I wish sometimes I could show some others all the different thoughts going through my head at the same time! No, I'm not crazy (Well, maybe just regular crazy, not certifiable. Not at the moment anyway!) and maybe I do have a touch of ADD/OCD. But from what I've always read and heard, this is how most women are. My singles church group once read the book, Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam Farrel which explains so well how women's brains work. If you were to picture a plate of spaghetti and attempted to follow one noodle, you would undoubtedly intersect with many other noodles before you get to the end. These noodles represent thoughts in the brain of a woman--each individual thought we have leads to so many other thoughts! Some refer to this as "going off on a rabbit trail".
So one of the thoughts that I've been pondering since before the end of last year is ministry. We are ALL called to be ministers. Some do it professionally by being a pastor or missionary but others play more subtle roles in the Kingdom. Often roles change and that's okay as long as we are going wherever God tells us to go and doing what He puts on our hearts to do.
A long time ago, God gave me a heart for homeless people. It came from a few different experiences in life. A few different times after my divorce had it not been for a few good friends, I could have been homeless myself. Even though I'm no longer in communication with some, I am eternally grateful for their provision during that time I was struggling to get my feet on solid ground and navigate the course of my new life.
Another time, due to some poor decisions, I spent a few nights in the county jail. It's a long story and charges were subsequently dropped but I'm thankful for the experience because I managed to find a lesson in the experience. I was locked up with women who led lives that broke my heart. So many were THANKFUL to be in jail because they had a warm place to sleep and food to eat. To me, a thin mattress on the floor with a sheet and a pillow was terrible. But to them, it was better than what awaited them on the outside--either sleeping on the street or in the bed of someone that would abuse them. To me, that food was inedible--I seriously could have used the cornbread as a weapon! But to them, it meant not having to do unspeakable things just to have something on their stomachs.
After I was released and got my proverbial ducks realigned, I decided that was my calling--to make sure no one ever thought jail was a good place to be. I served for the next few years with various groups that provided clothing, toiletries, meals and above all, fellowship to individuals and families living on the streets of downtown Birmingham. Some I saw regularly and became close friends of mine. Some I only saw once before they moved on (to where I have no idea). Each person had a different story. Some had been trafficked. Some were addicted. Some had just been released from prison and had nowhere to go. Some were mentally ill and had no one to help them. Some just couldn't handle basic life for some reason. Some had children with them. Some were married couples. Some were alone. But they were all children of God and that is how I chose to see them. It made no difference to me the circumstances that led them there--whether it was their own fault or not. That was between them and the Lord. My job was to simply love on them and provide whatever I could.
As with anything, after awhile, it wears on you. The need is SO GREAT and the resources are SO FEW. It gets difficult asking the same people for the same things over and over again and you feel like they get tired of you asking them to help you help others and yet there is only so much you can do by yourself. You feed them but their clothing and other personal items are constantly getting lost, stolen, broken, wet...and then they need medicine but can't get medicaid or it won't cover what they need. They need glasses. They have fees to pay to maintain their freedom. The list goes on and on. It feels like we are standing that the edge of the beach bailing out the ocean with a teaspoon. And then when you have your own things going on in your life that drain you emotionally sometimes you get in a place where you feel like you have nothing to give. So you take a sabbatical and get with God and try to figure out if He wants to redirect you or just give you rest.
And since I've been resting I remember something else that was near and dear to my heart--Guatemala. In 2007 when I was homeschooling the girls, we were friends with a family that adopted a sweet baby girl from Guatemala. In 2008, UNICEF (and evil, evil organization that I want nothing to do with and nothing to do with anyone else that has anything to do with them!) went in and closed all international adoptions. It is not in the culture of the Guatemalan people to adopt outside their families. I'm sure the severe poverty in that country plays a big part of it. But orphanages are now so overcrowded and underfunded that children and babies are literally being found abandoned on the streets. So I've been thinking about taking a mission trip there. Not that one little trip will do much but it's a start and I believe I've found an wonderful organization that I can form a partnership with to sponsor a child (or more), help on a regular basis and plan mission trips with. And as I'm looking through pictures, there are SO MANY kids that need help (thanks again, UNICEF, for adding to the problem!) that I'm having trouble deciding what to do and who to do it for. Obviously, I can't help them all even though I wish I could.
And so I realize that even though the subject is different, the problem remains the same: too much need and not enough availability.
It reminds me of one of my favorite stories in the Bible from Mark 14 when Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon the Leper and a woman came in with a jar of perfume and poured it on Jesus' head. The disciples chastised her telling her that the perfume could have been sold for money that could have been used to feed so many. But Jesus told them to leave her alone because the "poor with always be with you" and that we can help them any time we want. But that she "did what she could" by helping him prepare for burial.
I know the point of the story is that regardless of what all else we have going on, we need to make the Lord our priority. But I also take away from this that all I can do is what I can do. There is no way, not even if I won the powerball, would I be able to meet EVERY need of EVERY person. Only God can do that. I have to trust that He will call on others to help where I and others fall so very short. And when others don't obey the call to help, well Jesus knew that would happen because he said, the poor would always be with us.
