Christmas Eve, of all days, a friend sent me a picture of the ex-bf cuddled up on the sofa with his ex-wife--you know the "cheating, alcoholic whore" (his words, not mine) that he wouldn't take back in a million years? Yes, her.
I said it before and I'll say it again--I do not care that he wanted to get back with her. I believe that God is a God of restoration and if a family can be restored, that is what needs to happen. What I am upset about is that I wasn't worth the truth. And I happen to know others knew as well. Maybe they didn't think it was their business to get involved. But when you KNOW someone is doing something wrong that will hurt another person and you DON'T step up, I'm sorry, you're just as guilty.
So of course, I went batcrap crazy. I cussed him out, her out, his brother out, his best friend out and probably a few other people and made a really terrible post on Facebook. I don't really remember. For many of the things I am deeply ashamed and deeply regret that I did that.
And I'm not making excuses but two of my close friends told me, "we have all reacted that way before" and "No one has a right to tell you how to tell and what you can post or not post. Maybe it was harsh (it was) when someone is hurt and heartbroken of course emotions are gonna run high."
Of course his defense was the usual bullshit--
"You can say and feel how you want and deservedly so. I wasn't ready to fall in love with you but I did. I'm sorry it didn't work out and I'm more sorry for not knowing how or what to say. Yes you were very good to me and I'm thankful for all of it. Nothing happened between me and (ex-wife). I have moved back to (old town) like I told you I was going to do. So as of this week we thought it would be nice to spend the holidays as a family. After (son) gets back in a couple of weeks for good I will most likely be moving to (another city) to work there for (company he works for) after I get him established. So that's the truth. I should've said that earlier. That's my fault. So you can say all you want I probably deserve it. And I'm sorry for the hurt and pain I caused you I promise it wasn't done on purpose."
Didn't mean to fall in love you with but I did. I'm sorry it didn't work out.
The only reason it didn't work out is because when your ex started all her drama you decided you were "confused" and "overwhelmed" and then tried to turn it around on me like it was somehow MY fault because I suffer from anxiety.
Nothing happened between me and (ex-wife).I have moved back to (old town) like I told you I was going to do. So as of this week we thought it would be nice to spend the holidays as a family.
I need a new pair of boots for this bullshit!
After (son) gets back in a couple of weeks for good I will most likely be moving to (another city) to work there for (company he works for) after I get him established.
Yeah, you mentioned that already. That had NOTHING to do with anything. And I don't believe it now anyway. I believe it's just a way to get me to stop looking for him. No worries, jerk. Not happening. In fact *I* will be moving myself in a month so good like finding me (not saying you were trying. Just saying.)
So that's the truth. I should've said that earlier. That's my fault. So you can say all you want I probably deserve it. And I'm sorry for the hurt and pain I caused you I promise it wasn't done on purpose.
You wouldn't know the truth if it hit you upside your skinny head with a 2 x 4. And yes, it's definitely YOUR fault. All you had to do was have the BALLS to have the "uncomfortable breakup conversation"
a month ago. Say, "I need to put my family back together or at least try." Instead of being the cowardly person that you turned out to be. Sure, it would still have hurt. But how he handled this is beyond cruel. And as much as I want to hurt him back right now, I know that I have to let God handle it and I know He will. He will get exactly what he deserves. And yes, that still makes me a little sad.
I was also told that "everyone warned him not to get involved with me". Oh really? Who is "everyone"? People we went to high school with THIRTY YEARS AGO that don't even know me? No, I am the one that should have been warned about HIM. It's funny how little high school cliques survive for decades. Listen up, most of y'all peaked in high school.
It's frightening that people think we are all still the same. He was always the "nice guy". Well, this is evidence he's not so nice. I get called out for being honest and transparent. At least I'm no poser. I own my shit. You all should try it sometime.
In summary:
-You knew each other as kids, but you both married other people and had kids. He's been divorced for 9 years and constantly slammed his ex-wife.
-You got together, and had the most blissful 2 months on the planet. He couldn't believe his luck in finding you, and he confessed that he always had a torch for you! OMG, what heaven!
-And he constantly pushed for future talks! Let's look at how and when to move in together, be out in public on Facebook, plan for our life together! What bliss.
-And then, his ex-wife gets wind of his new relationship on Facebook, and suddenly, the cheating biatch from h*ll (his descriptions!) wants him back.
-He's suddenly harder to reach. Takes longer to respond to texts. Gets a little miffed when one of your friends makes a "marriage" comment on one of your posts.
-Then, just as suddenly as he blew in, he blows out. But not before blaming you for your anxiety! Has the nerve to blame your anxiety on the fall of the relationship, as your anxiety just can't seem to handle his constant changes in plans, which of course, are all due to his job (B.S.). (deflection)
Horse hockey.
No wonder you got so pissed off when you realized they did get back together. I don't blame you one bit. This guy Lovebombed you, then discarded you as quickly as he could once he realized he had a new person who wanted him.
This follows such a textbook pattern: Idealize, Future Fake, Devalue (using your "anxiety" as his excuse and his way to devalue you), Replace (his ex!), Discard. You can IM me if you want more info on all of this.
As for your drunk SM posting: fuggedabout it. If anyone asks, say you were reeling from exactly what you were reeling from: your "perfect" new guy went back to his ex, right at the holidays. Sprinkle in 1 cup of eggnog, and you have yourself a trashing post. You had the foresight to delete it, now just move on from it.
I agree with Wiseman on getting help, in the form of therapy, to help you recognize your patterns with men and come up with strategies to find a healthier partner. This isn't about anything wrong with you, but in how you're going about handling your emotions and your feelings towards men. Guess what....I'm going through it myself, currently. You are not alone.
When I broke up with my exBF a few months ago after one more lie, I was sooooooo tempted to write a long, scathing, trashing Facebook post! I even wrote it!! But I wrote in in a word doc., and I amended it and saved it! But I kept sleeping on it until the actual urge to post it was gone. Heck, if I'm being honest, I still have the urge sometimes!
It's human.....but we do have to remember that posting something like that rarely hurts the other person, but it always hurts us.
I didn't realize he was a TEXTBOOK case! Definitely one for the school of Psychology!
As for the hurtful things I said to others, I regret doing that but nothing I said was untrue. What I regret is that I let them all get the better of me and cause me to sink to their level. This entire relationship was a complete waste of time and did more damage to me mentally and emotionally than my divorce from my 21 year marriage AND my subsequent experience with a boyfriend and domestic violence.
Besides allowing it to move too quickly, I allowed it to turn me into a person I AM NOT. I am not weak, clingy, or needy. Yes, I have anxiety about some things and he knew that and used it against me. I am also better than the awful language I used the other night.
And truth be told, I am exactly like the ex-wife which is why I reached out to her in the beginning and tried to be her friend. (boy did that ever bite me in the ass!) I knew exactly the mistakes she made and how she felt about them because I did the exact same things. I honestly don't blame her for her actions. I blame him for not having the guts to step up and set boundaries--either for her or for me.
If his family was after him to "keep things the same for holidays" but he actually loved me like he said, he should have had the balls to tell them all, I'm sorry things are different now.
If he really wanted to spend the holidays with his family one more time, he should have had the balls to tell me that instead of stringing me along for a month and making ME be the one to walk away.
Either way, I think we've firmly established that he has NO BALLS. Do I want a man like that in my life? Absolutely not. And even though it does sting, I am glad I found out the truth about him before I wasted anymore time.
Next time, I will be VERY cautious with my relationships, regardless of how "good" of a person everyone says they are or how I thought them to be.
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