Is love Really All You Need?

This was in my devotional this morning, Two Minutes in the Bible for Women: A 90-Day Devotional by Shana Shutte and Boyd Bailey:

Song of Songs 1:2

In 1967, the Beatles released a recording called, "All You Need Is Love," a song initially performed on the world's first global television link.  The Beatles manager, Brian Epstein, said of the song, "The nice thing about it is that it cannot be misinterpreted.  It is a clear message saying that love is everything."

A lot in the world has changed since 1967, but one thing hasn't changed:  our culture is still sending out the message that love--particularly romantic love--is all you need. Movies, radio, and magazines tell us that if we can just find our soul mate, all our problems will disappear.  While love is from God, there are limitations to earthly love, regardless of how wonderful another person may be.  Therefore, adjusting our unrealistic expectations about love can be one of the best things we can do.  When we realize only God can love us completely, it makes all the difference between being joyful or miserable in our relationships. 

But the fruit of the Spirits is...peace. Galatians 5:22

In his book Counterfeit Gods, Timothy Keller writes, "Putting the weight of all your deepest hopes and longings on the person you are marrying, you are going to crush him or her with your expectations...No person, not even the best one, can give your soul all it needs."  Keller also writes, "We maintain the fantasy that if we find our one true soul mate, everything wrong with us will be healed. But when our expectations and hopes reach that magnitude, as Becker says, 'the object of love is God.' No lover, no human being is qualified for that role.  No one can live up to that.  The inevitable result is bitter disillusionment."

If disillusionment becomes a part of our stories, bitterness of heart may not be far behind.  We may give up on love as our expectations betray us.  We will close our hearts off to others because we believe love always disappoints.  To be free from unrealistic expectations about love, we must continually pres into God for our needs, reject the lies of our culture, practice gentle grace in our relationships, remember we are not perfect, and keep our eyes firmly fixed on Christ.  We must also remember God created us for relationships; we were not created to worship relationships. 

You shall have no other gods before me. Exodus 20:3

This really spoke to me because I had recently been dating someone that I really liked and cared for. But we just weren't meeting each other's expectations. I didn't feel like I was being unrealistic--I wasn't asking for a ring, to cohabitate or anything like that. Things just didn't seem to be progressing the way I thought they should be and I won't go into anymore detail than that. 

I won't say that I was angry about our decision to part ways. But I was disappointed, frustrated, irritated and maybe a little hurt. I had not opened myself up to dating anyone at all in over three years and just when I thought I found someone that was worthy of my time, it didn't work out the way I wanted to. And again, I don't really know what I wanted. I just knew what I didn't want. 

But yesterday during my quiet time I felt God impressing on me to let go of my negative feelings about it. "He's not a bad person. He's just not what I have for you at this time. You have to love people how they are and allow them to progress according to MY plan for them just as you need to progress according to my plan for YOU. After all, my dear, you are not perfect either."

Well, okay, then, Father! lol I hear Ya!

It certainly wasn't helping my spirits to keep holding him responsible in my heart for my disappointment. That was on me. What I needed to do was to refocus and recenter my life on Christ and live according to His calling on me.  I need to keep my heart so hidden in Him that any potential mate must seek Him first in order to find it (paraphrased quote from Maya Angelou).

And this devotional just reinforced what the Holy Spirit was telling me--isn't it great how God works?

One of my favorite television shows is about relationships and I recall an episode where the main character's romantic relationship wasn't progressing like she wanted either. She knew she couldn't change the other person but she still wanted things to change "just a little bit".  That's not unrealistic. After all, relationship are about compromises. But the other person must be willing to do so because of their love for you and that's not something you can demand so you shouldn't expect it either. It is something that can only be freely given and then appreciated afterwards

So let us not focus too much on our physical, earthly relationships and instead focus on the only relationship that truly counts!

Have a blessed day!

List of things you love about your significant other

This one is short, easy and sweet--I have no significant other!

:-)

Favorite People to Call for a Mood Lift

I am very blessed to have surrounded myself throughout my life with some very encouraging and positive people.  Over time, God has removed some for some reason or another and at this point in my life I feel I have a few, quality, trustworthy people that I know I can count on when I'm feeling down. In no particular order of importance, they are:

My neighbor, Diane.