All of that to say that I am still praying and seeking His will regarding how He wants me to serve Him. I don't know if I will stay with serving the homeless, move toward missions in Guatemala or maybe both. But I would definitely appreciate you praying with me for discernment in this area. And I will let you know as soon as I know!
Thanks and many blessings,
Thursday, April 26, 2018
Tuesday, April 17, 2018
3 years and still too soon...
It was about 3 years ago this month when I had a biopsy that would change my life. I didn't know it then though. The results were 99% benign. Leave it to me to be in the 1%.
It began a path that I never envisioned being on (not that anyone ever does) of surgery, radiation and recovery that took such a toll on my mind and my body that 3 years later, I'm still trying to "bounce back".
I STILL have nerve damage on the side of my face and head that is sometimes painful. I STILL have trouble stretching my jaw. I STILL have dental work that needs to be done as a result of the radiation to my head. I STILL get tired easily.
But more than the physical is the emotional and mental recovery. At the time I was diagnosed I was not afraid. Click HERE to read my post-diagnosis thoughts. And in my heart I'm still not. I know where I'll go and I am happy with the life I've lived for the most part. But facing "the end" just does something to you it's difficult to describe or explain unless it actually happens to you.
Over this past weekend, I did a lot of what I refer to as "old lady things". They are hobbies I've had for awhile--painting (except painting rocks is new), crocheting, cooking, etc. but they are the things I do to slow myself down and occupy my time and mind when I'm not able to do the more active things like kayak, hike, travel, etc.
But while I was doing this I was watching a few things on my Netflix list and one movie was about a girl diagnosed with terminal cancer and she had just gotten engaged. She was worried about her fiance so she thought she would plan the rest of his life for him because she worried he wouldn't go on with his life unless she planned every detail. That so sounds like something I would do being the planner that I am!
But it was really too soon to watch that kind of movie. And it was really too soon to get a call from my doctor yesterday reminding me that my scan appointment is April 30.
Survivors live with what we refer to as "scanxiety". And let me give you a few tips if you have a relative or close friend that either is a cancer patient or is a cancer survivor:
1) Stop saying "you will be fine". Maybe we will be. Most likely we will be. But we've been told that and thought that before and we WEREN'T. We appreciate that you are trying to be positive and encouraging. We understand you yourself do not want to deal with the fact that we might NOT be fine. But saying "you will be fine" just dismisses what we feel and we need to be allowed to feel whatever it is we're feeling--fear, depression, etc. You saying "you'll be fine" really just pisses us off.
2) Stop accusing us of "playing the cancer card". Trust me, NONE of us wants to "play the cancer card". We don't need or want your pity. If we bring it up, it's for a reason. Maybe we can't meet your expectations in some way and feel like you need an explanation. I don't know. But don't accuse me of soliciting sympathy because I don't want or need your sympathy. Especially if it's fake.
3) Let us talk about what we're afraid of. If we mention things like, "when I die..." or "one day when.." don't attempt to silence us because you don't want to deal with what WILL happen one day. After that day comes it will be too late for us to tell you what we wanted you to know.
There's so much more I could say, especially when someone is actually going through treatment--don't tell them that it could have been avoided if they had done this or not done that. We don't want to hear about what a conspiracy treatment is to get our money because they already actually have a cure. Really, you should just shut the hell up and say nothing because all of us are different and we never know what we want to hear! lol But definitely not those things .
So...knowing my particular type of cancer is slow growing but unpredictable and relentless and that there is a 30-60% chance of recurrence through metastasis somewhere else in my body, I eagerly await April 30 to know if I can breathe a little easier for at least six more months. That's how we live--scan to scan.
Maybe that's why I live like I do--wide open and full throttle. I'm always eager to do things, learn things, etc. There is no point in sitting around planning for "someday", let's plan it NOW. Life is way too short.
It began a path that I never envisioned being on (not that anyone ever does) of surgery, radiation and recovery that took such a toll on my mind and my body that 3 years later, I'm still trying to "bounce back".
I STILL have nerve damage on the side of my face and head that is sometimes painful. I STILL have trouble stretching my jaw. I STILL have dental work that needs to be done as a result of the radiation to my head. I STILL get tired easily.
But more than the physical is the emotional and mental recovery. At the time I was diagnosed I was not afraid. Click HERE to read my post-diagnosis thoughts. And in my heart I'm still not. I know where I'll go and I am happy with the life I've lived for the most part. But facing "the end" just does something to you it's difficult to describe or explain unless it actually happens to you.
Over this past weekend, I did a lot of what I refer to as "old lady things". They are hobbies I've had for awhile--painting (except painting rocks is new), crocheting, cooking, etc. but they are the things I do to slow myself down and occupy my time and mind when I'm not able to do the more active things like kayak, hike, travel, etc.
But while I was doing this I was watching a few things on my Netflix list and one movie was about a girl diagnosed with terminal cancer and she had just gotten engaged. She was worried about her fiance so she thought she would plan the rest of his life for him because she worried he wouldn't go on with his life unless she planned every detail. That so sounds like something I would do being the planner that I am!
