New Year's Resolutions

Most everybody makes them. Hardly no one keeps them.

I did a little research and found that the top five resolutions are usually:

1. Lose weight
2. Exercise
3. Stop smoking
4. Stop drinking
5. Get a new job

Well, I lost a significant amount of weight this past year and I could stand to lose more but losing weight and exercising for me is not about itself or the way I look. It's about being healthy and putting my body in the best possible condition to fight off any future diseases because I am in NO HURRY to go through more cancer treatment or anything else.

I don't smoke and I don't drink to excess on a regular basis. I do overdo it sometimes but not all the time. It's not a big enough problem to be a "resolution".

And I already love my job!

I can always set a goal to move closer to the Lord but that should be everyone's goal all the time. As long as we are still on this earth, we have room to get closer to Him.

But I love the idea of picking an area of one's life to make significant improvements. I love New Year's. It's like the girl in the movie Forest Gump said, "Don't you just love New Year's? Everybody gets another chance."

That's exactly right. A clean slate. A "do-over" to make things right that you screwed up on in the previous year (or years).

In the past few weeks, I've greatly reduced my time on social media and spent time in the Word partly because I greatly needed some clarity on certain areas of my life and also because we are about to go into the 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting and I wanted to sort of "ready myself" for the experience. I love that time. Sometimes it can get a little boring. But that's when I know my spirit really needs the "quiet".

Two things that the Lord brought to the forefront of my mind that I need to improve on (and that will greatly help my anxiety) is

1. overthinking things
2. allowing myself to be led by my emotions

Now I know not everyone overthinks things like I do. It's become a habit from years of having to be so organized and in charge because of having too many things to juggle. I feel like I have to have things figured out before they even start, mostly because I don't want to waste any unnecessary time.  To prove a point, a few months ago, I got VERY comfortable in a situation and allowed myself to stop overthinking because I felt so secure and then the rug was unexpectedly pulled out from underneath me.  

I think I have set up this coping mechanism in my head as a way to protect myself from emotional (and other) disasters like that.

But I know it's not healthy. None of us can know or adequately protect ourselves from all things related to the future. And worrying about the things we can't control or what someone else might do or think is a waste of the present. I have to learn to just take things as they come.

I think everyone has a tendency to let their emotions lead them. In fact, I KNOW we all do because we act and fail to act on the way we "feel". That's why people have affairs--they are no longer "in love" with their significant other. Murders and other crimes are often committed of a anger or jealousy because we let our hearts overrule our brains. 

We know in our heads what is right--most of us have been taught it. But we still tend to "go with our gut" or "follow our hearts".

The Bible specifically addresses this in several places but two verses that come immediatley to mind are:

Above all else, guard your heart for everything you do flows from it.

 ~~Proverbs 4:23 NIV

The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it?

 ~~Jeremiah 17:9 ESV

This tells us NOT to follow our hearts but to guard them. I need to start thinking of my heart like a little child and let my brain be the parent that knows what's best even if it may not be enjoyable. 

I have definitely been led by my emotions a lot in my past. I fell in love too easily--many times. I let anger and frustration dictate my actions even though I knew they were wrong. Sometimes we all feel out of control. People push our buttons and then are surprised when we come unglued. It's understandable. But we all have to learn to take control of our emotions and not let them control situations, especially if we know we're going to pay a very high price for doing so--and we almost always do.

I'll definitely be working on these things this year.

Blessings

Goodbye 2017!

This year hasn't been one of my worst years but I won't call it one of my best either. I'll just call it weird. Except for the year I got married, 1989, generally speaking, every odd numbered year has been a bad one. To illustrate:

1992 - Dylan born
1996 - Kayti born
1998 - Brooke born
2002 - started the move to Clay & Disney World


1995 - Jeff started to suffer from Crohn's Disease
1997 - Jeff had first surgery for Crohn's, Maw Maw died (I did graduate from Birmingham-Southern this year and also traveled a lot--New York, Mexico, and Europe. But the other two things very much over shadowed any of the good.
1999 - bankruptcy
2005 - Jeff had another surgery for Crohn's
2011 - divorce
2013 - jail
2015 - cancer


See the pattern? Maybe I'm overthinking again. But it just feels that way.

2017 started with me in a relationship that started in October of the previous year. It never got really serious. We enjoyed each other's company but didn't have a whole lot in common. It ended amicably around March.

I continued to serve with Hope Dealers but I had to withdraw from Highlands Events Team for awhile.

I also started the year unemployed after being downsized in September 2016. I managed to keep my head above water until I finally found a job this past May. It was around that time that my ex and I--whom I'd always remained good friends with--had a falling out over child support and began to not speak to each other.

I got into fitness and nutrition over the summer, went on several dates and thought I had been reconnected to someone special, the one I thought would be the love of my life. We had a great few months together before it fell apart and I still don't understand it. But I've talked about that enough already. I did get some words from the Holy Spirit that I will put in my prayer journal later.

I also did my usual tailgating shenanigans, got to go on a few overnight trips, made some new friends, other friendships became even deeper and unfortunately I had to sever ties with a few friends. It wasn't personal. I just needed to cut any and all ties that had anything to do with a few different issues I needed to distance myself from.

I've mended the fence with my ex as we came together to watch out babygirl excel in college.

I finally finished my MBA.

