFULLY for their lasts or you will miss them.
I hope all my bloggy friends enjoy it also!
My grown up young man...1st day of Senior year!
My little man...1st day of kindergarten!
All you parents out there who have kid starting kindergarten...relish it! I know you think it's sad and you feel like your babies are growing up too fast---I remember thinking that too! Part of me aches for you because I KNOW how quickly it goes by and the other part of me says, "Suck it up--you know NOTHING! Wait till your baby drive HIMSELF to school! THEN you will know true heartbreak!" lol
Sitting here in the house alone, I'm overwhelmed by so many memories of my little man. The tiny baby that had such a traumatic birth he had a hard time learning to nurse but would look up at me with those sweet little eyes as if he were saying, "I dont know what to do, Mom but I'll try as long as you hold me". The fat little boy that tumbled toward me at 10 months to give me that slobbery open-mouth kiss. The two year old that climbed into the bathtub fully clothed or stuffed all his food down his shirt to "save for later". The four year-old that bolted into the living room with a sword screaming, "I'm Duncan, the Cloud!" (from the Highlander, he meant Duncan MacLeod!" lol) The six year old that wanted to be so much like his dad that he would sit on his top bunk with his toy gun in full cammo and pretend it was his "tree stand". My baseball player, my carpenter, my fisherman...my teenager who when he got his first cell phone used it to call his DEB first! My hard working young man who has his head screwed on so straight that he is better at saving money than I am, so thoughtful he buys gifts for others instead of things he wants and needs. My precious son who is so focused on his future that he never goes out and gets into all kinds of trouble like his parents did when they were his age....
I don't know what it is about your FIRST child that makes everything so much more memorable and special--it isn't that I don't love my amazing daughters. But the bond a mom has with her firstborn child is so incredibly strong, it's indescribable. It is SO HARD to let go. This feeling of being happy and proud while at the same time wanting to scream "No!" at the top of my lungs is such a weird emotion...I don't think there's anything else like it in the world.
A few months ago, at 4k graduation, I shared the following children's book with the parents of my little graduates. I first got the chance to hear it back in May at the e
Women's conference and it touched me deeply, knowing that this moment (and more) were on the horizon for me as a mom. I remembered identifying with it because he was my first child and I couldn't wait for him to get to the "next" thing. It was all so exciting...all his "firsts". You don't realize how important the "lasts" are until they're gone. So I wanted to really impart this on the parents of those kid I'd gotten to know and love so much--I didn't want them to make the same mistakes. Yes, be excited about their firsts, just don't forget to watch CAREFULLY for their lasts or you will miss them.
I hope all my bloggy friends enjoy it also!
My grown up young man...1st day of Senior year!
My little man...1st day of kindergarten!
it's getting good and bad all at the same time...
discovered this week that Chris still wants me...wants me for what I can only imagine but for now, we're content to just be friends. I do enjoy talking to him and have missed that more than anything else..
Jeff gets worse and worse it seems. He's not dealing well with the reality of what's coming. He wrote me a letter last night that made me cry...full of memories, good memories, of our life together. And yes, it's been incredible, I know. I am a very blessed woman and I know I'm probably throwing away something very special. But I can't help the way I feel. I dont know what else to do.
It's probably going to come to the point where I have to move in with mom until I can find a job and get my own place. I was hoping to not have to do that but it seems like the longer I stay, the more he seems to get false hope. He keeps wanting to be intimate but I just can't. I know I should just do it and get it over with and keep him happy for awhile longer but how can I do that? He has to know I won't be thinking about him....
It's so hard. I don't really care if things work out with Chris or not, I really don't. I know it's not likely. I'm not stupid. I just need to be by myself and be on my own...I can't do that in this house!
Jeff gets worse and worse it seems. He's not dealing well with the reality of what's coming. He wrote me a letter last night that made me cry...full of memories, good memories, of our life together. And yes, it's been incredible, I know. I am a very blessed woman and I know I'm probably throwing away something very special. But I can't help the way I feel. I dont know what else to do.
It's probably going to come to the point where I have to move in with mom until I can find a job and get my own place. I was hoping to not have to do that but it seems like the longer I stay, the more he seems to get false hope. He keeps wanting to be intimate but I just can't. I know I should just do it and get it over with and keep him happy for awhile longer but how can I do that? He has to know I won't be thinking about him....