But it was really too soon to watch that kind of movie. And it was really too soon to get a call from my doctor yesterday reminding me that my scan appointment is April 30.
Survivors live with what we refer to as "scanxiety". And let me give you a few tips if you have a relative or close friend that either is a cancer patient or is a cancer survivor:
1) Stop saying "you will be fine". Maybe we will be. Most likely we will be. But we've been told that and thought that before and we WEREN'T. We appreciate that you are trying to be positive and encouraging. We understand you yourself do not want to deal with the fact that we might NOT be fine. But saying "you will be fine" just dismisses what we feel and we need to be allowed to feel whatever it is we're feeling--fear, depression, etc. You saying "you'll be fine" really just pisses us off.
2) Stop accusing us of "playing the cancer card". Trust me, NONE of us wants to "play the cancer card". We don't need or want your pity. If we bring it up, it's for a reason. Maybe we can't meet your expectations in some way and feel like you need an explanation. I don't know. But don't accuse me of soliciting sympathy because I don't want or need your sympathy. Especially if it's fake.
3) Let us talk about what we're afraid of. If we mention things like, "when I die..." or "one day when.." don't attempt to silence us because you don't want to deal with what WILL happen one day. After that day comes it will be too late for us to tell you what we wanted you to know.
There's so much more I could say, especially when someone is actually going through treatment--don't tell them that it could have been avoided if they had done this or not done that. We don't want to hear about what a conspiracy treatment is to get our money because they already actually have a cure. Really, you should just shut the hell up and say nothing because all of us are different and we never know what we want to hear! lol But definitely not those things .
So...knowing my particular type of cancer is slow growing but unpredictable and relentless and that there is a 30-60% chance of recurrence through metastasis somewhere else in my body, I eagerly await April 30 to know if I can breathe a little easier for at least six more months. That's how we live--scan to scan.
Maybe that's why I live like I do--wide open and full throttle. I'm always eager to do things, learn things, etc. There is no point in sitting around planning for "someday", let's plan it NOW. Life is way too short.
A life well lived.
I know that no matter what I write it will not do justice to what I feel. Or what my ex-husband feels. Or my kids feel. But I have to get it out and put it "on paper" so to speak.
A few weeks ago, one of the most precious women ever to walk this earth passed away. My ex-husband, Jeff's grandmother, Clayton Beatrice Eubanks Roberts at age 96 went to be with her Lord and Savior. She was reunited in Heaven with her husband of 71 years, Joseph Cosmo Roberts, her son Glenn Dale, her parents and many other relatives and friends that passed on before her.
She is survived by three daughters, Martha, Frances and Edith. Martha has 4 children--Charlie, Angie, Beth and John. Frances has two sons--Danny and Michael. Edith has 3 children--Ricky, Traci and Jeff, my ex-husband. There is no way I could name all of the great grandchildren and great great grandchildren.
She served her Lord and her family all the days of her life. I met her 34 years ago when Jeff and I were still teenagers and just dating. In all that time, I never once knew her to have an unkind word to say, let alone actually say it. She always was in a great mood and had a smile on her beautiful face.
My kids loved hearing her talk about growing up on a farm during the depression and how wondeful it was because they didn't ever know times were hard. They always had plenty to eat and a great time.
She was a great cook and I remember when Jeff and I first got married he told me about his grandmother's chocolate and biscuits. At the time I thought that was disgusting. But because he loved them I got the recipe and made them and oh my word, what a treat!
When Jeff and I divorced, she always asked my kids how I was doing and the few times I got to see her afterward, she was always kind to me. I'm sure she knew the circumstances surrounding our split but she was never angry, never bitter, never unkind. She always extended understanding, love and forgiveness. Oh to be like that!
I kid you not when I tell you how completely Christ-like she and granddaddy both were. They were not the kind of Christians that thought they were the only righteous people on earth. They weren't the type to spout out Bible verses or preach to you. They would never turn anyone away or speak in judgement of others. They probably didn't even think such thoughts. They just lived. Calmly, simply and lovingly. THAT is how true Christians should be. And the thing about it is they seemed to do it so effortlessly.
What we would all give to live 96 years--to see our children and grandchildren grown, to meet our great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren and even see some of them grown and doing well. But to live 96 years so close to the Lord that you could even be mistaken for Him because of how you act--it not only leaves me speechless but breathless. Wow. To live that kind of life is what we should ALL be striving for because that is as close to a perfect life as we could possibly get.
I am sure that when she passed on into Heaven, she not only heard welcoming cheers but no doubt she heard the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Well done, indeed.
We love and miss you very much, Grandmother Roberts!
A few weeks ago, one of the most precious women ever to walk this earth passed away. My ex-husband, Jeff's grandmother, Clayton Beatrice Eubanks Roberts at age 96 went to be with her Lord and Savior. She was reunited in Heaven with her husband of 71 years, Joseph Cosmo Roberts, her son Glenn Dale, her parents and many other relatives and friends that passed on before her.
She is survived by three daughters, Martha, Frances and Edith. Martha has 4 children--Charlie, Angie, Beth and John. Frances has two sons--Danny and Michael. Edith has 3 children--Ricky, Traci and Jeff, my ex-husband. There is no way I could name all of the great grandchildren and great great grandchildren.