Diane has only lived next door to me for a little over a year and I confess, by nature, I'm not a very neighborly person. I tend to keep to myself a good bit as far as people in my neighborhood go. Especially since that weirdo came into our house last year!  But somehow or another, I got to talking to her one day. We exchanged phone numbers and why I can't remember. One day, she called and asked if I could take her to the doctor. She was too sick to drive. I had already lost my job at that point and didn't mind taking her.  A few nights later, she was taken by ambulance to the ER and I rode with her. I sat next to her bedside for several hours until her son took me home. Since then, we have become close. Despite our 22 year age difference, I can tell her anything! She's funny and quite giving. When my washer quit working she told me to come use hers anytime. She lets the dogs stay there sometimes when I need to get them out of the house for whatever reason (carpet cleaners etc). And she lets me use her Wi-Fi! Since we share a backyard, I have our grass cut when needed and we borrow things from each other like eggs, milk, etc. just like normal neighbors do. But she's become more than just my neighbor. She reminds me of all that I have going for me which makes me feel good. She's there when I need to vent about something and she's very encouraging.

My friend, Theresa.

Theresa and I went to high school together but we weren't close. We got to know each other a few years ago through mutual friends and she has been a true gift to me. A licensed massage therapist, when I was going through cancer, she often pushed the radiation out of my body which helped me to feel so much better. She also is a good sounding board when I'm having struggles and tells me all the time that I'm an amazing person and that God has a great plan for me. She is a true caregiver at heart and I admire her in so many ways. Her husband Tim is amazing as well.

My guy friends, Joey & Craig.

Also high school classmates but these two are a riot. Both married (not to each other, haha), I'm like their little sister (or sometimes older sister, depending on the situation). We share a lot of humor and if I'm feeling down, comments from these two are sure to lift my mood. They are downright hilarious and will go to great lengths to cheer me up!

I have many, many other friends who are encouraging--Lorie, Rhonda, Kim, EQ, my sisters, church friends, etc. I am a very blessed woman!

The best things about each season...

This is easy. There is so much to love about every season, even the one I don't care for very much!

Spring:

• warmer temperatures
• longer days
• new growth
• baseball
• return to biking, kayaking and hiking
• my birthday
• close to the finish of another academic year
• the smell of freshly cut grass

Summer:

• hot temps!
• swimming
• beach
• cookouts
• tan legs
• tubing
• rafting
• ice cream
• outdoor events
• vacations
• flip flops

Fall:

• football season!
• vibrant colors
• campfires
• tailgating
• Halloween
• Thanksgiving
• comfort food
• harvest candle smells

Winter:

• hiding my fat under bulky clothing
• Christmas
• Christmas food
• family get togethers
• reflecting on the year
• New year's eve
• New year's day
• boots

Mistakes that shaped you

WARNING!! This could be a long one as I have made MANY mistakes! But at least, I think, I have learned from them.

Nothing gave me a better appreciation for marriage than when mine fell apart. At the time I felt like I had done everything I could, tried my best, done my best and it just wasn't working. Knowing getting out wouldn't be easy, I subconsciously (as I certainly didn't do it with any kind of plan or intention) I picked a way that I knew would end it. That was a HUGE mistake. Not only did I hurt my husband but I hurt his family, my family, myself and most importantly, my children.  They were still teenagers learning about relationships and I sometimes still fear that my broken marriage may have scarred them for life. But I'm done punishing myself over that mistake. I can't change it. All I can do is move forward and show them that I did learn a powerful lesson and that no matter what they do in their lives or how badly they screw it up, God can still redeem it and work all things together for their good. I try and get them to see this by the relationship I strive to have with their dad now. I try and take care of his feelings better than I ever did while we were married. I also guard my friends' marriages, especially my male friends, by not putting them in any position that would cause them to stumble, cause others to accuse them of stumbling or put doubt in anyone's minds about anything. And I have tried to set healthy boundaries for myself for current and new relationships. 

I also came to appreciate my life and the many blessings in it when I spent a few nights in jail for something incredibly stupid. Instead of going into the details of what landed me there, instead I'll just share about the people I met there. Most of the women there were not bad people. They had just gotten involved with drugs, alcohol, bad men or made poor choices that led them into situations they couldn't seem to find their way out of.  They had to do things they didn't want to do in order to just survive. It was heartbreaking. Here I had been begging God to take my life because I thought it was so terrible and I really had no clue how wonderful it was in comparison. All I knew was the pain I felt on the inside which was sometimes suffocating. I couldn't see how blessed I truly was. There were women begging for my food tray which was full of complete UNedible food! Some were happy to be there and in no hurry to make bail because the mat on the floor they slept on was better than where they slept regularly.