It's so hard. I don't really care if things work out with Chris or not, I really don't. I know it's not likely. I'm not stupid. I just need to be by myself and be on my own...I can't do that in this house!
Monday, August 9, 2010
How could I...and how can I...
I just dont understand myself sometimes. My husband is right...I dont know how I could be so easily willing to let go of a 21 year marriage and feel so strongly about someone I've really known less that 3 weeks. How did it get so out of control? Why do I feel so "in love" with him? It makes absolutely no sense. And how much it hurts to be rejected in such a short amount of time when I knew it would happen eventually...
He's pulling away from me and with good reason. I scared the shit out of him last week...being all clingy--the very thing that drives me nuts with Jeff. I know I have to let go and stop thinking about him...but it's hard. And still, I don't know why.
I still think my marriage is over though. I really really need to get out on my own and live my own life. It's not that I want to be with other men (so much) I am not sure what it is...and I'm a little excited about it and seeing me excited hurts Jeff even more. I don't know how to make him not hurt without hurting myself. I guess I have to make a conscious choice, like my counselor said, to choose others' happiness over my own. But is that how it's supposed to be?
Why does life have to be so complicated? Why does everyone feel they're entitled to so much? I dont know what I'm feeling and I don't know how to handle it...especially on lack of sleep. So I'm going back to nap for awhile!
He's pulling away from me and with good reason. I scared the shit out of him last week...being all clingy--the very thing that drives me nuts with Jeff. I know I have to let go and stop thinking about him...but it's hard. And still, I don't know why.
I still think my marriage is over though. I really really need to get out on my own and live my own life. It's not that I want to be with other men (so much) I am not sure what it is...and I'm a little excited about it and seeing me excited hurts Jeff even more. I don't know how to make him not hurt without hurting myself. I guess I have to make a conscious choice, like my counselor said, to choose others' happiness over my own. But is that how it's supposed to be?
Why does life have to be so complicated? Why does everyone feel they're entitled to so much? I dont know what I'm feeling and I don't know how to handle it...especially on lack of sleep. So I'm going back to nap for awhile!
Saturday, August 7, 2010
sittin' around, hangin' out, this afternoon...
Yes, that is my new favorite song by Nickelback and I don't care what you think of that! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! I'll post the lyrics and a link below. But that's also what I'm doing today too!
We had a our first "faculty" meeting of the year with the homeschool group this morning where we get all our new paperwork for the year, sign up for field trips and activities, etc. Kayti went with us--she is super excited about this school year and being a FRESHMAN in high school. This is the year they get to start going to the dance and get really involved in clubs, etc. Brooke had spent the night with Hannah for Hannah's birthday so she did not go.
Figuring out the logistics for this year is going to be tough since I plan on working full-time. I dont know what I'm gonna do with Brooke on Friday mornings. She wanted to take the etiquette/dance class in the afternoon but doesn't really have anything to do there in the mornings unless she does co-op and I don't want to participate in that--I can't. Kayti will be there all day but I'm not so sure Brooke can be trusted to be there on her own without getting into some kind of trouble.
It would really help if I could go ahead and get a job!!! I've been pounding the pavement (so to speak) all summer long and nothing...Please please pray God throws something my way VERY soon. I have a ton of bills and expenses to pay! I also have to get another car VERY soon--the van is on its last legs, I do believe. But I can't do anything until I am employed! Pleae, Lord--help me out here!
But we came home from the meeting and it was so hot...we didn't feel like doing anything but laying around. We watched a movie and then took a long nap. Funny how taking a nap can make you even more tired--I'm a big slug right now! I put the girls onto doing some housework for me and here I sit--contemplating life and relaxing with my thoughts! There is so much I need to be up doing, not the least of which includes going to workout--my next race is a week away! I'm excited and nervous again at the same time! This race is trail running...I feel like I can do it. I know I can do it. I just don't want to finish last! lol
No big plans for tonight--making soft tacos and watching tv. Church tomorrow and maybe going to the pool. Another day of "sittin' around, hangin' out, this afternoon..."
