Meltdowns and big decisions

So again this week I became faced with a major dilemma.

It started out as a routine assignment that seemed simple enough--go to this other website, follow the directions for a simulation project. I did that. I did it several times. For some reason it would not register that I'd done it.

All the while I'm stressing over homework and other things I don't understand and how in the world we're supposed to motivate some slacker teammates to help finish a project. etc. etc.

And at the same time, my throat hurts, I can't keep anything down, not sleeping well, yada yada yada

So this morning I get a message that I've been kicked off the team because I didn't do those silly little steps in the rehearsal simulation. But. I. Did. I swear I did.

I'm on the way to treatment when I'm reading this message so I start bawling and my mom is freaking, what's wrong what's wrong. I call my classmate and friend, Meagan to get her to look online for me because my smart phone really isn't all that smart. She called the professor for me and everything but the more freaked out I because the more the bug someone put in my ear last week about dropping started chirping louder.

We go in and my mom grabs the nurse to give me something to help me calm down. I have literally been praying and thinking about it all afternoon. Everyone is right. I do need to drop. I need to focus 100% completely and totally on my health right now. I thought by taking a leave of absence from work I'd have more time to pile up in the bed with the books but it hasn't worked out that way. I haven't had the energy to life my phone, let alone a book. I do what I have to do but I don't go above and beyond and in grad school, you have to go above and beyond!

I have really struggled with this decision and the consequences it will have. But I keep leaning on God's word that "instead of shame, I share receive a double portion" and "anything taken from me (by this devil of a disease, Cancer), I'll receive back. I'm counting on that.

Right now, it has to be about me and God.