Between Heaven and Ground Zero by Leslie haskin
If you have been to my blog and read my salvation testimony, 9/11 has played a BIG part in my struggles with faith and ultimately with my reconciliation with God. I pretty much turned my back on it all during that time and really haven't ever been able to put into words what I felt until reading the words of someone else.
As for me, I struggled with my faith. I wondered about the compassion of a Father who did not step in. I questioned the validity of a heaven that seemed so unattainable. I doubted the value of a God I could not touch, until He touched me. He gave me peace but left this thorn: that I never shared the gospel with my friends. I never loved it enough.
And even that doesn't scratch the surface of what an emotional and spiritual dark time that was for me.
If you have never been to the World Trade Center, then you've been cheated. If you have, then you're most likely still there. Unmistakably built to captivate and maintained to seduce.
I have been there and a part of me will forever be there. In 1997, my friend, Amy and I visited New York City through the generosity of friends who worked for Eurobrokers in the WTC. We had the most amazing time and one of the highlights of that trip was visiting those friends in their office of the WTC. I remember being mesmerized by the whole place. I worked in downtown Birmingham at the time but oh how those buildings look like mobile homes in comparison to anything in NYC, let alone the WTC. I remember being so in awe that I simply HAD to call my boss from the trading floor of Eurobrokers and brag about where I was! lol (I worked in Investments at the time)
I think back on that day and it's hard to believe that the very place I stood and sat is gone. Completely gone. Not only that but the people I looked around at while chatting aimlessly, some I knew, others I didn't are either gone or forever changed. It's definitely enough to make you realize your own mortality.
And don't think that it hasn't crossed my mind that it could have just as easily been THAT day that Al Queda chose to attack and then what? I wonder just how many people were merely visiting the WTC 9/11 /01 just as I had been in June 1997. I could have widowed my husband and orphaned my two children and my third child would never have been born. But wait--so many DID leave behind widows and orphans and to finally read a very vivid, personal and graphic account of what went on inside those buildings that day just leaves me at a complete loss for words but a deeper love and compassion for those who experienced it on any level.
As for the "whys", I'm not sure there is a simple answer. I had to ultimately accept that there is sometimes no explanation for the tragedies we see in this fallen world. A good SS teacher once explained that life is like an iceberg. We are on the boat and the part the we see above the water is just the tip of it. The iceberg itself is actually much bigger underneath and only God can see that part. Sometimes the whys just have to wait and be explained to us in Heaven.
We can run around blaming Islam, Clinton, Bush, or lack of security in airports, debate the balance between safety and liberty and none of it really matters.
September 11 found many of us in complacency. As Christian believers, we were off the mark and simply existing from day to day. We were lukewarm in our faith, self-centered in our desires, carnal in nature, and caught up in a search for the latest and greatest addiction to make us feel alive.
As a church body, we compromised the Word of God for an affinity with the world and holiness for the modern tactics of reaching the unchurched. Our congregations were indistinguishable from those outside the church and our families were without godly example.
The corporate "we" sacrificed godliness and the anointing, placed our own desires ahead of God's will, and closed our eyes to the certainty of a dying generation.
And yet, here we are again, nearly nine years later and once again complacent. Like Leslie said, there is nothing wrong with being back to the business of living. The Lord's voice speaks restoration into our souls.
But we never know when one day, WE may be the one left standing ina crowd of hundreds taking their last breath. Our words may be the last that someone will ever hear. Yes, life can make such demands.
One day, searching eyes may be searching you looking for answers and wanting to know "why?" Accountability comes with truth.
One day, we may have to hold on to a vast burden of secrets in order that others might be spared--kept from breaking down. Real love comes with responsibility.
Our lives do not belong to us so don't hold your breath--let your words exhale life and breathe through Him.
Yesterday, during church, Pastor Chris led the final session in a series of Q&A in which he answered various questions posed by many. One of those questions was, "what about people of other faiths?" I thought his answer was beautiful. Christianity is the ONLY faith that solved the problem of humanity being separated by God through sin. There is no 51% Heaven. You can't simply do more good than harm and get in. Jesus said in John 14:6 "I am the way, the truth and the life. NO ONE can come to the Father except through ME." His perfect life, sacrificial death as payment for the debts WE owed and resurrection is what reconciled us to our Heavenly Father. Buddha, Mohammed, Ghandi, your ancestors, the sun and the planets or Tom Cruise did not do this for you. Jesus did.
I realize it's not a popular, politically correct view. It sounds exclusive and to some even cruel. But here's the inclusive part: That FREE GIFT of salvation is available to us all. Our good works do not save us. Our rituals and ceremonies do not save us--not even Baptism! We are saved by grace through faith. That's it and that's all.
