Happy Mother's Day to all the great moms out there! I hope your day was great!
Mine was an ordinary day but any ordinary day in my life is pretty spectacular, usually so...
It started out by all of us sleeping late. I didn't mean to but I was awakened last night by the storms. So I missed church but I did watch Joel Osteen!
Then my lovely children and hubby made me pancakes and cleaned the entire house. I spent most of the afternoon finishing up the slideshow I've been working on for my sister's wedding. I knew it was coming along a little too smoothly because when I went to visit my mom and show her what I had done so far...I ran into some problems. So back to work I go, but tomorrow!
Tonight, I'm kicking back and watching my shows!
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
OCP Blog Challenge #10
Okay, this one should catch me up! And this one is easy, too. Of all the stories and people in the Bible, my favorites are of David. Of course, the Savior did some awesome stuff.
But I find it fascinating, especially given the way Christians treat people these days (especially each other!) how everyone important to God, everyone in the Bible that He chose to use to bring about His purposes was somehow flawed...just like me and you. And none of them more so than David. And yet David is often described as being a "man after God's own heart". I just love it!
To know that the God who created the world, who is so perfect, who holds everything in His hands including the future and could pick anyone in the world He wanted to pick, picks those who are NOT perfect. If you can't take comfort in that, you can't take comfort in anything!
I LOVE how David was just a humble, shepherd boy to begin with.
I LOVE how he defeated his giants with his wits and God instead of strength.
I LOVE how he developed such an awesome friendship with Jonathan and showed mercy to Jonathan and his family when he didn't have to and would have been justified in giving them what they deserved (remind you of anyone else...???)
I LOVE how when he had the chance to kill Saul, he refused to raise his hands against God's annointed. I think of this whenever I hear anyone griping about a pastor or church leader and doing vindictive things to get their own agenda through.
I LOVE the story of his sin and how God brought good out of it because He knew David's heart was still for God.
So be encouraged, friends. You are NOT perfect and God knows that already so don't be afraid to confess it. He knows your heart, too and is ready to use you in a big way!
Blessings,
But I find it fascinating, especially given the way Christians treat people these days (especially each other!) how everyone important to God, everyone in the Bible that He chose to use to bring about His purposes was somehow flawed...just like me and you. And none of them more so than David. And yet David is often described as being a "man after God's own heart". I just love it!
To know that the God who created the world, who is so perfect, who holds everything in His hands including the future and could pick anyone in the world He wanted to pick, picks those who are NOT perfect. If you can't take comfort in that, you can't take comfort in anything!
I LOVE how David was just a humble, shepherd boy to begin with.
I LOVE how he defeated his giants with his wits and God instead of strength.
I LOVE how he developed such an awesome friendship with Jonathan and showed mercy to Jonathan and his family when he didn't have to and would have been justified in giving them what they deserved (remind you of anyone else...???)
I LOVE how when he had the chance to kill Saul, he refused to raise his hands against God's annointed. I think of this whenever I hear anyone griping about a pastor or church leader and doing vindictive things to get their own agenda through.
I LOVE the story of his sin and how God brought good out of it because He knew David's heart was still for God.
So be encouraged, friends. You are NOT perfect and God knows that already so don't be afraid to confess it. He knows your heart, too and is ready to use you in a big way!
Blessings,
OCP Blog challenge #9
Okay, so moving right along. This blog challenge was supposed to be about our favorite hymn or praise/worship song. Again, you ask me to pick just ONE??? What kind of deal is that?!
Anything by Casting Crowns blows me away. Mercy Me is good, too. I also love Todd Agnew, Jeremy Camp, Nicole C. Mullen, Chris Tomlin and Tammy Trent is just awesome!!!
But I think I have to go with Third Day and if I MUST pick just one of their songs, it has to be Cry Out to Jesus. Here are the lyrics:
Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day (2005)
To everyone who's lost someone they love
long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye. (makes me think of Maw Maw and how MUCH I still miss her!)
And to all of the people with burdens and pains (my husband, my dad)
keepin' you back from your life.
You believe that there's nothing
and there is no one who can make it right.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on (so many friends of mine)
They lost all of their faith in love.
and they've done all they can to make it right again
still it's not enough.
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains (again, so many that I know)
you try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you're not alone
in your shame and your suffering.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus.
When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus.
To the widow who suffers from being alone,
wipin' the tears from her eyes.
For the children around the world without a home, (oh gosh, how I wish I could take them all home with me!)
say a prayer tonight.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
And I don't mean to make it sound like we should only call on Him during bad times. He wants to share our joys with us, too! But it breaks my heart to see so much suffering in the world and have people ask "where is God?" He's here! He's right here, hun! Just call on His name!
Blessings!
Anything by Casting Crowns blows me away. Mercy Me is good, too. I also love Todd Agnew, Jeremy Camp, Nicole C. Mullen, Chris Tomlin and Tammy Trent is just awesome!!!
But I think I have to go with Third Day and if I MUST pick just one of their songs, it has to be Cry Out to Jesus. Here are the lyrics:
Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day (2005)
To everyone who's lost someone they love
long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye. (makes me think of Maw Maw and how MUCH I still miss her!)
