Yes, it's been awhile....

And I don't know exactly how long this "blog update" will get. I'm just going to type what God puts on my heart to say and share.

First and foremost--thank you all so much for your prayers! They have indeed been felt and have helped so much. However, when Christians start fighting back the devil, he just seems to want to work overtime instead of moving onto something else so please, for now, keep 'em coming!

It has been a VERY difficult month for me. Dylan's truck was stolen, most of you know that. Well, it's been found but lost again. We'd never gotten ownership changed over because we'd only had it for 3 weeks when it was stolen and part of that time it wasn't running and then there was the whole Jefferson County layoff fiasco and neither Jeff nor I had time to stand in line for 4+ hours to get it taken care of. We had the bill of sale so we weren't particularly worried about it. Then it broke down on the side of 459 and within 1 hour (I'm not kidding) it was gone! Finally, last week, the previous owner called us to let us know that Jefferson County had contacted him to let him know that it had been found--not far from where it broke down. But now every time we try to find out where it's being held in impound, we get the run around and no one claims to know anything about it! Ugh! Beauracracy! We don't know anything about the condition of it for certain so we won't know if it's salvageable until we can get someone to tell us where it is and we can go have a look at it.

Things at work have continued to be tense among management and teachers and among and between teachers ourselves with people getting fired, changes being made, etc. and just when I was starting to allow myself to feel a little bit at peace with things--I was accused of spanking a child! Of course I did NOT spank that child but the mother, another teacher, is choosing to believe her three year-old child and when my boss wouldn't fire me on the word of a 3 year-old, she quit. She has not asked me about it or said two words to me and I am very upset about that. For one thing, I am so unbelievably tired of people who claim to be Christians and yet they don't act biblically. The Bible clearly says in Matthew 18--if you have a problem with a brother or sister, go to them FIRST! But then again, that problem seems pretty widespread these days so I'm not really surprised. For another thing, to even be accused of such a thing just tears at my soul. I love all these kids and though she is not even in my class I have loved on her and extended my heart and hands to her as much as any child who is in my class. And finally, if I can survive the summer with Reni (a VERY wild and out-of-control child) and not beat the total CRAP out of that kid, NO ONE has to worry about me hitting their kid. It would not even occur to me to have that as an option. I don't even spank my own kids as much as I probably should!

I am very thankful that administration and everyone else that I've talked to that knows anything about it believes me. But to even have the accusation out there it's like a dark cloud hanging over me that may never go away. I've done the only thing I can do--pray about it and ask God to take care of it.

Though it has been a difficult time, it has not been without it's many blessings amidst the chaos!

1) Jeff is finally back on full-time! So we've started chipping away at this mountain of debt we now have! Please pray for patience from our creditors and for us to be diligent, frugal and good stewards.

2) My sister is having a boy!

Just look at that big grin on my brother-in-law's face. He only THOUGHT he wanted a girl! lol (and just ignore the Auburn attire--he is a poor misguided soul and we are ministering to him as best we can!)

We are beyond excited over here! I cannot wait for another little man!

3) Jeff's grandparents celebrated 70 years of marriage this weekend! We had a huge dinner at their house with all the family and we had a great time. As soon as I recharge my camera batteries and get those photos uploaded, I will share them. Can you believe 70 years? That is AMAZING!! I LOVE his grandparents. You never met two more genuine Christian souls in your life.

4) I finished three amazing books including the latest installment in the Yada Yada House of Hope series. I SO want to start a prayer group of my own! Anyone interested? LOL

5) I continue to be blessed daily as a teacher. I cannot thank God enough for the class He gave me this year. They are the best kids and have the best parents! I love, love, love them!

6) Alabama is undefeated! Yeah, baby!

7) I reestablished contact with one of my siblings via my sperm-donor father--my sister, Misti! I met her for the first time since we were little about 10 years ago and felt an instant bond with her. Sadly, we lost touch again but we found each other again thanks to amazing new thing called Facebook! If you're not on it, you should be. I resisted the temptation for a long time because I had the impression that it was just another Myspace and that experience left such a bad taste in my mouth. But it's not like Myspace at all. I love it, now that I'm used to it! Misti and I have SO much in common. We are both mothers, with three children. We both teach preschool, we are both writers and we are both Christian women struggling with the same issues of faith! We made a promise to pray and ask God for a renewed committment to each other and for Him to make us better in the areas we need to be.

8) Kayti made the A honor roll at CORE and made an A in algebra! She really struggles with Math so this is an amazing accomplishment for her! I'm so proud!

9) I can tell that Brooke is TRYING to improve her attitude/behavior. When it's just me and her, we have a fabulous time. She's a huge help on the days she goes to work with me and I love watching her interact with her friends. She is so happy and outgoing.

10) We are going camping for Halloween weekend! We are not rich people (obviously) and will be doing it primitive style but we love spending time together outdoors. I do pray it warms up just a LITTLE bit, though! LOL

Praise be to God for all things big and small!

from September 20, 2009

I don't even know where to begin...