Now, no matter what happens...cancer, unemployment, failed relationships, arguments with friends or family members...I know none of it is the end of the world. I look at each day, even the ones that aren't very pleasant, as a gift and try to find the lesson in it. 

True, sometimes I still get mad. I have a low tolerance for some people's crap and I don't hesitate to stand my ground or stand up for myself or my family. But I DO know what's truly important so nothing keeps me down for very long. I aim to stay on track towards the goal of being the best me I possibly can be.

 

Multiple Lists Post

This is a combined post because some of these "prompts" are VERY short for me:

Funny Doodles:  none because I don't doodle.

Favorite flowers:  All flowers, like all children, are beautiful. But my favorites are magnolias in a magnolia tree and roses of any color. Mums are cool in the Fall. As far as growing flowers, well, I suck at plants. Period. I've had some success with Azaleas and Begonias.

Favorite gifts I've received:

• my gold herringbone necklace that I got for Christmas when I was a teenager. I don't wear gold much anymore but I know what my parents must have sacrificed to be able to get it for me.
• a blanket that Maw Maw made me that is made up of scraps from all the dresses she made me when I was a little girl.
• an opal ring that Jeff gave me when we were young teenagers. The gold has tarnished but he opals are still beautiful. I may take it and the diamonds from my engagement ring and have it made into a pendant someday since we do still have kids and are friends.
• all of the precious artwork my children gave me growing up.
• a bible my Aunt Margie gave me for my 10th birthday.

Little Moments I've loved:

• each birth of a child in my family, mine and my sisters.
• oddly, the morning with God after I found out I had cancer
• my college graduation
• Dylan's college graduation
• whenever my dog, Mady is in my lap
• hearing I love you from one of my kids without me saying it first
• being in the arms of a strong man, even if he didn't love me, he sure held me like he did and it felt great
• whenever God uses me to bless someone else

Favorite items from my home:

• my glider rocker. I've spent many nights in it rocking a baby.
• my Maw Maw's corner--everything in it.
• my gallery wall--pictures and momentos of all the people I love
• my curio cabinet with clowns I collected as a teenager and some of the kids' favorite toys

Prayer List & List of Jokes

My prayer list changes often, obviously, based on needs and requests from friends and even myself. But I always prayer for:

My children, collectively and each by name, that they would come to know God's purpose for their lives.
My parents, for health and provision.
My sisters and their families, that they would come to be in relationship with Jesus.
My ex-husband, that God would heal his heart, provide for him, protect him and lead him according to God's will.
My friends, usually each by name based on what they've asked me to pray for but always for protection.
Myself, for God to remove people not meant to be part of His purpose for me and bring those who do. For provision, wisdom and discernment. For God to guard my heart. For protection, guidance and forgiveness where I fall short.

I'm much better at laughter than prayer, sadly. Or maybe not since Abraham's son's name is Isaac which means laughter and I'm pretty sure in the Bible somewhere it says, "God laughed" and that "laughter is good medicine". I totally believe God has a sense of humor. Good thing since I find so much of life hilarious!  Some of my favorite jokes these days are actually memes or eCards so here are a few:













:)

Daily Affirmations

I'm not the type of person that reads daily affirmations to herself. Maybe I should give that idea some thought. But I do believe in the power of prayer and the power of positivity.  I do have a pinterest board of "wise words" separate from my board of Sciptures and I do have favorites from both that I keep tucked away in my head and my heart. I would love to have a wall of favorite quotes, etc. in my apartment and I'm working on it.  I do keep a jar of rocks in my prayer corner with some of my favorite scriptures written on them and my two favorite verses are on signs in the prayer corner.

But here are some of my favorite scriptures and wise words:

Humble yourself therefore under His mighty hand and He will lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6 (my life verse)

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

All things work together for the good of those who love God. Romans 8:28

She is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future. Proverbs 31:25

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.

The smartest thing a woman can ever learn is not to depend on a man.

Don't let anyone ever dull your sparkle.

Truly powerful women don't explain why they want respect. They simply don't engage with those who don't give it to them.

You will never always be motivated. You have to learn to be disciplined.

You are, after all, what you think. Your emotions are slave to your thoughts and you are slave to your emotions.