And to all of the people with burdens and pains (my husband, my dad)
keepin' you back from your life.
You believe that there's nothing
and there is no one who can make it right.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on (so many friends of mine)
They lost all of their faith in love.
and they've done all they can to make it right again
still it's not enough.
For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains (again, so many that I know)
you try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you're not alone
in your shame and your suffering.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus.
When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus.
To the widow who suffers from being alone,
wipin' the tears from her eyes.
For the children around the world without a home, (oh gosh, how I wish I could take them all home with me!)
say a prayer tonight.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.
There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
that meets you wherever you are.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.
And I don't mean to make it sound like we should only call on Him during bad times. He wants to share our joys with us, too! But it breaks my heart to see so much suffering in the world and have people ask "where is God?" He's here! He's right here, hun! Just call on His name!
Blessings!
OCP Blog challenge #8
Yes, I'm ridiculously behind on these. I told ya I didn't feel like blogging and you guys kept right on posting the blog challenges!!! Didn't they tell you it's ALL ABOUT MICHELLE!!!
Okay, I'm just kidding. Of course I know it's not all about me. It's all about Him.
This blog challenge (that I'm so late doing) is about our favorite Bible verse and why.
I hate this kind of challenge. Finding my "favorite" of anything is not easy. I have always had WAY too many interest, liked WAY too many things and thus, that is why my life is generally utter chaos, even though I like to think of myself as organized!
There are SO MANY verses that are near and dear to my heart.
I LOVE the Psalms when I need comforting and I LOVE the Proverbs when I need a good kick in the butt about something!
There are so many scriptures useful for so many different things--parenting, friendship, grief, encouragement, marriage and I think that's what is most fascinating to me about God's Word. I can read a verse once and it will speak to me in a certain way. Then a year later I can read it again and it takes on a totally different meaning. And then it speaks differently to each of His children, too. Not that His word is inconsistent. But that's what it means to be a LIVING Word, I think.
Romans 8:28 "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord" is always near and dear. As is His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you..plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
And since one of my favorite words is "whatever" I love that God includes that one in His Word, too! "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8 Whatever whatever whatever! LOL
I am a worrier by nature. I guess all mothers are to some extent. And I have gotten better about it as I have 1) gotten older 2) discovered prozac 3) become stronger in my relationship with Jesus. But whenever I find myself start to slip and worry how this bill is getting paid this month or what's gonna happen with this situation or why can't I do something about....(fill in the blank--take your pick!) I remember "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 or "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (and for some reason, that verse also reminds me of Pastor Kirk and Kidmo! LOL
Last year, when I was going through one of the biggest trials of my life, I found comfort in Psalm 38:17-18; 21-22 (the Psalms, of course!) "For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. O Lord do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior" and "Let not those gloat over me who are my enemies without cause." Psalm 35:19 and "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11 I also remind my children of that last one--No one LIKES to be in trouble!!!
When I come across those brothers and sisters whose hearts are so pure, so full of love for others, so strikingly similar to the heart of Jesus, I'm reminded of Philemon 7 "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of saints."
I have always been very mission minded. I wish I had the income and the ability to really reach out like I would love to do to all those in need. And Philippians 2:4 always reminds me that no matter how small our gifts may seem that "each of us should look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others". There is no greater blessing than to bless others. If you think you've got problems, go serve somewhere. There is always someone worse off than you!
But NONE of these are my favorites! Want to know what my favorite verse is (that is IF I have to choose!)?
I Peter 5:6
"Humble yourselves therefore unto His mighty hand that He may lift you up in due time"
I first fell in love with that Scripture when I heard Alabama QB Jay Barker say it on ESPN after his big win 29-28 over Georgia in 1993. I expected when he was interviewed that he'd say something about Jesus. Jay was always talking about Jesus. But for some reason, I was blown away. What boldness. What confidence. What peace. I envied that kid and his ability to be so outspoken about his faith. I wanted what He had. I'd been saved but I think it was just one of those pivotal times in everyone's life when you realize you want MORE of God. I actually still have those times!
But since then, whenever I feel discouraged because I don't have something I want, things aren't going my way or I feel like God isn't using me, I will remind myself, "humble, humble, in due time, in due time."
And I lay claim to that promise, one day, my "due time" will come. And so will yours, friend!
Blessings!
Okay, I'm just kidding. Of course I know it's not all about me. It's all about Him.
This blog challenge (that I'm so late doing) is about our favorite Bible verse and why.
I hate this kind of challenge. Finding my "favorite" of anything is not easy. I have always had WAY too many interest, liked WAY too many things and thus, that is why my life is generally utter chaos, even though I like to think of myself as organized!
There are SO MANY verses that are near and dear to my heart.
I LOVE the Psalms when I need comforting and I LOVE the Proverbs when I need a good kick in the butt about something!
There are so many scriptures useful for so many different things--parenting, friendship, grief, encouragement, marriage and I think that's what is most fascinating to me about God's Word. I can read a verse once and it will speak to me in a certain way. Then a year later I can read it again and it takes on a totally different meaning. And then it speaks differently to each of His children, too. Not that His word is inconsistent. But that's what it means to be a LIVING Word, I think.
