Jailbird!

Well...where to begin!

I last posted Friday, July 19 and shared about having a lot of emotion regarding my ex husband dating again.

Yes, I know I have no RIGHT to feel that way. But really, when do our emotions ever listen to reason? I KNOW this! And for the past two and have a years I haven't given much thought to the fact that one day he might date again...but I shared all that already. So let me summarize by saying...I lost control.

I have ALWAYS been a little on the aggressive side. Spontaneous (not that I don't plan or think things through...I actually DO a lot but sometimes I don't), explosive at times...

And I had many friends try and talk me down off the ledge and each time I felt better for a bit but it just didn't last. You see, when I don't get what I want, I pray. I argue. I reason with God. I beg, plead, bargain. And then I try to control, force, manipulate... I do not know where I developed these instincts or why but they have been that way for as long as I can remember. I am wretched. That's all I can say about it.

But I COMPLETELY lost conrol and I began harassing my ex...somewhat. I made some threats. I didn't mean any of it and it's nothing I haven't said to him before, especially when I feel cornered by him (and I did) and it's nothing he hasn't said to me in the thirty years that we've known each other. But I never once took him seriously and can't imagine why he took me seriously. I never ONCE considered having him put in JAIL and would never have thought he would either. But he did.

He called the Sheriff and the deputy that was dispatched...the BEST thing I can say about him was that he was physically attractive. Otherwise, pardon the term but he was a REAL PRICK!

You see the argument and the threats were made early Saturday. I slept most of the day then decided to pull myself out of my funk, got dressed up, went to get Kayti's computer and went to Starbucks to use the wifi. While I was there, I started chatting with Dina and she could tell I was really struggling and said she would come meet me and we could talk. We left Starbucks, went to my house and even though she didn't say to me anything I hadn't already heard from other friends, I was starting to feel better just having company.

And then there was knock at the door from a prick. He stated he was there to investigate a complaint from my ex about harassing communication. I told him I had nothing to say about it and I asked if I was being arrested. He said that not at the moment (at that time I had NO KNOWLEDGE that my ex had NOT signed an official compliant and that this deputy had assured my children that I would NOT be arrested) but that if I didn't talk to him he would arrest me for obstruction of justice an interfering with a police investigation.

So I agreed to talk to him and he started getting in my face telling me what I could and couldn't say, etc. He asked me about a few specific texts and I admitted that I sent one. I did NOT send the other. But he kept telling me he'd seen it. I told him he was effing crazy that I did NOT say that...why would I admit to one and not the other when the one I admitted to was clearly WORSE?

Then he said if I cussed at him again he would arrest me for disorderly conduct. So I shut up. Then he told me I needed to come out to his car and talk to him so I went. Barefoot. Then he asked me if I had been drinking and I said, yes, I had earlier. That's when he informed me that he could arrest me for being drunk in public. That INFURIATED me and I EXPLODED!

I said, "Look, (insert cursing insult here), I wasn't drunk in PUBLIC. I was drunk in my house (actually I wasn't drunk AT ALL)! You made me come into PUBLIC!"

At that time he said, "I told you if you cursed at me, I was arresting you. You are now under arrest for disorderly conduct."

I was shocked but I turned to go get my shoes and told him so and that's when he and two other officers jumped me, bruising my left arm and throwing me into the back of the car! Then I was told I was going to be charged with Resisting Arrest.

He went over to give my phone to Dina (he either kept my driver's license or lost it but insists he gave it to her but didn't) and talked to her. Then he went back to my ex's and told him and my kids that I attacked him and it took three of them to get me into the car!

Yeah. Right. I'm such a gangsta!

I was really upset, angry, irritated....but I was NOT going to let this PRICK COP know that. I maintained my composure aka cockiness the entire process until I talked to my son and my cousin.

That is when I completely fell apart.

....to be continued