If you bungle raising your children, nothing else matters. ~~Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Blessed are the curious for they shall have adventures.

I don't care what you think about me. I don't think about you at all. ~~Coco Chanel

Sexy does not come from the shape of a body but from the fire in a soul.

Great things never came from comfort zones.

Catching up and finishing what I started

It's been two months since my last blog so I thought I'd take some time, catch up and finish my January blog challenge of lists! It's been a busy two months and I haven't made writing the priority that it needs to be. Sadly, I've made other things priority and they were not necessarily the right things. So anyway, here's the portion of the list that didn't get done:

• Place with Fond Memories
• Daily Affirmations
• Prayer ListList of Jokes
• Funny Doodles
• Favorite Flowers
• Favorite Gifts I've Received
• Little Moments You loved
• Favorite Items in Your Home
• Mistakes That Shaped You
• The Best Thing Abut Each Season
• Faovrite People to Call for Mood Lift
• List of Things you Love About Your Significant Other

Place with fond memories:

I think this is what stopped me because I'd planned on posting a bunch of pictures of this place but I never got around to going to get photographs. I actually took them years ago but I think they are saved on my old laptop as I cannot seem to locate them. But the place that has fond memories for me is my hometown of Tarrant.

I know people get tired of hearing those of us from Tarrant talk about how great it was but it really was! I know many people probably feel the same way regarding the place they grew up but I seldom hear them talk about it. My own three children seldom mention people they went to school with (and they aren't that far out of school) or any of the landmarks around their "hometown" so I don't think it had the impact on them that mine had on me. I would think that maybe I'm just way too nostalgic because my ex grew up in the same place and he doesn't seem to get warm fuzzies about it. He thinks I'm nuts for keeping in touch with my old friends through Facebook! But I am not the only one that feels this way about Tarrant.

I can't describe it to anyone who didn't live there. Looking back it didn't seem like it was so special but maybe that's because we hadn't experienced the world outside of it much. There were some people that were better off financially than others and definitely some not so well off. Most of us were from working class families. But we all played together, went to school together, church together, etc. There really weren't darkly drawn lines between classes. There was some bullying but it had little to do with class and more to do with just kids being kids. I got picked on because of my last name. The times being what they were and not being a coddled child, my mom told me to let it go and my dad told me to suck it up. I did and the picking went away. I understand kids nowadays tae it to a whole different level with social media and all but I also think there's a difference in how parents treat their kids nowadays, too. But that's getting off-topic a bit.

I remember going to kindergarten at Central Baptist Church. Halfway through the year, the church caught fire and we finished the year in another part of the building. The next year, my class was the first 1st grade class to start at the new Tarrant Elementary School and the old Boyles school that my cousin had attended was torn down. Townhouses were built in its place and years later, my friend and her new husband would occupy one.

When I went to the middle school, my 6th grade class was the first to use the new round 5th/6th grade building that had been built over the summer. I believe that building space is now used for a library as the old 7th/8th grade building was demolished and an entire new facility rebuilt when my sister was in about the 8th grade.

The old high school is sitting empty and falling in. It makes me sad. I'm also broken-hearted that the football field is overgrown with weeds and brush, the bleachers are falling in and the only ones to grace the place besides the occasional vandals are the ghosts of players, fans and band members past. I loved Friday nights! I loved being a majorette and twirling and strutting my stuff out on that field. I have fond memories of the bandroom, standing at my locker with various friends, including a few different boys and even of the classrooms and teachers I had.

I remember getting my first kiss behind the gym at the Middle School after a Sock Hop from a boy who passed on earlier this year. I remember playing countless hours with kids that lived up the street, riding our bikes up, down and around the block, carving little houses into the neighbor's bushes, playing 1 base kickball, playing in the hose pipe when it was hot, running up and down the gutters on the side of the road after a hard rain.

We went door to door selling donuts and various other things without fear and we knew the houses we could always count on for a sale.

I had an after school job at Kessler's Pharmacy that I loved. I didn't make but $3 an hour (less than minimum even back then) but I worked with some of my friends and drank homemade milk shakes from the fountain.

On weekends if there wasn't a football game or a band competition, we would pile in someone's car and cruise up and down the streets until we were allowed to venture out of Tarrant and into Huffman/Roebuck.

Almost every corner of that little town holds some kind of memory for me. One day, maybe I'll write a book about it instead of just a blog!