This is not going to be my most eloquent piece as I am trying to squeeze it into a lunch hour along with several other things but here goes:
I posted a little while back about forgiveness and how it is a difficult thing to do, especially immediately following a hurt or injustice. But if we are able to stay in control of our emotions (and often we are not and that's okay but we really should try) then once the initial shock and pain has subsided, we have a choice: We can continue to be mad and hold a grudge against our offender and people often choose to do this because it gives their flesh some sense of satisfaction thinking they are somehow hurting the person who hurt them by withholding the pardon. As if that other person is sitting around waiting and worrying if they are being thought of fondly (or at all) and how often and is on pins and needles waiting to be released from the guilt of his/her offense. When often, most of the time he or she doesn't even know they've hurt you or moreover--doesn't care. I believe it's a coping mechanism--to trick ourselves into thinking that that gosh-awful person who caused us such pain is just sitting there biting their nails waiting for us to say, "I forgive you" because it gives us a sense of power and helps us to regain control of our own emotions by thinking we've affected that person in this way. And it may help us to feel a little better in the beginning and maybe that's a crucial part of healing.
But for the long term, withholding forgiveness is just poisoning yourself. I'm sure you've hurt it put the same several ways I have:
1) It's like setting yourself on fire and hoping the other person dies of smoke inhalation.
2) It's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.
And I'm sure there are several other analogies. But that's pretty much what happens because like I said--the person that hurt you either 1) doesn't know or 2) doesn't care. YOU are the one causing your suffering by continuing to be mad, hurt and depressed.
Now I am NOT saying, "just get over it and move on". Those are the most hurtful words a hurting person can hear, especially from a friend.
But friends, I promise you that you will find such healing when you literally hand it over to the Lord to handle. It may be that the person never meant to hurt you. It may mean that they will get a valuable lesson on down the road when they get hurt. It may mean both, only God knows. But your soul and your spirit can only handle so much and it's so true that you attract what you put out. If all you ever do is allow yourself to be angry and bitter--that is what you will get back from the universe. Like attracts like in this way. I've been hurt (and I have hurt) often and I know there is so much more peace in my life when I am able, through prayer and meditation, to let it go. The greatest "revenge" truly is living well.
But here's what forgiveness is NOT. It does NOT mean you have to reconcile or let that person back into your life in any way shape or form. That's YOUR choice and only you can make it based on circumstances. If we're talking about a marriage here and the offender is truly sorrowful, repentant and taking every step to improve or work it out, then you may want to consider allowing a reconciliation to happen. If you've been abused or if there is a chance your children will be abused then it would be unwise to put yourself or anyone else at risk. Of course these examples are romantic relationships which involve different people, different circumstances and different situations that come under considerations. It's certainly not the only form of hurt. It could involve a close friend, family member, co-worker, clergy member and a number of situations. The point is forgiveness doesn't mean all is forgotten and we can all come together singing kumbaya and all is well.
The reason I feel the need to rehash this is I received a friend request from someone not to long ago and I was absolutely shocked about it. I have the feeling that he/she might have read my post about forgiveness from a few weeks ago and thought that the door was now open. No. No way. No how and probably not ever.
I'm not going into details and I honestly have nothing against this person. But the person was involved in a situation that hurt me to the core. It may not have been intentional, especially on his/hers part. But it doesn't matter. I have no intention of becoming friends with him/her and I have my reasons for choosing not to do so. If I saw them on the street...well, I can't honestly say what I would do. I may smile and wave and walk on. I may look the other way and walk on. But I would definitely walk on. There is no reason for us to be in each others' lives and I can see no good that could possibly come from it. I can forgive and love this person as a brother or sister in Christ or at the very least, a blessed child of God without elevating them to the status of friend.
Forgiveness and reconciliation are not mutually exclusive--one does not have to occur in order for the other to occur--and it's important to know that, my sweet friends and followers!
Be blessed!
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