I had another GREAT weekend last weekend! Keep 'em coming, Lord! I need the release! Was invited up to Huntsville to party with a friend from high school and boy did we ever! He was a perfect host and still has that same personality that I love! We went to a mexican place and danced then to another place where I confirmed the fact that pool is NOT my game. There's only one thing I've ever successfully done on a pool table and play pool is NOT it! lol But we had a great time. He has some awesome friends and the next morning another friend from HS came up and we just hung out all day listening to pandora. Those two are CRAZY!!!

I hope we can get together again soon! I drove from there to my Tammy's house and partied with that crazy bunch and then finally made it home the next day, whupped! I'll never admit it but it has been suggested that I'm getting too old to party like I used to. Like I said, I'll NEVER admit that! lol I am enjoying this weekend with my girls, catching up on some chores and projects and hopefully going to see Dylan tomorrow. I miss him but he's almost done with his first year at Bama!!! I am so proud of my baby boy!

Still rockin it, despite I am having some discomfort in the knees. I've about decided that just like with emotional, mental or spiritual pain, sometimes we gotta push through physical pain, too. So I am! Monday night I walked 1.25 miles in 20. Would have went further but it was cooler than I anticipated and my mp3 died! Tuesday night, I did zumba (after doing PT that morning) and then walked 2 miles in 25! Wednesday morning I did PT but decided to take the evening off so we could grill out...only I couldnt get the grill lit but that's another story. Thursday rolled around and my knee was KILLING me as is the pain in my left abdomen. I'm feeling better now so I will jump back in later today. As for my spirit, I am looking forward to Joel Osteen coming to Birmingham but I know I need to do more that just watching him. I do pray daily but I confess they are fleeting...I'm also looking for some positive affirmation tapes to meditate on. But overall, I feel good about myself and our future. I just get bogged down in the daily grind of work, kids, appointments, etc. Mind--I am in such a reading funk! I need to find that one really good book that's gonna suck me back in because I miss it. I learn so much from reading and I do read my Cosmo and the paper but I need to feel the weight of a book in my hand (just like sometimes I need to feel the weight of a man on me, despite the fact I have a pretty well-stocked "goody" drawer! haha) I'm also contemplating a career change. Yes, I still love children and teaching and I've been groomed to be a director my whole life. But I dont like the way the "industry" is going. Too many childcare "experts" that really dont know their ass from a hole in the ground that want to dictate the character of kids by tell the caregivers what we can and cannot do. I see total devastation of our youth ahead if someone doesnt stand up and say something soon. Sadly, there are too many parents that do the same stuff. My physical therapist has gotten me really interested in that but I know know that I will always be physically able to do some of the things that she does. Plus, I saw her yesterday have to work on this man with the most disgusting feet I've ever seen...I can NOT touch someone else's jacked up feet! I could do nursing if I did labor and delivery or pediatric. I dont have much patience with old folks though even though they are precious! So I digress. All I know for now is that I need more money coming into this house and I dont have time for a second job! Aaarrrrggghhh!!! lol

Moving right along...

did two sets of 20 reps on each weight machine today. even resumed leg machines. Did 5 miles on the bike and 1 mile on the treadmill. I feel great!

It always helps when my mp3 is charged up!

Do double standards still apply?

When I was growing up in the go-go 80's, AIDS had just surfaced and while it may have taken the rest of the world awhile to catch on the practice of safe sex, it didnt take long for parents of teenagers to scare.

Being the oldest of three girls, my mother, who ironically was a flower-child feminist, beat it in my head that sex was something you saved for when you were MUCH older and REALLY in love and ready to make that commitment and take on such responsibility.

I noticed she stopped short of saying "wait till you're married" like many of my friends' parents were doing (in vain I might add! Many, many of the church-going good girls were VERY active!)

Another argument I remember my mother using was that most of society thinks its okay for boys/men to screw around while if girls afford themselves the same opportunities for pleasure, they are labeled sluts and whores. (aka "hoes" as the term is presently).

She was right about that for the most part. I did run across quite a few young men at the time that thought if a girl gave it up even once, you were ruined.

All religion aside, what was so special about virginity? I wondered...and still do. I mean, who wants to fumble around in the dark not knowing what you're doing, then after a few thrusts and "ouch...stop...you do love me, right?" its over.

And no, that is not a rendition of my own first experience. It was special. But I think a big part of why it was special was because it was the first time. Looking back, I think it could have been anywhere, anybody, anytime and it would be special largely because it WAS the first time. Just like my first trip to the beach, my first ice cream cone, my first ride on a big-girl bike. There's something near and dear about "firsts". But we all can't be everybody's first. Especially not now that we're older!

