Details...

sorry but I've decided not to share them here. They've been shared enough with the people who needed to know. I will say that Craig is a good guy, that we are good friends, and I love him dearly. We are helping each other through some stuff. But that is all right now and it's in everyone's best interest if I just didn't stay over there right now. Sorry...but on to more positive notes:

Made lasagna and chocolate cake for the kids and we watched the Green Mile (love it) and just hung out here at the house. This morning no one wanted pancakes but me and Brooke so we decided to wait till tomorrow. Everyone except me had pop tarts. :)

Then we left and went shopping. Brooke wanted new jeans from Aeropostale and they were on sale so we went and grabbed a pair. Next we went to Academy and got her a soccer ball because she left hers at practice last fall and that's what a parent is required to do--replace their kids' crap when they lose it!

Then we went to Dylan's favorite store--Home Depot--and I got two pieces of wood to start making my designer headboard for my bed. No one except me (who wouldnt eat her pop tarts) was hungry for lunch yet so we headed toward Gardendale and the Hobby Lobby. I got me some canvas and some foam for the headboard but couldn't decide on any fabric that I could afford so I'll have to check Hancock for that sometime.

I finally force-fed everyone Mexican food (except Brooke because she is such a picky thing) we went and wasted time in Walmart and came home and just chilled.

The girls and I watched Valentine's Day and laughed. It felt good to laugh with my kids again. I wound up having to explain gay male sex to my 12 year old and despite my natural tendacy not to get embarassed by things, I was extremely embarassed after her reaction. You would have to have been here--it was hillarious! She honestly had no idea...my sweet innocent little girl! I think this was the funniest moment of all:

"Mom, you're talking about this and Dylan is in the next room!"

"So? He knows what it is.."

"Mom!"

"Brooke, hunny, I didn't say he did it, I just said he knows about it. At least, I hope he doesn't do it, I dont think he does." and then directing my voice to the next room--"but if you do, it's okay, I still LOVE YOU!!!!"

LOL

We were looking at the Sips and Strokes calendar and the thumbnail of a naked lady looked like Jesus to her and the picture of a wine glass and wine bottle, she thought it was Spongebob! roflmao

She never ceases to amuse me and even though she can be whiney, argumentative and annoying, her personality is amazing. She is usually always happy and positive and looking forward to the next thing. I love that part of her and it's something I've always tried to do myself.

As for the other two...Kayti is just Kayti. She's the most dependable, level-headed person I know--wise beyond her years and though she will laugh and isn't as serious as Dylan is all the time, she's not as goofy as Brooke. I am very proud of my daughter.

And though I'm very proud of my son, too--you all know that--he is the most amazing person I know and one of the few men I know worth a damn, even he can get pissy sometimes and these days, it's all the time.

I know he's very upset and angry with me about the divorce. I know how close he and his dad are and I would never try to do anything to change that. But I am really hurting over our wounded relationship and I'm not sure how to proceed. I don't want to force him to be here--how is that supposed to make anyone happy or accomplish anything? At the same time, I desparately want to spend time with him. I want to hold him, hug him and reassure the fat little baby boy inside of him that I'm still his mommy that loves him very much and would give her life for him and almost has a few times. You can't imagine the tremendous guilt and anxiety I feel about my relationship with my son right now--please, please pray for us.

I'm headed back to church today--Church of the Highlands. I have really missed it and these past few days, God has really been with me in so many ways. He has surrounded me with love and support of SO MANY friends and it has truly been overwhelming. It's time for me to start showing Him how much I love Him and appreciate Him being there for me by focusing on my relationship with Him. That doesn't mean I'm gonna start spewing Scripture at people, dress in a bluejean jumper, quit wearing makeup, or doing things I enjoy. It just means I'm gonna let him guide more of my steps than I have been letting him. I know I'm supposed to say I'm gonna give him complete control--well, I'm human and fallible and always will be. Control is a huge issue with me and while I definitely trust Him, I just know myself better than to think I'm going to turn into someone He didnt make me to be anyway. I wish I could explain to some people who dont understand what faith and grace truly are but I can't. All I can tell you is you just have to experience it...

I'm excited about getting back into exercise this week and I've signed up for a women's small group at Highlands that meets in Trussville while the girls are in dance. I just need a car!!! Please Jesus...drop me one from Heaven, would ya? lol

And while the weekend with the kids may have been a little awkward and tense, it's obvious my dog sure has missed me! She has not left my lap or my side all weekend. Why can't people love like dogs do? lol

Going to make pancakes before church, come back and clean up before Shari gets home and I have to go to my sister's for the week so I can have a way to work. Hope you all have a wonderful day!