This Memorial Day, when you remember our fallen heroes, also appreciate the meaning of life and appreciate its uniqueness and its frailty.
Sacrifice: to destroy, surrender, or suffer to be lost, for the sake of obtaining something; to give up in favor of a higher or more imperative object or duty; to devote, with loss or suffering.
Never forget that we CAN put compassion over power. Love can transform pain into healing, hate into tolerance, anger into compassion and fear into peace.
Retrieve our heritage from basements and attics and hang it boldly in your windows. Don't be afraid or insulted by the notion of a living GOD and look for Him!
Never surrender to an enemy in any form. Hope, believe and have faith in each other.
Never forget that amazingly, after all had been said and done, after the buildings fell and all the dust settled, the only thing left standing was an old piece of Tower One, scarred and stained and twisted into the shape of an old rusted cross...that cross still stands.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Recital 2010 and more
My beautiful dancing daughters completed another wonderful year in dance with 5678 Dance & More on Saturday with an AWESOME recital. They were in both shows and really rocked! I wish I'd had an inkling of their talent when I was their age. But I have so much fun watching them and I think this recital was my favorite EVER. Maybe that was because it was so much less stressful on ME!!!
You see, I didn't teach this year so I didn't have to be in it (though from watching it seems like it would have been a lot easier this year than last--I worked my butt off as a Chimney Sweep!) and for the first time since Kayti started dancing at age 3, I was NOT a stage mom! I got to sit in the audience and just enjoy moments as a proud mom! I didn't even have to do a whole lot to help them get ready--they like doing their own hair/makeup now and as young teens think that I, their mother, know NOTHING about that kind of stuff anyway! So it was a really fun day for me!
After recital, the Nielsens, Sizemores and Quicks all went out to the Olive Garden to celebrate! We had a BLAST!!! I love love love my friends and my kids' friends (who just happen to be the same families--thank you, God!) Our three little hams--Brooke, Hannah and Lauren even put on a show for the staff!
The Friday before recital, Dylan had his wisdom teeth removed and he is still recovering. But he was SO HILLARIOUS when he was waking up from the anesthesia! I wish I could show you! He started his new job Tuesday and his blazer broke down the same day! Mommy didn't mess around this time, I called a tow truck! We have learned our lesson about leaving vehicles on the side of the road! I dont think it's anything major. The previous owner obviously did not take care of it and it needs a lot of TLC!
Sunday after recital, the girls had spent the night away from home so I enjoyed church by myself, a nap and then I went to Dream Team 401, the final class of my growth track at Church of the Highlands. I came away full of the Lord! I am SO excited about so many ministry opportunities that are in front of me! I will most likely be going on a mission trip or two next year and am talking with the educational director of our Dream Center Outreach program about starting a preschool in the area. The children in the schools are SO behind we are thinking if we can get to them earlier, maybe we can change the outcome of how they perform when they get to secondary. We have to try anyway. At the very least, I know I will be tutoring.
The school year is winding down--two more days with my sweet babies. It's VERY hard. But I am starting to get excited about a more relaxed pace this summer. Hopefully, it will give me a chance to catch up on some things I've been wanting to do for awhile.
This weekend is going to be another busy one! Tonight is Zac's graduation (cousin's son) from High School. Tomorrow night, both girls are going to spend the night with the Nielsens to help with Emma Joy's birthday on Saturday. Jeff and I are taking that opportunity to celebrate his birthday! Saturday night, all the girls are coming to our house for pizza and cookie cake and spending the night for Brooke's birthday and after church, we are going to the movies. Sunday night, I get to finally attend Small Group at Donna A.'s! I'm so excited! Sunday is Mia's birthday also so I hope to get to see her at some point. Monday, we are planning on kicking off our summer by going to our "neighborhood pool"--Zamora Park and then later grilling out. I'll be off Tuesday as well as my new summer work schedule begins. I think we'll probably take in a free movie and then our weekly pool parties at the Nielsen's begin! I love the pool parties!
I've been getting up early in the a.m. and going to work out at the Y. I used to do that when the kids were babies and I worked downtown. I loved it then and I love it now. I find I have a lot more energy for the day. I go tan after and then go to work and when I get off, I get to come home and just relax! I have only lost 5 pounds according to the scales but I do think it's officially time for smaller pants! Yea!!! I'm hoping to be able to go back to Zumba next week--we have just been so busy!
Our rent is going up so I think we may be moving. No idea when or where but I know God is in control. We'll just see what He brings us. He's never disappointed!
Gotta go wake the kids and get the day started! Be blessed and have a great, fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend!
