Thankful Thursday

Today I can't think of anything greater to be thankful for than for my three amazing children.

You see, as I posted on Sunday, a friend with whom I used to go to church with recently adopted a little boy and a little girl from China. Both were special needs children but they courageously stepped forward to be the forever family for these two precious babies. They have only been home three weeks when sweet Joanna Chen Jones passed away from a blood infection. Her funeral was today.

Last night on Facebook, I learned that a sweet young man who has been battling a rare form of cancer since February also passed away.

I have two angel babies myself but I lost them both in utero and while those losses were devastating to me (especially the first) I can't wrap my human mind around how any parent copes with the loss of a child. A child that has been born, that you have bonded with, nursed, nurtured, loved and cared for...

My faith tells me that God is always in control, that He has a plan and is a a loving Father that knows what's best for His children--all of us--and that we just have to trust in Him, let Him comfort us through our grief and give us strengh, relying on His wisdom when our own fails.

But my mind...I just don't understand. I know one day I will but right now, I just can't. And my heart...my heart absolutely BREAKS for these parents. I don't know how they will get through it because I certainly don't know how I would.

When Brooke was born, I let my selfishness and love for material things allow me to make a very foolish decision to have my tubes tied so that I could have no more biological children. For many years, I regretted that decision and inquired several times to have the procedure reversed. It could have been done but I let people talk me out of it time and time again. Now, even though I can medically still bear children, it's probably not the most ideal situation. I am 42 years old and even though my health is good, the risks do go up. Not to mention I am already a single mom struggling to finish raising the two teenagers that still live at home with me.

But in the last year or so, I have gotten closer to being at peace with the decision I made years ago to say no to God's blessing of more biological children. When I was a teenager I never thought I'd have ANY kids "of my own". I always wanted to adopt many children of different nationalities so when friends of mine began their adoption processes I thought my turn would be just around the corner. But my ex-husband did not share my heart for orphans. I can't put the downfall of our marriage completely on that aspect but it did become a major source of contention between us. I am also now accepting the fact that I am obviously not called to adopt either but that my dream of more children is to be pursued through my chosen profession and by helping orphans through missions and other activities.

I feel I am also to focus on being thankful for the three precious children I DO have. Not that I couldn't love more and not to put other kids down but sometimes I look at them or think about them and think, "How oh how could I possibly improve on that?" lol

My son, my absolutely AWESOME son is the most incredible young man I have EVER met! He is super smart, very talented, well-adjusted, mature, responsible...he is well on his way to being an impressive young engineer and has such a bright future!

I know they still have a few years before I can count them as successes but my beautiful daughters are well on their way. They haven't been without their problems, mostly my fault because of the divorce and other things. But they are incredibly resilient and keep striving to do their best. I am so proud of them and so excited to see what the future holds for them

Yes, I am thankful for my three, precious, precious gifts from God and I pray every day that I don't take them for granted or God for granted for allowing me to be their mom!