Weekly news

Trying not to wait so long in between posts. The memory is not so good these days (the short-term memory anyway) and then I forget to share stuff!

Of course when I try and post more often, it seems there's not so much going on.

Loving my new job still. But my schedule is crazy! One of my sweet co-workers agreed to swap shifts with me on Monday and Thursday so I could take Brooke to soccer practice since the ex, who gets off at 4:30 and could do it has turned out to be useless. And no, I'm not trying to bad-mouth him but the truth is the truth. I never thought I'd see the day when he would act like he's been acting. He cares more about working overtime that he doesnt have to work than taking care of his kids. So I guess this mama has to give up REGULAR hours sometimes to take care of business! I think he's turned everything into a competition. He's trying to rack up money so he can accomplish more sooner than I can or something so he can say "haha". Whatever. If it's a competition, I've already won because his daughters are quickly losing respect for him and believe it or not, I have NOT said a word! But they are old enough to see what's going on and realize where they fall on his priority list.

Any time I've even asked him to do anything for them he acts like it's doing a favor to ME! It blows my mind that after being married for 21 years and him seeing what all I went through with my own dad that he would treat his kids like he has been. But that's okay. My mama raised a hell of a strong woman. I will do what I gotta do and I'm raising my girls the same way!

I am officially registered for Race for the Cure and have been training! I'm really excited but frustrated at the same time. I want to run SO BAD but so afraid my doc is right so I'm trying to walk it in under 45 minutes and it's hard!

Bama played away at Penn State so no tailgating this time. Instead went to a party at Tammy's house and had a BLAST! Love me some Tammy.

I had sort of being seeing someone but it wasnt serious. More like a friends with benefits thing even though I do really like him. But I met someone else and I think I'm gonng give that a chance. I'm scared shitless about getting into a relationship again. Trying to go VERY slow. But he is a sweetheart and treats me like a queen and not just an afterthought. It's been on my mind a lot lately about how it would work out. He has two boys in one school and my two girls are in another (and maybe about to go to yet another). I've no desire to move where he is and dont think his kids would want to move this way either but as I was contemplating all this I realized I was getting ahead of myself. God told me you can go slow and fast at the same time--you'll destroy your transmission. He said to just take it day by day and if this is His plan for me, He will work out all the details. That's a hard thing for my anal-retentive OCD self to do. I got to PLAN!!! Even if the plans dont work out I gotta at least have one! But I'm trying to take His advice. He's already met the kids. He came over Sunday to fix my car and they were here. It was tense and he said he could feel that. I'd tried to tell him they aren't ready to see mama with someone else yet that's why I'd tried to keep my dating/personal life separate. Yes, I come as a package deal but until I'm sure I want someone in MY life, I dont like to introduce people into THEIR life.

Anyway, just taking EVERYTHING one day at a time has been a totally new experience for me. But so far it seems to be working!

Have a great week and be blessed!

So much news to report...

I finished up my work at Clayridge. They wouldn't offer me full-time so I turned in notice. I hated to leave that bunch of kids but they didnt much act like they cared whether I stayed or went so I went. Turns out it was in my best interest. For the next few weeks after that, I made FINDING a job my new job. You guys know how anal I am about some things--I kept a binder and recorded all the ads I answered, leads I got and cold calls. It turned out that a cold call was the ticket! You just never know how God can work things out!

I sent letters of inquiry to approximately ten daycare centers along with my glowing resume on what a wonderful teacher I am (haha) and I got a call! The director and I hit it off and I was offered a job the same day. I was blown away by the pay--VERY high for a daycare--almost what I was making at the bank when I left years ago. Plus benefits!

I work in the 1 year old room with two other girls that I love--we get along great--and nine adorable little ones! I didn't much think I would like working with that age. They bite, they cant talk much to tell you what's wrong and oh yeah--diapers! But I have fallen in love with them just like I always do and I'm finding out I'd much rather change a diaper than listen to attitude! Never had much attitude with the 3's & 4's (still my faves) but those 5's & 6's I had last year--O...M...G!!! I also didnt think I'd care much for the hours (10-6) but I'm getting used to it. Plus one of my sweet co-workers offered to swap with me on Mondays and Thursdays so I can take Brooke to soccer since the ex was being useless so...it's all working out great!
I should get a full paycheck this Friday, catch a few things up and then be able to get a car by the end of the month (prayers please) then I can work on me and the girls getting out on our own (more prayers please).