She served her Lord and her family all the days of her life. I met her 34 years ago when Jeff and I were still teenagers and just dating. In all that time, I never once knew her to have an unkind word to say, let alone actually say it. She always was in a great mood and had a smile on her beautiful face.
My kids loved hearing her talk about growing up on a farm during the depression and how wondeful it was because they didn't ever know times were hard. They always had plenty to eat and a great time.
She was a great cook and I remember when Jeff and I first got married he told me about his grandmother's chocolate and biscuits. At the time I thought that was disgusting. But because he loved them I got the recipe and made them and oh my word, what a treat!
When Jeff and I divorced, she always asked my kids how I was doing and the few times I got to see her afterward, she was always kind to me. I'm sure she knew the circumstances surrounding our split but she was never angry, never bitter, never unkind. She always extended understanding, love and forgiveness. Oh to be like that!
I kid you not when I tell you how completely Christ-like she and granddaddy both were. They were not the kind of Christians that thought they were the only righteous people on earth. They weren't the type to spout out Bible verses or preach to you. They would never turn anyone away or speak in judgement of others. They probably didn't even think such thoughts. They just lived. Calmly, simply and lovingly. THAT is how true Christians should be. And the thing about it is they seemed to do it so effortlessly.
What we would all give to live 96 years--to see our children and grandchildren grown, to meet our great-grandchildren and great-great-grandchildren and even see some of them grown and doing well. But to live 96 years so close to the Lord that you could even be mistaken for Him because of how you act--it not only leaves me speechless but breathless. Wow. To live that kind of life is what we should ALL be striving for because that is as close to a perfect life as we could possibly get.
I am sure that when she passed on into Heaven, she not only heard welcoming cheers but no doubt she heard the words, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Well done, indeed.
We love and miss you very much, Grandmother Roberts!
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
Reiterating what forgiveness is and is NOT!
This is not going to be my most eloquent piece as I am trying to squeeze it into a lunch hour along with several other things but here goes:
I posted a little while back about forgiveness and how it is a difficult thing to do, especially immediately following a hurt or injustice. But if we are able to stay in control of our emotions (and often we are not and that's okay but we really should try) then once the initial shock and pain has subsided, we have a choice: We can continue to be mad and hold a grudge against our offender and people often choose to do this because it gives their flesh some sense of satisfaction thinking they are somehow hurting the person who hurt them by withholding the pardon. As if that other person is sitting around waiting and worrying if they are being thought of fondly (or at all) and how often and is on pins and needles waiting to be released from the guilt of his/her offense. When often, most of the time he or she doesn't even know they've hurt you or moreover--doesn't care. I believe it's a coping mechanism--to trick ourselves into thinking that that gosh-awful person who caused us such pain is just sitting there biting their nails waiting for us to say, "I forgive you" because it gives us a sense of power and helps us to regain control of our own emotions by thinking we've affected that person in this way. And it may help us to feel a little better in the beginning and maybe that's a crucial part of healing.
But for the long term, withholding forgiveness is just poisoning yourself. I'm sure you've hurt it put the same several ways I have:
1) It's like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies of smoke inhalation.
2) It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
And I'm sure there are several other analogies. But that's pretty much what happens because like I said--the person that hurt you either 1) doesn't know or 2) doesn't care. YOU are the one causing your suffering by continuing to be mad, hurt and depressed.
Now I am NOT saying, "just get over it and move on". Those are the most hurtful words a hurting person can hear, especially from a friend.
But friends, I promise you that you will find such healing when you literally hand it over to the Lord to handle. It may be that the person never meant to hurt you. It may mean that they will get a valuable lesson on down the road when they get hurt. It may mean both, only God knows. But your soul and your spirit can only handle so much and it's so true that you attract what you put out. If all you ever do is allow yourself to be angry and bitter--that is what you will get back from the universe. Like attracts like in this way. I've been hurt (and I have hurt) often and I know there is so much more peace in my life when I am able, through prayer and meditation, to let it go. The greatest "revenge" truly is living well.
But here's what forgiveness is NOT. It does NOT mean you have to reconcile or let that person back into your life in any way shape or form. That's YOUR choice and only you can make it based on circumstances. If we're talking about a marriage here and the offender is truly sorrowful, repentant and taking every step to improve or work it out, then you may want to consider allowing a reconciliation to happen. If you've been abused or if there is a chance your children will be abused then it would be unwise to put yourself or anyone else at risk. Of course these examples are romantic relationships which involve different people, different circumstances and different situations that come under considerations. It's certainly not the only form of hurt. It could involve a close friend, family member, co-worker, clergy member and a number of situations. The point is forgiveness doesn't mean all is forgotten and we can all come together singing kumbaya and all is well.
The reason I feel the need to rehash this is I received a friend request from someone not to long ago and I was absolutely shocked about it. I have the feeling that he/she might have read my post about forgiveness from a few weeks ago and thought that the door was now open. No. No way. No how and probably not ever.