"This Afternoon"
Lookin' like another Bob Marley day
Hittin' from the bong like a diesel train
And I'm down with hangin' out this afternoon
We've got weeds in the backyard 4 feet tall
Cheech and Chong prob'ly woulda' smoked 'em all
So I'm out on the couch this afternoon
Beer bottles layin' on the kitchen floor
If we take 'em all back we can buy some more
So I doubt we'll go without this afternoon
You better hang on if you're taggin' along
Cause we'll be doin this 'till 6 in the mornin'
Nothin' wrong with goin' all night long
Tough to put the brakes on,
Doesn't matter when you'd rather
Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, We fall down
And then we do it all again
Just sittin around, hangin out this afternoon
Landlord said I should buy a tent
But he can kiss my ass cause I payed the rent
So I doubt he'll kick me out this afternoon
Down on the corner in a seedy bar
Juke box crankin' out the CCR
Had a few to Suzy Q this afternoon
Don't wanna wristwatch or an alarm clock
To see what time it is
From the moment I wake up
I just love being with my friends
We barely get by, but have the best times
And hope it never ends
We drink all day till we fall down
So we can do it all again
It's not the human walk
It's the human race
If you aint livin on the edge
You're takin' too much space
So I doubt I'll figure out
Just what to do
'Bout to kick it around
Hangin out this afternoon
Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, we fall down
And then we do it all again
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Sittin around hangin out this afternoon
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Just sittin around hangin out this afternoon
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Just sittin around hangin out this afternoon
We had a our first "faculty" meeting of the year with the homeschool group this morning where we get all our new paperwork for the year, sign up for field trips and activities, etc. Kayti went with us--she is super excited about this school year and being a FRESHMAN in high school. This is the year they get to start going to the dance and get really involved in clubs, etc. Brooke had spent the night with Hannah for Hannah's birthday so she did not go.
Figuring out the logistics for this year is going to be tough since I plan on working full-time. I dont know what I'm gonna do with Brooke on Friday mornings. She wanted to take the etiquette/dance class in the afternoon but doesn't really have anything to do there in the mornings unless she does co-op and I don't want to participate in that--I can't. Kayti will be there all day but I'm not so sure Brooke can be trusted to be there on her own without getting into some kind of trouble.
It would really help if I could go ahead and get a job!!! I've been pounding the pavement (so to speak) all summer long and nothing...Please please pray God throws something my way VERY soon. I have a ton of bills and expenses to pay! I also have to get another car VERY soon--the van is on its last legs, I do believe. But I can't do anything until I am employed! Pleae, Lord--help me out here!
But we came home from the meeting and it was so hot...we didn't feel like doing anything but laying around. We watched a movie and then took a long nap. Funny how taking a nap can make you even more tired--I'm a big slug right now! I put the girls onto doing some housework for me and here I sit--contemplating life and relaxing with my thoughts! There is so much I need to be up doing, not the least of which includes going to workout--my next race is a week away! I'm excited and nervous again at the same time! This race is trail running...I feel like I can do it. I know I can do it. I just don't want to finish last! lol
No big plans for tonight--making soft tacos and watching tv. Church tomorrow and maybe going to the pool. Another day of "sittin' around, hangin' out, this afternoon..."
"This Afternoon"
Lookin' like another Bob Marley day
Hittin' from the bong like a diesel train
And I'm down with hangin' out this afternoon
We've got weeds in the backyard 4 feet tall
Cheech and Chong prob'ly woulda' smoked 'em all
So I'm out on the couch this afternoon
Beer bottles layin' on the kitchen floor
If we take 'em all back we can buy some more
So I doubt we'll go without this afternoon
You better hang on if you're taggin' along
Cause we'll be doin this 'till 6 in the mornin'
Nothin' wrong with goin' all night long
Tough to put the brakes on,
Doesn't matter when you'd rather
Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, We fall down
And then we do it all again
Just sittin around, hangin out this afternoon
Landlord said I should buy a tent
But he can kiss my ass cause I payed the rent
So I doubt he'll kick me out this afternoon
Down on the corner in a seedy bar
Juke box crankin' out the CCR
Had a few to Suzy Q this afternoon
Don't wanna wristwatch or an alarm clock
To see what time it is
From the moment I wake up
I just love being with my friends
We barely get by, but have the best times
And hope it never ends
We drink all day till we fall down
So we can do it all again
It's not the human walk
It's the human race
If you aint livin on the edge
You're takin' too much space
So I doubt I'll figure out
Just what to do
'Bout to kick it around
Hangin out this afternoon
Get up, and go out
Me and all my friends
We drink up, we fall down
And then we do it all again
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Sittin around hangin out this afternoon
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Just sittin around hangin out this afternoon
Just kickin' around, hangin out this afternoon
Just sittin around hangin out this afternoon
Friday, August 6, 2010
It's begun...
