I know I need to do an update--a lot has happened since my last post. Some good, some bad. But I'm still collecting my thoughts on a lot of it so I've been putting it off....
...and will continue to do so while I attempt a little satire!
Dating. Where do I begin?
Yes, I realize I'm 43 and joined the dating game about halfway through the 5th inning. I also know all told I've only been in maybe an inning. I'm no star athlete. But I've held my own and have had fun.
But some of these people I go up against....it's obvious why they haven't been picked for a team yet and they'll be free agents for a LONG time if they keep it up!
I take rejection in stride. Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, job, whatever, I don't take it personally. And even the few times I DO get my feelings a little hurt, I get over it quickly. I believe in attraction--physically, emotionally, intellectually--and I believe in chemistry. If it isn't there, you can't force it. Believe me, I tried the last few years of my marriage!
That's not to say that a relationship can survive ONLY on chemistry, hence why the relationship following my marriage didn't work. But I believe it DOES have to exist as something to build from.
I've had a lot of great dates, friendships, relationships, whatever you want to call them since then and it's all been good.
Until today.
I met him on the Plenty of Fish website. Now, I tried this website once before--the summer following my divorce. The experience was not good. All I ever encountered were men looking for a hookup or a friends with benefits type relationship. No, thanks. I can do that on my own.
Fast forward to the beginning of this year and my friend, Jenny has has a lot of great dates from match.com. So I decided to give it a try. I had some great dates as well. Nothing serious but I'm not really looking for that anyway. Then my account got deleted and I have yet to figure out how, why or get it fixed. Not wanting to pay another fee to another site, I went back on POF since it's free.
I had a few decent conversations as well as the usual vulgar messages that let you know right away why they are single! But then I get this message from this guy I'll call Marcus. The first conversation went really well. I couldn't tell much from the picture but having dated men of all physical attributes, I decided to give it a chance.
Almost as soon as I agreed to the date, I started to regret it. He was never inappropriate but he got creepy all the same, making statements like, "Please don't back out", "I would love it if you persuaded me to get off this site" and persistently requesting to come meet me BEFORE our agreed upon date and time.
I decided to stick with it. So I met him today for coffee. Or so I thought. As soon as I got there, I knew I wouldn't be attracted to him physically. But he seemed nice enough and hey, what's one more friend?
But he would not shut up! I swear we talked for an HOUR before he ever asked me the first thing about myself. Can you say "narcissistic"?
The difference between most narcissistic people and this guy was that MOST narcissistic people make themselves sound better than they actually are. Not him! So at least he's an honest narcissist! Or maybe a pessimistic narcissist!
When I finally did get to talk, almost everything I said was bashed! He wasn't mean about it, but very annoying. He declared himself an expert theologian and began to argue with me that my church was NOT non-denominational and that we were over the top, not biblically accurate, etc.
And as if trashing my church wasn't bad enough, then he moved to my Tide! You know I'm thinking "Aww heck no!" It wouldn't really have been an issue except for the WAY he went about it.
I finally got up and left and thanked him for the conversation. I get home, check my email and there's one from him wanting to see me again!
Seriously, dude? You think it went THAT well? No wonder you're single--you have no gauge on how annoying you are.
The bestie said I should have told him were to go. And also tell him he talks too much and is too negative. But trying to turn my life around and follow the Lord, I decided to be polite. I just said that my church and my football team are two VERY important things in my life and IF I ever decide to be in a relationship with anyone, I want it to be someone that I can share those two things with.
Somethings I will "agree to disagree" on. But some things are dealbreakers!
So my question to all the men out there...if you're not having any success, do you ever sit and wonder what you're doing wrong? And if so, do you want to know?