Romans 8:28 "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord" is always near and dear. As is His promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you..plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
And since one of my favorite words is "whatever" I love that God includes that one in His Word, too! "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." Philippians 4:8 Whatever whatever whatever! LOL
I am a worrier by nature. I guess all mothers are to some extent. And I have gotten better about it as I have 1) gotten older 2) discovered prozac 3) become stronger in my relationship with Jesus. But whenever I find myself start to slip and worry how this bill is getting paid this month or what's gonna happen with this situation or why can't I do something about....(fill in the blank--take your pick!) I remember "Do not be anxious about anything but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Philippians 4:6 or "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9 (and for some reason, that verse also reminds me of Pastor Kirk and Kidmo! LOL
Last year, when I was going through one of the biggest trials of my life, I found comfort in Psalm 38:17-18; 21-22 (the Psalms, of course!) "For I am about to fall, and my pain is ever with me. I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin. O Lord do not forsake me; be not far from me, O my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my Savior" and "Let not those gloat over me who are my enemies without cause." Psalm 35:19 and "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11 I also remind my children of that last one--No one LIKES to be in trouble!!!
When I come across those brothers and sisters whose hearts are so pure, so full of love for others, so strikingly similar to the heart of Jesus, I'm reminded of Philemon 7 "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of saints."
I have always been very mission minded. I wish I had the income and the ability to really reach out like I would love to do to all those in need. And Philippians 2:4 always reminds me that no matter how small our gifts may seem that "each of us should look not only to our own interests but also to the interests of others". There is no greater blessing than to bless others. If you think you've got problems, go serve somewhere. There is always someone worse off than you!
But NONE of these are my favorites! Want to know what my favorite verse is (that is IF I have to choose!)?
I Peter 5:6
"Humble yourselves therefore unto His mighty hand that He may lift you up in due time"
I first fell in love with that Scripture when I heard Alabama QB Jay Barker say it on ESPN after his big win 29-28 over Georgia in 1993. I expected when he was interviewed that he'd say something about Jesus. Jay was always talking about Jesus. But for some reason, I was blown away. What boldness. What confidence. What peace. I envied that kid and his ability to be so outspoken about his faith. I wanted what He had. I'd been saved but I think it was just one of those pivotal times in everyone's life when you realize you want MORE of God. I actually still have those times!
But since then, whenever I feel discouraged because I don't have something I want, things aren't going my way or I feel like God isn't using me, I will remind myself, "humble, humble, in due time, in due time."
And I lay claim to that promise, one day, my "due time" will come. And so will yours, friend!
Blessings!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Sharing some pictures...
First, a bad mommy moment! My little track star failed to tell me and I failed miserably to notice that her track shoes were too small! Her toes were literally poking through the ends and she was running in these shoes!
I felt like a dope! She now has new shoes. Here is the jackrabbit:
The girls participated in the CRCS Homeschool Talent Show & Exhibit Fair. They did the dance they plan to do in recital--their first ever duet. They did fabulously! I was worried because the stage was REALLY small AND carpeted! But they adjusted well. Just before going up to perform, Kayti panicked and forgot which side to start on. Her baby sister said, "It's okay, I know, I know, it'll be fine." Why can't we all be blessed with that mellow attitude? LOL Maybe that's a result of taking prozac while pregnant, you get a calm, cool and collected kid! LOL
Kayti also displayed her micro-minis:
And Brooke displayed their American Girl collection
Yep, that's a bunch a dolls, etc.! Jeff was looking at it all set up like that and he said, "You know, that's $1100 just in dolls, not counting the furniture, clothes, accessories." So now you know where our money goes! lol Not really. That's the cummulation of several years of birthday and Christmas gifts, mostly from grandma aka Deb.
It was a great experience for both of them and I am glad they participated. There are a LOT of really talented children in our homeschool group!
The next day was Kayti's violin recital. This is her third year to take violin and her second year with Miss Connie:
Brooke also finished up the last session of horseback riding for the year. She'll start up again in the Fall and perhaps do horse camp. We'll see...
She is such a natural!
And not to be outdone...my darling son and his favorite past-time:
We are winding down our homeschool year with a little "unschooling". Now that SAT's are over and we survived such a stressful week, we are working on some science projects and concentrating on our reading.
We keep going back and forth about CORE and the dance team. Both cost a chunk of money. Both have pros and cons. I'm about to just give it over to God and say if it's your will, you work it out!
Still awaiting that tax check. Don't you know it's spent before it gets here! LOL
I finally got the scanner to work and got all the pictures scanned for Mia's slideshow. I've added the music and I just sat there and bawled! I can't believe she's all grown up and getting married!
But then I went to mom's today and brought back even more pictures so I have some adjustments to make! LOL Guess I better get busy...
Blessings!