You see, I didn't teach this year so I didn't have to be in it (though from watching it seems like it would have been a lot easier this year than last--I worked my butt off as a Chimney Sweep!) and for the first time since Kayti started dancing at age 3, I was NOT a stage mom! I got to sit in the audience and just enjoy moments as a proud mom! I didn't even have to do a whole lot to help them get ready--they like doing their own hair/makeup now and as young teens think that I, their mother, know NOTHING about that kind of stuff anyway! So it was a really fun day for me!
After recital, the Nielsens, Sizemores and Quicks all went out to the Olive Garden to celebrate! We had a BLAST!!! I love love love my friends and my kids' friends (who just happen to be the same families--thank you, God!) Our three little hams--Brooke, Hannah and Lauren even put on a show for the staff!
The Friday before recital, Dylan had his wisdom teeth removed and he is still recovering. But he was SO HILLARIOUS when he was waking up from the anesthesia! I wish I could show you! He started his new job Tuesday and his blazer broke down the same day! Mommy didn't mess around this time, I called a tow truck! We have learned our lesson about leaving vehicles on the side of the road! I dont think it's anything major. The previous owner obviously did not take care of it and it needs a lot of TLC!
Sunday after recital, the girls had spent the night away from home so I enjoyed church by myself, a nap and then I went to Dream Team 401, the final class of my growth track at Church of the Highlands. I came away full of the Lord! I am SO excited about so many ministry opportunities that are in front of me! I will most likely be going on a mission trip or two next year and am talking with the educational director of our Dream Center Outreach program about starting a preschool in the area. The children in the schools are SO behind we are thinking if we can get to them earlier, maybe we can change the outcome of how they perform when they get to secondary. We have to try anyway. At the very least, I know I will be tutoring.
The school year is winding down--two more days with my sweet babies. It's VERY hard. But I am starting to get excited about a more relaxed pace this summer. Hopefully, it will give me a chance to catch up on some things I've been wanting to do for awhile.
This weekend is going to be another busy one! Tonight is Zac's graduation (cousin's son) from High School. Tomorrow night, both girls are going to spend the night with the Nielsens to help with Emma Joy's birthday on Saturday. Jeff and I are taking that opportunity to celebrate his birthday! Saturday night, all the girls are coming to our house for pizza and cookie cake and spending the night for Brooke's birthday and after church, we are going to the movies. Sunday night, I get to finally attend Small Group at Donna A.'s! I'm so excited! Sunday is Mia's birthday also so I hope to get to see her at some point. Monday, we are planning on kicking off our summer by going to our "neighborhood pool"--Zamora Park and then later grilling out. I'll be off Tuesday as well as my new summer work schedule begins. I think we'll probably take in a free movie and then our weekly pool parties at the Nielsen's begin! I love the pool parties!
I've been getting up early in the a.m. and going to work out at the Y. I used to do that when the kids were babies and I worked downtown. I loved it then and I love it now. I find I have a lot more energy for the day. I go tan after and then go to work and when I get off, I get to come home and just relax! I have only lost 5 pounds according to the scales but I do think it's officially time for smaller pants! Yea!!! I'm hoping to be able to go back to Zumba next week--we have just been so busy!
Our rent is going up so I think we may be moving. No idea when or where but I know God is in control. We'll just see what He brings us. He's never disappointed!
Gotta go wake the kids and get the day started! Be blessed and have a great, fun and safe Memorial Day Weekend!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Busy busy busy....
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Proverbs 31:27
Well, I don't know how "virtuous" I am but I definitely have no issues with "idleness"!
Wow, I have so been meaning to update for so long and just haven't been able to find the time! But there has been so much going on!
I took a few days off at the first of the month to do a few things with the family. We went to May Days with our homeschool group and had a great time just sitting out at the park fellowshipping with other moms and kids. I love our homeschool group!
The VERY next day, Jeff, the girls, Mia and I went to Six Flags. We took Kayti's friend, Abby with us in Dylan's place. He had to stay behind to take an AP test and also to go interview for a job--which he got! He's excited. He'll be working for Innovative Machine Corp this summer full-time.
But even though our Six Flags trip was fun, it will be awhile before we'll go back on homeschool day! I think the public has clued in on the fact that you don't really have to homeschool to buy tickets for that day....it just wasn't pleasant and was more crowded than last year. But we still had a good time. I rode the Superman and called on the name of the Lord the whole time! LOL I just knew if that little harness between me and the ground gave way, I'd be meeting Him and very painfully!
Mother's Day was a blast! We got the kids pictures made together and gave them to my mom for Mother's Day and then all of us--me, Jeff, our kids, Mia, Chris, Cooper, Mom, Dad and Mel went to eat at Cajun Steamer! Yum!