The writing I've been promising myself I would get started on, I mean!
If I ever get done, I'm going to self-publish this little collection of memories etc for my mom and my kids. But until then, you guys will have to be my sounding board! Hope you enjoy!
Earliest Childhood Memory
If I ever get done, I'm going to self-publish this little collection of memories etc for my mom and my kids. But until then, you guys will have to be my sounding board! Hope you enjoy!
Earliest Childhood Memory
Thursday, August 5, 2010
One day at a time...
I know that's the alcoholic's motto but I'm adopting it as mine, too. Some days I just have to take one HOUR at a time.
I know there will be good days and bad days ahead and so far, I'm thankful that the good has seemingly outweighed the bad. Wednesday was a bad day and I dont know why...just the reality beginning to set in I suppose but I know I'm gonna be fine. Last night wasn't too good either but...
Yesterday was a good day. I spent the entire day with my childhood friend, Christy. She had a medical procedure done that required her to have someone drive her home and keep an eye on her for awhile. She did very well and was a hoot to watch coming off anethesia! I just love her and I'm so glad that we got back in touch with each other. It's so weird because it's like we haven't missed a day at all in 22 years! After she was done (but while she was still all jacked up!) we went to Costas Mediterranean for lunch and it was awesome! Then we went back to her house to lay by the pool. But it was so hot we were actually IN the pool for about an hour and even then it was so hot we went inside to watch a movie and eat some ice cream! I had to leave her around 4:30 so I could pick up Brooke at my mom's and make it back in time for Zumba but traffic was so bad I wound up being late and when I'm late, I generally have an off night. So I left early to come home...
Today, me and the girls are going with my mom to Chuck E Cheese. She has a little girl, Ally, that has been with her since birth who is going to kindergarten next week and today is her last day! So we are going to help celebrate Ally going to "big school". My sister and nephew are going too so I get to get a baby fix for a few hours! That is one amazing baby! So happy and looks so much like his mama! I just wish he'd give me back my heart!
I finally got the girls' books ordered and tomorrow is the first homeschool group meeting of the year where we sign up for all the fun stuff. Kayti is so excited about being in high school and doing all the big kid stuff and I'm so glad she's found something to be happy about. She needs it.
We may or may not go tubing tomorrow afternoon...it just depends on how much money we have to spend tomorrow morning signing up for everything! So it may be a pretty blah weekend compared to what I've become used to recently but that's okay. I need those blah weekends, too. I have a lot of reading and writing to catch up on and of course, the Y pool is always open if I need it.
Be blessed!
I know there will be good days and bad days ahead and so far, I'm thankful that the good has seemingly outweighed the bad. Wednesday was a bad day and I dont know why...just the reality beginning to set in I suppose but I know I'm gonna be fine. Last night wasn't too good either but...
Yesterday was a good day. I spent the entire day with my childhood friend, Christy. She had a medical procedure done that required her to have someone drive her home and keep an eye on her for awhile. She did very well and was a hoot to watch coming off anethesia! I just love her and I'm so glad that we got back in touch with each other. It's so weird because it's like we haven't missed a day at all in 22 years! After she was done (but while she was still all jacked up!) we went to Costas Mediterranean for lunch and it was awesome! Then we went back to her house to lay by the pool. But it was so hot we were actually IN the pool for about an hour and even then it was so hot we went inside to watch a movie and eat some ice cream! I had to leave her around 4:30 so I could pick up Brooke at my mom's and make it back in time for Zumba but traffic was so bad I wound up being late and when I'm late, I generally have an off night. So I left early to come home...
Today, me and the girls are going with my mom to Chuck E Cheese. She has a little girl, Ally, that has been with her since birth who is going to kindergarten next week and today is her last day! So we are going to help celebrate Ally going to "big school". My sister and nephew are going too so I get to get a baby fix for a few hours! That is one amazing baby! So happy and looks so much like his mama! I just wish he'd give me back my heart!