I felt like a dope! She now has new shoes. Here is the jackrabbit:
The girls participated in the CRCS Homeschool Talent Show & Exhibit Fair. They did the dance they plan to do in recital--their first ever duet. They did fabulously! I was worried because the stage was REALLY small AND carpeted! But they adjusted well. Just before going up to perform, Kayti panicked and forgot which side to start on. Her baby sister said, "It's okay, I know, I know, it'll be fine." Why can't we all be blessed with that mellow attitude? LOL Maybe that's a result of taking prozac while pregnant, you get a calm, cool and collected kid! LOL
Kayti also displayed her micro-minis:
And Brooke displayed their American Girl collection
Yep, that's a bunch a dolls, etc.! Jeff was looking at it all set up like that and he said, "You know, that's $1100 just in dolls, not counting the furniture, clothes, accessories." So now you know where our money goes! lol Not really. That's the cummulation of several years of birthday and Christmas gifts, mostly from grandma aka Deb.
It was a great experience for both of them and I am glad they participated. There are a LOT of really talented children in our homeschool group!
The next day was Kayti's violin recital. This is her third year to take violin and her second year with Miss Connie:
Brooke also finished up the last session of horseback riding for the year. She'll start up again in the Fall and perhaps do horse camp. We'll see...
She is such a natural!
And not to be outdone...my darling son and his favorite past-time:
We are winding down our homeschool year with a little "unschooling". Now that SAT's are over and we survived such a stressful week, we are working on some science projects and concentrating on our reading.
We keep going back and forth about CORE and the dance team. Both cost a chunk of money. Both have pros and cons. I'm about to just give it over to God and say if it's your will, you work it out!
Still awaiting that tax check. Don't you know it's spent before it gets here! LOL
I finally got the scanner to work and got all the pictures scanned for Mia's slideshow. I've added the music and I just sat there and bawled! I can't believe she's all grown up and getting married!
But then I went to mom's today and brought back even more pictures so I have some adjustments to make! LOL Guess I better get busy...
Blessings!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Coming home to Clearview...
I've been back for a few months now but I haven't been ready to talk about the feelings I've had for the past few years until now. As they say, time heals all wounds. However, they never quite go away. It's only through the power of the Lord that I was able to hold onto my faith if even by a thread. I'm so thankful that He reminded me that my faith is about Him, not about the people who serve Him or claim to be His followers.
I realize not all of you know the story so I will share a little background:
I first joined this church in 1995. I instantly fell in love with the spirit among the believers there and took an instant liking to Brother Kenny and his approach to spreading the message of Christ. I was saved when I was 9 but because my parents did not go to church, I was never baptized. Brother Kenny baptized me and dedicated all three of my children.
But having a husband of a different faith and the struggles of motherhood, working full-time, finishing college and not being able to connect in such a large church (at the time) ensued and I fell away from my church family.
In 2004, while working as a preschool teacher, I was reacquainted with an old friend from Clearview and she invited me back. Again, I immediately knew THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. Even though Brother Kenny had long gone and they had a new pastor, actually a whole new crew, I just knew I was "home". I started attending a wonderful Sunday School class, the kids got very involved and before long, Jeff even started attending with us.
We continued to be faithful attenders and get even more involved in serving the Lord. But before long I began to sense a loss of unity in the church body for whatever reason. There was constant arguing, bickering, disagreements and people leaving for various reasons. I was not innocent but after a while the Lord began to convict me that I needed to step up and stop raising my hands against his annointed. I took Him to mean that I need to support the current church staff more and so I did. Naturally, that didn't line up with other members agendas but I didn't realize at the time how vindictive people could be. When our children's pastor decided to throw in the towel and leave, I felt God speaking to me about stepping up to help in the Children's Ministry even more. It was not something I wanted to do. I did not and still do not feel worthy to be in ministry in any field. I am not above reproach. I am only a sinner, saved by grace. Romans 3:23 tells us that "we all sin and fall short of the glory of God". I know that all too well and sometimes it surprises me how often others forget this. I only wanted to do my part to help fill in the gap.
Upset and unsure about what I was doing, I posted some things on my blog that were taken out of context. I shared a quote that contained a curse word. Maybe I should have improperly stated the quote to avoid the word. Maybe I should have picked a different quote. Maybe I should have realized their were vultures waiting in the wings to use whatever they could to attack. Maybe I should have been more reponsible and not so naive to think that people would actually ACT BIBLICALLY and come to a sister if they had a problem with something she said instead of running to tattle. But at the time, I only wanted to vent and get what I was feeling out of inside of me so that it could no longer hold me captive. I simply didn't think. And for that, I do apologize. I take full responsibility for my actions. It just doesn't negate others taking responsibility for theirs. But that's neither here nor there. I can't control how other people act.