The ex...we've had rounds 2500 and 2501 lately. Most of the time we get along but his attitude sometimes really sux. He acts like his child support is supposed to cover EVERYTHING the girls need. I can't believe as long as we were married and he knows the price of things that he has that attitude. I believe it's being fed by something or someone...never thought we'd have THESE kinds of fights. Also considers anything he does for his kids a favor to ME. That's one reason I'm in a hurry to move out on my own. To show him I dont need any help from him at all. But I think what it boils down to as long as I was with the psycho, didnt have a job, let alone a car or a place of my own, etc. he could tell himself that he was doing better than me. Now that things are falling into place for me and I am moving on with my life and not wallowing in regret for the mistakes I made, it bugs him a little. But he finally did get himself another car so maybe he can start getting out and be a little happier.

Moving out on my own...can't decide where to move to. Wanted to move to Ashley Manor in Moody so the girls would be close to their school and it was a place I could actually afford. But they dont allow pets and no way I'm getting rid of my little baby! Even though she DOES make me mad sometimes! She hogs more of the bed than any man I've ever shared a bed with! She's done well housetraining but sometimes she thinks her outdoor trips are for her to socialize and smell every blade of grass, rock and stick instead of to do what she's supposed to do. And when she and Bama go out together they LOVE crossing me up! But she's the sweetest thing and has been a huge comfort to me through all my ordeals. No way is she going anywhere.

Right now, I'm debating on trying to rent a house in Tarrant to stay close to my mom and Shari, an apartment in Trussville or back to Clay. We went to the Claws v. Paws the other night and I think Brooke may want to go back to public school. If she does decide to, she will not go to Tarrant or anywhere else. Clay would be the best choice for us. I'm not opposed to Springville but I dont want to move that far out again and she already has friends in Clay so the transition would be smooth.

We moved Dylan into the dorms at Alabama August 20. It was a LONG, chaotic, hard day but I managed NOT to cry too much and he seems to be really enjoying his classes, his roommates and campus life. I am SO proud and excited for him!

I've resumed my workouts and am making some progress. I'm planning to do Race for the Cure this year and my goal is to finish in under 45 minutes which will be tough since I'm not allowed to run! I still want to get a second opinion on that! But it'll have to wait till insurance kicks in.

I started a part-time job as a Blackjack dealer for a private company that provides gaming for private parties and charity events. I LOVE it. I hope to get called out on more gigs soon!

And my writing is going well. Just wish I had a better laptop!

I've put off relationships and dating for now. I dont really have time. I'll go out or do something if asked but I'm not worried about it so much. Yes, I do get lonely sometimes and I do have...um...needs but they have to be a few notches down on the priority list for now. Not getting back on plentyoffish.com anytime soon! Right now I'm just enjoying my friends and doing my own thing.

Got to tailgate for 'bama's season opener and had a BLAST!!! Met a niece of Shari's, her fiance and their friends down near the quad and we had the BEST time! Can't wait to go again! I love being in the promised land on gameday--especially when we win! ROLL TIDE!!!

I have a lot to be thankful for and a lot to be excited about. I'm very blessed and I know it!

Yeah, I'm really behind!

So now I'm divorced. The girls and I are living with shari in Tarrant. Jeff moved in with his parents and Dylan is at Alabama.



Long story short (details in my journal or other blog), I cheated on Jeff with Craig Nix. It is without a doubt the absolute DUMBEST thing I have EVER done. Our relationship quickly turned abusive and I was able to get away. He's mentally ill and I still sometimes can't believe I was stupid enough to fall for his lies. And yet a part of me still cares deeply for him for some DUMBASS reason.



I'll try to do better at journaling here...

Agh! Irritated! (mental/physical)

I overslept and am therefore missing my morning trip to the Y. I know I'll get to walk later while Brooke is at Soccer but I'm debating going back this evening after we get home to do weights. Hate to drive all the way back to Trussvegas but also hate to skip a day of weights!



At the same time I'm glad because I needed to get a few other things done but then bummed again because I could sleep a few more hours! And there is no caffeine in this house!



I made a decision last night that probably cost me a friend but I know it's for my own good as well as the friend's. I guess I was feeling convicted. But I've been through it before and thought I could handle things this time but I dont think I can. Not right now anyway. And I'm not sure I'm cut out for it ever. It's not that I wanted more, I just need to protect my sanity and emotional stability right now. My girls need me and I have too much to be focused on to worry about any romantic/sexual/whatever hassles. I know it was supposed to be simple...but somehow these things never are. Not for me. And I'm all about owning who I am and not pretending to be anything I'm not.