I'm not going into details and I honestly have nothing against this person. But the person was involved in a situation that hurt me to the core. It may not have been intentional, especially on his/hers part. But it doesn't matter. I have no intention of becoming friends with him/her and I have my reasons for choosing not to do so. If I saw them on the street...well, I can't honestly say what I would do. I may smile and wave and walk on. I may look the other way and walk on. But I would definitely walk on. There is no reason for us to be in each others' lives and I can see no good that could possibly come from it. I can forgive and love this person as a brother or sister in Christ or at the very least, a blessed child of God without elevating them to the status of friend.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not mutually exclusive--one does not have to occur in order for the other to occur--and it's important to know that, my sweet friends and followers!
Be blessed!
I posted a little while back about forgiveness and how it is a difficult thing to do, especially immediately following a hurt or injustice. But if we are able to stay in control of our emotions (and often we are not and that's okay but we really should try) then once the initial shock and pain has subsided, we have a choice: We can continue to be mad and hold a grudge against our offender and people often choose to do this because it gives their flesh some sense of satisfaction thinking they are somehow hurting the person who hurt them by withholding the pardon. As if that other person is sitting around waiting and worrying if they are being thought of fondly (or at all) and how often and is on pins and needles waiting to be released from the guilt of his/her offense. When often, most of the time he or she doesn't even know they've hurt you or moreover--doesn't care. I believe it's a coping mechanism--to trick ourselves into thinking that that gosh-awful person who caused us such pain is just sitting there biting their nails waiting for us to say, "I forgive you" because it gives us a sense of power and helps us to regain control of our own emotions by thinking we've affected that person in this way. And it may help us to feel a little better in the beginning and maybe that's a crucial part of healing.
But for the long term, withholding forgiveness is just poisoning yourself. I'm sure you've hurt it put the same several ways I have:
1) It's like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies of smoke inhalation.
2) It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
And I'm sure there are several other analogies. But that's pretty much what happens because like I said--the person that hurt you either 1) doesn't know or 2) doesn't care. YOU are the one causing your suffering by continuing to be mad, hurt and depressed.
Now I am NOT saying, "just get over it and move on". Those are the most hurtful words a hurting person can hear, especially from a friend.
But friends, I promise you that you will find such healing when you literally hand it over to the Lord to handle. It may be that the person never meant to hurt you. It may mean that they will get a valuable lesson on down the road when they get hurt. It may mean both, only God knows. But your soul and your spirit can only handle so much and it's so true that you attract what you put out. If all you ever do is allow yourself to be angry and bitter--that is what you will get back from the universe. Like attracts like in this way. I've been hurt (and I have hurt) often and I know there is so much more peace in my life when I am able, through prayer and meditation, to let it go. The greatest "revenge" truly is living well.
But here's what forgiveness is NOT. It does NOT mean you have to reconcile or let that person back into your life in any way shape or form. That's YOUR choice and only you can make it based on circumstances. If we're talking about a marriage here and the offender is truly sorrowful, repentant and taking every step to improve or work it out, then you may want to consider allowing a reconciliation to happen. If you've been abused or if there is a chance your children will be abused then it would be unwise to put yourself or anyone else at risk. Of course these examples are romantic relationships which involve different people, different circumstances and different situations that come under considerations. It's certainly not the only form of hurt. It could involve a close friend, family member, co-worker, clergy member and a number of situations. The point is forgiveness doesn't mean all is forgotten and we can all come together singing kumbaya and all is well.
The reason I feel the need to rehash this is I received a friend request from someone not to long ago and I was absolutely shocked about it. I have the feeling that he/she might have read my post about forgiveness from a few weeks ago and thought that the door was now open. No. No way. No how and probably not ever.
I'm not going into details and I honestly have nothing against this person. But the person was involved in a situation that hurt me to the core. It may not have been intentional, especially on his/hers part. But it doesn't matter. I have no intention of becoming friends with him/her and I have my reasons for choosing not to do so. If I saw them on the street...well, I can't honestly say what I would do. I may smile and wave and walk on. I may look the other way and walk on. But I would definitely walk on. There is no reason for us to be in each others' lives and I can see no good that could possibly come from it. I can forgive and love this person as a brother or sister in Christ or at the very least, a blessed child of God without elevating them to the status of friend.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not mutually exclusive--one does not have to occur in order for the other to occur--and it's important to know that, my sweet friends and followers!
Be blessed!
Monday, April 9, 2018
But first, some commentary: You're stupid!
For weeks now, we’ve heard nothing but how stupid the younger generation is for eating tide pods and snorting condoms. While I don’t disagree with that assessment of those actions, guess who else is stupid? Anyone who 1) ever joined a social media website thinking their identity/personal information, etc. would not be shared with other websites 2) believes Facebook is going to get hit with big fines and/or have to pay damages to users as a result of said sharing.
So with that said, I probably just spoke to at least half of my friends and called them stupid. Yes, if you believe either of those things, you’re stupid! I still love you but you’re stupid.
The ONLY way to keep anything you consider “personal” private is to NOT PUT IT ON THE INTERNET. You may think you can limit your privacy settings, etc. and for the average Joe user, he/she will not be able to access your stuff. But unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past decade, you must have heard of hackers--a person who uses computers to gain unauthorized access to data.
