OCD is not fun…

Although I’ve never actually been diagnosed with OCD, I’m teased about my OCD-like behavior a lot!

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), and behaviors that drive them to do something over and over (compulsions).

Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive thoughts. But this only provides short-term relief. Not doing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety and distress.

People with OCD have repeated thoughts, urges, or mental images that cause anxiety. These are called obsessions.

Yes, I definitely fit the description! Let’s see how much…

Examples are:

·         Excessive fear of germs No, this is not me although I do like things on my desk, in my house, in my car and on my body CLEAN.

·         Forbidden thoughts related to sex, religion, or harm to others or self Nah. I only think about harming myself or anyone else when I’m REALLY mad and that almost never happens since I’ve been on some kind of mood enhancer. When I was going through cancer treatment, the radiation cancelled out my mood meds and I did have some destructive thoughts then. But fortunately I kept them mostly under control. Mostly.

·         Need for order Definitely. I cannot stand chaos or disorganization. Maybe there is a slight layer of dust on my furniture. But mess up my silverware drawer and you and I will fight in the yard!

They also perform repeated behaviors in response to their thoughts or obsessions. Examples include:

·         Checking and rechecking actions (such as turning out the lights and locking the door) Does continually checking your bank account to see the zero balance count for this?

·         Excessive counting I don’t have this one.

·         Ordering things in a certain way Oh my gosh, yes.

·         Repeatedly washing the hands to ward off infection Nah.

·         Repeating words silently Do the words “what the f---” mouthed several times a day count?

·         Praying silently over and over Definitely. How is this a bad thing?

Not everyone who has habits or rituals they like to perform has OCD. But, the person with OCD:

·         Is not able to control their thoughts or behaviors, even when they understand that they are excessive. Nope. Can’t control it.

·         Spends at least an hour a day on these thoughts or behaviors. Probably so, though I’ve never actually measured the time.

·         Does not get pleasure from performing a behavior or ritual, other than perhaps brief relief of anxiety. Yes, because once I complete one task, another one pops up to take its place or it isn’t long before the original task needs to be repeated.

·         Has major problems in daily life due to these thoughts and rituals. I don’t think I have MAJOR problems. I have had major problems in daily life but they were due to something else and just made the OCD worse.

People with OCD may also have a tic disorder, such as:

·         Eye blinking No.

·         Facial grimacing Does eye rolling and face scrunching count as grimacing? What’s the actual definition of a grimace?

·         Shoulder shrugging Many times a day. I’m trying to let irritations roll off me by shrugging. Hey, it has to be better than going off on someone that can ultimately, you know, fire you, evict you, etc.

·         Head jerking No.

·         Repeated clearing of the throat, sniffing, or grunting sounds I thought this was due to my allergies and dry mouth.

Well, the one about getting no satisfaction once a task is complete is definitely me. Because there is always another thing to do. For example, I was home sick on Monday. Nothing major. I’m still not sure if it was a stomach bug or the sugar free brownies and milk I ate. Or the fact that my stomach was in knots from nerves trying to transition off celexa and onto something natural that doesn’t require a prescription. I can’t get Celexa anymore because my doctor will not refill it until I come in to see her. I can go see her because I don’t have insurance or the $160 cash fee. Our health care system is ridiculous. But that’s a blog for another time. Anyway, Monday, I was sick.

But staying home trying to relax and rest is pointless for someone with OCD. As I’m lying around the house, I notice so many little things that need doing. My cabinet door on my TV armoire is coming apart; the carpet needs cleaning because two little dogs who have enjoyed me being home for 9 months have suddenly forgotten they are potty trained; the rail in my stairway has come off the wall—again; one of the said spoiled puppies seriously needs a haircut; the grass needs cutting; the bathrooms need cleaning—especially the light fixtures, they are so dusty; the throw pillows on the sofa need washing as do the rugs in the kitchen. I can’t sit and stare at these things that need doing. So I try to get a few done but as I complete one thing, then I notice something else and so onto that and so on and so forth and when I’m as done as I can be given that I’m running on less than a full tank of energy and a weak stomach, I’m still not satisfied. I’m just all the more stressed out because IF I were to ever get done with the “list” it would be time to start over! I just get so sick of having to do the same things over and over and over again. Grocery shopping, cleaning, etc. But I can’t let any of it slide because 1) I’m all I have. It’s ALL ON ME. 2) I would COMPLETELY FREAK OUT.

So I digress. If it weren’t a serious issue, it would be comical. And I try to laugh about it. But seriously, I can’t stand this.