I became an official member of Church of the Highlands May 2! I am SO pumped about it! I will complete the fourth and final week of my Highlands Growth track this Sunday and I'm looking forward to finding out where God wants to use me to serve Him. I have some ideas and even some really big ones for eventually but we'll see what He wants--it is all about Him. My bff and prayer partner, Donna and her husband Dan are starting a Highlands Small group and I can't wait for that either! I'm so hoping that Jeff will come and that something will stir in his spirit.
After having just about talked Jeff into adoption "one day", I discover that it isn't likely to happen for us for other reasons that I won't go into now. I could rant and rave about how unfair it is, how bogus it is, how stupid and lame a policy it is, given there are 147 million orphans in the world but what good would it do? Rules are rules and even though it seems silly to me, maybe God is trying to tell us that is not His plan for us. Maybe He wants us to help in other ways so we're thinking about other things. I told the agency but they still keep sending me stuff so I'm not sure how to take that...maybe God is saying don't give up yet, I'm gonna work it all out (and He could--in many ways). I guess this is yet another lesson for me on WAITING and trusting Him. We'll just have to do that!
But we DID add another member to our family--a daughter, Madylan "Mady". We met her at CRCS May Day and adopted her the following week. She is a shihtzu/chihuahua mix and just precious. Working on the potty training though...at least she's a little pup and will most likely stay that way!
Last weekend, I got to go to the eWomen's 2010 Conference at the BJCC with my sister, Misti. For those of you who don't know, Misti is my half sister by my biological father. She's a few years younger than me and we did not get to grow up together. In fact, we really only met for the first time in 2000 and then lost touch again. But she is married, has three beautiful daughters, lives in Athens and we have SO much in common. I just love her! We had a great time even though I did not get much sleep. Jeremy Camp was in concert Friday night and Mark Schultz Saturday. I expected Jeremy Camp to be the better performer and he was great but Mark Schultz is so totally awesome!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE his music and got to stand three feet away from him. There were some terrific "extraordinary" women speakers and it was just a great weekend of praise, worship and personal growth with the Lord. Bff Donna got to go at the last minute, also. God spoke to my heart on SO MANY things last weekend and I'm not sure how it will all unfold but I know it's going to be exciting to see!
This past week has been busy as well as we wind down the school year. We had 4k graduation last night and I am completely brokenhearted. This is without a doubt the BEST class I have EVER had and for me to be able to say that on top of all the CRAP that has went on this year at the Academy is just so....well, it's all God--that's all I can say. But I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do and am so glad to finally KNOW my calling. I know that one day, God will call me to do more--He's already started a work in my heart for other things but right now, I don't feel like He's ready for me to give up teaching. I KNOW He has another awesome job for me lined up and I'm so excited just thinking about it. Yet, I just tear up every time I think of Gracie, Drew, Aaron, Conner, Cayleigh, Caden, Tripp, Tristen and Kinlee going on to someone else's class....I just can't put into words how much I LOVE--REALLY REALLY LOVE--these kids AND their families. A few of the other teachers and I were even talking about it this morning...what an incredible group they were to me. I had ZERO complaints all year from anyone in MY class. At the beginning of the year, I made a simple request to all my parents--Matthew 18. If you have a problem, come talk to me. I know I'm not perfect, I am bound to make mistakes--tell me about it. I am so thankful, so honored and so blessed that they honored that request--it made all the difference in the year. Every teacher who is truly puruing teaching not as a "job" but as his/her calling deserves to have a group of parents that backs her up like I did this year. I am so proud of how we all worked together and gave these kids a phenomenal year. I just am not ready for it to be over!
(honestly, would YOU want to let go of these precious babies?)
Dylan got his ACT scores back and he made a 26! I am so proud of him! He is not proud, however, he wanted to do better so he plans to retake it. *sigh* I considered myself smart in high school and I didn't make anywhere near a 26! I would have been thrilled with that! But I'm glad he has ambitions and goals. He's such a good kid and I love him so much. It's hard watching him spread his wings and go off on his own as he is doing more and more of these days, especially since he got his blazer! But I know it has to happen and I also know the fact that he is able and that it CAN happen is because Jeff and I did our jobs. We didn't raise a selfish brat of a son with a sense of entitlement like I see in so many kids these days. We raised a MAN! A REAL MAN! And even though it makes me cry to think I no longer have a little boy with chubby little arms and slobbery kisses, to know that I raised an awesome young man is an indescribable feeling.
The girls finished up another year of homeschooling and are wrapping up another year of dance tomorrow. We're all excited about the summer--it looks to be a better one than we've had in a long time. I've been exercising more, couponing, planning healthier meals and tanning (yes, I know, it's not good for me, but until white fat starts looking as good as tan fat, you'll just have to bite me, okay? Moderation in all things is key for me!) and taking a more proactive role in my overall health. I feel great (and I'm still a good kisser, too!) haha, sorry, couldn't resist a flashback to teen humor!