I had also made a statement about having too much wine. I never said I was drunk--I was NOT drunk. Anyone who knows me (family and friends can attest to the fact) knows that back in the day, I was a big drinker and that it takes a LOT of alcohol for me to feel any effects. I have a really high tolerance level and low addiction level--something I inherited from my mother. I can smoke or not smoke I don't care. I smoked in high school and one day decided that $1.50 a pack was too much to pay for cigarettes so I just quit. No big deal. (I don't know how some of you smoke now and pay twice that!) I can drink or not drink, it doesn't bother me to have a margarita with my burrito, it also doesn't bother me not to have anything alcoholic for long periods of time. But when I said what I said about having "too much" I meant that whatever wine it was, it gave me a headache! Sometimes that does happen with wine and me, I don't know why. Yes, I should have been more responsible in my statements and not been so casual with my comments. Again, I wasn't thinking. And again, I expect that people will act biblically and come to me when they have a beef with me. Again, I suppose I expect too much from some people. And by the way, the Bible does not say drinking is a sin. It cautions us against being DRUNK. It cautions us against caring more about alcohol (or food or anything) more than Christ and it cautions us not to do anything that may cause others to stumble. Yet, if people are focused on each other and not on the Lord, then there's a bigger problem to worry about than whether or not someone has a glass of wine. I think people would be surprised to find out who among them does indulge now and then but feel that they have to hide it from their judgemental brethren. That, to me, is worse. If you murder someone and no one sees, does that make it better? That's the absurd line of thinking about alcohol that blows me away.
When confronted with the fact that there had been these complaints, I was devastated. Devastated to be 36 years old and talked to like a little child, sure. But more devastated that there were people who had been walking around among me and my family, smiling to our faces but didn't have the guts to confront me face to face and instead ran to tattle behind my back to insure that their own agendas were accomplished. I was told that "no one wanted me to step down" from anything I was doing. That only confirmed the underhandedness of it all. If I was flawed, fine. I accept that. I KNOW that. But if I'm not good enough to have the position, why would I be good enough to stay and TEACH CHILDREN??? It just didn't make any sense to me but of course, I knew what was really going on.
When I decided to indeed, give the people what they want and step down, I was also informed that I could no longer be involved in ANY ministry of the church. It was being made quite clear to me that my help was not wanted or needed and no regard was made for my family, my husband who was coming to really love the Baptist church, my children who were involved. It hurt my family and it hurt God way more than it hurt me and believe me, it hurt me VERY MUCH. I think what hurt the most was that some of the people I thought we'd gotten close to never even called us to ask what was going on and to this day, they don't speak. So maybe they knew...
But there were those who championed us also. Those who stood by us, fought for us, defended us and for that, I am eternally grateful. If you happen to be one of those people and are reading this now, I hope you know how much I love you and am thankful for you. You are a TRUE friend and a TRUE Christian in every sense of the words.
Looking back on everything now, I can see not only the mistakes I made but the warning signs that God had been showing me that I didn't want to see. As I said, I accept responsibility for MY part. I have confessed, repented and been forgiven. But I have had to repeatedly make myself forgive others. That's the thing about real forgiveness--it's an act of will. Sometimes an act of will that we have to do over and over again. It's not something we can just do like God can and through that I have learned how really amazing God is! I have to remind myself not to hold others to the same standard they were trying to hold me to because we ALL SIN AND FALL SHORT! And that God will deal with those who attempted to thwart any plans He may have had. He still gets the victory.
During our absence, we tried to settle into other churches. There are some really fabulous places and some wonderful people serving the Lord. But it just didn't feel like "home". But "home" didn't feel like "home" either anymore. The few times I had to go back for something the kids were involved in, it felt like a darkness was over the place or something.
It took time and prayer and the encouragement from a few friends to make my journey back. I remember walking in a few months ago and getting so many hugs. But I got a few dirty looks, too and sometimes I still catch a glimpse of those looks. It's like "What are YOU doing here?" But mostly it's been positive. It's still a slow process. We aren't ready to jump right in like we were and maybe we never will be. God will have to show us what He wants us to do. But I am happy to be back "home". I joined a new Sunday School class for various reasons and I am just there to worship the Lord. I am excited about the changes God has brought about during the last few years, too. It's amazing to see what He can do, how He works all things to the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) I have to keep reminding myself to be patient about a lot of things. It takes time. And it's His timeline, not mine.
I realize not all of you know the story so I will share a little background:
I first joined this church in 1995. I instantly fell in love with the spirit among the believers there and took an instant liking to Brother Kenny and his approach to spreading the message of Christ. I was saved when I was 9 but because my parents did not go to church, I was never baptized. Brother Kenny baptized me and dedicated all three of my children.
But having a husband of a different faith and the struggles of motherhood, working full-time, finishing college and not being able to connect in such a large church (at the time) ensued and I fell away from my church family.
In 2004, while working as a preschool teacher, I was reacquainted with an old friend from Clearview and she invited me back. Again, I immediately knew THIS IS WHERE I AM SUPPOSED TO BE. Even though Brother Kenny had long gone and they had a new pastor, actually a whole new crew, I just knew I was "home". I started attending a wonderful Sunday School class, the kids got very involved and before long, Jeff even started attending with us.
We continued to be faithful attenders and get even more involved in serving the Lord. But before long I began to sense a loss of unity in the church body for whatever reason. There was constant arguing, bickering, disagreements and people leaving for various reasons. I was not innocent but after a while the Lord began to convict me that I needed to step up and stop raising my hands against his annointed. I took Him to mean that I need to support the current church staff more and so I did. Naturally, that didn't line up with other members agendas but I didn't realize at the time how vindictive people could be. When our children's pastor decided to throw in the towel and leave, I felt God speaking to me about stepping up to help in the Children's Ministry even more. It was not something I wanted to do. I did not and still do not feel worthy to be in ministry in any field. I am not above reproach. I am only a sinner, saved by grace. Romans 3:23 tells us that "we all sin and fall short of the glory of God". I know that all too well and sometimes it surprises me how often others forget this. I only wanted to do my part to help fill in the gap.