I finally got the girls' books ordered and tomorrow is the first homeschool group meeting of the year where we sign up for all the fun stuff. Kayti is so excited about being in high school and doing all the big kid stuff and I'm so glad she's found something to be happy about. She needs it.
We may or may not go tubing tomorrow afternoon...it just depends on how much money we have to spend tomorrow morning signing up for everything! So it may be a pretty blah weekend compared to what I've become used to recently but that's okay. I need those blah weekends, too. I have a lot of reading and writing to catch up on and of course, the Y pool is always open if I need it.
Be blessed!
Decisions....
*sigh* where to begin...
I guess I'll just spit it out...some of you already know and since we've told the kids now, I guess there's no reason to keep it a secret any longer...
Jeff and I are separating.
There, I said it, now it's real.
I do not know whether or not we will divorce or be able to work through this. And I know many of you think this is a "mid-life crisis" thing. Think whatever you want but it's been coming for awhile now. The fact that we are 40 & 41 has very little to do with it. The truth is we've been growing apart for many years. I love him and I always will. He's a great man and a good father. I guess we just got married too young and now we are completely different people than we were 21 years ago. We want different things and as much as we try to share common goals and interests, it just isn't working. We are both miserable and we may be miserable apart as well but we have to find out.
The kids are doing well so far. Dylan and Kayti took it the hardest. Dylan is very smart and perceptive and he knew something was wrong and has been acting out and showing it so Jeff thought it best to go ahead and tell him. He teared up a little, Jeff said, but overall he's okay. I hate that this had to happen his Senior year but tell me...when is a good time?
Since Jeff had already told Dylan I decided it would be best to tell the girls separately also. Kayti and I spent the day together a few days ago and I told her. She was very upset, naturally. She told me about her friend's parents who are getting divorced but I told her we haven't decided to do that yet...one step at a time.
She was also worried about continuing to homeschool and I assured her that I was committed to making that happen no matter what. There will be some changes and adjustments to our routine (which would have happened anyway with her entering the 9th grade) but that as long as we were able to make it work, we would keep at it. Then she was upset that Dylan was going to stay with Jeff. Kayti and Dylan are VERY close. I told her that it was really up to Dylan but that regardless of what he decides, we intend to make sure the kids stay close. Dylan will stay here in the house with Jeff so he can finish up high school--plus all his woodworking stuff is here--it's not practical to set up all that equipment in an apartment. The girls and I are getting an apartment in Trussville, hopefully. First I have to get a job! Which brings me to another decision which I'll get to in a moment...
Brooke took it surprisingly well...or she seemed to. She's still so much of a kid that all she was really worried about was herself! Her questions pertained to how much HER life would change more than anything else. You gotta love her. I know deep down she has to be worried but she doesn't seem to show it. She's still her positive, happy little spitfire self. And for that right now, I'm very grateful.
So the job decision...I'm leaving teaching for awhile and going back into finance. Unless I found a director's position somewhere, daycare just doesn't pay enough and though I'm not particularly fond of corporate America, I'm glad I have that degree to fall back on. I'll be able to support myself and the kids relatively well, I think. Just have to find the right job.
My dreams of starting my own center are not vanquished. They are just put on hold right now. I know that's God's plan for me and that He'll use this time to prepare me better for it. What the devil intended to use to distract me from what God wants, God will use to make better.
Speaking of God, my faith has been hanging on by a thread lately. I know that God does not like divorce (even though that hasn't really been decided) and I know the decisions we've made lately don't line up with His Word. But I also know that He still loves me, wants to prosper me and will use this somehow someway.
Last night, I finally made the decision to give it ALL completely over to Him. Right now, I don't feel as though I even WANT my marriage to work out but I know with God, all things are possible. If He chooses to change my heart, it'll happen and I've left it completely up to Him. But it will have to be a total heart change. I'm not capable of making a conscious choice to do something that goes against what my heart wants, even if it is what I should do. I'm sorry if that disappoints some of you. I am who I am.
I've also decided to give up certain distractions in my life for now...like Facebook. It's been a wonderful tool in helping me develop friendships and get reacquainted with long lost friends. But it's also been detrimental in a lot of ways if I'm being completely honest. I don't think it's "evil" or anything like that...like I said, I just need to purge certain things for the time being and focus on more important things. The friends I've reconnected with, I will still stay in touch with--they aren't the problem. It's really how I spend my time and what I spend my time thinking about--useless stuff like status shuffle and farmville! lol (though the farm has withered in the last few weeks) I also need to back away from sharing my every random thought with the masses.