My little Cooper is growing like a weed! I haven't gotten to see much of him in the last week because of how busy we've been but I did go by Wednesday night and give him a bath and bottle and hope to see him some more tomorrow! Gotta get my baby "fix"!
Speaking of fixes--I got a new vice! I've regressed into watching reruns of General Hospital! Lord, help me! I was up late one night and heard an informercial selling a CD of songs from the 70's and one of them made me think of Luke & Laura, of all things. So I looked it up on Youtube and low and behold, it was all there and then some! I'd no idea they'd brought the characters back and that so much had happened to this lovable couple--I have a LOT of catching up to do! LOL So there's another "fix" I have to get in every day and I'm still a few years behind! It's actually quite funny to me because I am SO not into "love" stories or "romance"--not the made up kind anyway because it's so not realistic! But this one just gets me every time...must be the actors! lol Whatever...I'm a good Bible study, health-conscious (or at least I'm attempting to be), smart, caring mom, wife and teacher with a little OCD going on in the housekeeping and organizing department--I can have ONE thing about me that's just totally pathetic, can't I? (and yes, I'm joking, not bragging--there is a LOT about me that's probably pretty pathetic, truth be told!)
But oh well...such is life, or rather MY life, which I happen to be pretty happy with! You be happy, too!
Well, I don't know how "virtuous" I am but I definitely have no issues with "idleness"!
Wow, I have so been meaning to update for so long and just haven't been able to find the time! But there has been so much going on!
I took a few days off at the first of the month to do a few things with the family. We went to May Days with our homeschool group and had a great time just sitting out at the park fellowshipping with other moms and kids. I love our homeschool group!
The VERY next day, Jeff, the girls, Mia and I went to Six Flags. We took Kayti's friend, Abby with us in Dylan's place. He had to stay behind to take an AP test and also to go interview for a job--which he got! He's excited. He'll be working for Innovative Machine Corp this summer full-time.
But even though our Six Flags trip was fun, it will be awhile before we'll go back on homeschool day! I think the public has clued in on the fact that you don't really have to homeschool to buy tickets for that day....it just wasn't pleasant and was more crowded than last year. But we still had a good time. I rode the Superman and called on the name of the Lord the whole time! LOL I just knew if that little harness between me and the ground gave way, I'd be meeting Him and very painfully!
Mother's Day was a blast! We got the kids pictures made together and gave them to my mom for Mother's Day and then all of us--me, Jeff, our kids, Mia, Chris, Cooper, Mom, Dad and Mel went to eat at Cajun Steamer! Yum!
I became an official member of Church of the Highlands May 2! I am SO pumped about it! I will complete the fourth and final week of my Highlands Growth track this Sunday and I'm looking forward to finding out where God wants to use me to serve Him. I have some ideas and even some really big ones for eventually but we'll see what He wants--it is all about Him. My bff and prayer partner, Donna and her husband Dan are starting a Highlands Small group and I can't wait for that either! I'm so hoping that Jeff will come and that something will stir in his spirit.
After having just about talked Jeff into adoption "one day", I discover that it isn't likely to happen for us for other reasons that I won't go into now. I could rant and rave about how unfair it is, how bogus it is, how stupid and lame a policy it is, given there are 147 million orphans in the world but what good would it do? Rules are rules and even though it seems silly to me, maybe God is trying to tell us that is not His plan for us. Maybe He wants us to help in other ways so we're thinking about other things. I told the agency but they still keep sending me stuff so I'm not sure how to take that...maybe God is saying don't give up yet, I'm gonna work it all out (and He could--in many ways). I guess this is yet another lesson for me on WAITING and trusting Him. We'll just have to do that!
But we DID add another member to our family--a daughter, Madylan "Mady". We met her at CRCS May Day and adopted her the following week. She is a shihtzu/chihuahua mix and just precious. Working on the potty training though...at least she's a little pup and will most likely stay that way!
Last weekend, I got to go to the eWomen's 2010 Conference at the BJCC with my sister, Misti. For those of you who don't know, Misti is my half sister by my biological father. She's a few years younger than me and we did not get to grow up together. In fact, we really only met for the first time in 2000 and then lost touch again. But she is married, has three beautiful daughters, lives in Athens and we have SO much in common. I just love her! We had a great time even though I did not get much sleep. Jeremy Camp was in concert Friday night and Mark Schultz Saturday. I expected Jeremy Camp to be the better performer and he was great but Mark Schultz is so totally awesome!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE his music and got to stand three feet away from him. There were some terrific "extraordinary" women speakers and it was just a great weekend of praise, worship and personal growth with the Lord. Bff Donna got to go at the last minute, also. God spoke to my heart on SO MANY things last weekend and I'm not sure how it will all unfold but I know it's going to be exciting to see!
