Up early...

It's not unusual these days for me to wake up early on the weekends. Any day that I can sleep late, I'm not able to for whatever reason. I'm sure tomorrow I'll be snoozing away when the alarm goes off! Oh well, what are ya gonna do?

This morning, however, I was awakened by a bad dream and it's really bothering me so I got up to pray for awhile and then wound up on Facebook as usual. God help me.

But I am pondering so much in the wee hours of the morning I though I may as well jot it all down as this is the only form of journaling I do anymore.

I dreamt that my dad died. Not the bio-dad, sperm donor but the DAD. The MAN who raised me. It was shocking and terrifying to say the least but maybe God is trying to prepare me in some way because his health is not the best. He has problems with his back, feet and knees and he works SO hard and has his entire life. It's so sad that he's not able to enjoy the things he should now be enjoying now that the nest is empty (or sort of is). Go with me on this rabbit trail here but that's the one thing that bothers me about the whole Dave Ramsey kind of concept (saving for later, etc.) (and btw, I LOVE Dave Ramsey, don't get me wrong)

But my dad has worked hard his entire life and for what? Now he's too old and sick and hurt to enjoy it. He may as well "lived like no one else" while he was younger! That's one of my fears as well...not that I have anything to worry about. The opposite will probably happen to us--we'll live to be 150 and eat dog food because we spend everything we make somehow...anyway...

I'm not ready to lose my dad or anyone close to me. I suppose no one ever is. I think about my friend Lana, from high school whose mom just passed away. I'd been thinking how terrible to lose her mom so close to Christmas. I remember when my grandmother passed away and how MUCH my mom hurt to lose her mom and how it's just now 12 years later that my mom is starting to act somewhat normal again, though she's still not the same and never will be. And then I think about how close Lana and her mom were and how close me and my mom are and I just can't imagine...so I wouldn't have been surprised to dream about my mom dying but my dad?

Maybe it's because we watched The Nativity Story last night and it made me think a lot about Joseph. Now that's a REAL MAN! Just like my dad. :) Not many men are willing to raise someone else's child when they don't have to. They think of it as "baggage" instead of blessings. They aren't willing to step up and think of that child as their own or even God's child. Thank you, Lord for creating men like Joseph and my dad. And I honestly don't know if my dad is saved or not. I've tried to talk to him but he's a VERY private person when it comes to such things. Could this be God's way of letting me know something? And if so, what? I don't know, I guess I'm still foggy from it all. It really does touch my soul though and make me think and ponder so many things.

Then my mind wandered over to my little Drew. He is having surgery tomorrow to remove his tonsils. I'm not worried, I know that God is with that kid. From the moment he first walked into the academy with his shorts and cowboy boots on, he has had my heart. He reminds me so much of Dylan when he was that age that it's almost like I get to step back in time and have my baby boy back for a brief moment or two sometimes. But yet he is so uniquely Drew! The things that child says and does--only a child uniquely blessed by the Lord and touched by an angel could be that way. He is definitely special.

Sometimes it really scares me how deep my emotions can run for some people. But I am thankful that I can feel that.

I have so much to do today though that the details of life will take me from being deep in thought to being busy as a bee as usual...

We are going through our Christmas stuff and seeing what needs to be replaced, etc. (I'm sure we'll need new lights, we usually do)

The girls and I have to do a little shopping. I don't like to shop on Sunday but I did jack squat yesterday so I have no choice.

Jeff & Dylan will be rearranging the garage (again) to put up Dylan's new workbench.

I have to finish shirts and laminate placemats for tomorrow's "Feast". That should be a hoot! I don't think Admin is anywhere near prepared...I just get the feeling they have no idea. A few teachers are stressed and worried about it but not me. It is what it is. I'm gonna take my prozac and go with the flow, as usual. I didn't stress about the Fall Festival and it was fine so this will be, too. We'll see. But it'll be interesting anyway.

I also need to go to my mom's. I need to take her some books and get some of her videos.

And then there's the usual--housework, laundry, cooking, etc.

Lord, all I ask is that You stay with me through the day and don't let me get so bogged down in details that I forget to thank, praise and worship you. Just like last night's movie reminded me--You really are the King of kings!