I feel sometimes like my life is just spiraling out of control. I definitely am not where I pictured myself 20 years ago as I prepared to take my wedding vows. Coming up on our 20th wedding anniversary has made me reflect a lot. I'm trying to focus on all the blessings we have enjoyed instead of all the heartache. But when you've had lots of heartache lately, it's hard to do.

I accidentally got off my medicine again. I didn't mean to. I just ran out and didn't get the chance and the money to get it refilled at the same time until yesterday. I, as well as everyone around me, can definitely tell a difference.

But it's with these major mood swings, rage and anxiety that I've had to endure even MORE drama at work--Veletta (asst. mgr and event coordinator--only 1 left that was part of "Donna's team" quit (I don't know the facts or the details, just a bunch of gossip that I'm not going to even bother to repeat even though this blog is still private and only a handful of close friends even see it. It's just not worth going into--trust me.) and tension at work has been high once again with some of the parents and teachers. I try to do what Donna N does--stay in my own little bubble and not get involved!

Monday, Dylan's truck was stolen. Needless to say, he is devastated and I am heartbroken for him. I know what it feels like--I had a car stolen when I was a teen, too. We only carried liability on it so he is out all the money that he worked all summer for and we are in no position really to help him get anything else. It seems like the harder we battle back from this deep black hole, the further we get pushed down into it. I know God didn't do this but I can't help but wish sometimes He'd supernaturally help me out a little! I know he's there to comfort me but I want more than comfort sometimes! It's not fair that a perfect kid like him--never gives us any trouble, makes super-excellent grades, is super-smart, works hard has to have this happen to him while other teenage brats get everything handed to them. I have to remind myself that the Bible doesn't say one word about being "fair"--it's something I tell my girls all the time. But it still sucks!

Still no word from Hardie Tynes on when they are going to put everyone back on full-time and that is still causing a lot of tension with me and Jeff.

My prayer life is suffering because I just don't have the energy to get down on my knees anymore and that's probably a LOT of my problem. And it probably has something to do with my medication, too. I KNOW in my head I need to MAKE the time and muster up the energy to focus my attention on God--that's probably why all this is happening. But it's hard to do when I'm so angry and depressed all the time.

We need to get back in church somewhere but I'm TIRED of being the spiritual leader in my own home. Sometimes I want someone else to lead but no one is going to.

I'm TIRED of being the one that has to initiate taking care of everything for everybody.

I'm just plain TIRED! And the more I try to rest, the more tired I am. And now I'm not sure what part of this is me and what part of this is the lack of med! Ugh! I just want to scream!

There is so much I want and want to do--not just for me and my family--but for others and I can't focus my attention on anything else right now but what I'm lacking. And I envy those that can and do have the life they want. That is so pitiful and it makes me hate myself for feeling this way.

I don't even feel I'm writing coherently right now so I'll just quit.

Funny video to share for all the 'bama fans!

Pictures to share...

In the past few weeks, another one of those "milestones" has come to pass in the lives of my not-so-little girls. They have outgrown their barbies. They've outgrown playing with them at least. So we decided to get rid of them, the clothing and furniture, etc. and pass them on to a very special little friend of theirs and one of my former little ballerinas--Katelyn Howard, who is just now only discovering the world of barbie. She was as excited to receive these well-loved but well cared for precious possessions as my girls were to give them to her.

The only ones kept were the wizard of oz barbies and they now sit proudly on the "collector's" shelf with all the other prized items from childhood that are no longer played with.

And of course, mama has to capture every "milestone" on film:





On Labor Day, we went to the inlaws for a cookout and I got to see Baby Tyler for the first time! Oh he's so precious!







More preschool fun...

My newest love, Tripp (aka "Larry Boy") playing dress-up:




and Teddy Bear Day 2009:






And of course, football has begun! ROLL TIDE ROLL!!!

We watched the Virginia Tech game at my parents house last week but I was too wrapped up in the game to bother with any pictures until half-time and my mom snapped one of me getting some Maggie-lovin'!



Last night, the game was on pay-per-view and we are watching every dollar right now so we opted to listen to this game which sometimes provides it's own fun! Here are my two armchair coaches discussing which play needs to be called next:



And yesterday, while on his outing to cash his paycheck, my baby boy went to Bama Fever and bought his mommy a new 'bama shirt! Scream it with me now, "Jjjjjjjuuuuuuulllllliiiiiooooo!!!!!"

old blog post titled "Transitioning"

Okay, more about my "transition" to a working-full-time-homeschooling mom.

As I said before, much prayer and thought went into it--both on my part and on my boss' part. But God just took care of every detail and gave me such a peace about taking this step. And when I think back on the biggest changes/challenges in my life, whenever God has wanted me to walk through a door, he has opened it all the way for me--with hardly no effort required on my part. And when I was about to do something I wasn't supposed to do--He slammed it shut!