More than that, anytime you click on one of those little quizzes to find out what kind of fruit or shoe you are, which Disney prince you’ll marry or what color your aura is, you are ultimately sharing “personal” information. The makers of those quizzes use that information to determine which businesses might want to target their ads toward you. What you determine as “invasive”, others call “smart marketing” because in this day and age of DVR’s, streaming and satellite radio where one has the option to avoid commercials, the advertising industry has had to come up with new and innovative ways to find target markets for their products and services. What you find annoying (and trust me, I do, too) is necessary for some businesses to be successful.
And back to the hackers—no Facebook will not be held accountable for neither selling information to marketers (because that is how they make money--you did realize it existed to make money right? Or did you think it was there purely for your enjoyment? Oh wow, you are BEYOND stupid!) nor for being hacked provided they took every appropriate measure to prevent hacking. Do you remember when Experian, the credit bureau, was hacked in 2017? You were much more at risk when that happened and do you know what? They did NOT have to pay any fines.
So shut up about Facebook already. Stop acting like it’s taking over everything. It may be. But guess what? You’re the one letting it happen. No one is forcing you to use it. Want to leave? Leave. Nobody cares. We may miss chatting with you but we respect your decision and we won't beg you to stay. Do I share things on this site? Absolutely. And sometimes I share too much. But I’m not on here whining about the invasion of my privacy either. So let me spell it out for you: Don’t want your personal information shared? Don’t put it out there.
Tuesday, March 13, 2018
Keeping it moving...
I meant to blog more this past month. No, I really did! But I've been so busy living my life I haven't had much time to write about it. Today, I'm making myself stop and reflect for a minute.
I did get my storage organized for the most part. I'm needing help moving two pieces of furniture from one shed to the other. Then I need to clean my kayak and figure out how to hang it so the hull doesn't get warped. But the weather has been uncooperative for the most part.
The new guy and I went on a hike last weekend and although my knees and heel have been bothering me quite a bit most days (I blame the rain! I also think I may have spurs on my heel. Getting old sucks!), I took my hiking stick--titanium with a rubber stopper on the end--and it helped navigate some rough spots. We went to Swan Bridge and it was so beautiful! We're planning to do more hikes and kayaking adventures as the weather improves (we hope the weather improves).
The previous boyfriend sort of got me hooked on college basketball and I've been diligently watching my Tide. I love them but I'm not too confident they will go far in the NCAA tournament. I guess getting hooked on another sport isn't as bad as another previous boyfriend years ago that attempted to get me hooked on drugs! See, I'm learning to find the positive in everything, not just the obvious.
I got a new hair color and style. I am no longer a blonde and I love it. Even though I was going for more red, I like the way it turned out and I've gotten many compliments on it. She also gave it a deep conditioning which it desperately needed and it feels great! It's also much easier to style even though it's not short. And I can still pull it up when I am exercising, cleaning, or whatever.
The current boyfriend got me hooked on the History Channel series, Vikings. I binge-watched it for a few weeks and am all caught up. Now I have a series hangover until August! Good thing Survivor started a new season.
I've also taken an interest in hunting. I'm preparing to buy a rifle soon and practice over the summer before the next deer season begins.
New man and I took a little road trip to the Jack Daniels distillery this past weekend and I.LOVED.EVERY.MINUTE.OF.IT!!! I highly recommend visiting. Even if you don't care for whiskey and even if you don't care for any adult beverages at all the history is fascinating and it's a cute little town. The drive is very scenic and peaceful. I already loved Old No. 7 but I got to taste JD Honey and JD Fire--which is MUCH better than Fireball (puke). Mix the two together and you have yourself a drink called Bee Sting! It's my new favorite drink. 😀
I also attended the Ladies Event at Harley Davidson. I got to try a stationary motorcycle and found out I was pretty good at shifting! But because I know there's much more to riding a motorcycle than shifting, I signed up for Riding Academy in a few weeks! I am so excited but now I have to think about what this new hobby is going to cost! LOL I did manage to find a lady on Facebook that was selling some of her biker things and I got riding pants, boots and an awesome helmet all for $50! But even a used Harley is going to cost some money and that may take awhile. Especially when I am needing to finance so many other things. I need to find some hobbies that don't cost so much money!
I still love my little home! But something about it has made me want to do things I never thought I would be interested in. I already have a chicken coop on the property so...yes, I'm thinking about it. I want to learn more about it before I dive into that. I'm also planning to try again at gardening. Usually if something doesn't bark or cry, I forget about it and it dies. But I'm hoping a little more education on the subject and a little more time now that I don't have kids at home or grad school to contend with may just help me turn my black thumb green. Standby.
I've even taken to making homemade dog treats and resumed crocheted. I guess my old lady is starting to show. But I don't care. I love trying new things and as much as I love activities that feed the adrenaline junkie in me, I like to balance it out with activities that force me to calm myself and be still.
