Random thoughts...

Yes, I deactivated facebook again. We'll see how long it lasts this time lol. They say it takes 21 days to break a habit and the account is actually scheduled for deletion in 14 days so we'll see how far we get with my latest attempt at "going off the grid".

But I've been reading up a lot lately about spiritual warfare and actually speaking your dreams into existence! I've always been a little hesitant to do this, especially lately because when I have in the past and they haven't come to fruition, I've felt like a failure or at the very least, an idiot. But people change and so do dreams. I once dreamed of opening my own preschool but it's not my passion anymore. Honestly, I'm not really sure what it is. I have a direction that I want to take my career--back to Human Resources. But I'm not really sure that's what I'm "called" to do.

Other than writing, which I have a really hard time coming up with a plan for that other than this blog, I don't really feel strongly about anything anymore. I still love hearing adoption stories but I know it's not God's plan for me to adopt. I still desire to do short-term missions but don't have a strong calling for any particular area.

So I guess taking this time to fast, to unplug from as much as I can so that I can really hear from God and battle some strongholds that the enemy has over my life is my attempt at trying to get a clear vision for what His plan is. Please, please pray because I desperately need His direction.

I have applied to UNA for their Executive MBA program. I have applied for a job in HR with Protective Life. I want these things. But does God want these things for me?

I am dreaming of going to Israel next year with Church of the Highlands. Since I don't feel strongly about any area in need, I though maybe a pilgrimage to the Holy Land would be a good way to really make the Bible come alive for me in a new way.

I am dreaming of losing about 50 more pounds so that my knees and mobility will improve because I dream about hiking part of the Appalachian Trail and the Grand Canyon.

I am dreaming of becoming a women's ministry speaker and writer. I feel like the testimony of my divorce and my experiences since then will help some people. I know it's already helped a few.

I am dreaming of joining a ministry this Fall called DivorceCare in which I will gain some practical experience in leading those affected by divorce.

I am dreaming of falling in love again with the perfect man God has for me. Many people say that is my ex-husband and that God will restore us. I am not sure. I don't doubt for a minute that God can do it, I just don't know that that is His plan. Although he is still one of my best friends and I love him dearly, I still don't love him like a wife should and he knows this. Even if I did, he is not open to any reconciliation. Further, he is not a believer and until he becomes one (if he ever does), it would not be wise for either of us to remarry each other.

But regardless of who God chooses, I want him to not only be willing to pray with me, for me, hold my hand in church, be an upstanding man of good character and love me as Christ loves the church, he must also be fun, attractive, funny, full of life and energy, goal oriented and positive. I want to be passionately in love again. It's one of the best feelings in the world and I miss it. I got a taste of it recently. But it was simply with the wrong person, apparently. That's okay. I DO trust the Lord and will wait.

I just finished my Pastor's book, Fresh Air and I highly recommend it! I can't say enough good things but it will help you put EVERYTHING in perspective. Probably the most important thing I took away from it is that we worship God not for us, but for Him. I'm not sure how to put into words what I would love for you to understand but Pastor Chris does so please pick up a copy of that book! You will not regret it!

But I DO love the Lord with all my heart, all my mind, all my soul and all my strength. I see His awesomeness everywhere I look. I truly desire to sing praises to Him (though I'm not sure my voice is such a joyful noise!) and to let the Holy Spirit take over my life--all of me for all of Him! I want the curses on my family lifted and I know that when I cast them out in the name of Jesus they MUST go!

I will live in prosperity in all areas of life. I will be able to be healthy and wealthy enough to help those who need it and will do all I can to further the kingdom. This I claim in the mighty and precious name of Jesus!

Be blessed!