Had dinner with my a few of my bestest high school friends Friday night!
From left to right, me of course, Angela, Allison, Toni and Aldona. I LOVE these girls! I've known Angela since kindergarten, Allison since 6th grade and Aldona since 8th grade and Toni...well I can't quite pinpoint when I started knowing her but she's always been around! We become close friends when she, Angela and I were in high school and were majorettes. But even though time and distance separates us sometimes (and thankful for facebook for bringing us all close once again) when we get together it's like no time has passed at all. We are the same silly girls we always were, talking about everything and anything and not holding back whatsoever!
That night, the "Auburn fan" came over and pretty much stayed with me all weekend. *sigh* I don't know. He definitely has some issues. But then again, we're in our 40's now...who doesn't? Sometimes my common sense tells me to just let this one go. But then I start feeling like June Carter or something when I realize I already care too much. And sometimes, I feel like he cares more than he wants to admit. And other times I feel he's trying to pull away. And then I remember it hasn't been that long. And then I question well who cares? Feelings are feelings and they know no logic. Love (or any other emotion) isn't rational. So I guess the best that I can do is just to accept it for what it is and roll with it like D said!
I just hate that when I feel like God is trying to shut a door, He can't also help me immediately shut down my feelings! So then I start to second guess both Him and myself.
And in a way, I'm reaping a lot of what I've sown! Let me explain...
If you want to go back in my blog a few years, I got involved over facebook (yes, it has it's pros and cons doesn't it?) with a man I went to high school with and secretly always had a crush on. It started out as a harmless flirtation but went a little too far. He was married. So was I. I had so much emotional turmoil going on at the time I couldn't see straight and though I tried hard to cling to what I knew was right, once again, I couldn't shut down my feelings and I went after him. Hard. Fortunately, he was married to one hell of a strong woman. She and God intervened and nothing came of it. Hats off to you, girl! And I am deeply sorry for not at least respecting your marriage when I couldn't respect my own.
Nonetheless, I'm catching a little of what it feels like to be on the other end. I am not married to this person, haven't been dating long, there is no commitment or anything and maybe that's why I feel the way I do. But there is someone else with hooks in him and although SHE is married to someone else and lives in another country, she doesn't want to let go of her hold on him. Or at least that's how it feels on this end because there wasn't much contact until she found out we were dating. Maybe I'm just so over the top emotional that I'm a little bit jealous when I shouldn't be. And maybe that's another red flag. It's not the only one and it isn't even the worst. It's just gotten me to thinking about karma. And yes, even though I'm a Christian I believe in it. It's even in the bible it just isn't called that, it's called reaping what we sow and it's in Galations 6:7. But it's the same thing as karma--what comes around goes around! And I guess we shall see just how much I get what I deserve. I can only pray that God continues to bless me far beyond what I deserve just as He always has.
On a more positive note, I got the opportunity Saturday to serve at Children's Harbor and division of Children's Hospital. They were putting on an indoor sports camp for children with illnesses and their siblins. I got to paint faces! It was a lot of fun!
I have also written my professional statement for graduate school. I'm waiting on a transcript from Jeff State (I don't know why they needed it since all the classes transferred to BSC and I GRADUATED from there, hello?) and a letter of recommendation which I have asked my old boss from Freedom Financial to write because he's so high profile! But I finally know what I want to do and I'm pumped!
I had a phone interview with Protective Life today that will put me right back into the field I left over ten years ago--Human Resources! I'll even be doing exactly the same job but with a different company. It went very well and I'm optimistic that it could be a major blessing in my life! I would covet your prayers!
I am also needing to sell Kayti's car asap to catch up on some bills I fell behind on during my two months of unemployment. It's a working and running car and still looks pretty decent and I'm only asking $1000. I don't know why I'm having trouble selling but you wouldn't believe some of the idiots I've talked to! I mean, what do you expect for $1000? And no, I'm sorry, I can't let you make payments! Ugh. So please pray that I sell it this week!
Be blessed!
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