This past week has been busy as well as we wind down the school year. We had 4k graduation last night and I am completely brokenhearted. This is without a doubt the BEST class I have EVER had and for me to be able to say that on top of all the CRAP that has went on this year at the Academy is just so....well, it's all God--that's all I can say. But I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE what I do and am so glad to finally KNOW my calling. I know that one day, God will call me to do more--He's already started a work in my heart for other things but right now, I don't feel like He's ready for me to give up teaching. I KNOW He has another awesome job for me lined up and I'm so excited just thinking about it. Yet, I just tear up every time I think of Gracie, Drew, Aaron, Conner, Cayleigh, Caden, Tripp, Tristen and Kinlee going on to someone else's class....I just can't put into words how much I LOVE--REALLY REALLY LOVE--these kids AND their families. A few of the other teachers and I were even talking about it this morning...what an incredible group they were to me. I had ZERO complaints all year from anyone in MY class. At the beginning of the year, I made a simple request to all my parents--Matthew 18. If you have a problem, come talk to me. I know I'm not perfect, I am bound to make mistakes--tell me about it. I am so thankful, so honored and so blessed that they honored that request--it made all the difference in the year. Every teacher who is truly puruing teaching not as a "job" but as his/her calling deserves to have a group of parents that backs her up like I did this year. I am so proud of how we all worked together and gave these kids a phenomenal year. I just am not ready for it to be over!
(honestly, would YOU want to let go of these precious babies?)
Dylan got his ACT scores back and he made a 26! I am so proud of him! He is not proud, however, he wanted to do better so he plans to retake it. *sigh* I considered myself smart in high school and I didn't make anywhere near a 26! I would have been thrilled with that! But I'm glad he has ambitions and goals. He's such a good kid and I love him so much. It's hard watching him spread his wings and go off on his own as he is doing more and more of these days, especially since he got his blazer! But I know it has to happen and I also know the fact that he is able and that it CAN happen is because Jeff and I did our jobs. We didn't raise a selfish brat of a son with a sense of entitlement like I see in so many kids these days. We raised a MAN! A REAL MAN! And even though it makes me cry to think I no longer have a little boy with chubby little arms and slobbery kisses, to know that I raised an awesome young man is an indescribable feeling.
The girls finished up another year of homeschooling and are wrapping up another year of dance tomorrow. We're all excited about the summer--it looks to be a better one than we've had in a long time. I've been exercising more, couponing, planning healthier meals and tanning (yes, I know, it's not good for me, but until white fat starts looking as good as tan fat, you'll just have to bite me, okay? Moderation in all things is key for me!) and taking a more proactive role in my overall health. I feel great (and I'm still a good kisser, too!) haha, sorry, couldn't resist a flashback to teen humor!
My little Cooper is growing like a weed! I haven't gotten to see much of him in the last week because of how busy we've been but I did go by Wednesday night and give him a bath and bottle and hope to see him some more tomorrow! Gotta get my baby "fix"!
Speaking of fixes--I got a new vice! I've regressed into watching reruns of General Hospital! Lord, help me! I was up late one night and heard an informercial selling a CD of songs from the 70's and one of them made me think of Luke & Laura, of all things. So I looked it up on Youtube and low and behold, it was all there and then some! I'd no idea they'd brought the characters back and that so much had happened to this lovable couple--I have a LOT of catching up to do! LOL So there's another "fix" I have to get in every day and I'm still a few years behind! It's actually quite funny to me because I am SO not into "love" stories or "romance"--not the made up kind anyway because it's so not realistic! But this one just gets me every time...must be the actors! lol Whatever...I'm a good Bible study, health-conscious (or at least I'm attempting to be), smart, caring mom, wife and teacher with a little OCD going on in the housekeeping and organizing department--I can have ONE thing about me that's just totally pathetic, can't I? (and yes, I'm joking, not bragging--there is a LOT about me that's probably pretty pathetic, truth be told!)
But oh well...such is life, or rather MY life, which I happen to be pretty happy with! You be happy, too!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Up early...
It's Satuday morning and I'm up early again. I'm already starting to experience hot flashes! Ugh! Time to research herbal remedies for heading off menopause, I guess.
The rest of my total body, mind and soul cleanse is going pretty good. Baby steps, baby steps so I'm not going to beat myself up for having an occassional coke or piece of meat. I'll get there...eventually.
But I do feel a need to confess something...
The last few mornings I've been feeling like God has woken me up because there is SO MUCH I need to pray about and yet...I'm irritated. God KNOWS what's in my heart. Sometimes it really gripes me that He still wants to hear it from me. Anyone else ever feel that way?
