Status Shuffles

Had to clean out my "favorites" box of Status Shuffles. It was getting way too long. But I love this app! Love that someone else has had the same thoughts (even though sometimes twisted! lol) as me at one time or another.And so many of them are just downright hillarious! Hope you enjoy!

Funny as hell:

*There is a thin line between sanity and insanity...and I just snorted it.

*You have more dick in your personality than you do in your pants

*youre checking out my page again..... you must think im sexy!

*It's not complicated. You're just stupid.

*F*ck karma, I'm the bitch you gotta worry about!

*is feeling off today, anyone want to turn me on?

*sweet as heaven, hot as hell, born to tease, taught to please

*I need a Do Not Enter sign for my bubble

*I still think it's hilarious you chose your fat, ugly wife over me...lol yeah good luck with that!

True as hell:

*Like me, love me, or hate me--either way, you have to wake up each morning knowing you have feelings for me!

*If you dont have time for your kids when they are grwoing up, don't expect them to have time for you when they are GROWN up!

*will never understand how someone can say they love someone and have no regard for that persons feelings or the damage their actions cause

*There is a feeling I dont know how to describe, I just know it's there.

*Love me or hate me, either way it aint gonna break me

Funny & True:

*I don't just think that marijuana should be legalized, for some people it should be mandatory.

*Ignorance is only bliss for the ignorant, for the rest of us it's painfully irritating.

*is one idiot away from being a CSI suspect...you have been warned.

*I do not agree with your opinion, however I do admire your persistent dedication to your wrongness.

*if you have a problem with the way I live my life,its o.k.! At least I have a life.All you have is a problem

Some I made up:

*Sometimes you find friends in the most unexpected places

*I am a strong, independent woman. I wont bend and I sure as HELL wont break!

*The "hormones" excuse women give for not wanting sex is bullshit! Guys, trust me, it's YOU. You ain't doing something right, either in bed or out of it!

* Look, I just want to do my best at my job, raising my kids, having a good time. I do not want drama. Act like the adult you're supposed to be and leave me alone

*There are only two things I need in my life right now--friendship and sex. If you're looking for more than that, move on please.

*Nice try, Mom but you're NOT making me cry! & to answer your question...as long as he doesn't stick it in my ear or up my nose, there's NOTHING to argue about!

*Nobody can be anybody's everything.

*I don't forget because I'm smart, not stupid but I also forgive because I'm strong, not weak.

*Lying is bad enough but when you have no reason to lie and you do it...that's really pathetic.

*I'm either your friend or your enemy...you decide.

Sex & the City Quotes:

"Women are for friendships--men are for screwing!"~~Samantha

“Maybe you’re only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I’ve used mine up.” ~~Carrie

“No matter who broke your heart, or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never get through it without your friends.”~~Carrie

"I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty." ~~Carrie

"I'd love to be friends with an ex bf. But I can't help it, I feel more like, 'Okay it didnt work out between us, you need to not exist'"~~Miranda

and the truest of all and not so very funny...

*I am attracted to those which I cannot have, and I am chased by those which I do not want