Thirty Days of Thankfulness Day 6

Wednesday, I was thankful for the discovery of an amazing restaurant called Chuys that prepares and serves the absolute best Mexican food I have ever had!

I am also thankful to live in a relatively big city and realize that there is so many things here I still haven't seen, done or experienced. I think we've established that while a visit to the country once in a while is nice, I'm a bonafide city girl and while being at the Summit Wednesday night with all the lights and shops (even though I'm not much of a shopper) I realized again that city life is my natural habitat. And I plan to take advantage of this realization and experience more of what this city has to offer before I move too far away from it (yes, my experience with the electricity and Jefferson County confirmed I will soon be leaving it but I will stay close to Birmingham for now--Shelby County is where I'll most likely be next).

Thirty Days of Thankfulness Day 5

Yes, I'm woefully behind but I'm catching up now!

Tuesday, Day 5, I was thankful for electricity!!! Yes, folks, it was finally turned on again around 7:30 p.m. Tuesday night after going a few rounds with my landlord and Jefferson County, neither of which I'm very thankful for at the moment!

But as I joked with the repairman from Alabama Power, who toted a ladder through the narrow hallway of my townhouse to get to the backyard (because the landlord STILL has not fixed the fence nor cut down all the brush blocking the path to the backyard and the utility pole) and worked diligently in the dark for what seemed like a long time, I would have made biscuits and gravy for him and affectionately referred to him as my new best friend!

It's amazing the things we take for granted and while I sat in the dark, playing on my android while he was hooking the lines back up I realized that there are many people in this world that do not have the luxury of electricity--something we think is a necessary. I was reminded again how very blessed I am to live where I do and be able to afford some of life's simple pleasures!

Thirty Days of Thankfulness Day 4

Today I am thankful for my job. I work in teleworking at a bank performing outbound sales and customer service calls to existing customers. Even though our calls are to people already our customers and there is little to no cold-calling involved, it still is basically telemarketing and it's not anymore fun being on the performing end than it is the receiving end sometimes.

I hated it in the beginning. As much as I have worked for banks, very little of it has ever been on the retail side and I don't know much about the company or its products. Feeling like I don't know something makes me fearful of being asked questions. But all we are supposed to do is read the script and disposition the call one of several ways. I don't get paid commissions or have to meet any quotas or anything because right now I'm only a temp. At times, it's incredibly boring.

But with the last few campaigns we have dialed, I've discovered I'm actually better at it that I ever thought I would be. A previous employer basically told me my customer service skills sucked. Not because I was ever rude to a customer or anything like that at all. But I'm a results oriented person. When someone comes to me with a problem, it's hardwired in my DNA to need to fix it. I've discovered through working in fields highly concentrated in external customer service that sometimes, the customer really doesn't want their problem solved, as strange as that may sound. Most of the time, they just want to be heard. And this job has provided very good practice for listening.

It's also been good practice for speech and diction, something this southern belle needs a lot of, even though I get complimented by those out of state on my accent all the time. When it's a script I'm VERY familiar with, I concentrate on my voice tone, annunciation, etc. Maybe this is good prep for my dream job! That's how I'm choosing to look at it anyway.

And of course, in this economy, I'm thankful to have a job that provides for our needs period. I know what it's like to not have one! I am VERY thankful for my job. It may not be what I want to do for the rest of my life. In fact, I KNOW God has bigger and better plans for me. Nonetheless, until He opens those doors, I'm quite content and grateful!

Thirty Days of Thankfulness Day 3

I am so very thankful that God led me to Church of the Highlands! I am thankful that I didn't give up on it because "it's too big", "overwhelming", or "the traffic". In the beginning it was all of those things. And to someone that hasn't become a part of it, it probably is still all of those things. But I am so glad I gave it a chance because it is SO much more. I am not sure I can adequately put it into words.

When I'm there, especially at Grants Mill, I look around at all the people--God's children--and I get a glimpse of what Heaven will be like. All kinds of people, black, white, hispanic, asian, etc., tattoos, jeans, suits, young, old, men, women all worshiping the One True King and worshiping PASSIONATELY, not just sitting and giving it a half effort. But fully immersed in worship. It's something you have to see to believe. It's an indescribable feeling I get when I look around at my brothers and sisters in Christ.

I love our pastors, especially Pastor Chris. I love his positive attitude, his generosity, his passion, his vision and his heart. He is truly anointed to be able to bring messages from the Lord and relate them in practical ways that are encouraging.

I love our Dream Team and am so blessed to be a part of it. Dream Teamers rock babies, teach children, lead small groups, feed the hungry, minister to the homeless, imprisoned, addicted, impoverished and unhealthy. Dream Teamers do administrative work, greet people, serve coffee, and do yardwork. Dream Teamers sing, play music, create media,  lead mission trips, tutor and mentor children, cook food, write letters and so much more. Dream Teamers are literally the hands and feet of Christ.

