Just random thoughts

I saw my regular doctor on Monday and she is fabulous. She adjusted my thyroid medicine, put me back on all my vitamins, adding some iodine for cancer prevention, increased my celexa and added busperone which is supposed to help with my anxiety and also will help me focus and concentrate. I'm already feeling better.

I'm getting along better with my ex, too.

Now if I can just get my knee straightened out. I wore heels to work a month or so ago and since then, the left knee has just been killing me. I got an x-ray before thanksgiving from a new orthopedic doctor and she disagreed with Dr. Nichols assertion that I needed total knee replacement. She said I'm much too young for such an aggressive surgery. She said the x-ray looks good and that it might actually be torn meniscus. That requires surgery as well but it's not as long of a recovery time. I need to get an MRI first and we are trying to postpone everything until after the first of the year. She gave me a steroid shot and it felt better for a few days but it's already worn off. I've had so many in the last 15 years they just aren't very effective for me anymore. It is time to get something done. I just hope I can hang in there a few more weeks.

I'm trying to eat more but it's hard. NOTHING tastes like it should and that makes me lose my appetite fast. They said they would not take my feeding tube out until I go for 30 day without using it AND don't lose anymore weight. So I'm trying not to use it and haven't in about 2 weeks. But the losing weight part I am going to fail. I never ever in my life thought I would have a problem keeping weight on. And it's not like I'm skinny (yet). I've lost about 45 pounds. But I absolutely cannot tolerate sugar or bread. Anything sweet just makes me sick. I can't even get past the first few bites. I've been without sugar for so long I just can't stand it anymore.  As for bread, I just don't have enough saliva to help break it down and dissolve it. So without sugar or bread, I'm pretty much low carbing which has my body in ketosis=losing weight. I'm not trying to. I just am. I used to would have killed to be able to do this but now...

I want to be able to eat again. I love that I've dropped a few sizes. But I miss food and the social life I had that revolved around it. I hate not being able to eat this holiday season, go out to eat with friends, family, etc. I don't even want to do any baking or cooking right now. What's the point?

I need my mouth to heal faster. I just don't have patience for this cancer crap!