I also confess that I get irritated waiting on His timing for everything. I KNOW He knows best and believe me, I DO trust Him. I just don't like not knowing--I like to have everything planned out and in place. This is a hard lesson for me to learn. So please pray that God is VERY VERY patient with me!
I met with Dylan's counselor this week and she was a lot of help. She was my teacher in high school and was always one of my favorites. She was very encouraging to Dylan so I think he's coming to terms with his low 26 on the ACT (yeah right--26 is still AWESOME to me. Most people would kill to make that. But my little Einstein has very high expectations of himself) So we begin the journey of scholarship searches. Wherever he wants to go, whatever he wants to do, Jeff and I have told him, we WILL make it happen (somehow) but we DO want him to get as much as he can from other sources and I feel like he'll be able to do cover most of his costs. I just wish he knew how much he has going for him and how proud we are of him. We tell him all the time but it just doesn't seem to sink in. Why are people so willing to believe negative things they hear about themselves but not the positive?
Jeff's jeep has died again and I cannot tell you how BEYOND frustrated I am. It needs to go in the shop or be traded or something and though I really don't want to go into debt, I don't know what else to do. Driving all over creation is really wearing me out!
I submitted my first grant proposal for my dream of opening a preschool. Please pray!!! I know that it WILL happen one day, I'm just ready for it to be NOW. Again, this is one of those areas where I just have to trust God's timing.
I also received some information from an adoption agency but that is well on down the road for us. I just want to go ahead and learn everything I can until the time comes but I know it WILL come. Again, gotta wait on God!
We still have family drama going on on both sides but I'm tired of relenting. I'm standing my ground this time so please pray for me. And pray for my other family members--it's really THEM that needs the prayers!
Apparently God has said that it is not the right time for us to buy a house. I don't understand His reasoning--we'll be missing some good deals and tax credits that would certainly help but I trust Him.
But we are cramped and I'm not liking the recent changes I made to our household structure. If you don't remember, we halfed our living room to create a room for Brooke to aleviate some of the sibling squabbles between her and Kayti. Well, it really hasn't worked and now that our bedroom has become the "family room"...well, it's just not good for my marriage! So I've proposed a new setup that so far everyone is on board with except Jeff. What is it with men and change? That's a whole 'nother post though! lol
But I want to give the girls the "master" bedroom (and I use the term loosely, it's really not all that "masterly") because it's bigger and it will give them more space as well as their own bathroom for all their primping. Two girls and a boy sharing a bathroom just makes for a lot of frazzled mornings. Jeff and I will take Kayti's room and though it's small, it will enable us to reclaim our "sanctuary"! I don't mind sharing a bathroom with Jeff & Dylan. I am VERY low maintainance and can be ready in 20 minutes or less--shower & all. And we also get to reclaim the living room as the "family room". Like I said, everyone is fine with it except Jeff. He hates all this "moving around". I am just trying to make the most of what space we have and give us a comfortable home.
Another thing he's not excited about is that I want to repaint! It's been several years since we painted the living room and bathrooms and bedrooms and actually the "master bedroom and bath" has NEVER been painted since we moved in 7 years ago. It's time. Much as he may not like it, we need to.
After we get everything moved, I want to get new living room furniture--which we have not had in 20 years and there are some good deals out there right now. I've even tried to bribe him with a big screen tv and satelite in the Fall for football games. I think that may have more influence than "reclaiming our bedroom"! lol
But it may be a few weeks before we can even get started. May is one busy month for us!
Next Thursday is May Days with the homeschool group and since we've never been, I told the girls we'd go this year. Then Friday is homeschool day at Six Flags. Mia is going with us and so is Abby since Dylan has to stay behind for an AP test. But we get free return tickets and since Chris is unable to go this time as well, he, Mia & Dylan will go again sometime during the summer.
Dylan is still looking for a summer job--hopefully he'll get one soon.
And recital is this month also. That I am REALLY looking forward to this year. For the first time in 11 years, I will NOT be a stage mom. I will NOT even have to be backstage to help them get dressed! I'm not sure that I will even miss it. I think I'm going to enjoy just sitting in the audience and watching the show this year!
And with only three more weeks of school and finally having finished assessments for my class, the school year is winding down. I cannot believe how fast it has flown by and I am NOT looking forward to saying goodbye to my babies. Oh how I love them so much! We have had such an awesome year! But I won't have time to get too teary, we still have so much to do and graduation/end-of-the-year party to get ready for.
So I guess I better get off here and enjoy my weekend...whatever it brings! Have a blessed week!
The rest of my total body, mind and soul cleanse is going pretty good. Baby steps, baby steps so I'm not going to beat myself up for having an occassional coke or piece of meat. I'll get there...eventually.
But I do feel a need to confess something...