So I'll probably be blogging a lot more--writing is my saving grace! And without FB and some other things, I'll be able to focus on becoming employed, my relationship with God, my relationships with my children, figuring out who I am and who I want to be, working on my writing more...lots of things.
I would very much appreciate your prayers during this time. I don't know what to ask you to pray for specifically...just grace I guess. Lots and lots of grace...comfort, peace..wisdom, discernment--all of the things I am strongly lacking these days.
For those of you who continue to love me no matter how badly I've screwed up--I love you back! More than you know! For those who are disappointed in me right now...all I can say is I'm sorry that I let you down. I hope that you will one day be able to understand and forgive any hurt or disappointment I've caused you. I hope that somehow, you'll be able to see some faith in action through what's happening to me but don't focus your attention on me--focus it on Him. He's perfect, I'm most definitely not.
Stay blessed because I most definitely love and appreciate all of you!
I guess I'll just spit it out...some of you already know and since we've told the kids now, I guess there's no reason to keep it a secret any longer...
Jeff and I are separating.
There, I said it, now it's real.
I do not know whether or not we will divorce or be able to work through this. And I know many of you think this is a "mid-life crisis" thing. Think whatever you want but it's been coming for awhile now. The fact that we are 40 & 41 has very little to do with it. The truth is we've been growing apart for many years. I love him and I always will. He's a great man and a good father. I guess we just got married too young and now we are completely different people than we were 21 years ago. We want different things and as much as we try to share common goals and interests, it just isn't working. We are both miserable and we may be miserable apart as well but we have to find out.
The kids are doing well so far. Dylan and Kayti took it the hardest. Dylan is very smart and perceptive and he knew something was wrong and has been acting out and showing it so Jeff thought it best to go ahead and tell him. He teared up a little, Jeff said, but overall he's okay. I hate that this had to happen his Senior year but tell me...when is a good time?
Since Jeff had already told Dylan I decided it would be best to tell the girls separately also. Kayti and I spent the day together a few days ago and I told her. She was very upset, naturally. She told me about her friend's parents who are getting divorced but I told her we haven't decided to do that yet...one step at a time.
She was also worried about continuing to homeschool and I assured her that I was committed to making that happen no matter what. There will be some changes and adjustments to our routine (which would have happened anyway with her entering the 9th grade) but that as long as we were able to make it work, we would keep at it. Then she was upset that Dylan was going to stay with Jeff. Kayti and Dylan are VERY close. I told her that it was really up to Dylan but that regardless of what he decides, we intend to make sure the kids stay close. Dylan will stay here in the house with Jeff so he can finish up high school--plus all his woodworking stuff is here--it's not practical to set up all that equipment in an apartment. The girls and I are getting an apartment in Trussville, hopefully. First I have to get a job! Which brings me to another decision which I'll get to in a moment...
Brooke took it surprisingly well...or she seemed to. She's still so much of a kid that all she was really worried about was herself! Her questions pertained to how much HER life would change more than anything else. You gotta love her. I know deep down she has to be worried but she doesn't seem to show it. She's still her positive, happy little spitfire self. And for that right now, I'm very grateful.
So the job decision...I'm leaving teaching for awhile and going back into finance. Unless I found a director's position somewhere, daycare just doesn't pay enough and though I'm not particularly fond of corporate America, I'm glad I have that degree to fall back on. I'll be able to support myself and the kids relatively well, I think. Just have to find the right job.
My dreams of starting my own center are not vanquished. They are just put on hold right now. I know that's God's plan for me and that He'll use this time to prepare me better for it. What the devil intended to use to distract me from what God wants, God will use to make better.
Speaking of God, my faith has been hanging on by a thread lately. I know that God does not like divorce (even though that hasn't really been decided) and I know the decisions we've made lately don't line up with His Word. But I also know that He still loves me, wants to prosper me and will use this somehow someway.
Last night, I finally made the decision to give it ALL completely over to Him. Right now, I don't feel as though I even WANT my marriage to work out but I know with God, all things are possible. If He chooses to change my heart, it'll happen and I've left it completely up to Him. But it will have to be a total heart change. I'm not capable of making a conscious choice to do something that goes against what my heart wants, even if it is what I should do. I'm sorry if that disappoints some of you. I am who I am.