And I'm spending the last night of the year with someone. I'm not rushing into anything (never again!) and I don't have any expectations. I'm nowhere NEAR ready for another relationship and there is too much going on right now in my life to have time to devote to just anybody. Had things turned out differently in my last relationship, I would've made time. That's what people who love each other do. But I'm not going to make time for anyone new right now.  Just ringing in the new year hanging out and having fun.

The lessons I'll take away from this year:

• Pray without ceasing and ALWAYS put the Lord first.
• Try to be a better steward of my time AND my money.
• Don't waste time on anyone that doesn't match my efforts.
• Don't make someone else a priority when I am only an option.
• Don't get attached too quickly just because someone talks a good game.
• Don't tolerate bullshit--ever!

The positives I'll take away from this year:

• I have been tremendously blessed--with provision, awesome family and great friends and I am thankful.
• I AM capable of romantic love again. I previously had doubts that I would ever be able to again.
• I ALWAYS bounce, no matter what gets thrown at me.
• I can accomplish anything I decide to do.
• I need to keep setting goals and striving to reach them--I thrive on this.
• I treat people better than the way I get treated most of the time and this is something to be proud of.
• I like to bless others and in doing so I am blessed in return beyond measure.
• I raised three OUTSTANDING kids and I am very proud!

I am going into 2018 on a good note--with gratitude and love in my heart, peace in my spirit and most of all, forgiveness both for myself and others.

Staying positive and looking forward...

I'm getting ready for a BIG life change! It's exciting and scary at the same time. Exciting because I generally thrive on change and this one is a positive one. Scary because all change comes with risk. Even though exciting, it's just going to be different.

I AM MOVING!!!!

Yes, in less than a month, I am leaving my sweet little townhouse behind--the first place I ever got and lived completely on my own. For SIX years this has been mine and my girls' home and sometimes Dylan's. We've even taken in a few people a time or two when they needed somewhere to stay!  But in less than a month it will become part of our memories like our old home in the 'hood, our tiny little house in Clay, and our brief stays with friends in the 'hood and in Brookside.

I won't disclose the area I am moving to on here but it's a small, modest house that has been remodeled and it sits on THREE ACRES!!! No, I won't have that much grass to cut as it is mostly wooded. But it's completely private--no neighbors which means the freedom and space to truly live. Kaytibug is coming with me and she is excited, too.

I hadn't really planned on moving (well, actually I had but circumstances were different and all that changed in the blink of an eye and doesn't matter anymore anyway) anytime soon. I like it where I am. I've never had any trouble (except for one incident with the neighbor's 17 yo son and they don't live here anymore), it's convenient to the interstate, shopping, restaurants and surprisingly quiet to be a townhouse community. I also became close friends with my 70 yo neighbor and I am sad to be moving away from her. She has become my confidant, has helped me out in times of need and she is a lot of fun!  I will miss her terribly. 

But the deal I got on this house is one I just could not pass up. It's good, positive change for me and gives me something to occupy my mind and busy my hands. The actual packing and moving makes me a little anxious. But as I was packing up the Christmas decorations last night and this morning (all NINE big bins of it!) and thinking about how much work packing is going to be I realized I have been truly blessed in these last six years.

Despite job changes, a layoff that lasted 9 months and cancer, I've managed to maintain my household. It was stressful at times but God saw me through. When the ex and I divorced, I took nothing but my own clothes, the girls' bunkbeds, my glider rocker and my curio cabinet. I moved in with a friend for several months until I got this place. Over time, I managed to redecorate it, furnish it, and fill it with lots of love and memories. Almost everything in here that I have to worry with packing and moving, I've gotten on my own through the grace of God and a lot of hard work. I am proud and I am thankful. It's going to fit in my new house nicely. :)

I also finished my MBA!!!! It took a year longer than I thought it would have because of taking time off to recover from cancer and treatment but I did it! I didn't participate in commencement. I did that in college. They will be mailing my diploma in a few weeks. I expect it to help propel me forward in my career either at a new job or at my current job which is going great. 

I love my boss, what I do and the people I work with. The job challenges me without being too stressful or demanding that I can't enjoy other parts of my life. It's a great company to work for and there is so much to learn and build on.

Church will soon be starting the 21 Days of Prayer and Fasting and I am looking forward to how God is going to use that time for me and many others. There is so much I am praying for, not just for myself but for so many that need healing, provision, restoration and discernment. I have some other big decisions to make that I need to bathe in prayer first. I'll reveal those things when the time is right.

The BFF and I are going to go back to our hardcore low-carb, no sugar diet and I am getting my butt back to the gym in more ways than one--I need the endorphins! I signed up for kickboxing and am really looking forward to it! I am also either going to return to DanceFit or try another new dance class--I haven't decided that one yet. 

There are other changes coming--new hair style, new car, etc. In the meantime, I've been reading a lot, writing (working on something big!) and listening to some great music. 

Here are some from my playlist that I highly recommend:

"Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place..."

"If your eyes are on the storm, you wonder if I love you still. But if your eyes are on the cross, you know I always have and I always will."

I'm never gonna look back

Woah, never gonna give it up"

You just can't listen to this song and NOT be in a good mood!

And you know I have all kinds of Bruno Mars on my list! To see him perform live is near the top of my bucket list! I love him! This is his latest...

Favorite quotes of the week:

Always!

Roar!

I am better, always will be. And I will rise higher.

Blessings!