I have taken a step back from the homeless ministry. At first I was so emotionally drained from the last month of last year and my heart just wasn't in it. Then I got frustrated because it feels like I'm hardly making a difference. It's like bailing out the ocean with a teaspoon. There is SO MUCH need and so little resources. And I'm starting to feel like I'm being led in a different direction. I don't know what that is yet so I've taken a break to try and figure it out. Thus the need for more more quiet activities so I can hear when I'm being spoken to!
I'm still reading through Lysa TerKeurst's Uninvited and finding it so helpful. And Pastor Jentezen Franklin spoke at church last week and his new book is titled Love Like You've Never Been Hurt. Both books seem to compliment each other well and I can't wait to dive into the second. Pastor Jentezen previewed it a little in his sermon and it's things I SO needed to hear a few months ago. But when I actually got to meet him as he signed my book, I told him I will take it now rather than never. Somehow God helped me to heal and I started loving my life again and I'm so thankful. I had stayed a little miffed about the whole thing for longer than I allowed myself to admit but now, I've truly released it. I can honestly say I wish the best for him, wherever he is and whatever he's doing.
It's funny how we have to be taught over and over again that forgiveness isn't about the other person that wronged us. Forgiveness is for US. It doesn't mean that what the other person did was okay. It simply means we are free from the burden of having been hurt and feeling like we need to hurt back in return. It means we release our right to avenge and give it over to God to do and I KNOW He can do it so much better than I can! Because I have certainly been on the receiving end of His vengeance at times. Even though I know He loves me it's because He loves me that I must be disciplined sometimes in ways that help me understand things better. Through my hurt, I caught a glimpse of how badly I hurt someone else and I was finally truly sorrowful.
It's hard to give over that desire of wanting to "get someone back" because it is what our flesh wants. And sometimes the flesh wins. But when that happens it is seldom if not never a good thing. I hope I've articulated that well and I hope that what I've shared will help someone out there to forgive and move forward. You have EVERY RIGHT to feel what you feel. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. They want you to be positive and move on mostly for their comfort--because they don't know how to handle it or because they don't like seeing you down and defeated. But even when their intentions are good, they are still wrong. Let yourself feel what you feel and move on when YOU are ready. Just guard your heart and your mind in the process. And if you lose people along the way, well, that, too, can turn out to be a blessing. Just trust Him. It's not easy and I know I fail time and time again and probably will continue to do so. I'm glad I serve a loving God that understands my weaknesses and loves me in spite of them. Anger isn't a sin. God Himself got angry and I believe STILL gets angry. It's how we respond in our anger that sets us apart and I, regrettably, still struggle with that at times. But God and I are working on it!
Until next time, be blessed!
I did get my storage organized for the most part. I'm needing help moving two pieces of furniture from one shed to the other. Then I need to clean my kayak and figure out how to hang it so the hull doesn't get warped. But the weather has been uncooperative for the most part.
The new guy and I went on a hike last weekend and although my knees and heel have been bothering me quite a bit most days (I blame the rain! I also think I may have spurs on my heel. Getting old sucks!), I took my hiking stick--titanium with a rubber stopper on the end--and it helped navigate some rough spots. We went to Swan Bridge and it was so beautiful! We're planning to do more hikes and kayaking adventures as the weather improves (we hope the weather improves).
The previous boyfriend sort of got me hooked on college basketball and I've been diligently watching my Tide. I love them but I'm not too confident they will go far in the NCAA tournament. I guess getting hooked on another sport isn't as bad as another previous boyfriend years ago that attempted to get me hooked on drugs! See, I'm learning to find the positive in everything, not just the obvious.
I got a new hair color and style. I am no longer a blonde and I love it. Even though I was going for more red, I like the way it turned out and I've gotten many compliments on it. She also gave it a deep conditioning which it desperately needed and it feels great! It's also much easier to style even though it's not short. And I can still pull it up when I am exercising, cleaning, or whatever.
The current boyfriend got me hooked on the History Channel series, Vikings. I binge-watched it for a few weeks and am all caught up. Now I have a series hangover until August! Good thing Survivor started a new season.
I've also taken an interest in hunting. I'm preparing to buy a rifle soon and practice over the summer before the next deer season begins.
New man and I took a little road trip to the Jack Daniels distillery this past weekend and I.LOVED.EVERY.MINUTE.OF.IT!!! I highly recommend visiting. Even if you don't care for whiskey and even if you don't care for any adult beverages at all the history is fascinating and it's a cute little town. The drive is very scenic and peaceful. I already loved Old No. 7 but I got to taste JD Honey and JD Fire--which is MUCH better than Fireball (puke). Mix the two together and you have yourself a drink called Bee Sting! It's my new favorite drink. 😀
I also attended the Ladies Event at Harley Davidson. I got to try a stationary motorcycle and found out I was pretty good at shifting! But because I know there's much more to riding a motorcycle than shifting, I signed up for Riding Academy in a few weeks! I am so excited but now I have to think about what this new hobby is going to cost! LOL I did manage to find a lady on Facebook that was selling some of her biker things and I got riding pants, boots and an awesome helmet all for $50! But even a used Harley is going to cost some money and that may take awhile. Especially when I am needing to finance so many other things. I need to find some hobbies that don't cost so much money!