I've also decided to give up certain distractions in my life for now...like Facebook. It's been a wonderful tool in helping me develop friendships and get reacquainted with long lost friends. But it's also been detrimental in a lot of ways if I'm being completely honest. I don't think it's "evil" or anything like that...like I said, I just need to purge certain things for the time being and focus on more important things. The friends I've reconnected with, I will still stay in touch with--they aren't the problem. It's really how I spend my time and what I spend my time thinking about--useless stuff like status shuffle and farmville! lol (though the farm has withered in the last few weeks) I also need to back away from sharing my every random thought with the masses.
So I'll probably be blogging a lot more--writing is my saving grace! And without FB and some other things, I'll be able to focus on becoming employed, my relationship with God, my relationships with my children, figuring out who I am and who I want to be, working on my writing more...lots of things.
I would very much appreciate your prayers during this time. I don't know what to ask you to pray for specifically...just grace I guess. Lots and lots of grace...comfort, peace..wisdom, discernment--all of the things I am strongly lacking these days.
For those of you who continue to love me no matter how badly I've screwed up--I love you back! More than you know! For those who are disappointed in me right now...all I can say is I'm sorry that I let you down. I hope that you will one day be able to understand and forgive any hurt or disappointment I've caused you. I hope that somehow, you'll be able to see some faith in action through what's happening to me but don't focus your attention on me--focus it on Him. He's perfect, I'm most definitely not.
Stay blessed because I most definitely love and appreciate all of you!
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
August 4, 2010
I dont know where to begin all I know is that I need to get this out even if no one ever sees it.
My life feels like its spiraling out of control...I cheated on my husband and am in love with another man. A married man. One I know I can never have and I need to break away from before I get hurt or before others do. But I can't help it. I dont know how it happened and it happened so fast!
I can't stop thinking about him and I dont know what to do. I think I'm going crazy...
My life feels like its spiraling out of control...I cheated on my husband and am in love with another man. A married man. One I know I can never have and I need to break away from before I get hurt or before others do. But I can't help it. I dont know how it happened and it happened so fast!
I can't stop thinking about him and I dont know what to do. I think I'm going crazy...
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
My Zumba testimony...
I'm getting ready to give testimony on what Zumba has done for me and how it has affected my life. I wanted to go ahead and get some thoughts together before I speak in front of everybody. Let me know what you think:
Click here!
Click here!
Adding another one...
another race, that is, to the list of those I'm running in the next few months. I registered last night for Baby Steps Memorial Run at Tannehill August 14. It's to raise awareness for pregnancy loss but if you've ever lost a pregnancy (or two), you're probably aware of it! I'm running in memory of my two angel babies. This is trail running, too--should be interesting. Guess I better get to training hard!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
Banged, bruised but a blast!
That best describes what we did yesterday--we went tubing with a friend of mine from high school. I have been tubing before--approximately 24 years ago in Arizona!!! And it was fun...and so was this trip but this one was MUCH rougher--and I don't like it rough! lol
We went to Limestone Park in Brierfield, Alabama in Bibb County--a long drive! But it was so much fun! We just floated down the river along with our cooler full of...beverages. Dylan and Brooke (Kayti was still at the beach at the time) really enjoyed it and so we will definitely be doing it again soon...but first...
I gotta heal! In Arizona, there were no shoals or rapids...the Cahaba has quite a few! I am scraped or bruised on nearly every part of my body--especially my right thigh and left shin! Those rocks are terrible! Jeff cut a big gash in his toe and sliced up his arm but he still said it was fun! I didn't expect it to be that crowded either...but everyone on the river is your friend, I did discover! LOL
If you haven't been, I highly recommend it!
Here are just a few pictures that we took afterward--no way I was taking my camera or cell! Maybe next time I'll get a waterproof disposable camera like we got when we went snorkeling.
And no, I did NOT get burned! lol Told yall I rarely do--too much Native American in me I guess--but Dylan did. Guess the genes get weaker and weaker with each generation!
I have SO much that I need to share with my inner circle bloggy buddies but I don't even know where to start. This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me and I dont see a break in the near future...lots of changes coming up and I would really covet your prayers for me and especially my children. They are my whole world and I don't know who or what I'd be without them.