New rules and new routines (physical, mental, spiritual)

Starting working out again yesterday. Did four miles on the bike and weights. I got up this morning and went to Billy Hewitt park and did 2 miles in 49 minutes. That is not good. The Susan G. Komen is in little over a month and if I do the 5k, that is 3.1 miles and my goal is 45 minutes. Gonna be tough since I'm not supposed to be running. I keep thinking about getting a second opinion on that but every time I do, the left knee starts acting up again. I guess that's God's way of saying, "um, no!" Dangit. I really do like running.



Tomorrow I have to work 7:30-4:30 so I'm hitting the Y early for the bike/weights workout and I will do my walking around the soccer field while Brooke has soccer practice.



I'm hoping to throw in some floor exercises and zumba in here somewhere soon but trying to find a class has been difficult.



I've cut way back on the caffeine. I only have it in the mornings and around 3 in the afternoon. And absolutely NO caffeine after 6 p.m. The rest of the time, I drink water.



Also NO eating after 8 p.m. I would like to bump that up to 6 p.m. but with my schedule, it's just not possible right now. Still, it's a start.



I'm excited about getting my body back! And what I cant fix through diet and exercise, I'm looking into surgery. Like for my tummy. I do at least 50 crunches on the weight machine with 50 pounds EVERY day and I still cant get rid of my tummy. it's all brooke's fault! lol Well, not hers but the idiot doctor that decided to cut me to tie my tubes instead of going through the belly button like everyone else! Surgery is the only option to get rid of that.



I'm studying up on exercise physiology and nutrition and it's still on my to do list to get my zumba instructor certifcation as well.



Mentally, I'm doing well. Emotionally...it's been a tough week for various reasons but during my walk this morning I listed to some awesome praise and worship and during the day when I was thinking about a certain situation in my life, God put this verse on my heart:



"Delight yourself in the LORD and He will give you the desires of your heart."



You Scriptorians out there probably can name the book and verse. I just remember the words of the Lord and so I took steps to make sure my focus right now IS on the Lord and Him only. It was tough because it was something I really wanted. But I know God has been trying to teach me discipline for YEARS, decades even and it's time I started heeding His lead. It wont be easy. But I know it's the right thing.

The "plan"

One thing I learned in Brookwood and from my counselor is that every idea has to have a plan or it will always be just an idea.



Well, I've always been good at having a "plan". In fact, I love to plan. I keep a calendar, a to do list, love to plan parties and events, always try to get an idea of what I'll be doing tomorrow, the next day, the weekend...That's not to say I dont like surprises or cant be spontaneous. I am just a born planner.



But I dont always put action behind it so that's my number one goal right now. The "plan" is easy, it's the follow up that takes some commitment. Sometimes there just are not enough hours in the day, days in the week...to do all I want to do or even need to do. But that's no excuse for not trying.



The first thing I know I have to do is work harder at nuturing my relationship with my Lord & Savior. I think I step away from Him sometimes because I KNOW I dont measure up. Some of the things I do, choices I make, habits that are hard to give up, I know are in direct conflict with the way I know God wants me to live. Dying to the flesh every day is REALLY hard. I am so thankful that I love and serve a risen savior that understands that and extends grace to the point where my self-discipline ends. It's time for me to give Him more of me. Pray more, get into His word more. Let Him be my everything, especially now.



The second is health but I am SO blessed that that's the easy part. Talking with so many of my friends, I have discovered I am VERY healthy. I dont take near as many medicines as a lot of people do, dont have nearly as many aches and pains...and I want to keep it that way. Time NOT to go on a diet but to really pay attention to what goes into my body. Sugar and caffeine are on their way out! Alcohol will be significantly reduced very soon, though it's never been a problem for me, it still isn't "good" for me either.



The weight that creeped its way back on after my knee surgeries are on their way out also. I just about have a routine and workable schedule in place that includes, swimming laps, lifting weights, walking and zumba. It may take awhile to get back down to the size I need to be but I know it wont take long to start feeling better. I am a firm believer in endorphins! And it's important for me to be able to be in good shape. Too many things on my "bucket list" are physically demanding!



Mentally--I love my celexa. But there are still days when certain people can push my buttons, though it's getting tougher and tougher for them to accomplish that and the occurrences are fewer and further between. And I know when I get the spiritual and the exercise going good, the mental is destine to improve also.



I have a new job which should help with the car/apartment situation but I will share more as those become closer to reality. The rest is cosmetic and is going to take time and money. But I plan on looking, feeling and BEING 200% better within the next six months. And I'm excited!

Under construction

the blog and me! There has been SO MUCH that has happened since my last post that I'm even taking a sabbatical from Facebook to revamp this entire blog! I'm organizing it into more sections and adding a few projects. So check back soon for exciting news and features. Until then, be blessed!