The last few mornings I've been feeling like God has woken me up because there is SO MUCH I need to pray about and yet...I'm irritated. God KNOWS what's in my heart. Sometimes it really gripes me that He still wants to hear it from me. Anyone else ever feel that way?
I also confess that I get irritated waiting on His timing for everything. I KNOW He knows best and believe me, I DO trust Him. I just don't like not knowing--I like to have everything planned out and in place. This is a hard lesson for me to learn. So please pray that God is VERY VERY patient with me!
I met with Dylan's counselor this week and she was a lot of help. She was my teacher in high school and was always one of my favorites. She was very encouraging to Dylan so I think he's coming to terms with his low 26 on the ACT (yeah right--26 is still AWESOME to me. Most people would kill to make that. But my little Einstein has very high expectations of himself) So we begin the journey of scholarship searches. Wherever he wants to go, whatever he wants to do, Jeff and I have told him, we WILL make it happen (somehow) but we DO want him to get as much as he can from other sources and I feel like he'll be able to do cover most of his costs. I just wish he knew how much he has going for him and how proud we are of him. We tell him all the time but it just doesn't seem to sink in. Why are people so willing to believe negative things they hear about themselves but not the positive?
Jeff's jeep has died again and I cannot tell you how BEYOND frustrated I am. It needs to go in the shop or be traded or something and though I really don't want to go into debt, I don't know what else to do. Driving all over creation is really wearing me out!
I submitted my first grant proposal for my dream of opening a preschool. Please pray!!! I know that it WILL happen one day, I'm just ready for it to be NOW. Again, this is one of those areas where I just have to trust God's timing.
I also received some information from an adoption agency but that is well on down the road for us. I just want to go ahead and learn everything I can until the time comes but I know it WILL come. Again, gotta wait on God!
We still have family drama going on on both sides but I'm tired of relenting. I'm standing my ground this time so please pray for me. And pray for my other family members--it's really THEM that needs the prayers!
Apparently God has said that it is not the right time for us to buy a house. I don't understand His reasoning--we'll be missing some good deals and tax credits that would certainly help but I trust Him.
But we are cramped and I'm not liking the recent changes I made to our household structure. If you don't remember, we halfed our living room to create a room for Brooke to aleviate some of the sibling squabbles between her and Kayti. Well, it really hasn't worked and now that our bedroom has become the "family room"...well, it's just not good for my marriage! So I've proposed a new setup that so far everyone is on board with except Jeff. What is it with men and change? That's a whole 'nother post though! lol
But I want to give the girls the "master" bedroom (and I use the term loosely, it's really not all that "masterly") because it's bigger and it will give them more space as well as their own bathroom for all their primping. Two girls and a boy sharing a bathroom just makes for a lot of frazzled mornings. Jeff and I will take Kayti's room and though it's small, it will enable us to reclaim our "sanctuary"! I don't mind sharing a bathroom with Jeff & Dylan. I am VERY low maintainance and can be ready in 20 minutes or less--shower & all. And we also get to reclaim the living room as the "family room". Like I said, everyone is fine with it except Jeff. He hates all this "moving around". I am just trying to make the most of what space we have and give us a comfortable home.
Another thing he's not excited about is that I want to repaint! It's been several years since we painted the living room and bathrooms and bedrooms and actually the "master bedroom and bath" has NEVER been painted since we moved in 7 years ago. It's time. Much as he may not like it, we need to.
After we get everything moved, I want to get new living room furniture--which we have not had in 20 years and there are some good deals out there right now. I've even tried to bribe him with a big screen tv and satelite in the Fall for football games. I think that may have more influence than "reclaiming our bedroom"! lol
But it may be a few weeks before we can even get started. May is one busy month for us!
Next Thursday is May Days with the homeschool group and since we've never been, I told the girls we'd go this year. Then Friday is homeschool day at Six Flags. Mia is going with us and so is Abby since Dylan has to stay behind for an AP test. But we get free return tickets and since Chris is unable to go this time as well, he, Mia & Dylan will go again sometime during the summer.
Dylan is still looking for a summer job--hopefully he'll get one soon.
And recital is this month also. That I am REALLY looking forward to this year. For the first time in 11 years, I will NOT be a stage mom. I will NOT even have to be backstage to help them get dressed! I'm not sure that I will even miss it. I think I'm going to enjoy just sitting in the audience and watching the show this year!
And with only three more weeks of school and finally having finished assessments for my class, the school year is winding down. I cannot believe how fast it has flown by and I am NOT looking forward to saying goodbye to my babies. Oh how I love them so much! We have had such an awesome year! But I won't have time to get too teary, we still have so much to do and graduation/end-of-the-year party to get ready for.
So I guess I better get off here and enjoy my weekend...whatever it brings! Have a blessed week!
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