My prayer for today...

Lord Jesus,

I just praise you for all that you've done in my life. I so do not deserve any of it nor do I deserve the things I'm about to ask. Please know I do recognize you at work in my life. You've saved me time and time again from my own self, from the messes I create and it frustrates me that I can never do anything to deserve the blessings I've been given. I know that's what grace is all about but the whole concept of it just is so overwhelming that I could be looked at and loved by you....it just blows me away.

You know my heart, Lord. You know I desire for my family to REALLY be on fire for You, Jesus. We've dropped out of church because we were hurt by others--sinners, just like us and we can't seem to find our way back. I try and I try to let go, to forgive, to move on and I just seem to keep getting in my own way. I want to submit to my husband, Lord but he won't lead! Someone has to take charge around here! I try to be patient and wait for you to speak to his heart and I beg your forgiveness that I'm so impatient. My heart screams like a child wanting something NOW NOW NOW! Lord help me remember that you are a loving parent to your daughter and that you always have my best interest at heart and that for now it is your will for me to "wait".

You know I fall short in so many ways of modeling a godly woman for my children. I confess to being double minded sometimes and don't try hard enough to live in this world without being of it.

We have not been responsible with the things you've given us and now we are struggling once again. I'm frustrated that it seems we have so little when we don't even want a whole lot to begin with. I just want to be able to homeschool and be there for my family while my bills get paid on time, to be able to tithe like we're supposed to, give generously to others and have a little left over to have a little fun. I know this is so selfish because there are so many going to bed without anything to eat and we do have full bellies. Lord help me to fully trust you and help my husband to realize how blessed we are, too. Sometimes it wears on me trying to stay upbeat and optimistic and get him to be that way when I'm scared myself.

And Lord, I don't know how to witness to my extended family anymore. I love them dearly. Please show me how to get them to know you like I do without it sounding like I'm judging them because you know I'm not, Lord. You see all of us sinners, your children, the same just as I love all of my own children the same, no matter what they do.

Forgive me, your humble daughter and show me the way!