Upset and unsure about what I was doing, I posted some things on my blog that were taken out of context. I shared a quote that contained a curse word. Maybe I should have improperly stated the quote to avoid the word. Maybe I should have picked a different quote. Maybe I should have realized their were vultures waiting in the wings to use whatever they could to attack. Maybe I should have been more reponsible and not so naive to think that people would actually ACT BIBLICALLY and come to a sister if they had a problem with something she said instead of running to tattle. But at the time, I only wanted to vent and get what I was feeling out of inside of me so that it could no longer hold me captive. I simply didn't think. And for that, I do apologize. I take full responsibility for my actions. It just doesn't negate others taking responsibility for theirs. But that's neither here nor there. I can't control how other people act.
I had also made a statement about having too much wine. I never said I was drunk--I was NOT drunk. Anyone who knows me (family and friends can attest to the fact) knows that back in the day, I was a big drinker and that it takes a LOT of alcohol for me to feel any effects. I have a really high tolerance level and low addiction level--something I inherited from my mother. I can smoke or not smoke I don't care. I smoked in high school and one day decided that $1.50 a pack was too much to pay for cigarettes so I just quit. No big deal. (I don't know how some of you smoke now and pay twice that!) I can drink or not drink, it doesn't bother me to have a margarita with my burrito, it also doesn't bother me not to have anything alcoholic for long periods of time. But when I said what I said about having "too much" I meant that whatever wine it was, it gave me a headache! Sometimes that does happen with wine and me, I don't know why. Yes, I should have been more responsible in my statements and not been so casual with my comments. Again, I wasn't thinking. And again, I expect that people will act biblically and come to me when they have a beef with me. Again, I suppose I expect too much from some people. And by the way, the Bible does not say drinking is a sin. It cautions us against being DRUNK. It cautions us against caring more about alcohol (or food or anything) more than Christ and it cautions us not to do anything that may cause others to stumble. Yet, if people are focused on each other and not on the Lord, then there's a bigger problem to worry about than whether or not someone has a glass of wine. I think people would be surprised to find out who among them does indulge now and then but feel that they have to hide it from their judgemental brethren. That, to me, is worse. If you murder someone and no one sees, does that make it better? That's the absurd line of thinking about alcohol that blows me away.
When confronted with the fact that there had been these complaints, I was devastated. Devastated to be 36 years old and talked to like a little child, sure. But more devastated that there were people who had been walking around among me and my family, smiling to our faces but didn't have the guts to confront me face to face and instead ran to tattle behind my back to insure that their own agendas were accomplished. I was told that "no one wanted me to step down" from anything I was doing. That only confirmed the underhandedness of it all. If I was flawed, fine. I accept that. I KNOW that. But if I'm not good enough to have the position, why would I be good enough to stay and TEACH CHILDREN??? It just didn't make any sense to me but of course, I knew what was really going on.
When I decided to indeed, give the people what they want and step down, I was also informed that I could no longer be involved in ANY ministry of the church. It was being made quite clear to me that my help was not wanted or needed and no regard was made for my family, my husband who was coming to really love the Baptist church, my children who were involved. It hurt my family and it hurt God way more than it hurt me and believe me, it hurt me VERY MUCH. I think what hurt the most was that some of the people I thought we'd gotten close to never even called us to ask what was going on and to this day, they don't speak. So maybe they knew...
But there were those who championed us also. Those who stood by us, fought for us, defended us and for that, I am eternally grateful. If you happen to be one of those people and are reading this now, I hope you know how much I love you and am thankful for you. You are a TRUE friend and a TRUE Christian in every sense of the words.
Looking back on everything now, I can see not only the mistakes I made but the warning signs that God had been showing me that I didn't want to see. As I said, I accept responsibility for MY part. I have confessed, repented and been forgiven. But I have had to repeatedly make myself forgive others. That's the thing about real forgiveness--it's an act of will. Sometimes an act of will that we have to do over and over again. It's not something we can just do like God can and through that I have learned how really amazing God is! I have to remind myself not to hold others to the same standard they were trying to hold me to because we ALL SIN AND FALL SHORT! And that God will deal with those who attempted to thwart any plans He may have had. He still gets the victory.
During our absence, we tried to settle into other churches. There are some really fabulous places and some wonderful people serving the Lord. But it just didn't feel like "home". But "home" didn't feel like "home" either anymore. The few times I had to go back for something the kids were involved in, it felt like a darkness was over the place or something.