And as time has went by and we've learned to be a little more careful and selective of sexual partners, our attitudes have changed somewhat on such matters. Or have they?

Is it still more acceptable for a man to have a higher number of sexual partners than it is for women?


Why is our society still seemingly willing to believe the myth that its only a man that has "urges"?

And what is an acceptable "number"? This girl needs to know before hers gets "too high"!

:)

There are few things that I love more...

than spending the day with these two:




eating pizza at Hungry Howie's down on the strip, in the promised land and then going to the altar of the football gods!



ahhh...it's so awesome!



I am so proud of that young man up there! And so happy he is having the time of his life but still staying focused on the big picture!



And she is so beautiful but doesnt like having her picture taken! Hope she gets out of that shyness soon. She will be here in two short years--she's already decided!

And I just love checking out all the shirts!



I think that one's my favorite--tru dat!

And forgive me for saying so...

but a lot of people dream of having sex on the beach. Been there done that. This is my dream spot!



and this is my second choice...



haha!

We got there early enough to sit where we wanted. This is where I wanted to sit...



But Dylan complained! He couldnt see the formations very well from the field. So we climbed a little higher. But then Kayti started complaining about the sun. So we climbed even higher to get in the shade. But then the sun shifted and there was nothing we could do but burn up! Ahh but it as worth it when the Tide came running out...



We were thrilled to see a few of Dylan's classmates, Tyler Owens and Quintin Dial get some playing time and overall the team looked good. They have some things to work on but I'm sure Saban will get it straightened out!

We were so hot when we left that Kayti and I played in the fountain by the student center! You're never too old to play in water--especially when you're hot! Wish my camera battery hadnt died--it was funny!

And of course, we put the top down on the car on the way home!

Brooke stayed behind to play her soccer game. She was bummed she didnt get to go but she's a very devoted team player and loves her game! I'm proud of the choice she made.

Roll Tide Roll!

My birthday, Easter and other random thoughts...

Well, this birthday doesn't top 1997--spent that one in Paris with great friends and even greater memories. I will have to share that story sometime. But it definitely rocked last year's birthday! Click HERE to read about that.

But it started with meeting Angela, Toni, Angela's friend, Sandy and Dede at Jalisco's--good food, cheap margaritas!

Then we went to the ER in our old stomping grounds, Tarrant, to hear 4Play--David Hill & Roger Slater's band. They are great as always and I got to see lots of good friends including Anji, Dorinda & Mike, Allison, Kathy, Amanda & Eric, Danielle, Tim, Dana, Rhonda and I'm sure I'm leaving some out (sorry)...but we had a GREAT time!!!

me and Dorinda...


me and Rhonda



Anji, me, Rhonda, Dorinda




After we closed the place down, me and a good friend that's going through a rough time went to Waffle House. I didnt get home till early the next morning but I had to stay up because I had SO MUCH to do!

Had physical therapy, then tanning, then Brooke's soccer game which they won by the way--shorthanded! Then last minute Easter shopping, cooking out, dying eggs, making potato salad, getting ready for the Easter bunny... by the time I got to bed a little after 10pm I was EXHAUSTED!!!

But I had no problem bouncing back up the next morning. It's unbelievable that my kids, as old as they are still love to find Easter eggs and get a little competitive with it!

I also thought it was hillarious that when they were dying the eggs the night before, they threw out the orange tablet!!! They are such die-hard Bama fans!!!

We got ready and went to Nett's to cookout with the rest of the family and my mom surprised me with a double chocolate cake and the sweetest card! I also got a check but the card impressed me most...it played one of my favorite songs "My Wish" by Rascal Flatts! I think our relationship is definitely on the mend. It just breaks my heart to see her and Dad struggling like they are--physically, financially...spiritually. I wish I could do more than pray, even though I know prayer is the most important thing. This is the time of their lives they are supposed to be enjoying, not in so much pain all the time.

But everyone seemed to enjoy spending time together and it hasn't felt that way in a long time!

Baby Chloe...



Now I ask you--why can't all those little fat rolls be considered attractive on adults?



My Cooper...



He's not too crazy about me these days...my baby magnetism doesnt work on him for whatever reason. Heartbreaking but I can usually get a little love out of him!

Here he is sharing his pap with his mommy...




and chillin' with Pop!



Dylan with baby Liam...



Beautiful girls!



Gorgeous men!



Dylan and Zac--the original little men!



I am SO proud of this amazing young man!!!


and I absolutely LOVE my three babies!!!