I never would have even thought about attempting to take this on but after I thought and prayed, I got up the courage to speak to Donna and whoa and behold...she was even more enthusiastic than I. That is the moment I knew I was doing what God wanted me to do. This is what He has for me right now. This is my ministry. Some of those children NEVER get to hear about Jesus except at the Academy. What's more, for some of them--that's the only time an adult hugs them and loves on them and pays them any attention at all! I feel so blessed to be one of the ones to get to do that. I have formed special bonds with so many of them--even some of the most difficult ones just have a way of working themselves into my heart! I really couldn't be more excited about this! I give all the glory to God!

All that said, I'm not an idiot. I realize that I will have to give up some things. Particularly Community Bible Study and co-op. I struggled with both but--and please do not take this the wrong way--here are my feelings about each:

Community Bible Study--this is my second year to attempt this feat. I absolutely love the concept of this organization--all denominations, all walks of life, all backgrounds coming together to study God's Word, pray together, fellowship together, etc. all while our children are able to follow along studying the same Scriptures that we do--the idea is phenomenal. I have hung with this year much longer than the first year I attempted this. The first year was also our first year to homeschool and shortly after both began was when the Clearview fiasco happened for me. It was too overwhelming. I also didn't feel like I fit in with the core group I'd been assigned to so when everything blew up, I knew it wasn't either the right thing for me or the right time.

Two years later, I decided to try it again because again--the idea is just so appealing to me. Even after being back at Clearview for over a year now, I still don't have a closeness to my fellow Christians that I long for. My SS class is great and I love it. But I am very careful about how much of myself I share and that makes me very sad. My prayer is that this will change eventually. I don't blame anyone for this, I know it's mostly me. But getting back to my point, I really longed for a close-knit group to pray with and share with and study God's word with so I decided to give CBS another go. This year's core group at CBS has been fabulous. Our leader is the sweetest person I have ever met. Her passion for God's Word is unlike anything I've ever seen. The other members are some of the most wonderful Christian women I've ever known and I truly love all of them. I will miss not seeing them next year.

But honestly, the rest of it, I can do without. The lectures are not stimulating to me (and I don't say that to be disrespectful of the lecturer at all--it's just not my style of learning) and I get the feeling that more emphasis is put on lecture than on the amazing things a core group can accomplish together and I feel it should be the other way around. Too many times, I feel as if we've had to cut it short when God is clearly moving just to make it to the lecture "on time". I don't feel right about that.

So I have decided to once again give it up and keep seeking how God would have me learn more about Him and His Word. I would really love to find a "prayer group" or start one. Maybe I live in a fantasy world of my books but something like the Yada Yada prayer group is right up my alley! I will keep searching and also keep looking for other ways to ground my children in God's word as well.

As for co-op, I love the class I teach and I will continue to teach it. Thanks so much to Donna Nielsen who has graciously offered her home to our kids who want to keep participating in this. I know it sounds silly to so many but I feel like I've really hit on something here, usuing the American Girl books to teach history and literature. If you could see the way the girls' faces light up when we are in class together, you'd have to agree. I may not have the following that I currently have by taking the class out of the co-op but I do know that I have at least 7 and the rest I leave up to God. He'll put the kids he wants in that class there.

As much as I love the class, I have not really enjoyed "co-op" this semester. I don't know why. I can't quite put my finger on it other than the changes that have been made since leadership changed hands. I don't blame any one person but it just feels like there are too many "rules", too many chiefs and not enough indians (for lack of a better expression). It seems to be becoming just another CORE and I feel that it should be more about enrichment and let CORE do the academics. But that's just my opinion. It also feels too much like school administration. I get that there has to be some guidelines but like I said, I don't know what it is, it just feels different and because so, I don't have a problem letting go of it. Maybe God has instrumented that feeling because He knew otherwise I would have a hard time letting go and obeying Him telling me to go teach at the Academy!

Anyway, I am carefully choosing our activities and praying over our transition into this new chapter in our lives. I've worked full-time before. I've even taught before. I've homeschooled now for three years. This is the first time I've ever attempted all this at the same time and while I have complete confidence that I'm following God's leading and that He will work all things to the good, I am keeping that in the forefront of my mind while I take this all very seriously. I would covet your prayers for my family during the coming months.

Blessings,

summer post from old blog

Pardon the pun!



Red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight! Jesus loves the little children of the world!

And I just love this picture!! Thought you might love seeing a few of the brats, I mean precious angels I get to take care of everyday. This was taken on water day. They had a blast and so did I--they all napped good that day! LOL

Seriously, I genuinely LOVE LOVE LOVE my job.

from last week...

Jeff and I are not getting along lately. I'm sure everything will be okay--just one of those blah things all married couples go through. We've been through it before and I won't bore you details (especially you, Donna! I know you don't want to hear about bad things! lol) We are just both really tired and under a lot of stress. But if you can spare a few prayers, they would be appreciated. We will celebrate 20 years in November. Sometimes I can't beleive it myself. Surely if we can make it to this point, we can make it through a few blahs! Thanks in advance!