It took time and prayer and the encouragement from a few friends to make my journey back. I remember walking in a few months ago and getting so many hugs. But I got a few dirty looks, too and sometimes I still catch a glimpse of those looks. It's like "What are YOU doing here?" But mostly it's been positive. It's still a slow process. We aren't ready to jump right in like we were and maybe we never will be. God will have to show us what He wants us to do. But I am happy to be back "home". I joined a new Sunday School class for various reasons and I am just there to worship the Lord. I am excited about the changes God has brought about during the last few years, too. It's amazing to see what He can do, how He works all things to the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28) I have to keep reminding myself to be patient about a lot of things. It takes time. And it's His timeline, not mine.
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Catching up...
I haven't been in a mood to blog in a while and I'm really not now either. But I figure if I don't at least post some updates, I may have too much to catch up on when I DO get in the right mood.
Jeff is at Talladega and has been since Thursday afternoon. No, we are not big race fans. I used to like Kyle Petty and his Mello Yello car. But something about driving around in circles is just boring to me. I don't get it. I certainly don't get watching it on tv for hours and I especially don't get sitting out in the hot sun for hours (or days in a camper) to watch. But hey, to each his own, I suppose.
His bff Brian invited him to go down with him a few weeks ago. I thought it was kind of odd because as long as I've known Brian (since high school) I never knew he was a big race fan either! Maybe it was just something to do. But he got up a group and took his camper down there and invited Jeff to come along. Jeff doesn't get a chance to get away often so I told him to go for it. He's never begrudged me the opportunities that I've had to sneak away for a holiday why should I him? But I tell ya, Brooke certainly is distressed about it! It's actually humorous the hard time she gave him before he left! She asked him how he could possibly watch races for 5 days! lol Then she told me I was like a single mom! The things that child comes up with.
We are just about done homeschooling for the year. They will take SAT's next week and we have a few things to finish up on and then we're done! Yeah!
God has answered so many prayers for me lately I don't know where to even begin. I'd been trying to discern what He wanted me to do career-wise. I know He wants me to continue homeschooling but with the cost of everything going up and three kids who love to do anything and everything, I simply MUST earn a paycheck so I'd been trying to decide how to do that. I haven't been in a mood to write (told ya I haven't been in a mood to blog so I certainly haven't been in a writing mood either) in a while so I was sort of toying with the idea of getting a nurses assistant certifcate. That way I could work night shift and still be here (although asleep!) while the girls do their schoolwork. I am a lot more compassionate with sick folks than I used to be--having a chronically ill husband teaches you a lot about compassion and bedside manner!
But then I bumped into Donna, my old boss from Clayridge! She is now the Director of a kindergarten/daycare in Leeds and we got to talking and she has openings! I am going to sub for her for a few days next week (don't ask me how I'm going to pull off that juggling act but I know with God, nothing is impossible!) and then we are going to talk about summer scheduling and possibly getting me back into a classroom in the Fall! She is even willing to work with me on homeschooling the girls and since we will be in our 3rd year and they are getting older, I think it will work. God is just amazing! To see how He orchestrates everything just blows me away...
Our finances are still tight but God has also given me a peace that things will be improving soon. I don't know how but I just feel so unanxious about things and I haven't felt that way in a long time so I'm gonna go ahead and claim that one!
He is also working in my church. I'm not at liberty to discuss a lot of it right now but most of you know that a few months ago, God led me back to Clearview. I will post about that story another time but I'm so excited about the future of the church and how God is going to use the whole experience. I can see Him working in so many ways and areas already, especially within my own family.
I've been reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian lately and though I was a little irritated by it at first, I'm finding it extremely helpful.
Dad had his surgery and he seems to be doing okay. I know it was a lot harder of a recovery than he thought it would be.
Biodad called today and his release date has been set for June 26. I will have to share that story another time as well. Let me just say that for now I am happy for him but I'm not ready for this. Please pray for me.
Donna and I met with the ECHOS Board about pep squad and it went very well. I'm in the process of writing a press release to generate interest.
I have also decided to go ahead and let Kayti tryout for the dance team for next year, too. Brooke is trying out as well but I was trying to steer Kayti in a different direction for a number of reasons. But she seems to have her heart set on doing it so I won't hold her back. We did discuss "wearing our big girl panties" and not getting our feelings hurt so easy all the time and that she would really have to step it up and not be so bashful. Why she still does that when she has danced for 10 years, I don't know but I've explained that to do this and be good at it, she'll need to get over it. If she doesn't make it, it will be fine. We've survived the "not making the team" before with Dylan and though it's a tough lesson to learn, we know that we do survive. And if she does make it, we'll have to discuss setting different priorities than what we currently have...narrowing down our focus of interest on our activities.
I find it hard to say no to the kids in their activities. I've always been a person of so many different interests and I love to throw myself into all of it to the point of sometimes stressing myself out--but I love it at the same time! The girls seem to have inherited that little character trait from me, God love 'em.
We're also busy trying to get things lined up for the upcoming nuptials of Mia and Chris. I have a good bit to do but I'm looking forward to it.
The summer calendar is filling up fast! I plan to work some. We are getting season passes to Visionland and a summer pass to Zamora Park. Dylan is going to the beach to stay at the Caribe with Zack. Kayti and Dylan are both going on a youth mission trip and Brooke is going to church camp. We are also looking forward to the open pool parties at our friends house and an Art/Crafts summer co-op class I'm trying to put together. Then there is the usual Pump it up, skating, movies and library trips! Phew! Who says summer days are lazy? We never get lazy days around here!
