Pictures and a few updates

Brooke's dance was just adorable! She looked really beautiful, she's growing into a lovely young lady and I'm proud of her social skills! It was a really sweet dance with a great group of kids. I was really impressed not just with their knowledge of dance but with their ability to interact with each other without getting all goofy or well, I cant think of the word--but unlike most normal teens. Everyone danced with everyone else, there was no peer pressure or singling out...it was really sweet.







Also had Dylan's scholarship recognition ceremony and I finished his announcements--now just gotta get them mailed out! I am so proud of my son and excited for him, too! He really does have the world at his feet!










I was also offered full-time for the summer at the daycare. I'm going to be doing the 2's and some 3's that arent potty trained! Not too excited about that but I am excited about a change of pace for the summer and of course about more hours and consequently more money. Maybe I'll be able to actually get a car soon!

I also have an interview with a recruite this Tuesday. I'm excited about that also.

Craig was finally arrested last week and boy is he ever pissed. I knew he would be and I really do wish I didnt have to do it but I've already explained my reasons to him and everyone else and I'm standing by my decision. The thought of us actually hating each other bothers me in a lot of ways. One, it's just not in me to hate. I think someone would have to do harm to one of my children for me to actually feel real hatred toward anybody. I'm just not wired that way. Even after all he's done, I still pray for him and care for him a great deal. Part of me wishes things would have gone differently but the rest of me knows it was for the best and it never would have worked. I'm not looking forward to facing him in court but will do what I have to do.

My workouts are going great..have increased miles, weight and reps and am feeling great. Trying not to pay too much attention to the scales because I know I'm building muscle and muscle weighs more but I can tell a difference in the way my clothes fit, or rather are NOT fitting! Everything I own is almost two sizes too big! yeah! I so need to go shopping...but I HATE shopping! And I still have a long way to go before I'll be satisfied with my body, if I ever am!

I have a new best friend that I absolutely...well love! No, Shari has not been replaced but this friend is a godsend in so many ways. I hope we will always be friends, he is an amazing person.

My divorce is officially final. Jeff and I are getting along--a little too good sometimes! No, there will not be any reconciliation. Too much has happened but I'm enjoying being on friendly terms with him again. It makes things a LOT easier, especially for the kids.

I guess I'm finally settling into my new life and getting used to all the changes...and actually enjoying it. I may have messed up but I'm so glad God (and others) are merciful. I still have a lot going for me and a lot to look forward to!

Be blessed!

Catching up

havent had the opportunity to blog lately as I dont get much time on the computer. I can access Facebook and email with my phone and the few precious minutes I do get, I'm generally looking for a job.

I'm beginning to panic about that. I desparately need a full-time job! I am so sick of being broke! I'm sick of being stranded and not being able to do what I want to do because of my lack of transportation.

I started working out again but the treadmill was too much for my knees so I went back to the bike and weights. It seems to be going okay. I know it's gonna be a slow process.

I also got my haircut. I let Brooke do it--she did great last time but not so much this time! lol Had to get Mom to fix it and it wound up shorter than I wanted it but it's only hair, it'll grow back.

For the sake of both my privacy and safety and for the privacy of the "friends" I'm seeing, I'm going to refrain from calling any of them by name. I've realized that I've put way too much of my life on Facebook lately. While I have nothing to hide and pretty much don't care what people know or think, never have, I still wish some things had not played out publicly the way they did. I might have been able to handle things better had they not. But hey, live and learn. The net is my venting place, my sounding board, my therapy.

So, my "friends". There are basically three. One I REALLY like. He's super sweet and has been an awesome friend. We've had a great time hanging out, talking, etc. I dont think he feels a connection...not sure. But I'm okay with taking it slow--last time was MUCH too fast.

The second, I've only talked to on Facebook and we haven't really been able to get together. Not sure if we ever will.

The third, I've always adored and we have plans for the summer. His life is almost as complicated as mine right now. Again, slow is fine with me.

It just gets lonely sometimes. When I'm alone and bored I think about things and I start to have regrets and regret is not really my style. I want to look forward and be excited about the future, not pine over mistakes and what ifs.

I did get the opportunity to get back involved in SkillsUSA (formerly VICA). I judged a Customer Service competition and I really enjoyed it. Got to see Doug and Keith again, too and also Bonnie Feenker. I was bummed I didnt get to see Kent but I know where he works now! I will be dropping in on him soon. I so miss him and so need his wisdom right now! Keith also asked me to go to Nationals and I told him if he was paying I sure would and he said of course! I'm super excited! It's in Kansas City in June and I will get to ride up there with Keith and Doug. That should be fun!

I also finally went to the magistrate last week and swore out a warrant on Craig. Due to the tornadoes, they said it may be a week or so before they are able to pick him up. His bond was set at $6000 which means he'll need $600 to bail out. That wont be easy and I hate that for his parents but I had no choice. I couldn't let him get away with treating me like he has and not trying to do anything about it. I couldn't let my daughters see that I just let it go because if God forbid one day they are in the same situation, I wouldnt be able to tell them to do anything because I had not.

And as crazy as it all sounds--I still love the bastard. So much I was willing to do/give up for him and all I wanted was to be treated well and see him make some kind of effort to have a life outside of his room. But I guess sometimes love just isnt enough. I doubt he will ever get any better, he seems so far gone to so many people and it's so sad. Underneath all the haze and anger, I know there is a great person--I saw him. He was mine for a short time...I just dont know what happened. Sometimes it hurts so much to know I have to move on. Sometimes I get so upset and want to just run back over there and say...I dont care. But I can't.

I never ever understood before how abused women could keep going back. I thought they were so pathetic for putting up with that crap. But now I understand, except I cant explain it to anyone else. I guess our world and our faith teaches us that there's always hope and as long as we have hope, it's really hard to let go. But I have to.

Just gotta try to keep making it through each day--find something to look forward to, something good in everything and try not to get bogged down in all that's messed up right now.

Got a great weekend planned with another single-mom friend and her girls. I'm looking forward to that and of course, tomorrow night is Brooke's dance. We have the dress, the shoes, the nails and the hair! She's ready and excited! I cant wait to see her.

And of course...Mother's Day is Sunday. I love my mom and I love being a mom but I really hate these stupid greeting card holidays!

Guess that's all for now...