Last night as I was relaxing with Mady on the couch I was thinking about last year's birthday and the year that followed. How God allowed me to be stripped me of everything I had--not just material things but self-esteem, dignity, pride, strength--so he could slowly rebuild and restore me. And boy did He ever! When I think of how far I've come in just a short amount of time and how blessed I am...it's overwhelming! And I know that it is DEFINITELY all God. I'm by no means where I need to be. I still stumble and fall and always will, probably. But I'm not where I was and for that, I'm VERY thankful!

First some pictures...

I can't believe how big and smart my babies are getting! They have learned to make "funny faces" lol It's so cute!






Coop celebrated his second birthday!



And Dylan made it home to celebrate!


Cooper's baby sister, Chloe


Enjoying his cake!


Melanie and baby Liam


My offsprings, the oldest two not too thrilled at having their picture taken...


Met some co-workers for dinner Friday night. I am blessed to share my babies with these two ladies. We work VERY well together! I love them dearly!


Me and Dede aka Phoebes from a few months ago at Sips N Strokes. Love me some Dede!


Sadly, it was these two babies' last day this week. Tyler's mom is going to stay home with him and Demi's family has moved across town. I am really going to miss them! I get SO attached to my babies. That's the part of the job that really sucks!



It's been a crazy few weeks. I resumed my workouts like my doctor said I could but by the second day my left knee was in EXCRUCIATING pain. So I called my doctor who of course was on vacation for spring break but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was sent to the Gardendale office and the doctor over there is OOOOHHH MMMMIIIIII GGGAAAWWWWDDD a drop-dead gorgeous latino! lol And he's single! lol

Seriously, I managed to convince him to give me a cortisone shot because I truly believe if I can just power through the workouts, lose some weight and then there wont be so much pressure on the joint...

Well...it didnt work. :( So I made my first physical therapy appointment and have completed two sessions. In the meantime, I'm going to do the bike and swimming and weights. No walking, no running, no zumba...for a few weeks anyway. But I am going to try and be ready for a zumbathon April 13 with one of my besties, Donna. I haven't seen her in a while and I really miss her. It's for Relay for Life and we used to Zumba together all the time. I'm looking forward to it. I hope I dont kill myself doing it!

Met an old friend Friday night also and we had a good time catching up. He's going through the same stuff I put my family through last year and I feel really badly for him. It's made me reflect on the things I did, decisions I made etc...

If I knew then what I know now and could go back...but I can't and sadly I can't tell anyone else because we cant learn the things about ourselves without going through all the crap, if that makes any sense. He asked me some important questions that I hadn't really thought about before:

1) Why?

Well, I dont really know the why. In my case, lots of whys. I love Jeff and always will but at some point in our marriage it just became a different kind of love. And that's not an excuse. But I believe if I had really been in that "head over heels, cant get enough of him, just umph omg" kind of love then the temptations would never have mattered.

Another "why" is that I had taken prozac for years and it had lost its effectiveness. And the added stress can sometimes alter your thought processes. Of course I didnt find this out until MUCH later.

And then there was the curiosity factor. Jeff was the ONLY man I'd ever been with and we'd been together half our lives. I was curious. Right or wrong...

2) Do I think I'll ever cheat again?

No. Absolutely not. The "once a cheater always a cheater" is not true. Some of us DO learn from our mistakes. I know I won't ever commit to another man that I dont feel EVERYTHING for. Friendship, passion, intimacy, trust, fun...he's gotta have it all. And I'm quite content with taking it slow, us taking the time to get to know each other really well and be absolutely sure we're ready for the kind of commitment that I know a marriage/committed relationship is supposed to be. I went for 21 years the first time...I am NOT a serial cheater! And I've seen firsthand the pain it causes. I dont ever want to be responsible for hurting someone like that again. I know myself. I made a mistake. But I paid for it dearly and I learned from it.

3) If I regret it so much, why don't I try reconciliation?

Well, number one, it's not completely up to me. But I think the damage has been done and it's irreparable. To try and fix things would only end up hurting everyone more. And plus there's the fact that I STILL don't love him like I should. And he knows that. Could we have stuck it out? Probably. I dont know. But I do believe that everything, good and bad, happens for a reason. I believe that God has a plan and that He has something wonderful in store for me.

All that said, I DO hate to see other marriages suffering. I dont like to see my friends hurting. I wish there was something I can do but all I can do is just be a friend and encourage them like so many of my friends did for me. I truly would not have survived without the love and support of my friends this past year. And I do pray God's blessings on him because he is truly a wonderful guy.

On a lighter note...I am looking forward to Dylan coming home again next weekend, my birthday and Easter! We have a LOT planned! And I have so much to do between now and then...c'est la vie!