My last day at the Academy was a few weeks ago and still no other job offers. Quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me. I am still working on my other writing but our computer issues at home are making that difficult as well.
I am very happy and excited to report that since I started Zumba, I am down 20 pounds!!!! That's T W E N T Y!!! (2 sizes) I've never lost that much weight before and am SUPER excited about the results and the way that my body looks and feels. I am going to be speaking at a church (the one that hosts our group as a ministry) in the next few months giving testimony about it but I'll be sharing it here first with you guys--just need time to get my thoughts coherent.
I also recently ran my first 5k with my bff Donna! We did the Pink Ribbon Fun Run in Gardendale last Friday, July 23 and I am so proud to have not only finished but finished in an upright position and was not LAST!!!
We only decided to do this a few weeks before so we trained hard. Now I think I've been bitten by the running bug as well as the zumba bug! I've signed up/planning on running four more in the next three months already:
9/11--Paws for Cause to benefit Shelby Humane Society, Hoover
9/18--race to benefit The Basement at Church of the Highlands, Trussville
10/9--Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, Linn Park (I'm extremely excited about this one--my goal for this is to run the entire thing! I'm going to be on my friend from college, Peggy's team. She is a 17 year breast cancer survivor!!!)
10/16--Maple Leaf Run, Trussville
If you are interested in joining me, please let me know--I would love to have a partner/buddy and you don't have to run the whole route. I run some walk some usually except for the Susan G. Komen and I hope to be ready to run that one entirely by then.
Hope you all have a great week!
We went to Limestone Park in Brierfield, Alabama in Bibb County--a long drive! But it was so much fun! We just floated down the river along with our cooler full of...beverages. Dylan and Brooke (Kayti was still at the beach at the time) really enjoyed it and so we will definitely be doing it again soon...but first...
I gotta heal! In Arizona, there were no shoals or rapids...the Cahaba has quite a few! I am scraped or bruised on nearly every part of my body--especially my right thigh and left shin! Those rocks are terrible! Jeff cut a big gash in his toe and sliced up his arm but he still said it was fun! I didn't expect it to be that crowded either...but everyone on the river is your friend, I did discover! LOL
If you haven't been, I highly recommend it!
Here are just a few pictures that we took afterward--no way I was taking my camera or cell! Maybe next time I'll get a waterproof disposable camera like we got when we went snorkeling.
And no, I did NOT get burned! lol Told yall I rarely do--too much Native American in me I guess--but Dylan did. Guess the genes get weaker and weaker with each generation!
I have SO much that I need to share with my inner circle bloggy buddies but I don't even know where to start. This past month has been a roller coaster of emotions for me and I dont see a break in the near future...lots of changes coming up and I would really covet your prayers for me and especially my children. They are my whole world and I don't know who or what I'd be without them.
My last day at the Academy was a few weeks ago and still no other job offers. Quite frankly, it's scaring the hell out of me. I am still working on my other writing but our computer issues at home are making that difficult as well.
I am very happy and excited to report that since I started Zumba, I am down 20 pounds!!!! That's T W E N T Y!!! (2 sizes) I've never lost that much weight before and am SUPER excited about the results and the way that my body looks and feels. I am going to be speaking at a church (the one that hosts our group as a ministry) in the next few months giving testimony about it but I'll be sharing it here first with you guys--just need time to get my thoughts coherent.
I also recently ran my first 5k with my bff Donna! We did the Pink Ribbon Fun Run in Gardendale last Friday, July 23 and I am so proud to have not only finished but finished in an upright position and was not LAST!!!
We only decided to do this a few weeks before so we trained hard. Now I think I've been bitten by the running bug as well as the zumba bug! I've signed up/planning on running four more in the next three months already:
9/11--Paws for Cause to benefit Shelby Humane Society, Hoover
9/18--race to benefit The Basement at Church of the Highlands, Trussville
10/9--Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure, Linn Park (I'm extremely excited about this one--my goal for this is to run the entire thing! I'm going to be on my friend from college, Peggy's team. She is a 17 year breast cancer survivor!!!)
10/16--Maple Leaf Run, Trussville
If you are interested in joining me, please let me know--I would love to have a partner/buddy and you don't have to run the whole route. I run some walk some usually except for the Susan G. Komen and I hope to be ready to run that one entirely by then.
Hope you all have a great week!
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