I love our people. No, we are not perfect. We are all flawed human beings worshiping, loving and serving a perfect Savior because of His love for us. It's a church that "gets it", is life giving and hopeful. Yes, it's a church that preaches from the Bible and makes no apologies for the gospel. But not just the death and damnation part, the resurrection and eternal life part that is SO IMPORTANT!

I am so blessed to be a part of this church and encourage you to visit. If it's not for you, that's okay. Find a place that means as much to you and does all of these things so that you will live a life fulfilled!

Thirty days of Thankfulness Day 2

Friday morning, I woke up, went downstairs and immediately opened the back door to let Mady out and saw that power lines were strewn across the yard! I went outside to investigate further and saw that my meter box and pole holding the lines had fallen completely away from the house due to rain and rotting wood! Yet the power was still on so I called Alabama Power. I'd already missed so much time from work for other reasons so I went on to work when I found out I didn't have to be there. They called and told me they would have to shut the electricity off and that I needed to call my landlord and have him get an electrician out to repair everything. I did and he did and everything was fixed that day. However, Alabama Power refused to cut the electricity back on until Jefferson County could inspect the work and guess who wouldn't answer the phone all day! 

Talk about ruining a weekend! I had planned to stay shut up in my house all weekend studying! So now I had no electricity and therefore no heat, no internet connection and also needed to get my perishable items to someone else's fridge immediately! 

There was never really any question about where I would go. Unless the landlord was willing to pay for a hotel stay--which he wasn't because it wasn't his fault and he'd done what he was supposed to--so I could stay close to Trussville, then I was staying with my best friend, Dede. And she never questioned it.

I am SO very thankful for her for so much. She took me and the girls in when we had no place else to go. She has shared her wisdom, laughter, spirituality and her door is always open to anyone that needs help. 

We have had a great weekend talking, sharing and doing things together. Even though it wasn't the weekend I planned, it has been one I will treasure forever. Thank you so much, sweet friend!

Nuggets of Wisdom from Divorce Care and my own thoughts....

"Divorce affects everyone close to you—your children, parents, relatives, and friends.  Your loved ones will have different responses throughout the divorce process, depending on their relationship with you and with your former spouse. They may feel sadness, disappointment, resentment, or anger. Their responses to you can vary from offering encouragement and support to showing meanness and blame. They might avoid you out of embarrassment or discomfort.

Sabrina Black says it is important to preserve the relationships with your loved ones to the best of your ability. She says, “Family members will often send mixed messages. You need to make sure you are being prayerful before God as you communicate with them. You need to keep in mind that the relationship is the most important thing. The goal is to love the other person, and as you are loving the person, you need to be honest with him or her.”

God wants you to love people even when they have been unlovable, even when they have spoken against you, hurt you, or blamed you. This kind of love can be difficult because you won’t feel like loving certain people. Ask God to help you with this. As a human, you cannot do it on your own, but with the help of the Holy Spirit you can learn to love with a godly love regardless of another person’s response to you."

I can't say that I was "prepared" for my childrens' responses to my divorce but I knew it wasn't going to be easy n them. But I had bought into the belief that "children are resilient" and they "would rather be from a broken home than live in one". And this is true in many ways. But there's no way anyone ever comes out of a divorce unscathed and no matter how much you try and prepare yourself and others and think you can gauge a reaction, it's really something impossible to do until you've actually gone through it. It's like imagining yourself walking through flames. You KNOW you'll be burned. You KNOW it'll be painful. But there's no way to possibly know the extent of the pain, scarring and damage unless you are someone that has actually been burned.

What I never imagined was the response from some friends and family members, including my own mother. I know that my mother's foremost concern was for the kids. But based on her reactions to other situations, I did not expect our relationship to suffer like it did following my divorce. As a mom myself, I know that no matter what my children have ever done or will ever do will change the depth of my love for them. And so I expected the same. And I know that my mother loves me. But I'm only just now beginning to see--after dealing with some issues with my own daughter--her perspective. She wanted better for me. She expected better from me. And she had formed an attachment with my ex after watching us go through so much together for 21 years. He had earned her love and respect. Mine had been freely given.  I expected everyone to switch gears with me quickly and that was a wrong expectation. 

My relationship with my mother is now on the mend. I know I've always had her love. But for someone that didn't love myself for awhile, it was hard to imagine that anyone else loved  me either, no matter how desperately I wanted to know that they do. And I have begun earning back some of her respect again as well. And that means a lot to me. 