Gotta go referee a fight and then get to bed...I'll try and be in a mood for blogging more often!
Blessings!
Jeff is at Talladega and has been since Thursday afternoon. No, we are not big race fans. I used to like Kyle Petty and his Mello Yello car. But something about driving around in circles is just boring to me. I don't get it. I certainly don't get watching it on tv for hours and I especially don't get sitting out in the hot sun for hours (or days in a camper) to watch. But hey, to each his own, I suppose.
His bff Brian invited him to go down with him a few weeks ago. I thought it was kind of odd because as long as I've known Brian (since high school) I never knew he was a big race fan either! Maybe it was just something to do. But he got up a group and took his camper down there and invited Jeff to come along. Jeff doesn't get a chance to get away often so I told him to go for it. He's never begrudged me the opportunities that I've had to sneak away for a holiday why should I him? But I tell ya, Brooke certainly is distressed about it! It's actually humorous the hard time she gave him before he left! She asked him how he could possibly watch races for 5 days! lol Then she told me I was like a single mom! The things that child comes up with.
We are just about done homeschooling for the year. They will take SAT's next week and we have a few things to finish up on and then we're done! Yeah!
God has answered so many prayers for me lately I don't know where to even begin. I'd been trying to discern what He wanted me to do career-wise. I know He wants me to continue homeschooling but with the cost of everything going up and three kids who love to do anything and everything, I simply MUST earn a paycheck so I'd been trying to decide how to do that. I haven't been in a mood to write (told ya I haven't been in a mood to blog so I certainly haven't been in a writing mood either) in a while so I was sort of toying with the idea of getting a nurses assistant certifcate. That way I could work night shift and still be here (although asleep!) while the girls do their schoolwork. I am a lot more compassionate with sick folks than I used to be--having a chronically ill husband teaches you a lot about compassion and bedside manner!
But then I bumped into Donna, my old boss from Clayridge! She is now the Director of a kindergarten/daycare in Leeds and we got to talking and she has openings! I am going to sub for her for a few days next week (don't ask me how I'm going to pull off that juggling act but I know with God, nothing is impossible!) and then we are going to talk about summer scheduling and possibly getting me back into a classroom in the Fall! She is even willing to work with me on homeschooling the girls and since we will be in our 3rd year and they are getting older, I think it will work. God is just amazing! To see how He orchestrates everything just blows me away...
Our finances are still tight but God has also given me a peace that things will be improving soon. I don't know how but I just feel so unanxious about things and I haven't felt that way in a long time so I'm gonna go ahead and claim that one!
He is also working in my church. I'm not at liberty to discuss a lot of it right now but most of you know that a few months ago, God led me back to Clearview. I will post about that story another time but I'm so excited about the future of the church and how God is going to use the whole experience. I can see Him working in so many ways and areas already, especially within my own family.
I've been reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian lately and though I was a little irritated by it at first, I'm finding it extremely helpful.
Dad had his surgery and he seems to be doing okay. I know it was a lot harder of a recovery than he thought it would be.
Biodad called today and his release date has been set for June 26. I will have to share that story another time as well. Let me just say that for now I am happy for him but I'm not ready for this. Please pray for me.
Donna and I met with the ECHOS Board about pep squad and it went very well. I'm in the process of writing a press release to generate interest.
I have also decided to go ahead and let Kayti tryout for the dance team for next year, too. Brooke is trying out as well but I was trying to steer Kayti in a different direction for a number of reasons. But she seems to have her heart set on doing it so I won't hold her back. We did discuss "wearing our big girl panties" and not getting our feelings hurt so easy all the time and that she would really have to step it up and not be so bashful. Why she still does that when she has danced for 10 years, I don't know but I've explained that to do this and be good at it, she'll need to get over it. If she doesn't make it, it will be fine. We've survived the "not making the team" before with Dylan and though it's a tough lesson to learn, we know that we do survive. And if she does make it, we'll have to discuss setting different priorities than what we currently have...narrowing down our focus of interest on our activities.
I find it hard to say no to the kids in their activities. I've always been a person of so many different interests and I love to throw myself into all of it to the point of sometimes stressing myself out--but I love it at the same time! The girls seem to have inherited that little character trait from me, God love 'em.
We're also busy trying to get things lined up for the upcoming nuptials of Mia and Chris. I have a good bit to do but I'm looking forward to it.
The summer calendar is filling up fast! I plan to work some. We are getting season passes to Visionland and a summer pass to Zamora Park. Dylan is going to the beach to stay at the Caribe with Zack. Kayti and Dylan are both going on a youth mission trip and Brooke is going to church camp. We are also looking forward to the open pool parties at our friends house and an Art/Crafts summer co-op class I'm trying to put together. Then there is the usual Pump it up, skating, movies and library trips! Phew! Who says summer days are lazy? We never get lazy days around here!
Gotta go referee a fight and then get to bed...I'll try and be in a mood for blogging more often!
Blessings!
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