Things have been kind of hectic at work. Tempers flaring, tension mounting amongst the teachers, etc. and it has not been a pleasant few weeks for me except for my classroom time with my kiddos. I have to remind myself that ALL jobs come with some kind of crap and that any other job would not give me the joy that I get from being around those amazing kids. This, too, shall pass.
Nonetheless, it did make me rethink a few things and I was able to adjust my schedule with the help of one VERY good friend (thank you, Donna!) and it even worked out so that Tere and her girls are now able to join us for American Girls on Wednesday (since I had to push the time to later) and I now can just go to work, focus on my own class and be done.
It's so weird to me, how the whole time I was growing up and well into my 20's, I had NO PROBLEM whatsoever with confrontation. I met it head on--even welcomed it! The older I get, though, I just want peace. That safe, secure bubble of Donna's looks mighty nice! The very day it all came to a head and blew up, I went to my mom's who gave me her everloving shoulder to cry on and a supply of nerve pills! I also reminded her that this was all her fault! (it's always the mom's fault isn't it? lol) She kept telling me I needed to be a nicer person my whole life and the more I try, the more I just get pooped on. "I've turned into such a pussy!" I told her! And she just cracked up--like that would ever happen. Pardon my language and forgive me if this doesn't SEEM to be glorifying God at the moment--I'm getting there--but it's the truth!
Why is it that we women feel like such (again, pardon my language) BITCHES (or are called that) when we stand up for ourselves? When men stand up for themselves no one calls them names they just say, "oh what a go-getter!" or "He's a man's man" or some other equally lame compliment but we women are expected to just sit back and take it from every angle. I do not for one minute believe that's what God's plan for women was or is!
I have just got to find a way to be more like those amazing women of the Bible and keep my courage while maintaining my poise and when it blows up in my face, it just does and the sin is not mine but someone else's and I just need to be standing ready, willing and able to forgive. Which I did and I do. :)
I just have to keep reminding myself that as long as *I* am following the Lord and my heart is right with Him and I am obedient to what He says, nothing else matters. Friends, acquaintances and co-workers come and go (I should definitely know this by now) but knowing that I did what God asked of me, whether it appeared to be right by others' standards or not, is what matters.
As such, I've decided to avoid all the "parties" my co-workers are having this weekend. Adoption celebrations, baby showers, housewarming parties for a couple shacking up (I'm not kidding) I share their joy and their newfound happiness and blessings but I'm just not in the mood to share in their company. I will probably get them gifts (which is pretty much all it's about anyway) eventually, when I am not so very very poor, but I've never been big on doing after hours with coworkers anyway. I love them, have a good time but my time is for MY family and friends. I'm sure someone's feelings somewhere will be hurt and I hate that but this is another one of my weirdo querky things. (you remember the other--I don't run to visit sick people in the hospital or any of that, much to my MIL's disappointment. I think that's her favorite thing to do! Call me weird but when I don't feel well, leave me the heck alone--I don't want company! I wrongly assume others feel the same, I guess.)
But anyway, Jeff and I are getting along much better which I suppose is a praise as well. I have to admit I get so frustrated with him when it comes to his job! I know I shouldn't but I do. I'm tired of waiting around for those (insert your own bad word here, I'm done cussing) to call him back to full-time. I'm tired of their empty promises and I'm tired of scraping and telling my kids "we can't, I don't have any money". It really wears on my soul and yes, I know life is not all about money things but people who say things like that generally have money to begin with! I just wish all this struggling would motivate him in some way. I'm not sure how though!
No comments:
Post a Comment