Sadly, I did lose friends over my divorce. They just didn't know how to handle it. They wanted to live safely in their own little bubbles and as much as I have lost respect for them because of that, I do accept that that is just the way it is. Like Stephen King wrote in The Body, "Some people come in and out of our lives like busboys in a restaurant." They obviously weren't the friends I thought they were. Just busboys. And I still love those busboys. But I have definitely learned not only the meaning but also the VALUE of what it means to HAVE a true friend and to BE a true friend.

And speaking of expectations...

"You have certain expectations in your daily life. Expectations of yourself, your children, your family members, your friends, and your former spouse. Until you stop and think about it, you may not realize just how high your standards are for yourself and for those around you. To move forward into the future, you need to learn to reset your expectations.

Consider how much you are asking of yourself and how much you can actually handle. Also, do you expect more from others than is realistic under the circumstances of your divorce? If you find yourself getting upset because someone does not live up to a certain expectation of yours, then maybe it’s time to back off and reset that expectation.

You can’t force other people into your expectations.  Reset your standards to a place where you can function, and examine your motivation for having that expectation in the first place."

I still get stressed out over this sometimes. I want to move forward so badly. I want to accomplish so much. So I set goals and start making plans. It's not long before I'm overwhelmed and I need to some downtime to unwind and refresh. Everyone does. But I seem to be needing it more and more lately and that has led me to the conclusion that my expectations of myself are too high. For awhile, they were too low. So I'm still trying to find the happy medium. It's difficult when you have so many responsibilities already and you want to mix in some dreams so you'll have a motivation for living up to those responsibilities. What do you "let go" of when you can't let go of anything? Even when I prioritize down to the simplest and most important things first, I find I have TOO MANY IMPORTANT THINGS!

For example, here, in the exact order they fall, are the most important things to me:

1) God. It's in my (and everyone else's) best interest to spend time in prayer and studying His Word every day. Not only that but I need the time of meditation to hear from Him, not just Him hear from me. And it's not that I only do it out of obligation, I want to. I love God so much! And He expects us to put Him first in our lives. Part of this includes serving Him by serving others.

2) My kids. Enough said.

3) My job. If my kids are important, and they are, then I have to be able to support them financially and provide for their needs (and some of their wants). And even though they are grown/almost grown, they'll still need things from me. And perhaps even especially because they are almost grown, I need to focus on my career all the more because I won't have child support and obviously no husband to provide for my own needs. It's all on me from here on out, as far as I know right now anyway. 

4) Graduate school. In my career field, it's kind of important in order to boost my potential earning power as well as to reestablish some credibility in the industry. 

5) Health. I hate that this comes 5th on the list but I can't bump it up any. I have to stay on my medicines for my emotional well-being and for my physical health. Hypothyroidism affects many aspects of one's life. I also need to shed a few pounds, take care of this knee and stay active. Not only do I need to do this, I quite enjoy it. There's nothing like the feeling of finishing a 5k faster than you did the last time you did one, even if you walked it the entire time. There's nothing like the feeling of getting through ONE more zumba routine before you feel like you have to start slacking immediately or you'll fall over dead in front of everyone. And there's nothing like looking in the mirror and seeing results from your sweat and hard work. If it's true that fat cries, honey mine throws a HISSY fit!

6) Other relationships. Another one that I hate being so far down on the list but where else can it go? Sometimes it does swap places with others at times, depending on the situation. But my parents, my sisters and their kids and my friends are all VERY important to me. And I want to take the time with them so that they know that. I cannot imagine my life without them. I also find value in the relationships I'm forming through my two groups--my LIFE group and my DivorceCare group--both through my church. God designed us to be in relationships with like minded people and it has been invaluable.

7) My purpose/calling. I'm still trying to determine what that is. To do that, I have to spend time on all the other things, especially number one. I'm beginning to gain some insight on what God wants me to do. He seems to be laying out the path. I just need the courage to follow it (and the time!)

8) Hobbies/passions/other things I want to do and places I want to go. It's important for everyone to have this component in their lives in some way. It plays a larger role for some than most and that's okay. Everyone is different. Most people don't have time. That's definitely true for me right now. 

So how to adjust my expectations of myself when there is so much I can't prune from my daily life? Just one more thing to give over to God.

Not only do I have to be mindful of my expectations for myself, I also have to be careful not to adjust my expectations to those that others have for me. 

“The realization came to me a couple of weeks ago that I have been living out everybody else’s expectations for me. It’s human nature that my friends want me to heal, and I had tried over time to convince them I was okay. I realize now that I was trying to get their stamp of approval that I was okay and that I was healing. I did this by buying into their expected response of ‘I don’t love my husband anymore.’ What I didn’t reckon with is the fact that there is nothing wrong with me still loving my husband. In fact, a year later, a year after we’ve separated, I still love my husband very much.”

