Yes, I have cancer. Malignant Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma to be exact which is a rare form of cancer of the secretory glands, usually starting in the salivary glands which is where mine was. I'll start from the beginning:
I first noticed a lump under my ear January 2014 and saw a doctor. She said it was just swollen lymph node that sometimes they take awhile to go back down after you've been sick. I told her I hadn't been sick but she kinda blew it off and so I figured I was probably becoming a hypochondriac in my old age and so I didn't think anymore of it.
But about six months later, it was still there and was starting to get bigger and hurt a little. Not all the time but sometimes. So I saw another doctor. Again, he said it was probably nothing and the fact that it hurt was actually a GOOD sign but he gave me some antibiotics. He did want to do an ultrasound but he didn't have an ultrasound machine (go figure) and sent me to another facility and because of that, the insurance I had at the time (because I was working a temp position) wanted a separate $200 copay! I just took the antibiotics.
But several months later after I got a different job and better insurance, I started seeing Dr. Miller. She agreed that it was probably nothing but to put my mind at ease, she did an ultrasound in her office. Then she sent me to an ENT, Dr. Jebeles and he had it biopsied and did a CT scan. The biopsy results came back benign but he still recommended having it taken out because it would only get bigger and could ultimately disrupt facial nerves. So I saw a surgeon that specializes in otorlaryngology and had the surgery Thursday.
While I was still in surgery, he found additional inflammation and sent all the tissue off to the lab for preliminary analysis and the lab people said it looked malignant to them. So he took some extra time and took out the lymph node and some additional surrounding tissue. He's pretty sure he got it all but I may still have to do radiation once the final pathology report comes back.
I was initially upset. Shocked, I guess. But I'm fine. My neck is stiff from not being able to turn to the left much and there is still numbness. As the feeling returns little by little, the incision is itchy and stings a little. I have a little trouble swallowing and don't have much of a voice right now so please, if you need to contact me, text. I know I never much liked talking on the phone anyway but now I seriously can't, especially if you're hard of hearing because I just can't yell! lol
And it's not pretty!
Too bad it's not Halloween! The bandaid at the bottom is covering a hole where the drainage tube was. I was so glad to get that out! I'm told the other stitches will fall out on their own and once they do, the appearance won't be so jagged. Also my luscious locks will cover most of it as will makeup. Also the swelling will go down once the nerve heals and I regain the feeling.
But as I was lying awake in the wee hours this morning, I thought about how incredibly blessed I am. I would've thought I'd be scared, angry or upset but I honestly don't feel any of those things. I'm surprisingly peaceful and the only explanation I have is that I know the One that died for me is in complete control and I am absolutely fine with whatever happens because regardless, I win!
I know things are going to be different from now on. I'm going to have to accept that. But they don't have to be different in a bad way. For one thing, I'm not going to tolerate any negativity. I'm so blessed that I plan to focus completely on those blessings--my children and family, the friends that have proven to be REAL friends that are concerned about something other than themselves all the time. I have a great church, a great job and a zest for life, learning and new experiences. My health has to stop taking a backseat to everything else and it's no longer about losing weight and trying to have a hot body. I just want a healthy body. I'm going to keep serving the Lord by serving His people for as long as I have breath in my body. My goals may have to change from things like healing my knees so I can maybe one day attempt to get a zumba certificaiton or run a half marathon to things like, making sure I'm healthy enough to take care of grandbabies and still here to do so in the FAR FAR future! lol
The focus will shift from achievement to legacy. I want people to know how much they mean to me--how much they've ALWAYS meant to me. I want to be known for my heart, all the depths of it and nothing else. If I've ever wronged you, or even if I really haven't but you feel like I have, then I truly am sorry. If you've ever wronged me, or even if you didn't but I felt like you did, you're forgiven.
I am ready for the journey!
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