So I ended up having dinner with the ex last night, hanging out with my daughter for a bit and then watching a football game until I fell asleep on the couch. I woke up at 12:03 a.m. to the neighborhood kids shooting off fireworks, smiled to myself and then went back to sleep.
For many reasons, I decided to avoid going to any parties. I had considered one because it was supposed to be doubling as a going away party for the bestie. But she and I went out for dinner and coffee the other night and I will see her today before she leaves, I hope. Partying is just not who I am anymore. I have no desire to be around a bunch of smoke and people acting drunk and crazy. I have no problem with alcohol consumption in and of itself. I just choose not to for myself at this point in my life. But last night, I knew it would be over the top and didn't want to risk being on the roads with others that haven't learned the lesson of drinking and driving. I learned it the hard way a few years ago. Thankfully, I didn't hurt anyone (just myself and my brand new car) and I didn't go to jail. I really wish others would realize that they NEVER think they are too drunk to drive but it really doesn't take that much to alter your judgement, slow your reflexes and reaction time and dull your senses. I doubt many people will get it though until they are involved in something like was. Already, I've seen on the news a hit and run accident that happened last night and if I were a betting person, I'd be willing to bet that the reason the other driver fled the scene is because they had been drinking. Nonetheless, I didn't mean for this to be a soapbox post about drinking and driving. I just have no desire to "party" like I used to and I am completely fine with that.
In the past, I would have been HORRIFIED to be sitting home alone on New Year's Eve. But it was actually pretty nice. I guess that's how God works. When you ask Him to change things, sometimes He changes you instead. I have never felt more at peace in my entire life. I don't need to party or be with someone to find validation in my life because I know who I am in Christ.
The ex and I had a wonderful time talking like friends do. I am glad for the relationship that we have. God is a god of restoration and I still don't know ultimately what His plan for us will be but for now, I am content with what it is. Completely trusting God. So this is what it feels like....wow! It feels amazing!
As I look back on 2013, I am glad to see it go. But I am also thankful for the lessons learned and the grace and mercy I have been shown, not just by God but by others as well. And for those that couldn't...I forgive you and pray that you find the peace that will allow you to let go of your anger, not just towards me, but the bitterness you must have in your heart that eats away and causes you to stay in spiritual limbo. I pray that you realize you don't hurt me or anyone else when you withhold forgiveness. It's like setting yourself on fire and expecting others to die of smoke inhalation. I know this because I have been where you are. Let it go, beloved, so that you can realize and receive all God has for you.
But I again, I digress. These are generally lessons people have to learn on their own and in their own time.
Not only was I shown mercy in 2013, but I was so blessed beyond what I deserve. God brought some amazing people into my life though Church of the Highlands small groups. Each has blessed me beyond what words can express. Not just in spiritual ways but practical ways as well and I am ever so grateful.
I tried to pay it forward when I got the opportunity to bless others. Met a new friend under the worst of circumstances. But we combined forces and pulled each other up out of the gutter and are both doing well. And it blessed me so much to bless her.
I finished both Divorce Care and LIFE and my first semester of graduate school with an A and two B's. My finances are greatly improving and though I still have my moments of craziness, I have a wonderful therapist and an amazing doctor that gives me the medication I need. (I don't mean to sound like I take anti-psychotic drugs or anything--I'm NOT that crazy! Well, sometimes! lol j/k But I am VERY thankful that God has given people the genius to figure out how to help those of us that have something organically wrong that we can't control or help.)
For 2014, I am beginning a Daniel Fast Sunday. For those of you that don't know what that is, it is basically a vegan diet with even more restrictions--no white flour products, no chemicals, sweeteners, leavened bread and only water to drink. Church of the Highlands does 21 days of prayer and fasting every January and this year, since I'm now ALL IN ;) I want to participate on the highest level that I can. Fasting is about denying the body in order to make the spirit stronger. And I am desperate to hear from God on so many things: relationships, dating, job, which direction to go to heal my knees, how and where He wants me to serve, and so many other things. I am ready to hear what He has to say. I am also looking forward to the health benefits. Though fasting should never be done as a means to lose weight, sometimes it is a bonus and it definitely would be a welcomed one! I will make no major decisions during this time, take no trips, make no purchases (other than what is necessary for life). I won't even cut my hair! I will wait on the Lord to direct my every step.
I know I will do another semester of Divorce Care and I may co-lead a LIFE group or at the very least repeat LIFE. I'll be taking three classes this semester and this time they are three classes that will require a lot of study! No gimme classes this time! The small groups won't begin until after the fast but classes unfortunately resume January 8. Nothing I can do about that. So I would covet your prayers during that time. But that is the only distraction I will permit.
I also want to consecrate this time for praying for others as well. Even though I always pray for others, I want to make my prayer time more fervent. So let me know how I can pray for you!
After the fast is over, I will better know a lot of things. I am believing God for healing so I can exercise and finally get this weight off. I am believing God for better control and direction over my finances (though He's done so much already), I am believing God to show me whether or not I should stay at my current job that isn't very stressful so I can concentrate my efforts on school or if I should pursue other opportunities. And I am believing God to direct my writing so that it serves Him. I want to publish my testimony and help other women that are struggling or have struggled in the same ways I have. There isn't much out there. But as always, His will, not mine. I'm even believing He will tell me what cars to purchase (Kayti and Brooke BOTH need one this year), furniture and even where, what and who to give to.
I know that 2014 is going to be a great year! Praying that yours is blessed as well!
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