You cannot make decisions based on the approval of others. You will only add to your stress and fatigue if you try to live up to the expectations of others. Reset your own expectations to a level you can cope with, and focus your energy on keeping within your own standards. This will help to free you emotionally."

I'm not really sure how I feel about my ex anymore. I will always care about him as not only the father of my children, of course but as another human being at least. I have learned that I need to be mindful that I can't inflict pain on him to relieve the pain I have. I have also learned that I can't let others put ideas in my head about what will happen with us. Some very well meaning people have said many times things like "ya'll will get back together", "God can restore your marriage, He can do anything". Yes, I know God CAN do anything. That doesn't mean He will. That doesn't mean it's in either of our best interest to be together and it especially doesn't mean that God needs my help in forcing it. It's like I said, I really don't know that I even WANT that but when you hear this over and over again, it gets in your head and under your skin. And you think that it's what needs to be. It doesn't. If it is to be, you can rest assured, it will be TOTALLY a God thing. 

And finally, probably the most important thing I've learned so far:

"If you’re a marathon runner,” says Dr. Jim A. Talley, “and you have open heart surgery, how long do you think it’s going to be before you can jog again? How long before you can run a mile? How long before you can run a marathon? When you put it in physical terms, people know it may take four or five years for recovery.

"Divorce is open heart surgery, emotionally. Some people are not willing to give it enough time, and their expectations for recovery are too fast. When you get up and go faster than you’re supposed to and you push your healing cycle too quickly, you have to do it over again and you get a relapse. What would normally take five years is going to take six or seven because you’ve done more damage to yourself in the process.”

Relax. Breathe deeply. You have just had open heart surgery and the prognosis is good. You will recover, but be prepared for therapeutic exercises, time for rest, getting back into work slowly, and for other people to think you look healthy on the outside when you still have a lot of healing left to do on the inside."

Amen. For the first few years following my divorce, some people would tell me to slow down and take the time to heal. My response was usually something like, "I don't need to. I'm fine. I'm completely okay with my divorce." I wasn't. I wanted to be. I thought that I was. 

For some people, divorce is like a gunshot wound. You feel the pain immediately and intensely. Mine was more like a cancer. I didn't really realize I had pain until time had past and the cancer was there. 

Either way, band aids (another relationship, self medication with drugs/alcohol, etc.) won't suffice. And time does NOT heal all wounds. Time COVERS wounds. The only one that can heal is Jesus Christ. And He's giving me the best treatment for my pain!

Be blessed!

Thirty days of thankfulness! Day 1

Today I am thankful for the homeless man I encountered outside the CVS on my walk to the Mexican restaurant to meet a friend for lunch. He reminded me how far I've come in just three short months and of the many times prior that I was almost there myself. But by the grace of God, I had family and friends that did not allow that to happen and in turn, I made it a priority to pull myself up by my bootstraps and work hard at taking advantage of the opportunities God sent my way, even if I didn't think they were ideal at the time.

I was also reminded that God loves everyone. Yes, I know a lot of people think that we shouldn't give money to homeless people. I've heard every excuse in the book:

1) they need to get a job

2) they are just addicts who will use it to get a fix

3) if they really tried they could help themselves

4) if they hadn't done something wrong to begin with, they wouldn't be in that situation.

You know what? I don't care about any of that. God puts people in my path for a reason. All too many times, He has used them to be a lesson to me--sometimes good, sometimes bad. But occasionally and more often lately, He has put people in my path for ME to be a blessing to, to show them His love for them. What they choose to do with that blessing is between THEM and God, I am only responsible to do MY part. 

I needed reminding of that today because in the midst of the chaos that is sometimes my life--frustration in traffic, dealing with the attitudes of coworkers and teenagers (sometimes one acting like the other!), financial stress, and even waking up to the unexpected like power lines being down in your yard!--I can get too arrogant in MY ability and forget to trust God for everything. 

He is my comforter, my provider, my confidante, my healer, my redeemer, my loving Father, my laughter, my joy and my best friend. He gives and  He takes away and if you ever think that such a thing as being homeless will never happen to you, I hope you never find out how terribly wrong you are. 

Yes, I am thankful for the homeless man being there to remind me that everyone deserves mercy. I am thankful to God that I was able to help him, if only with just a little and more importantly, I am thankful that I took the time to talk with him for a minute and find out some of his story. I am thankful with how blessed I am by the look on his face, grateful for not only the money but for the conversation. I am thankful that I was able to be used by God to show someone love and help them feel human again.

What are you thankful for today? Share below or on your own blog and post a link back below!