I Declare

• Since my incarceration I have been in therapy, support groups and Bible studies as well as reading a lot of different things and soul searching to help myself deal with the root of what landed me there landed there in the first place. 

  
  

  I postponed dealing with my divorce for so long...

  
  

  I didn't mean to. It's just the way things happened. The last few years of my marriage were a struggle. And if I'm being completely honest, the entire marriage was a struggle in a lot of ways. It's not that we didn't love each other. It's not that either of us was a bad person. Of course we were flawed in many ways and incompatible in many ways. But we had a lot in common also and I think I can honestly say that we both really worked at our marriage for a long time.

  
  

  Trying to understand what went wrong is mind boggling. I think it can best be summed up as a series of unfortunate events. We got married too young. We didn't have Christ at the center of our marriage. I didn't understand that love is often a choice and not a feeling. He didn't understand my needs. I didn't pay enough attention to my body and mind to know that something chemically was not right with my thought process. My need for control outweighed my need to make sure my husband, the one I cared most about, the one who was supposed to be the most important person in my life, felt loved, secure, appreciated. Somewhere deep down inside, for whatever reasons I still don't quite understand, I was hurting terribly and instead of trying to figure out why and deal with my own pain, I just turned it back onto him. I emasculated him and expected him to keep taking it. And he did. And that made me lose respect for him. And that was totally unfair of me. But there was always more and more and more...

  
  

  I didn't know what to do. I think back on what I was thinking at that time and all I can remember feeling was that there had to be more. I guess I felt like the grass was greener somewhere else even though many a wise counsel told me the truth of the matter and that is that the grass is greener where you water it. 

  
  

  I just wanted to escape it and I did but in such a horrific way that I only wound up hurting others terribly and myself in the worst way possible.  And when that plan failed, I continued to just avoid dealing with my problems. I turned my attention to just having fun. And I did.

  
  

  I learned a lot during that time. But I still didn't learn the most important things. Or maybe I did but they just didn't sink in. I don't know that they ever will. But I do have to let myself FEEL the pain of my loss. As terrible as it is. As much as I want to avoid it, control it, turn it back on someone else, I just have to feel what I feel and find a way to move past it. A lot of people say that "time heals all wounds". That's crap. Time COVERS all wounds. The only thing that can HEAL wounds is Jesus Christ. But I have to let Him. And I will. And He will.

  
  

  In the meantime, I have to completely let go of what's past and focus on what's ahead. That is difficult because I DON'T KNOW what's ahead. It's scary. But I have to choose to look at it as a positive thing.

  
  

  I have been reading I Declare, by Joel Osteen and it's all about learning to speak words of power over your life. I used to thing that I was a horrible person for the thoughts that I had. I now know that thoughts aren't really bad or good. They are just thoughts. But when you SPEAK your thoughts and they become words and are out into the air, floating around, they take on a power of their own. It may be a weird concept to some but I do believe this. I see it all the time with others and have finally come to see it in myself. Whatever we speak becomes what rules us. 

  
  

  So I'm trying to develop the habit of speaking words of power into existence and over my life and the lives of my children.  Going forward, I declare that I have God's favor and blessing in my life and that the past, while full of many wonderful memories as well as some mistakes and bad things, is just the past. And it's not near as great as my future will be. 

  
  

  Here are just a few nuggets of truth and wisdom that I have heard and am trying to remember. Many are from Joel Osteen, some are from author, Mandy Hale, others from Bishop T.D. Jakes and still others unknown. But I hope you enjoy them as much as I have:

  
  

  I DECLARE there is an anointing of ease on my life. Good is going before me making crooked places straight. His yoke is easy and His burden light. I will not continually struggle. What used to be difficult will not be difficult anymore. God's favor and blessing on my life is lightening the load and taking the pressure off. This is my declaration.

  
  

  I believe and declare the rest of my life will be the best of my life! I receive it TODAY!!!! 

  
  

  If something is dead in your life, don't die with it!

  
  

  Don't spend your life looking in the rear view mirror! 

  
  

  God is asking us how long we will mourn for what we've lost. It stops Him from releasing His new blessings!

  
  

  What's in my future is greater than what's in my past! 

  
  

  God promises beauty for ashes but you first have to let go of the ashes! 

  
  

  Let go of your mistakes and failures. You can’t do anything about the past but you can do something about right now.

  
  

  There are no restrictions or rules. You have the freedom to design your life to look & be however you choose!

  
  

   You have to believe that God is in control. That means there is no need to be stressed out and worried.

  
  

  • You have the right to change your mind, then change it again..to go any direction you choose, for whatever reason you want.

    
    

    Go with the flow. Force nothing. Let it happen, or not happen...trusting that whichever way it foes, it's for the best.

    
    

    Knowing when to walk away is wisdom. Being able to is courage. Walking away with your head held high is dignity. ~Unknown

    
    

    You don't get angry with people you don't care about, you dismiss them!

    
    

    f you don't find a way to love a flawed person, secretly you're teaching yourself that you are not lovable because of your flaws.

    
    

    
    

    When you hold onto your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny; forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.

    
    

    There is power in letting go of the past and releasing the frustration of trying to figure everything out.

    
    

    Be blessed!