Lent Week 1

I've done amazingly well giving up coke. And Facebook...well, the only time I got on it was to print some pictures of my niece and nephews. I've not posted or commented and believe me, it was hard. I've gotten very used to sharing my random thoughts throughout the day. It's hard for me to remember my "clever musings" and put them all into a blog.

But not being able to do so, has also taught me alot and probably saved me many times already because I have been SO READY many times to go off on it and tell certain people EXACTLY what I think of them. Just probably in my overall best interest to keep those thoughts to myself.

As I think about how hard it is to resist my fleshly urge to speak my mind--something I'm usually praised for, but also often criticized for--the sacrifice DOES offer me a glimpse into what Jesus must have went through...He was 100% God and 100% human. He had all the human emotions, desires, thoughts...and fought them and ultimately gave the greatest gift, Himself so that we would not suffer for having them and failing to fight them. Of course, being 100% God may have made things a tad easier! lol I dont know. I just know I'm super proud that I've been able to keep this up for even a week. It's a LOT farther than I usually get during Lent!

As for the things I needed to vent about...work mostly. I still love my job. I love taking care of all those babies and I love most of my coworkers. Lets just say I'm a bit disillusioned about other things and leave it at that. Irritations and annoyances come with any job so I guess I gotta take the good with the bad! At least for now...

And this is where I will ask for prayer--I've had a certain desire/dream in my heart for a LONG time. It's been my goal for the last several years and it all of a sudden seems I am at a crossroads. I either need to scrap the dream for a new one (and I do have a new one already) or I need to push forward NOW. If it is in God's plan for me to pursue the desires of my heart, He's going to have to move a few mountains and I KNOW He can! I've seen it happen in the lives of many of my friends and He has blessed me already beyond measure, beyond what I really deserve. But this is huge. I dont have the capitol to see this dream to fruition, not at this time. But I'm feeling in my heart that now IS the time. So I dont know what to do. I dont know how to proceed...I just need to hear it from God Himself that this IS the direction I need to keep moving in.

On a lighter note...

Brooke is trying out for colorguard tomorrow! She is very excited and she is good but I know there are many girls trying out. I hope that if she doesnt make it, she's not too disappointed.

She has also started soccer and her grades are improving. Kayti is still not interested in any activities, just seems to enjoy being a homebody, reading and studying. I do wish I could get her self-esteem up. I'm not sure why she feels the way she does. She is so beautiful, little and cute. She's smart, responsible and funny...I just wish she could see in herself what we see in her.

I got all my furniture put together and the house is starting to look the way I want it to. I still need a few more things for the inside and then I need to start working on the yard and patio. Of course, this weekend I have to fix the dryer (heating element) and dishwasher (not getting things clean, probably just needs cleaning itself).

I also need to get the exhaust leak fixed in my car, secure a weapon for personal protection from a certain psychopath, and various other things!

But I have done a few things for myself and I scored tickets to Joel Osteen! I cannot wait! Love his books and his preachings! I love that He knows God is FOR us, not against us!

I've started tanning and working out. I've also been seeing a new knee doctor who I LOVE and have been getting joint fluid replacement in my knees. The injections hurt worse than labor!!! I'm NOT kidding. I screamed like a little bitch the first round. He gave me percocet to take before getting the second and it helped a little...but oh how narcotics make me itch!!! I thought it was just lortab but its apparently everything! I'm now convinced that all the druggies and pillheads have all those gaping wounds all over their bodies--they've been scratching themselves to death!

But I'm excited about what these procedures will mean for my activities! Hope to start back running (the new doc said it was perfectly fine!), zumba and bellydance very soon. For now, I'm just doing some mild cardio and strength training.

Havent seen Dylan in a few weeks. He's playing on an intramural basketball team and stays very busy so he hasnt been home in a while. I miss him terribly. When I love on those babies, especially the boys, I remember when he was that little and how it seems like only yesterday! Time really flies!

I've been able to spend some time with good friends and its been great. Some are hurting terribly though and my heart breaks for them. I wish I could fix things for them but I can only pray and even though my spirit knows that's the BEST thing I can do, my flesh wants to do more...and I can't. It's frustrating. Money problems, health issues, job problems, death of a loved one...life is hard sometimes. But I love my friends almost as much as my children. And I'm speaking of my TRUE friends here--you know who you are. Especially those of you that have done so much for me this past year. You kept me going by your encouragement and help along the way. I love you so much more than I can ever convey. Please know that.

Also know I'm praying for all of us! I know our God is big and He is for us, therefore all those that stand against us--ha ha! lol

Blessings!

Sharing a few pictures...

I have given up Facebook (and coke!) for Lent so this will be my sounding board for awhile, maybe permanently if can break the habit of sharing random thoughts on facebook...we'll see how it goes! I've already had to bite my tongue more times today than I care to admit but that's a whole 'nother post! I dont think it will be as hard as I think. I'm already addicted to Pinterest and sick of all the facebook drama anyway. But coke, that's another issue. Coke is my crack! It's not the caffeine. Something about the carbonation...anyway...

wanted to share a few pictures of some crafts I've done recently, my niece and nephews, and my babies!


My niece, Chloe-bug!




Coop!



Liam!



some of my sweet babies I get to take care of every day...







and some things I've done for the house...which is coming along nicely by the way!







Will post more later...babies are waking up from nap!

No moping...

Got less sleep last night than I normally do and have been down this morning...yes, because of a man! If he can even be called that...but I digress. Was all set to be in a hum drum mood this morning until I logged on to Facebook and seen some other status updates.



I have friends with loved ones in terrible health. Other friends who have just lost their father/husband. Another friend lost her beloved dog and best friend. Other friends are having money issues and I know all too well the stress that brings. My heart breaks for them, it really does. But it does help me put things in perspective.



I am in decent health, have a great job that I love, a great apartment, great friends, family relationships are on the mend and I'm set to get my income tax refund tomorrow after which I will have new furniture and a new car so I can resume doing things I love--church, zumba, hobbies, visiting friends, going out, traveling...



So my biggest problem is that *I* dumped a loser and I still care than he's angry I wouldn't allow him to manipulate me, that I wouldnt give him his way and resort to a life of sitting around with him watching wrestling while his parents support us and roaches crawl all over his pizza? He's right about one thing--I am stupid! Stupid because I care. Stupid that it breaks my heart that his is a wasted life and he doesnt care himself.



But yeah...right now that's my biggest problem. I think I am VERY blessed!



I recently watched the movie, "Eat, Pray, Love" (wish I could say I read the book but I have been in such a reading funk lately) and her guru told her something I thought to be very profound:



"It's okay to miss someone. Don't fight it. Give them a little miss, a little love, shine a little light at them and then drop it and move on with your life."



I know I didnt quote that exactly right word for word but that's the jist of it.



So yeah, right or wrong, sometimes I miss him. It was a part of my life that contains bad and good and makes me who I am. I cant love who I am without embracing that experience on some level. And I do love me. And am very grateful to be me. So from time to time if you read a post of mine that seems weepy, it's just miss, acknowledging my human side and my ability to love even the unlovable, forgive the unforgiveable and miss and wish well the detestable.



It may be my biggest flaw but one I'm proud to have and so the rest of my life should be a piece of cake!



Hope you enjoyed this serving of cake!

.