I still love my little home! But something about it has made me want to do things I never thought I would be interested in. I already have a chicken coop on the property so...yes, I'm thinking about it. I want to learn more about it before I dive into that. I'm also planning to try again at gardening. Usually if something doesn't bark or cry, I forget about it and it dies. But I'm hoping a little more education on the subject and a little more time now that I don't have kids at home or grad school to contend with may just help me turn my black thumb green. Standby.
I've even taken to making homemade dog treats and resumed crocheted. I guess my old lady is starting to show. But I don't care. I love trying new things and as much as I love activities that feed the adrenaline junkie in me, I like to balance it out with activities that force me to calm myself and be still.
I have taken a step back from the homeless ministry. At first I was so emotionally drained from the last month of last year and my heart just wasn't in it. Then I got frustrated because it feels like I'm hardly making a difference. It's like bailing out the ocean with a teaspoon. There is SO MUCH need and so little resources. And I'm starting to feel like I'm being led in a different direction. I don't know what that is yet so I've taken a break to try and figure it out. Thus the need for more more quiet activities so I can hear when I'm being spoken to!
I'm still reading through Lysa TerKeurst's Uninvited and finding it so helpful. And Pastor Jentezen Franklin spoke at church last week and his new book is titled Love Like You've Never Been Hurt. Both books seem to compliment each other well and I can't wait to dive into the second. Pastor Jentezen previewed it a little in his sermon and it's things I SO needed to hear a few months ago. But when I actually got to meet him as he signed my book, I told him I will take it now rather than never. Somehow God helped me to heal and I started loving my life again and I'm so thankful. I had stayed a little miffed about the whole thing for longer than I allowed myself to admit but now, I've truly released it. I can honestly say I wish the best for him, wherever he is and whatever he's doing.
It's funny how we have to be taught over and over again that forgiveness isn't about the other person that wronged us. Forgiveness is for US. It doesn't mean that what the other person did was okay. It simply means we are free from the burden of having been hurt and feeling like we need to hurt back in return. It means we release our right to avenge and give it over to God to do and I KNOW He can do it so much better than I can! Because I have certainly been on the receiving end of His vengeance at times. Even though I know He loves me it's because He loves me that I must be disciplined sometimes in ways that help me understand things better. Through my hurt, I caught a glimpse of how badly I hurt someone else and I was finally truly sorrowful.
It's hard to give over that desire of wanting to "get someone back" because it is what our flesh wants. And sometimes the flesh wins. But when that happens it is seldom if not never a good thing. I hope I've articulated that well and I hope that what I've shared will help someone out there to forgive and move forward. You have EVERY RIGHT to feel what you feel. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. They want you to be positive and move on mostly for their comfort--because they don't know how to handle it or because they don't like seeing you down and defeated. But even when their intentions are good, they are still wrong. Let yourself feel what you feel and move on when YOU are ready. Just guard your heart and your mind in the process. And if you lose people along the way, well, that, too, can turn out to be a blessing. Just trust Him. It's not easy and I know I fail time and time again and probably will continue to do so. I'm glad I serve a loving God that understands my weaknesses and loves me in spite of them. Anger isn't a sin. God Himself got angry and I believe STILL gets angry. It's how we respond in our anger that sets us apart and I, regrettably, still struggle with that at times. But God and I are working on it!
Until next time, be blessed!
Friday, February 9, 2018
Unveiling....
I'm finally all moved in and situated for the most part! I am LOVING living here! It's just a simple little house but it's updated, clean, everything works and I'm just in my own little heaven right now!
I still need to organize my two storage sheds but that will have to wait until the weather is dry and much warmer! Also I cannot wait to take some hikes through the woods exploring and host some backyard shenanigans!!!!
Kayti seems pretty happy here, too, as does the dog and the cat. Especially the cat! She tries to escape to the outdoors every chance she gets and we've lost track of her a few times. She never tried to get out when we lived in Grayson Valley. I guess she's eager to explore to and I'd let her but I've already been warned about bobcats and coyotes nearby! I definitely don't want anything happening to our fur babies!
Anyway, here we are:
I still need to organize my two storage sheds but that will have to wait until the weather is dry and much warmer! Also I cannot wait to take some hikes through the woods exploring and host some backyard shenanigans!!!!
Kayti seems pretty happy here, too, as does the dog and the cat. Especially the cat! She tries to escape to the outdoors every chance she gets and we've lost track of her a few times. She never tried to get out when we lived in Grayson Valley. I guess she's eager to explore to and I'd let her but I've already been warned about bobcats and coyotes nearby! I definitely don't want anything happening to our fur babies!
Anyway, here we are:
My bedroom
Bathroom
Foyer
Hallway
Kayti's room and closet aka Lacy's room
Kitchen and bar
Laundry area
Living Room
I am wanting a fireplace to go in between the shelves.
Some of the decor may change. I wasn't exactly sure which direction I wanted to go so I just threw up everything until I could see what fit and that may take me awhile. I also have to finish my office/craft room which I am excited to have!
Can't wait to make memories here!
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