Reflections

As I reflect on the past few weeks, I realize I  am so very blessed. I am proud that I stuck with my first semester of graduate school and survived it! I'm proud that I saw both Divorce Care and LIFE all the way through and I am so excited about what God is doing in my life at this very moment and for what He's going to do in the future.  After this weekend's LIFE retreat, I am ready to receive all that He has for me and I realize the things that I will give up pale in comparison.

As of this writing, I am 148 days sober. I have a renewed commitment to Christ, have been at my job almost four months, am financially stable (although sometimes it still feels like "struggling" lol), have new goals, ambitions, dreams.

Most of all, and especially after this retreat, I have a clean and pure heart that is at peace.

I have forgiven and I mean TRULY forgiven those that have wronged me. From abusive ex-boyfriends, my abandoning biological father, those that hurt me when I was a child, vengeful and spiteful people, even former religious leaders that used their positions to hurt me spiritually, even though they probably didn't mean to--all forgiven. I have even released the anger I felt towards my ex and strangely, I feel thankful for what he did because it opened my eyes to so much.

I am even working daily--and that's probably something I'll have to do forever--on forgiving myself. I think a part of me will always long for the happy memories of the past and regret that I didn't realize how blessed I was. But I'm not going to miss out on current moments and blessings by staying there. I'm not closing the book but I am turning the page.

I have broken unholy and unhealthy soul ties that never should have been formed.

I've surrendered my pride, shame, mammon, heaviness, depression...

I'm ready to receive the best of my life for the rest of my life.

Looking forward to Christmas and the New Year. We have so many things coming up--Kayti's graduation and college, a dream vacation, a mission trip, serving God and others, growing closer as a family, and complete healing physically. We may even be moving and at the very least, redecorating! I am also believing God for full restoration in some my relationship with my ex. I don't yet know what that will look like--reconciliation or just being the best of friends and co-allies for our children. But we are already well on our way.  And I'm completely committed to my choice to not date again until God fully reveals His plan to me.

I'm very thankful for the lessons of the past year. I'm now ready to apply them towards the new year!